3.9 Folie à Deux

Bonjour à tous!

And holy schmagoly, guys, could you be any more awesome? Last week, I tried to quit coffee and it was a real bad time. But I also got an army of simselves and a gargantuan legacy reading list, so that was cool. It seems you were all churning out some fantastic stuff while I was off in my struggle bubble, just trying to pull a chapter together. Now I’m racing to catch up so I can participate in heir polls and stuff, like a clueless citizen reading up on politics the night before an election. Oh wait, that’s also me.

I hope you’ll forgive me if the simselves don’t show up for a few chapters yet. I currently have a screenshot backlog of 2000 or so, meaning these pictures are like ten months old, and I haven’t opened the game in about as long. And I wonder why my captioning is so shoddy.


We return now to the House of the Elements, where I can say with certainty (and lots of gusto) that WINTER IS COMING! Danger lurks beyond the Wall and oops, Razor’s plants went dormant so I figured out how to grow stuff inside. It only took me twenty minutes.

Razor: It is clearly labelled “planter bowl.” How hard could it be?

REALLY HARD SHUT UP. #12yearsan00b


Meanwhile, Katana flounders more and more as a mother of three.

Katana: C’mon, guy, you couldn’t toss her a bottle once in a while?

Mustachio: I lost my hands in ze Civil War.

Katana: That’s rough, but I got three kids. Give a little.


She called up Weston, her escape clause.

Katana: So this “raising toddlers” thing… lol, I don’t get it. Come save me?


Apparently he took her quite literally because he came dressed as a paramedic. And he was willing to comply with her midlife whims on one condition.

Weston: I like you and all, but if we get together, I don’t think we should have kids. We’re getting pretty old and you already have more than you can handle, no offense.


Katana: Absolutely. No kids. I’m done with those things.


Razor: Katana, honey, you’d better not be taking him where I think you are.

Katana: Silly Dad. No one ever got pregnant from shower woohoo.


HELL YEAH THEY DID. What, you think I’d let all that townie breeding go to waste? We’re getting a kid out of this guy, and that’s final. I think I heard chimes. 😀

Katana: I officially hate everything.


Weston left just as Dax came home from work, and Razor played devil’s advocate as he so likes to do.

Razor: Is there anything you want to tell your husband, Katana?

Katana: What? Oh yeah— nice sweatsuit, Clark Spent.


And Azula—oh yeah, she’s still here—came home to two needy children in her room, as planted strategically by their mother.

Florin: Feed us, please!

Azula: I forgot… I have to go wash the front lawn…


The diversion worked, and Mommy dearest was able to make her escape in the rain.


Razor: Katana, you can’t just run off and leave your kids unsuperv–

Katana: HARG BLARG BLARG BLARG sorry Dad you’re cutting out on me.


Apparently her defiance was contagious because suddenly, the citizens of Shang Simla went full badass.

Jiang Lu: Yeah, that’s right! You aren’t the boss of me, you petty box of cash! I QUIT!

*drawer opens, hits him in the face*


I’ll spare you the gritty details of the trip, ‘cause it was a long one filled with fire traps and pushable statues and tent life and all the things Katana LOVES. Instead, I give you “The Disinterested Adventurer,” featuring Katana’s mundane antics in and around Shang Simla.


Day One. This French tourist doesn’t know how hostels work. I feel soggy just looking at her. wtf why did i think that was even a remotely okay thing to write omg


Edith: Thank you, mystical creamsicle saviour!

Katana: Whatever, lady. I’m just here for the handiness point.

At least she keeps her eyes open for pickpockets.


Day Two or something.

Katana: Look bro, one hand!

Ah, the invisible book glitch.


Day Three. Go home, Katana. You’re drunk.

Katana: No I’M drunk.


Day Four.

Katana: So by the way, your son is like THIS BIG now.

Sun: I can’t see your arm gestures through the phone. And wait, I have a son??

Katana: Welp, see ya.


Day Five.

Katana: Hey, what happened to “sparing the gritty details”?

Oh, I was…


…until you got yourself locked inside this room, ‘cause that was pretty hilarious.

Katana: I will beat you.

Good luck with that, Spaghetti Arms. 😉


Back at home, I have to give Daxtana some credit for trying to mend their relationship. Yet nobody can use the dance floor now without remembering how Katana gave birth on it.

