3.6 Les Nouveaux Riches

There’s a peculiar frame of mind I need to be in to write these chapters. Considering I just tried to drink a burning candle, mistaking it for tea, I think I’m good to go.

Last time, the Gen. 3 kids came back from university to a laggy, snow-covered Sunset Valley. Our unicorn was tragically stolen by Joanna Rodgers, curse her name. Lance and Tommy made their escape from the household, and the screwball Dax French was caught up in our web forever.

In case you missed my shameless filler post, the Langurds moved camp! I packed up the main household, Tomahawk & Gabby, Lance & Eddy, and my simself, who—go figure—happened to be living with Weston Jolina-Sekemoto, so he came along, too. Everyone else is lost to the abyss.

So here we are in Riverview, ready to start the next generation at last. THANK GOD.

I don’t care that you’re unmarried or seriously lacking in relationship development, or that Razor is peacefully meditating just outside the window. You will make a baby or I will DELETE you.

Then, and only then, did I let them explore the new house.

Dax: Mirror, mirror, not strictly speaking on the wall, who’s th—

Mirror: You’re an ugly shit. Deal with it.

Azula: Find the common denominator. I’d rather stick this pencil in my eye. Ow.

Azula: On, Boomerang! On to the holdfast, and we shall take what is ours!

Almost as good as the real thing, right?

…Right? 😥

Dax picked the best way to test drive the fire room. I think I broke a sweat just watching him.

Razor looks truly at home in here. He took up the old-man activity of reminiscing over home videos… which, in our case, comprises a five-second clip of child-Lance reading a book.

Razor: Aren’t we a well-documented family.

HAHA. Tell that to this BLOG, Mr. Sassypants.

Over yonder, Katana proved me wrong and christened the stove within a few hours of moving in. Behold, Langurds do cook. With luck, it won’t poison anyone.

Katana: I spit on luck. And in this mac ‘n’ cheese.

To distract her from committing genocide, I had her start re-upgrading appliances—the only downside to getting a whole lot of new stuff.

Katana: Should’a stayed in Sunset Valley.

Don’t even.

Then, I remembered Katana’s LTW has nothing to do with either Cooking or Handiness, so I went “oh shit” and booked a quick trip to Egypt.

Tourist: Haha! What, you think you can just open that massive door with your bare hands?

Katana: Yes. And hopefully with minimal effort.

The effort was pretty minimal.

Katana: Wow, what a funky bracelet.

World Adventures makes for fabulous gameplay but subpar storytelling. What can I say? She opened a lot of doors and picked up a lot of loot.

Katana: You don’t expect me to carry all this, do you?

She hacked at some rubble.

Katana: God, this thing is heavy.

And yet your wielding it still terrifies me.

Then she came to an insurmountable obstacle.

Katana: Welp, better take a lunch break.

Not so fast. The game says we need “a special item from China.” I wonder…

It was worth a try, okay? 😛 (I’m a n00b.) This was my first time playing WA in depth and I was too lazy to read tutorials. (I’m a n00b.) It seemed semi-logical at the time. (I’m a n00b.)

Of course, it also seemed logical for Katana to avoid the *hypothetical* explosion, so I sent her running…

…straight into a fire trap.

Katana: Fuck this shit, I want a new LTW.

Katana: Did it work??

Wouldn’t it be awesome if it did.

Then, it was on to treasure chests and mummies.

King Raymundo Rodiekhare: What are you doing?

Katana: Oh, just taking these jewels and stuff. Wanna give me a hand?

Mummies are stressful, like watching the men’s Olympic figure skating this year. I think my heart rate got high enough to constitute cardio training just watching this guy inch closer as she collected stuff.

But she was fine in the end. She stumbled out of the tomb, covered in a day’s worth of dirt and sweat and blinded by the sun, only to be greeted by this.

Lady: You smokin’.

Katana: You probably are too, but I’m too lazy to turn my head.

Lucky bugger doesn’t even have to try.

The rest of the trip was pretty similar. More tombs, more loot, more n00bish problem solving.

Katana: Yeah, I’m sure my ghoulish wailing will open a portal somewhere.

Katana: Oh hey, it worked.

I actually wasn’t expecting that one.

Oh, and more of this, too.

Guy: I haven’t even looked at you and I already know I’m attracted to you.

Seriously, when did she get so popular?

You may also have noticed some, er, graphical decline. I’ll get to that soon.

Before leaving, Katana made sure to learn a few more songs to bother professors with.

Katana: Shabadaba labalalala blah blah blaaaaahhhh

Lady: Wow, you’re a natural.

