2.4 Romeo’s Quest

Hey, people! So I’m super stoked right now because I earned $20 digging up dead saplings for my mom and I’m using it as an excuse to go by Supernatural. I know, I know — I’m pathetically behind on expansions. It’s because I have this nasty habit of throwing money out the door, and I’ve been trying to kick that habit in the last year or so. That means no “unnecessary purchases” allowed. Apparently these things fall into that category, which is dumb. I want houseboats and skating rinks and university. 😦

(I’m 20, guys. I know sometimes it sounds as if I’m 12.)

Anyway, my morals are waging war on each other because I’m so tempted to just give in and buy the four EPs I’m missing, but it’s a lot of money to spend all at once, especially since I recently quit my part-time job. Which ones are worth it if I just want to spice up my game? If anybody has advice, feel free to lend it!

Also feel free to lend me $25, because I just made the mistake of finding this gem online:

Goddammit, why am I not a millionaire?

Right. Back to business.

When we last saw these guys, the last of the kids aged up into young adults and I sent them on a celebratory “last hurrah” vacation to China. Razor discovered the martial arts, Keg whined like a broken dishwasher to Billy Ray Cyrus, and Rotter found Gorgeous Foreign Woman 2.0 after a severe head trauma. Upon their return, a catastrophic succession of “accuse of cheating”s left everyone’s love life in a mess. Let’s see how they’re faring today.

 

In the days after their return from China, Rotter couldn’t stop thinking about Sun Young Kim. (Read: She’s the only woman who’s ever paid him any attention and the only one I could hope to marry him off with.) So we used the “Invite Foreign Visitors” function for the very first time on Sun and her sister, bringing them all the way to Sunset Valley.

Sun: I don’t get this “skinny dipping” thing. How does it work and what’s so skinny about it?

Tewl: Well hun, allow me t—

Rotter: AHEM. Step away from da lady, Dad.

Astoundingly, Rotter didn’t fare too badly with his newest lady love, though it must have been distracting with Keg an arm’s length away, very publically boasting his delusional relationship.

Rotter: So, uh, could I take ya out ta dinner or somethin’?

Sun: Sure, that would be—

Kegopatra: MFFGGRMMMPPLLMKKKMMLLLMMMMFFFFFF

Probably the busiest screenshot I’ve ever seen, but the background stuff is just begging to be captioned…

Tewl: I’m a brokin man, G-Dubs. Even my own sons is beatin’ me out fer da ladies.

Grey Wind: Cheer up, Master Tewl. I still think you’re swell.

Razor: Get back here, Bertha! Away from the shrubbery!

Bertha: But I’m HUNGRY…

Oh, come on. For a disciplined sim who’s also good at dishing it out, this is pretty lax.

Razor: But she’s so adorable!

Wait ‘til you’re replanting your lettuce every day. See if she’s cute then.

(I made Razor start a little Zen garden of sorts because he can’t just be useless when he’s fatigued from training. Or he can, but I won’t let him. We’re still pretty tight on cash.)

Okay, so I skipped over a lot of these guys’ relationship development but I don’t think I could realistically portray the story arc of Rotter getting the girl anyway. All you need to know is that Sun moved in, got some new duds, and — by a blessing from above, or out of sheer lunacy — accepted Rotter’s proposal.

Rotter: I, Rotter Langurd, take yew, Sun Young Kim, ta have and ta—

Sun: Wrong finger, sweetie.

Rotter: Dangit. Ta have and ta hold—

Sun: No, not that one either.

Things are gonna be great in the bedroom for these two.

Her sister* also moved in, leading Ripper to think he could ride the coattails of Rotter’s success. He was bitterly rejected.

*Sister-in-law, actually. I guess I left the brother/husband in China… whoops. I am such a bull in a china shop with this game. XD

After the wedding, he faced the daunting task of breaking the news to Bertha.

Rotter: Dere’s gonna be a new lady livin’ wif us now, but don’ yew worry, yew still ma best gurl.

Bertha: Hmph.

Rotter: Bertha?

Bertha: Will you still feed me genetically modified carrots?

Rotter: Well, duh!

So we said goodbye to Rotter along with Sun, Bertha, Ripper, and the sister-in-law. But Story Progression said “fuck you” to all my arrangements. ALL OF THEM. As soon as I sent the fools packing, these are the pop-ups I got:

 

ASdsafs;dlgfjdlgkjerwlkjg. Why Sandi? And no mention of Sun or Bertha? You wound me, Story Progression. You really do.

But we must return to life as we know it in this newly shrunken household. The first notable occurrence was that Arabella’s laptop broke down and we met Michelle Templeton, the newest member of the Hot Repairladies’ Club.

Michelle: Right, now how do I get the virus out of here?

Keg kept on painting and painting and painting. Naturally, he pulled it together and churned out one good portrait: his own.

The selfish ass.

He also kept at it with Cleopatra, though she continued to give him as much trouble as he deserves.

Cleo: Oh, it’s Arabella! She’s just the coolest person in this family, isn’t she? Well, except maybe Ripper, he was pretty awesome last night…

Keg: Aca-scuse me??