Dax: We should have another one and birth it in the swimming pool!

Katana: No! 😀


Azula stayed in her Spooky Day costume far too long after the party was over, probably to spite me. I trembled a little every time she walked onscreen.

Azula: That’s right. Fear me. I’m unstable and dangerous.


“Unstable and dangerous” promptly got socked in the face by the new Bonehilda.

Azula: Dammit, just get back in your coffin already!

Bonehilda: Lol, you can’t make me.

Why “new” Bonehilda? Well, the first one caused some problems. I thought replacing her in Buy Mode would fix them. It didn’t. I cried.

But just hang on a sec because…



Katana: Don’t get too excited. I’m just nauseated by the decor.

Please, you aren’t fooling anyone. Pastel primaries are the bomb.


Balboa knows what’s up.

Balboa: Whoopee! More baby brothers and sisters for me!


Balboa: My bad, I wasn’t really excited about that. Happy Birthday to me.

Katana: Here, I got you a present.

Balboa rolled Supernatural Fan. Too bad he doesn’t look capable of being a “fan” of anything.


Except maybe his Auntie Azula’s amateur strumming. He likes to bop along as she races to finish her “Master of the Arts” LTW, though it’s a wonder he can hear through those ear flaps.

Balboa: WHAT??

You know your sim has boring traits when you choose to base their style around “Heavy Sleeper.” But secretly I am pretty satisfied with how I pulled it off.


In honour of his eternal pyjama party, we decided to replace everyone’s beds with sleeping bags!

No we fucking didn’t. Bonehilda, you see—she glitched up the beds so badly that no one could sleep in them for a week, and I deleted and repurchased and debugged and reset until the cows came home. I rage quit like five times.


Katana: Can I rage quit?

No, but I promise this will be the last one! Household constraints and such.

Katana: I’ll constrain you.


It’s scary how much she doesn’t care.


If I were Katana, I’d be keeping an eye on this one. I mean honestly—born on Spooky Day, aged up during a full moon, Evil and Insane…


…but look at her, she’s such a doll.

Lira: Come play with me.


No one played with her. Katana, for one, was on a moonlit date as far away as possible.

Katana: Whose idea of fun was this?

Weston: I don’t know, it’s pretty romantic though. Freezing our nether regions. Waiting for these icicles to fall on our heads.


Weston: HOLY SHIT, a zombie! Run!!

Katana: No wait, I got a game we can play.


Katana: Watch this—“Nyuuurrrgh I’m a zombie and I’m too stupid to hold my neck up straight.”


Zombie: Hey now, that’s a stereotype.

Katana: “Hurr nurr, thurt’s a shtuuurrrryturrrp.” Your turn!


Zombie: Man, I’m so tired of people like you!

Weston: “Urm shurr tuuuurrrrrrrd!”

Katana: Damn, that’s not bad.

Meanwhile, this happened:


And I thought, well, if Katana’s going to have her torrid affair, who am I to deprive Dax of a little mischief? Especially when it’s with Lance, because LOL.


I followed him there only to find that Lance, like her sister, was moderately pregnant. With Eddy’s child. These girls are Tewl’s grandchildren through and through.

Lance: Hey best friend! So glad you could make it! –SLAP-

Dax: Owwie!

This motley duo actually work together, according to my notes. I had to leaf through forever to find it, but there it is: “Dax’s team = old people and Lance.” If you were to make a ship name for them, it would have to be “Dance” or “Lax.” Holy hell, what have I created?


Lance: This is my ideal first date. Like omg. Aren’t you having fun?

Dax: What happens to bumblebees in winter?


Lance loves her life and I don’t know why.


Dax played his own game with zombies. It’s called “being a moron and trying to get yourself killed.”

Dax: Whoaaa gross, it’s all hollow in there!



And Balboa and Gramps weren’t about to miss out on the full moon fun.

Razor: Come on, Boa! Are you going to let an old man get the best of you?

Balboa: That balloon was frozen…

P.S. Damn you, floating rectangles.


I later found Dax in the mausoleum, reflecting on the achievements of past Langurds. I wouldn’t have even thought to look for him until this popped up:


A proud family history. I’d forgotten that Tewl’s second son was a centaur.