By the end of her trip, this is what my game looked like. My computer was suffering from what I can only call “rendering constipation.” Every background, every sim, every piece of furniture was a visible struggle in spite of my fantabulous graphics card, whom I’ve affectionately nicknamed Overkill (my brother thinks I’m wasting it on The Sims 3, but then stuff like this happens and I have to wonder). I walked away calmly, slowed my breathing, did some yoga, etc. before I set to troubleshooting.

Two reinstalls and a new VGA driver later…

Katana: That was painful.

Indeed it was, but you just wait…

There’s something a little more painful on the horizon. 😉

Katana: I don’t know what you’re talking about. This new shirt is pretty cool.

Things settled down after that, as much as they ever settle down around here. Ever since the move, I’ve decided Razor is no longer allowed to hide his face in a cold, dark dungeon. So I put his brickbreaker on the balcony instead. 😀

Razor: Why bother if you’re going to photograph me from behind?

Er… shut up.

So Azula grew up, and she’s gorgeous. Way too gorgeous to be a spare. So gorgeous that I considered tossing Katana out or making this a dual legacy or something, ANYTHING to keep her around.

Azula: Well, well. The shoe’s on the other foot now, isn’t it?

She rolled Natural Cook, not that she’ll use it.

Azula: Mirror mirror on the–

Mirror: Hot damn gurrrl, turn around for Papa.

I don’t like this guy.

But don’t worry, Katana, I could never replace you. Not when you’re such a cute pregnant lady.

Katana: Did you just say “cute”?

Noooo.

Katana: Stop following me with that camera.

NEVERRRR

Katana: Strange, isn’t it, how I’m carrying the fate of this whole legacy in my uterus right now.

Katana: Well—goodbye, cruel world.

Asdgaroiejryhoijarjdflgjkffffff—

As punishment, I sent her back to upgrading stuff.

Katana: Good. This strenuous activity oughtta do a better job of killing the foetus.

D:<

Razabella like to get kinky under the full moon.

Razor: I would conquer the world for you, my Queen.

Ara: And I would share my castle with you, my fearsome warrior.

Katana: Dorks. Go back to the renaissance fair.

Okay, honestly. Is she not a motherfreaking stunner??!

Azula: Oh, so now you’ve decided to stalk me with your camera?

Just need to see if you have a bad angle.

Azula: Ha! Good luck with that.

Azula: Hey wait, that’s cheating.

Azula: No seriously

Azula: STAHP.

Human Aquarium ftw. 😉

Dax has been absent from this entire chapter on account of trying to get a promotion. Guess how that’s going.

Dax: My coworkers stole my shoes. Then they dared me to eat my socks. I did. They tasted bad.

Ah, losers in the workplace. Takes me back to a certain tool of a man… his career was pretty traumatic, too.

Speaking of the ancestors, we had our first ghost visit on the new lot! Hi, inexplicably-swimsuit-clad Morgana! How cool is the new mausoleum?

Morgana: It’s missing someone. I can’t put my finger on it.

That’s right. Now that we’re all fancy-schmancy, there’s a whole separate level for the official bloodline. Right now that’s just Tewl on his lonesome, along with portraits of Razor and a mouldy turnip.

I thought graffiti would be the perfect new skill for Katana to try, until I remembered she can’t stand art.

Katana: No worries. I’m sure these fumes are great for that baby that’s so important to you. And say, that gap in the railing looks made for jumping through.

Katana: Uh-oh. Think I made the kid mad.

While Katana laboured away on the balcony, this is what the men were doing instead of taking her to the hospital.

Dax: Watch out Mr. Langurd, this one’s gonna be a real bullet!

Razor: Damn show off.

Razor: How about you catch this one with your face, son?

Dax: Ouchie.

Razor: That’s for knocking up my baby girl.

Grand Master still got it, yeaaahhh.

Seeing as our men are such invaluable members of the family, Katana decided to add another one. Meet Balboa Langurd, a Clumsy Heavy Sleeper who enjoys Seafoam, Mac and Cheese, and Songwriter music.

Katana: I’m done, right? I can go live indoors in peace now?

No, my dear, we have only just begun. >:)

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Feels like it took FOREVER to get to this point. The good news is, things go fast from here. I think.

For those of you wondering, the house plays like a dream! It really helps having wide doorways, gigantic hallways, and multiple ways of getting from one level to another (thank you, fireman pole). My only oversight was the fence surrounding the property—either I lock it and can’t have visitors, or I leave it unlocked and it’s Attack of the Paparazzi up in there. I’ll survive.

Thank you as always for your comments, and Happy Simming!

-Sam