Tewl: Waffuls!

DON’T YOU DARE WALK AWAY FROM THEM NOW.

I am pained to announce that our dear founder keeled over that morning and—

Tewl: Gotcha, didn’t I? Now you try, G-Dubs.

I dunno, maybe it’s just wishful thinking.

Tewl pretty much spends all his time with the animals these days. He loves teaching Woody (or whatever bird it happens to be — we’ve been cycling through them pretty quickly) to shout angry things at visitors.

Tewl: An’ if one of dem paparazzi jerks comes up dese steps, you say git off ma porch, yew fat stinkin’ clodhopper!

Woody: *************************************************************!

Tewl: Even bettur!

Razor and Ara made angry faces at each other for a couple of days after the Simultaneous Boyfriend Fiasco, but soon enough they were back on track.

Ara: Oh, Razor, you look so fierce in that suit that I could just kiss you!

Razor: Just wait until I reach my blackbelt, milady.

Ara: Oh… alright.

Razor: No, I mean, you can kiss me now, it’s just—

Ara: Alas, the moment has passed.

But date night wasn’t over yet.

Razor: Isn’t this romantic, stargazing as we lounge on the graves of our departed mothers?

 

Ara: No, it’s very disturbing. I think you should seek professional help.

Razor: What? Disturbing is practically your middle name!

Ara: Actually, I have decided I rather dislike ghosts.

Which might have something to do with this traumatic encounter:

 

Yeah, that’s gotta hurt.

In other news, a freezer bunny spawned! We named him Baz.

George: Avast, me hearties! Yo ho!

Keg: Look, Cleo, you betrayed me. But I’m willing to accept that. You’re just scared of how much you need me is all. Meet me at Summer Hill Springs in fifteen minutes. No, we always go there for dates because it’s right across the street and we’re lazy. I don’t care, suck it up and take the bus.

*Complete glitcheroo as a floating heart strolls out of a taxi*

Keg: I get that you’re making a statement, but it would have been nice of you to actually show up.

Keg: MY LIFE IS OOOOVVVEEERRRRRRRRR

…I think it finally hit him that she’s not interested.

But who cares about Keg when these two are getting along so well?

Razor: Milady, would you do me the honour of becoming my queen?

Ara: My goodness! Where did you find a diamond so small? It needs to be at least three times this size if I am to encrust it in my crown!

Razor: I will find you a bigger diamond someday. For now, marry me?

Ara: Under that condition, of course!

Grey Wind: What a pair of refrigerators.

Love is in the air, it seems — Star came over to have her portrait painted and immediately threw herself at the first non-Langurd she saw. I wonder how her marriage is going.

Keg: Welp, looks like my work here is done.

STILL with the zigzags? I am hereby terminating your painting career on account of YOU SUCK.

Keg: Don’t care.

Fine, be that way.

Keg: FUCK ALL Y’ALL

I’ve gotta give Keg credit because he did get through six portraits for us, and that means legacy points (of which we currently have like 4).

Oh, and he also moved in with Sandi. No, I don’t get it either.

Razor immediately took to his Zen Garden as a place of meditation. It’s quiet and serene, minus the occasional paparazzi trying to break into the house.

Ara: Throw a bachelorette party, they said. It would be fun, they said.

So I’ve had Generations for a while, but I’ve never much taken advantage of the cool parties that came with it. Naturally, since the Langurds are my scapegoats for everything, I thought I’d let Ara have a hen’s night just for kicks. Much failure ensued.

Now witness the chronicles of the dumbest bachelorette party ever.

First, we decided to have the party at the Brightmore at 4pm. Well, the Brightmore doesn’t open until 5, but I didn’t know that. The ladies had to spend the first hour on the front lawn, spraying each other endlessly with champagne.

Sun: You don’t think this could be some sort of sign?

Star: Of course not. Shut up, slut.

They finally got in and immediately commandeered the VIP section. All was well… for now.

Ara got to smoke some “bubbles,” although none of the other girls were classy enough to join her.

Bartender: I look like I am doing my job but really I am a worthless bozo.

Indeed, both of the Mixologists were having some trouble that night. We tried several times to order drinks and food with no luck.

Bartender: Allow me to perform a trick. Now I am mixing your drink…

Bartender: …and now I am over here. TROLOLOL.

Michelle: Damn you, I’m starving!!

Literally all they could do for the whole party was dance and “spray champagne.”

Sharonda: We look like we’re having a good time but really we are driving invisible cars into brick walls.

Ara: Yes, because this party is really that bad.

Ultimately, the whole thing fell apart due to a starvation epidemic.

Cleo: Ara, you bitch! I only came for the free food!

What’s even worse is that we never saw Sun again after this party. She disappeared from the family tree without even a notification that she and Rotter had divorced. I guess we always knew that Rotter was a bachelor-4-lyfe type, but still. I wanted to see their babies. 😦

After that trainwreck, I sent the bride-to-be home and had her pursue, er, alternative activities.