Razor is quite easily the best grandparent ever. I mean, nobody else in this legacy has been one for more than a few hours. But still.

Razor: Well, aren’t you just the sweetest little thing!

Lira: Will you be my friend?

Azula: Don’t listen to it, Father. That thing is definitely possessed.


Lira: Whaaaaat! You mean you don’t want to be my friend?!

Razor: Jesus, that was shrill.





Sorry about that. Where was I? Oh yeah, it’s a school day and Balboa the lazy lump is not at school. What gives?

Balboa: Meh, it’s a snow day. I’m going back to bed.

A snow day? Let’s take a look again at the amount of snow outside…


What’s that, 10cm? YOU WIMPS. We were getting –40o wind chills while I was playing this, and they never closed MY university. The North remembers. So does the tip of my nose.


Florin: Change my diaper, I’m stinky!

Katana: Change my diaper, I’m stinky!

Florin: Stop copying me!

Katana: Stop copying me!

That poor, poor kid.


Katana: You know why your Auntie Azula walks around in a mask all the time? It’s ‘cause her face got eaten by a chimpanzee and now she looks like one. True story.


Azula: A chimpanzee? Ha! Oh, foolish sister. Just wait until you feel the wrath of my young adult beauty.


Katana: I think I feel it. It feels like childbirth.

And it’s off to the hospital with you, so as not to permanently taint any more parts of the house, thank you very much.


But don’t worry, Katana—I feel the wrath, too. It feels like “wasted genes.”

Azula: Sucks to be you!

But not really, because Katana is the bomb and I thank you all for voting her in. Seriously.

Azula grew up looking like a well-adjusted young woman, ironically rolling the first trait (Hot-Headed) that might actually correspond with her maniacal namesake.


From there, I just had to milk her for all the legacy points she was worth. Strum your little heart out, Fire Princess.


But then…


Katana: Get out.

Azula: What? Why?

Katana: You don’t live here anymore. You officially moved out three hours ago.

Azula: No, I didn–

Katana: LALALALA, can’t hear you.

All seems well, right? Cute little baby in a pink blanket (Drachma is her name, a Perceptive Grump who loves hot pink, chili, and soul)—what could be wrong?


Meet Lev, her twin.

Yeah, that’s right. Razor + Katana + Dax + Azula + Balboa + Florin + Lira + Lev + Drachma = 9 = We screwed up. AGAIN. I don’t even know how or why. Some mod or something got reset or like whatever.


To clarify, Lev the lump of snow is female. She was actually born before Drachma, but Katana picks her favourites early and leaves the rejects in the dust two feet of snow. You want polar opposite twins? You got ‘em: Lev is Excitable and Eccentric, favouring grey, shawarma, and classical music.

And now, oh happy day, Katana gets to deal with five kids. I feel like this would be a good time to pull some blackmail out of my sleeve…


You see that? She wanted it. I repeat: she specifically asked for it. I’ll hear no more complaining, and that is that. *pompous sniff*


So yes, to keep things as fair as possible, we sent Azula packing. She gave us a portrait but no LTW, so she is officially good for nothing except her face. Thanks, kid!

Azula: I have graced you with my presence for too long.

Yeah, y— wait, I JUST noticed there are unicorns on that wallpaper and am now doing a happy dance inside. How perfect is that?


Speaking of which, I may have to explode with glee if this flirtation goes anywhere.

(Spoiler: It doesn’t, goddammit.)


Woo, a baby Lance. Nobody cares.


With a couple of tots and two wee babes and not enough cribs to go around, the nursery could use some renovations and TLC.


Katana: To hell with that!

She is actually so lucky. If I could run away from China every time life got hard, I’d be laughing.


Katana: HAHAHAHA, Pingu’s Axe, motherfuckers!


I know, it’s “Pangu.” But this is way better. And more terrifying.


And wow, it makes adventuring a breeze.

Katana: Yesssss, more time for naps now.


You idiot, don’t take naps on the edge of a dive well.

Katana: Nnnngh. Where am I?

Looks like a hotel lobby. Er, with fire.


Katana: Go go gadget steam jets!

