1.3 Evrybuddy Luvs Tewl
Hello again! Last chapter, Tewl had an emotional breakdown, treated himself to a motorcycle, pretended to be a superhero, struck out with two married women, and finally found (temporary) love with the unflirty Erin Kennedy.
Wingman Chris successfully wooed Tamara Donner, a big fan of his toilet. And now for more shenanigans.
With his work done at the gym (albeit not the kind of work one typically does there) Tewl roars over to the Brightmore, a nightclub that replaced the Goths’ house when I accidentally bulldozed it. I figure he can scout out some future conquests to make our work easier as this legacy goes on.
Tewl: I am too cool fer words.
Are you? Then shut up.
As soon as he walks through the door, BAM, this hideous eyeshadow is all up in my lens. But then I look closer and realize that hey, the default face replacement I settled on makes Morgana Wolff kinda gorgeous. :O
Tewl: Daaamn she hot… from behind.
I could be okay with this.
Susan: Hey Boyd, that’s the creep from the gym I was telling you about.
Boyd: Oh really? I’m gonna go kick his— uhhh actually, let’s just have a laugh about it instead.
Tewl: You call dat a rack? I liked you better from da back.
Morgana: And what are you, a walking Halloween costume? Gtfo, douchebag.
Love at first sight. ❤
Unfortunately, this douchebag is indeed forced to “gtfo” when the Brightmore closes before he’s even in the elevator.
Tewl: Prolly fer da best, gotta read dat book for work.
Uh, no you don’t. What are they doing to you at that place??
Tewl: I’m so disgusted wif myself!
Same here, but why?
Tewl: I dun walked in on Chris showering!
Which is SO much worse than flirting with married women?
By way of apology, Tewl lets Chris take the Beast out for a spin.
Jk, he takes it autonomously.
Chris: I am badass.
Tell that to your corduroy cargo shorts.
Tewl: Dat motherfucker. Now I gotta be da loser who rocks up to his date in a fuckin’ taxi!
Check your trait panel; it’s kind of inevitable.
So yeah, I send the boys on a double beach date because why the hell not? Chris and Tamara are all over each other immediately.
Chris: I think we’re getting good at this kissing thing.
Chris: So things are moving pretty fast and I just want to say—
Horse: MOVE, BITCHES.
Meanwhile, Tewl is absolutely killing it.
Tewl: Hey, Victoria. Nah, I can talk now.
Tewl: So I’m out wif dis Erin girl, and she’s all military and crap, and I’m like gurl, you dun look as good in camo as you fink you do.
Erin: Take your time, my love! Don’t worry about me. I’ll just sit back here and read my favourite book… TWILIGHT! ❤
I no longer have any sympathy for her.
Tewl: Well shit, i’ss not like I’m gonna marry her or nuffin’!
Erin: He’s just playing it cool to protect me from himself, just like Edward.
Chris: Best massage ever, right?
Tamara: Mmmyep. Just gimme a sec to call my chiropractor and, uh, tell her to hire you immediately.
Turns once you get past Erin’s unflirtiness, the prize isn’t so sweet.
Erin: Oh man, I lucked out! Tewl is such a great guy!
Tewl: Damn, she’s obnoxious. Think she’ll leave if I stare real hard at dese dogs?
Meh, probably not.
My mistake – she does sneak off to work a few minutes later. She even gives Tewl a “great date” moodlet despite his ignoring her the entire time. I sense we’ve got some of this coming on…
Tewl: Oh cool, she’s gone.
That’s right, and look who just showed up!!
Tewl: Manchest Meaniepants? I’ll pass, fanks.
No, you’ll get your butt over there and think of something suave to say.
Tewl: Yo, cool scrubs.
Morgana: Thanks. You could’ve led with that yesterday, you know.
Molly: What does she have that I don’t?
Horse: I’d choose you any day, gurrrrrl.
Who could resist that offer?
Tamara: Just wanted to say thanks for the lovely date. I, uh, didn’t just pick these from the bushes behind me or anything.
Chris: Aww gee Tamara, they smell great! But I’m pretty sure Sam only included this picture because it makes her graphics look good.
Psssshht, me? Never! 😉
Naturally, the moment things are going okay with Morgana, Tewl takes another phone call from Victoria and forgets all about the girl at hand.
Christopher: Omg. HOW EXCITING IS THE FLOOR??
Morgana: What is he on?
I don’t know, maybe A DATE WITH TAMARA? Get back to your woman, Chris!
Chris: She left. She agreed to go steady, but you forgot to take a picture.
How dare you— oh yeah, I did. Whoops.
Too bad they can’t bring girls home because home looks like THIS. Course, we could sell the motorcycle for a sink but—
Tewl: DON’T U FUCKIN’ DARE BITCH
Look what Tewl found!!!
(Sorry, I’ve only had Pets for like a month. It’s still a novelty.)
Tewl: Hey dere, pretty fang. I’d sure like to take you out on a date.
Unicorn: Not a chance! I can sense your Tewlish ways.
Unicorn: But I’ll take food from anyone. :3
I think Tewl maybe just made a friend?
Chris: And what am I, meatloaf?
No, meatloaf wouldn’t be talking to me right now because meatloaf is NOT IN THE PICTURE. Stop breaking the rules.
Tewl: Someone should really clean up dis trash.
Here’s a novel thought — why don’t you do it?
Tewl: Can’t, gotta read dis book for work.
For the love of god. I would be thrilled at Tewl’s newly sprouted financial conscience, except that I know he doesn’t have one. Why?
No, this has nothing to do with my neglecting notifications. This has everything to do with Tewl being an idiot, as do most things in this legacy.
Regardless, I take a leaf out of missmiserie‘s book and stash everything in the family inventory.
Repowoman: Alright, Langurds! I’m here to repossess all your— all your… what the fuck is this?
Why hello there. We actually took the liberty of repossessing our own items, so we won’t be needing your services after all, Puddingface. Feel free to repossess that plate though, if it please you.
Repowoman: Dang it, I’m gonna lose another finger for this.
Works like a charm though.
Crackhappy Papergirl: Hi, Tewl! You’re the coolest. 😀
Tewl: *sigh* Bein’ awesome is real tirin’.
Erin: HI TEWL!!! Are you ready to watch Breaking Dawn Part 2???
Tewl: Oh god make it leave.
Not much longer now, I promise.
How are you simultaneously talking and kissing?
Erin: And I’ll call that one EDWARD because it SPARKLES like a VAMPYR!
Tewl: How ’bout we go an’ make some sparkles of our own?
Erin: Teehee! Oh, Tewlie.
Oh god, he really meant it. Please excuse me while I excuse myself from this monstrosity.
Just kidding—the monstrosity continues.
Tewl: See that one there, babe? That’s our star.
Erin: Tewlie, I think that’s a streetlight.
Tewl: No bitch, it’s our fucking star. God.
Okay, wrap it up. It’s time to toss this one to the curb.
Tewl: Why you gotta be so goddamn unflirty, you stupid Twihard?
Erin: Uh, what? But I thought we were going to have babies together…
Erin: I choose to be in denial and leave before you can break up with me properly LOLOLOL
Tewl: Fuck dis shit.
Oh, it is on, Erin Kennedy.
This is starting to feel really tedious, I know. Stupid Tewl and his stupid LTW. We’ll get somewhere soon, I promise! I’ll make sure he goes through, like, three girlfriends in the next chapter. I mean, uh, he’ll have a change of heart and become an honest, compassionate man? Sorry, wrong legacy.
In the meantime: comments? Questions? I’d love to hear any feedback you have. 🙂