Then I gave the house another extension because we had money and I felt like it (you see where my real-life problem lies now, don’t you?). This whole layout seemed really cool when I drew it in my notebook, but it’s a bit of an eyesore in practice. In fact, I’m in the process of designing them a brand new home right now, so don’t even bother looking at this screenshot. That’s right, just pretend it isn’t here.

But actually, there is one thing I like about the latest renovations. And I have a feeling Razor is going to like it, too.

Razor: It’s a secret hole into the deep, dark underground. I like it already.

Razor: Haaaaa-CHA!

Like a boss.

Arabella: BLEEEUUGGH!

Like a boss…?

Guess we’ll be needing a shotgun. Wedding, that is.

I was gonna throw a party and everything, but then I looked back on the epic dud that was the Brightmore and said NO. Instead, we held the royal wedding in a more intimate location with only one guest (Tewl — who else?) who wasn’t even captured on-camera.

Razor: My dearest Arabella, I would like to say I have loved you since our first meeting, but that would be in bad taste considering you were only a few hours old. However, I can say that I have found in you a kindred spirit — somebody who loves the grisly and macabre as much as I do and will not protest to a honeymoon at the graveyard.

Ara: Razor, you are the fiercest warrior I have ever encountered but also a bit of a pushover, which makes you the perfect king to my queendom! We simply must be together forever.

Ara: Now let us make love to a Stephen King audiobook!

And that was that.

It looks like Ara wouldn’t have fit into that wedding dress much longer, because Gen. 3, here we come!

Gahhhh this makes me so excited after spending a whole year on one generation. Is this real life?

Razor also underwent a change of clothes — hell yeah, black belt! But apparently that’s still only level 9. Not good enough, man; get back down there.

Tewl doesn’t really like to wear clothes anymore. But he did find himself a new cockatoo! We found Tootsie here stuffed away in Tewl’s inventory, evidently transferred at some point from Rotter’s. He’s no Graculus, mind you.

Tootsie: Hiya, I’m Tootthie! I think crackerth are real thwell!

Give up now, kid. You ain’t never gonna fill those shoes.

I kind of rushed through Arabella’s pregnancy to be honest. I was playing before work one morning and wanted to see the new baby before my eight hours of torture. Have no fear — I made sure to take a few screenshots so it looks like important things actually happened while she was pregnant. For one thing, she did a lot of writing. Which is completely bizarre and out of the ordinary, of course.

She also got bitten by Grey Wind, which did surprise me a bit. Aggressive is one of his traits, but normally he just growls at the furniture. This was just… uncalled for.

Ara: Bad dog! Are you trying to kill the little being inside of me?

Grey Wind: No ma’am, just trying to live up to the direwolf image, ma’am.

Razor should have been reading pregnancy books like a good father-to-be, but instead he was reading about gardening. With that face, however, he might as well have seen a picture of a woman giving birth.

Razor: The Amorphophallus titanum in full bloom… I think I am scarred for life.

Later, Ara performed a medical examination on his ear.

Arabella: I’m afraid it’s bad news. It’s a female, and it laid eggs.

Razor: Ha! Good one, Ara. I loved that movie.

Arabella: I am quite serious.

Tewl: Yer fucked, kid.

Fortunately, the earwig infestation gave him superhuman hearing and he was able to perform an ultrasound on the growing baby.

Razor: What was that? …You want your mother to eat a tofu dog?

Arabella: Well, I could have told as much myself, darling.

And they still found time for their favourite couples activity.

And then it was time.

Ara: Razor, dear, you must come and feel this. It’s almost as if a human head is trying to force its way between my—

Razor: Please don’t elaborate! You must be in labour. What do we do, what do we do?

And the placid exterior shatters.

Ara: Labour, you say? I shall conquer it as I conquer my enemies.

Razor: Now is not the time for this, Ara!

Well, they went to the hospital and everything went reasonably smoothly. Ara returned in one piece, and the baby as well, but the same could barely be said for Razor.

Razor: That was exhausting. My back is sore.

Ara: What a cream puff! That was a breeze.

Meanwhile, I was happy to see Tewl rekindling his relationship with swimmer-ghost Morgana, who apparently is now his fiancée.

Tewl: When’s da weddin’, Sugar Pie?

Morgana: Soon as you bite the dust, Snoogie Woogums.

Oh, and here’s the first burrito baby of Generation Three! Named in homage of her mother’s mid-labour warrior stance (and also of her father’s name) this is Katana. Like the samurai blade.

This little bundle of negativity was born with the Grumpy and Hates the Outdoors traits. Her favourites are orange (like Tewl!), country music (like my simself!), and hot dogs (not tofu, but still rather fitting). She is a Taurus and was born at 6:10AM on a Monday, which would explain the grumpiness. Awww, our own little Garfield. ❤

Also, I think Arabella is a babe in this picture.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

And that’s all there is — there isn’t anymore. Next time: moar babies? Spare updates? …Actually, I just scrolled through the next chapter’s screenshots and nothing really interesting is happening. But pretend I didn’t say that and please come back next time!

Until then, Happy Simming!

-Sam

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