…Aaaand nothing. The flames were “too high” for Katana to cross and the traps “too difficult” to disarm. I don’t even read the How-To’s unless I’m desperate, but every tutorial ever says “activate the steam traps to put out the fire.” Because that would be the logical way. But fuck logic, them flames don’t care.


Forsaken by physics and online help, I did some problem solving of my own. Trouble is, my personal brand of problem solving is notoriously long-winded. This one time, I sewed an apron because I was too lazy to change my clothes to make cookies. I don’t even remember if I made the cookies in the end. What was I talking about? Oh yeah, Phase One of the master plan.

Katana: I hate this. This is dumb.


Movin’ on up!

Paparazzi: Wow, love the belt. Never seen one like it.

Katana: Makes a great gag in a pinch.


She went to wait out the fatigue and was passionately jumped by Ai Pei, the special merchant. It must be all those useless missions she’s done for him.

Ai: I can’t live without you! You bring me such fine beetles!

Paparazzi: Oooh, this is gonna be good. Kick his ass, Langurd.


Paparazzi: Wait, seriously?

Yeah, seriously?


After that little incident, I had her dance away the fatigue instead.

Katana: You’re just jealous, ‘cause I’m a goddamn seductress and you’re sitting at a computer in flannel zebra pants.




Phase One complete!


*Envy. Get your chromatic symbolism right, gosh.


Back to the Fire Lobby we go, because yes, at Martial Arts level five, you too can defy the laws of physics.

Katana: Trolololololol


Katana: Hmm, trolling is hungry work.

I’ll say, especially when THERE IS NO FIRE ANYMORE, WTF?? This must have escaped my attention?? I’m hoping I just captured the flames in their “off” phase of flickering, rather than failing to notice they had been put out. Otherwise I would look a right fool.


Anyway, the mission was a success. Katana got to Visa Level 2 or something and even had time to grab the mail before she left.

Katana: Ugh. Being desirable is exhausting.


Yeah, sucks to be you alright.


Sucks to be this guy is more like. His wife is out there getting all the lads and ladies, and my zebra pants have got nothing on that yellow snowsuit.

Dax: Hey, I don’t remember getting laid in the last ten months. Get out of my house, magical Jesus baby!


Katana: Stop playing favourites. Drachma is a person too.

That’s Lev.

Katana: Whatever.


Razor does as much damage control as he can, but Florin just looks perpetually confused.

Razor: That’s it, just a few more steps.

Florin: Why is your topcoat eating your legs? Is it going to eat me too?


Balboa: Oh, I guess I was supposed to use my hands.


At that point, the prospect of any of the five kids growing into a capable heir seemed laughable. I thought we’d try to be normal like other families, and go on a nice outing. Just a mother and her firstborn son, off to the Winter Festival. How adorable.


Malissa Newbie: Spin me, Daddy!

Bob: Okay, but be warned, your daddy is quite the spinning pro!

See? Why can’t my sims be more like—


Bob: Oof!

Malissa: You suck, Daddy!

Okay, so everyone is a little messed up around here.


Balboa: Whoa this is trippy I’m standing on knives


Speaking of messed up, look who showed and followed her big sister around the rink like a shadow.

Lance: Show me how to skate like you!

Too bad they’re equally rubbish.


Katana: It’s okay, sis, we’ll learn together.

Lance: Wow, really?


Katana: Nope, you’re on your own.

Um yeah, that is NOT how you spin.


But this is pretty decent form. Point your fingers and I might give it a positive G.O.E..

Katana: No.

Fun fact: All sims are programmed as reverse skaters. Most people IRL actually spin counter-clockwise and would do this spin on their left foot. I always thought I was a rarity as a clockwise skater, but now I’m not special anymore, so thanks, EAxis.

/pretentious wisdom sharing


It’s rare finding other kids at the festivals, so I had Balboa try to make a friend.

Balboa: Did you know we’re all in a game on a computer being controlled with big green diamonds that hover over our heads?

Malissa: Are you high?


And for this chapter’s entirely irrelevant ending, here’s Florin after he birthdayed into childhood and picked up “No Sense of Humour.”

Florin: A dyslexic man walks into a bra! Hahaha, geddit? Eh? Eh?

Jeez, I said no sense of humour, not bad sense of humour.


