Monthly Archives: July 2012

1.6 Identitee Crysus

Aaaaaand we’re back again. Last time, Tewl acquired a new bro who is a girl, cheated on the woman he was cheating with, and sent Christopher’s girlfriend into labour by making out with her. Confused yet? So am I. God, I hate my founder. Still, let us dive back into the chaos…

After Cesar’s birth, Tewl accompanies Tamara back to her place to be the supportive male figure she no doubt needs in this vulnerable time.

Tewl: How’s dat feel, babe?

Tamara: Not bad, actually. Thank god I don’t have to deal with Christopher’s “massage” at a time like this.

Tewl: Yeah man, Christopher sucks.

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1.5 Da Betrayull

We’re being super realistic apparently, because wow it’s taken me forever to write this chapter. Realism sucks.

This is the second last post I need to publish before I’m caught up with my overzealous gameplay aszxdcfvghnjmkl (sorry, had to wipe some grease off of my keyboard) and I’m basically racing to be done with it so I can get back to the fun part. Not that I don’t enjoy the writing, but there’s some exciting stuff coming up and I promised myself I wouldn’t play through it until I’d captioned everything I have so far. Self-discipline is a bitch.

Anyway, less about me and more about this pair of idiots!

Whose bromance has reached such a level that they now have synchronized dreams.

Tewl: A toxic sludge monster! Quick, kill it wif fire!

Chris: I’m on it! Take tha— oh, it got me with its tentacles. 😦

Tewl: Noob.

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1.4 Broez Over Hoez

Welcome back! Last time, we discovered that Tewl is really lame and needs to get a move on with his LTW. But what else is new?

Christopher got a job at the diner! That’s kind of new and exciting, right?

Chris: Oh, yes. As you can tell from the smiley faces above my head, I am simply ecstatic.

Hey, we can’t always have what we want. Or ever, if you’re Tewl’s peon.

Chris: Gee, that’s encouraging.

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1.3 Evrybuddy Luvs Tewl

Hello again! Last chapter, Tewl had an emotional breakdown, treated himself to a motorcycle, pretended to be a superhero, struck out with two married women, and finally found (temporary) love with the unflirty Erin Kennedy.

Wingman Chris successfully wooed Tamara Donner, a big fan of his toilet. And now for more shenanigans.

With his work done at the gym (albeit not the kind of work one typically does there) Tewl roars over to the Brightmore, a nightclub that replaced the Goths’ house when I accidentally bulldozed it. I figure he can scout out some future conquests to make our work easier as this legacy goes on.

Tewl: I am too cool fer words.

Are you? Then shut up.

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1.2 Bachillerz 4 Lyfe

Welcome back to the Dysfunkshinul Legacy! In the last installment—not that it was very long ago—we saw our idiot founder Tewl being a world-class mooch (in keeping with his traits) and failing in his romantic endeavours (for which he has NO EXCUSE). Then, Christopher Steel stole his football, so he asked the guy to move in, and voila, we now have two useless members of this legacy! Excitement lies below.

In celebration of their new domestic bromance, I let Tewlopher get some ice cream at the truck that is perpetually stalled in front of their lot. Whoever is driving that thing clearly missed the memo when this ceased to be a rich neighbourhood.

Ice Cream Man: You know what happened to them swanky folks used to live up here?

Tewl: Ya, dey were forced to move to a swamp.

Ice Cream Man: No kidding. Well there goes my business.

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1.1 A Most Inospishus Beginning

Hi, everyone! Welcome to the first installment of the Dysfunkshinul Legacy. If you’ve followed any of my past stories, you’re probably thinking: “ANOTHER one? And you’re going to finish this time? Chhyeaahhh, good luck with that BYE.”

And it’s true, I am not known for following things through to completion, but who’s keeping track? (Er, the sidebar,  forewordauthor bio, and everywhere else on this blog. Attempt #9, folks.)

But let’s not get bogged down in my shortcomings as an entertainer. Instead, allow me to introduce the founder of this lovely legacy: Mr. Tewl Langurd!

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Indeks

Foreword: Legacy Hall of Fail 2.0

Generation One: The Age of Dewchebags
1.1 A Most Inospishus Beginning
1.2 Bachillerz 4 Lyfe
1.3 Evrybuddy Luvs Tewl
1.4 Broez Over Hoez
1.5 Da Betrayull
1.6 Identitee Crysus
1.7 Partay Rockerz in da Howse
1.8 Angellz ‘n’ Demunz
1.9 Glitchiffy!
1.10 Da Retern of Da Flayme
1.11 Goin’ Nowhurr Fast
1.12 Boyz Will B Boyz
1.13 Altur Egoez
1.14 Wildurness Esplorerz
1.15 Waffulmageddun
1.16 A Nyte 2 Rememburr

Generation Two: The Age of Warriors
2.1 Rising from the Ashes
2.2 Revenge of the Vaccinator
2.3 The Last Hurrah
2.4 Romeo’s Quest
2.5 The Night is Dark and Full of Terrors
2.6 Lancelot the Brave
2.7 The Darkling’s Crusade
2.8 Journey to the Fire Nation
2.9 Blood Allies
2.10 There Can Be Only One

Generation Three: The Age of Adventures
3.1 Terra Incognita
3.2 Gung Ho
3.3 Aficionados
3.4 Au Naturel
3.5 Mi Casa es su Casa
3.6 Les Nouveaux Riches
3.7 Al Fresco
3.8 Schadenfreude
3.9 Folie à Deux
3.10 Deus Ex Machina
3.11 Hasta la Vista
3.12 Ultima Ratio
3.13 Hakuna Matata
3.14 Eureka!

Generation Four: The Age of the Enchanted Dollhouse
4.1 Come Play with Me
4.2 There’s a Snake in My Boot!
4.3 Bake Your Cake and Eat It Too
4.4 Make Him Better or Get the Buzzer
4.5 Mrs. White in the Library with the Pipe
4.6 Makin’ Things with Light
4.7 Come on Barbie, Let’s Go Party
4.8 Taste the Explosion
4.9 I Love You, You Love Me, We’re a Happy Family
4.10 It Always Comes Back to You
4.11 I Am Mrs. Nesbitt
4.12 My Baby All Gone
4.13 Oh Boy, That Tickles!
4.14 Sing Me to Sleep
4.15 Gotta Catch’Em All!
4.16 Bop It
4.17 Robots in Disguise
4.18 To Infinity and Beyond

Generation Five: The Age of Contradictions
5.1 The Living Dead
5.2 Trouble in Paradise
5.3 Procrastinate Now
5.4 Accidentally on Purpose
5.5 Bittersweet
5.6 The Perfect Storm
5.7 When Hell Freezes Over
5.8 Lukewarm Enthusiasm
5.9 Well-Preserved Ruins
5.10 Alone Together
5.11 Anarchy Rules
5.12 Crash Landing
5.13 Simply Brilliant
5.14 Tentative Conclusion
HEIR POLL!
TIEBREAKER!

Generation Six: The Age of Always Sleeping
6.1 Wake Me Up When September Ends
6.2 Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?
6.3 No Rest for the Wicked
6.4 Once Upon a Nightmare
6.5 They All Rolled Over and One Fell Out
6.6 Rockabye Baby
6.7 Boulevard of Broken Dreams
6.8 No Sugar Tonight in My Coffee
6.9 Whose Bed Have Your Boots Been Under?
6.10 No Sleep Till Brooklyn
6.11 Don’t Blame It on the Moonlight
6.12 Beds Are Burning
6.13 Lazy Hazy Crazy
6.14 Enter Sandman
HEIR POLL!
RESULTS!

The Age of ?????

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Foreword: Legacy Hall of Fail 2.0

Let us begin with one pathetic fact: In all the eight years I’ve been Simming, I have never completed a Legacy.

That’s right. Not even the basic, can’t-go-wrong, ten-gen variety that was  so history when Alphabets and Apocalypses came around. Not even the kind without an accompanying story, where you can just three-time through the whole thing without taking pictures or noting anything down. Yes, I’m that pathetic. 

It’s not like I haven’t tried. I have. In fact, I have tried eight times in about as many years. But only a few of those attempts were mildly promising, and all of them ultimately failed. Let’s take a look at them one by one, shall we?

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