Sorry this took so long! Office work is turning me into an uncreative robot. Come back soon for more bad parenting and France or Egypt or something. And now back to that reading list.

Happy Simming!


P.S. Has anybody seen The Fault in Our Stars yet? Holy cow, it was good. Statistically (*ahem* Rotten Tomatoes is definitely statistics) you’ll only hate it if you’re a male who writes off “emotionally charged” as “sappy,” and thinks anything is crap that attracts an audience of teen girls. In that case, I hate you. Just kidding. 😉 I may be bitter about certain people’s responses. TL;DR: Would recommend. And now I’m ending this rant and publishing this chapter.


About gryffindork7

I like cats. This is a really thorough bio.

Posted on June 7, 2014, in Generashun 3 and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 23 Comments.

  1. The whole bit at the skating rink makes me wonder, are you a figure skater? If so that’s so cool, I’ve skated on and off for about 11 years. 🙂
    My, the kids are adorable. Methinks Florin and Balboa are gonna be lookers when they grow up!
    That’s so weird that your game is allowing 9 sims in the household. Is it just a glitch or does it have to do with a mod?
    Can’t wait for the next chapter!! 😀


    • Yes ma’am! I’ve been on and off the rink for about 15/16 years, and there was a while in there when I was training 7 times a week… but considering all that, I never got very good. Good enough not to spin way up on my toe-pick, though (jeez, Katana). It’s always nice meeting fellow skaters. 😀 Do you still skate?
      It’s always hard to tell their looks in the child stage, but I like both of them a lot!
      And yeah, it’s a mod… I think it automatically removes the eight-sim cap when you install it, and you have to manually change it back. Apparently I forgot to do that the last time I reinstalled the game, so… whoops. 😛


      • I do every once in a while. I’m part of the figure skating club at my university, but they only meet once a week for an hour or so to skate. Totally different from the 20-plus-hours-a-week training I use to do for competitions. But I definitely don’t have that kind of time (or money) to do that anymore, because, ya know, college >.< It certainly is nice to meet fellow skaters! No one knows the combination of the joy of buying brand new skates but the pain of breaking them in. And the pain of never having pretty feet. Ugh. 😛
        I figured it was a mod. What mod do you use for story progression? EA story progression sucks, and I'm about 1000% done with it.


      • Dude, you’re speaking my mind. My feet are literally figure-skate-shaped. I’m in a club at my university too, but I’m not good at showing up to ice time. And you’re right, nobody knows the bittersweetness of new skates. That’s why movies like Ice Princess exist… *shudder*

        I use NRaas! In fact, I have about six of their mods, mostly minor ones, and nothing to complain about so far. You should give it a try! 🙂


    • Haha exactly. My heels are past just getting a pedicure to look good. They need some serious therapy! Ice Princess tried to show the pain of new skates, but fall or not that chick would never be able to throw a lutz with new skates without crying while making her way around the rink first!! 😛
      I should really get those mods, at least a couple. I’m so clueless about how to download mods though haha!


  2. Hey! Me again.
    Awesome chapter as always, always looking forward to more!

    Well at least Lance is happy, that’s more than what can be said for Katana. xD

    The clothing style (insert name here because I forget) was awesome, I probably would have just made everything his favorite colour and then gone, that’s probably blinding enough.

    I wish I could run to China, right now, get out of exams and work experience that is creeping up on me.

    Also, some shameless advertising right now – I’ve got my blog up now http://darzio.co.uk/ is where it’s at.


    • Thank you!
      Lance is definitely happier with her lot than Katana is, but when she hits her midlife crisis she hits it HARD. You’ll see, haha.
      I definitely spend an inordinate amount of time styling my Sims. I had way too much fun with Balboa’s pyjama makeover.
      Oh, and I checked out your website and dropped you your first comment! Looks great. 🙂
      Good luck with your exams!


  3. Oh man, so much fun as always. That Katana! I think I’ll miss seeing Azula around. Florin is very adorable! I think Balboa though, might be my favorite. I *love* how all of his clothes have that sheep print. A print I always hated because of the damn pregnancy outfit, so you get stuck looking at it, but for a “heavy sleeper” it’s epic. I still miss Tewl.


    • You’re too kind, as always! XD It’s funny, just changing the baby blue to seafoam (Boa’s favourite colour) makes that pattern suddenly more tolerable. I wish we had more Ghost Tewl visits. 😦


  4. Awesome chapter. Just Bonehilda… I had her in one of the games I was playing and one day, she grabbed a Sloppy Jaloppy out of her ass and drove away. NEVER TO BE SEEN AGAIN. I’m not joking. She left and her coffin was empty… FOREVER. NO SERVICE DELIVERY I TELL YOU.

    I freaking love Pingu. Such adorable.

    I can’t wait to see how the kids turn out. Florin, Balboa and Lira are already so cute man ❤

    You know, I never mentioned it, but I am the BIGGEST Avatar fan (Last Airbender and Adventure of Korra) and I love the name Azula. Also, whenever your Azula spoke, I would imagine her speaking like Azula from Avatar. I'm sad to see her go… but maybe she can bring back the reign of the Fire Nation.

    And Jiang Lu… glob I laughed so hard at that scene… haahahhahaha MUCH MUCH MUCH FUNNKNEE 😀


    • You’re kidding! Oh man, I just died of laughter when I read that. Damn Bonehilda – I’m pretty sure she’s actually designed to be useless.

      YESSSS AVATAR! Have you seen the Korra preview? Dude, Book Three starts in like five days! And Zuko is gonna make an appearance! I am so psyched!




  6. Pingu was hilarious. And Katana is still awesome. Do feel sorry for her kids though…


  7. It took me a second to get it but I laughed at the centaur joke. Oh my gosh, Pingu! My younger sister loved that show. I haven’t seen

    TFIOS but I’ll give it a go. I liked Juno, even though my friends didn’t.


    • Hehe, it seemed like the tamest joke I could make out of “Rotter riding Rotter”…
      And yes! No movie is for everyone, obviously, but don’t knock it ’til you try it and all that. 🙂


  8. LOL, the tourist doesn’t know how hostels work. Come to think of it, kids in the sims don’t know how sleepovers work, they’re always trying to sleep in the yard when there is perfectly good floor space in the living room!

    Katana, you need to hold onto your bike with two hands when the French bridges try to claim the bike!


    • Dammit, I was not finished writing! Ship name for Dax + Lance has to be Dunce. They are both so stupid, bit it’s so cute.

      Holy hell, Lira’s face when Azula doesn’t want to be friends with her. It’s gold. And scary. But mostly awesome.

      The child-kids are cute! Hopefully someone gets some personality soonish, they’re all pretty much lumps atm. But then again, with the awesome of Katana stealing all the limelight, anyone would get pushed to the back.


      • Dunce!! That’s perfect! I’m going to put them together in another save file someday and tell their story. It will be as sweet and simple as they are. (Mostly simple.)

        Yes, Generation Four suffered a huge pandemic of lumpitis and it was all Katana’s fault. Why’d she have to be so much fun to write? 😛


  9. Eh, what does Katana know. Zebra pants is fashion!
    I think there’s an option on the skating rink to change CW/CCW spinning. I wonder if Sims would switch their ‘first’ leg, though. And wow, you’re a lifelong skater! Respect for you 😀
    And yeah, Sims are no true northerners, their snow days are laughable.


    • Exactly! I mean, they’re pyjamas, but pyjamas is also fashion… so there.

      Is there? That would be so cool! I get a little defensive on behalf of clockwise skaters — I mean, I was always the one getting in everyone’s way during group lessons, but it’s not like it was my fault! Thanks for the respect 😀

      Ugh, yeah. Soft little southerners, I envy them sometimes…


  10. Sims seem to be pretty weak when it comes to weather. I mean, I am biased because I did grow up in Northern Ontario surrounded by 12+ feet of lake effect snow and windchills that dipped into the -50 range, but yeah. 10 cm of snow?! That’s nothing!

    I also lost it at Pingu’s Axe. Perfect. And at “magical Jesus baby” too. Dax is wonderfully oblivious and delusional.


    • Oh man, compared to that I can’t even complain! I was a northerner for like a year as a kid, and even then I wasn’t that far north. But yeah, those darn sims turning blue after a few hours in -15… pansies.

      None of the spouses can quite compare to Dax. I think I actually miss him.

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: