4.1 Come Play with Me
Long ago some words were said:
“I’ll finish a legacy ‘fore I’m dead!”
And this one here was going well
Until it all just went to hell
Because you see I’m really lazy
And I can’t think of a rhyme for that so the poem is over now.
* * *
So yeah… remember that thing about getting to Generation Six before the end of the year?
Happy 2015! This gal is nowhere near her winter years.
Lira: What are you talking about? Now that I’m in charge, all the years are winter!
Nice try, Elsa, but we’re still having this problem.
Flaming Paparazzi: 911, help me!!
Weston: Dude, I’m a paramedic, not a firefighter.
*faint echoes of “trolololol…” into the distance*
Weston: Next time, I’m letting him die.
That’s some talk from an EMS worker.
We’re also still having this problem.
Stranger: Hi Katana, I wasn’t invited to your party but I got here two hours early because I looooooove you! Did I say that out loud?
And this one.
Drachma: Who you callin’ a problem?
I was really pleased when Drachma got some unexpected love in the heir poll. I’d like to say the same about Drachma herself, but y’know.
I guess I should take a breather here and do the usual groundwork. It’s been so long that I’ve forgotten where I left things, so I can hardly expect you all to remember. Well, after a dramatic falling-out with her first husband, Katana remarried—to Weston, the father of her twins. He tried his best (and a little more) to fit in with the family, like a thirty-year-old teacher trying desperately to feel like a student. The kids were having none of it and decided it was about time to overthrow Westana. Lira won the heir poll, but I got all indecisive and declared a dual heirship with Balboa. Which does not entail incest, just so we’re clear.
And now, moving on to this chapter’s raison d’être: You’re all invited to a pool party at the Langurds’! It’s time for some fun in the sun to celebrate the dawn of a new era, and oh, by the way, there are two vacancies for Legacy Spouse so start strippin’, townie folk!
Not you, Cargo Shorts. You can go home.
You too, Azula. You’re like 40 and it’s just not fair.
Azula: Y’all ready to get turnt?
Boa & Lira: What’s that mean, Ma?
Katana: Nothing. Go talk to your Uncle Tomahawk.
Out back, we have the Sunset Valley Diving Championship.
Lev: Try not to make too much of a splash.
Drachma: You watch your mouth, Twiggie. I’m a graceful swan.
And guess what, Lira’s siblings still don’t want to hang out with her. I wonder why.
Lira: Nice try, Prospector Pete. There’s only one “mint” doll this side of the river.
Lira: And just for kicks, I will become the only mint doll on that side of the river too!
And on the bottom of the river, once that snowsuit gets all waterlogged.
Inside, Florin was still pushing his luck with Kacey, his completely implausible prom hook-up. And look, it’s everyone’s favourite Auncle Lance!
Lance: Sooooo? Where did you two kooky kids meet?
Florin: Auntie, do you mind?
Lance: Mind what?
Boa’s favourite aunt is a little more useful, even if their relationship is borderline creepy at times.
Azula: So you’re an heir, too? It doesn’t seem right that you’re getting so little screen time. You know, I could help you raise your standing, stage a coup or something.
Balboa: Really? Sweet!
And here’s Aunt Gabby for a bad-aunt hat trick. Seriously, can we stay on decent terms with any of our extended family?
Gabby: Nice outfit, but why the flippers?
Lev: YOU DON’T KNOW MY LIFE.
I have to say, this generation is shaping up to be a cakewalk in the romance department—for the boys at least. Granted, Boa’s stoner girl promises some interesting genetics (and my god, that hair), but where’s the fun in Face Ones?
Balboa: Wanna get baked?
Malissa: Already am, bro.
Tommy: Wow, Katana, I had no idea your firstborn was such a high achiever.
Katana: What can I say, kids will be kids.
Katana: Stop making me look bad.
Tommy: By all means, continue!
Damn spares, so bitter and judgmental…
…and they breed the weirdest kids. Meet Nadia, eldest daughter of Lance and Eddie.
Kacey: Um, is everyone in your family this voyeuristic and creepy?
Florin: Who cares, let’s do the Tongue Tango.
Kacey: Nice try. You know I’m way out of his league, right?
Hey lady, respect the fourth wall. (And yeah, duh.)
Florin, blogging: Womens R sooooo confusing!!! :S
13 people in the wide web: We feel ya, bro!
Florin: Man, why am I such a loser?
Aww buddy, you’re not a— well, yeah, you are. You need to find yourself a mentor and up your game.
Ah, the middle-aged dirtbag. A wise choice.
Tommy: Lesson number one – you gotta learn how to trash talk.
Florin: Garbage cans! Rotten potatoes and smelly diapers!
Tommy: That’s not quite how it works…
And on that day, this became their theme song.
OH, COME ON. Must all of Katana’s husbands be hijacked by her younger, more attractive siblings? Is Tomahawk sleeping around with Sun Young Kim?
Gabby: Not if he doesn’t want a pitchfork to the face.
Lira: I’m on the other side of the river now. Ha-ha!
If this is all the entertainment you have to offer as heiress, then you’re fired.
Azula: “More attractive” my ass. That you would even put me in the same league as that thing…
Jeez, you’re right. I don’t even know what “that thing” is anymore.
Dunce 4EVA ❤
Balboa: This is how you duckface.
Weston: Am I doing it right?
What did I say about the fourth wall, people? It’s a very fragile thing!
Weston: Now I’m a sad duck.
Lev: So I was thinking, it would be good if I learned how to drive.
Katana: Why? You get that power automatically at your next birthday.
Five minutes later.
Katana: Good, good. Now let me see you pop a wheelie.
Dax: Your seat, master.
Boa: Dad wtf.
Drachma: This is why I never eat with you guys.
Take note of Florin with the chopsticks, i.e. my first sim bred with the Asian Culture trait! This must be the first sit-down meal he’s ever had — otherwise I just don’t pay him much attention…
…but that’s because I’ve got this one on my hands, with her random urges to go for midnight jogs.
Lira: I must go to my thotful spot.
I’m sure the back of a police car is not what she had in mind.
Officer: What were you doing out so late, young lady?
Lira: I have… thoughts.
Officer: Is that right. Sounds like you’d better come with me to the station.
Meanwhile, this one was roaming the streets in a bikini, completely forgotten, and rode right past the cop car on a motorbike despite never completing her “driving lesson.” Repercussions? None.
Lev: It’s ‘cause I’m a natural badass.
Of course you are, Miss Straight-A-Debate-Club-Checkout-Chick.
Dax: No fair, you rode in a cop car? Did they let you play with the lights?
Lev: *waits patiently for punishment never to come*
And the doll got back inside her box just in time for sunrise.
Sometimes it’s scary how well my screenshots fit.
Lev: So this is how you spend every day of your life?
Drachma: Think of a better way, I dare you.
Drachma’s got the right idea, if you ask me. Katana’s life is a perfect example of what happens when you go outside.
Dax: Lancie says you’re an evil B-word and I gotta learn how to stand my ground. So we came up with an ultimatron for you: it’s me or the house.
Katana: I’ll take the house.
Next up on “I’m a Natural Badass”: Who wore it better?
…or this toad?
Boa: Whoops, I had an alchemy accident. Can you fix me?
Cashier: *sigh* No, you have to go find your true love and stuff. Why don’t people know this?
I don’t remember what this screenshot is for but oooh, look at all the pretty riches! Maybe it was to show that Katana’s life of adventuring hasn’t been entirely for nought. Or perhaps to remind me that HOLY CRAP, it’s not actually over yet, because her LTW is still incomplete and that fact has apparently escaped me until now. GOOD GOING, SAM. OLYMPIC GOLD MEDAL SIMMER RIGHT HERE.
Dax’s adventures, however, must come to an end. He’s just not the athlete he used to be. Rumour has it, the team’s been hopping the bingo bus for the last three months, giving autographs to dementia patients.
Dax: And now I will retire to the English countryside!
Dax: This isn’t the English countryside.
Nope, it’s the swaying vortex of old farthood. Enjoy it!
Dax: No thanks, don’t think I will. Come to Daxie, sparkles!
Grim: Alright, Mr. Batshit. You’re up.
Dax: Oh, goody! I’d like a pony and a walkman and a Batmobile, please!
Grim: None of those left. I got one cold, hard hole in the ground.
Drachma: Your routine needs work, man.
So she took Death aside and gave him some pointers.
Drachma: You gotta drop the lukewarm sarcasm, buddy. It’s just not cutting it. Get a smoke machine and some animatronics up in there, maybe a backing track.
Grim: I know a dead guy with an orchestra.
Drachma: Now you’re talking.
Meanwhile, there was one person who, unexpectedly, stayed at the sorry scene longer than all the rest.
Katana: Get this camera off me. I refuse to cry over you, Dorkface.
♪ And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills… ♫
Thanks, iTunes Shuffle, your timing is impeccable. Thirty seconds more and this scene would have been set to “Boom Shaka Laka” by Flo Rida.
*ahem* I am definitely not reusing Arabella’s obituary shot, because I definitely remembered to take one for Dax.
Today we say “buh-bye” to a Superstar Athlete, but not really, because I think he got demoted once after he reached his lifetime wish. He lived to the ripe age of 96 days despite his continuously deteriorating mental state. It is still unclear if he was clinically insane or just obnoxious. He barely broke 60k in happiness points, probably due to moving in as an old man, but he did max out the athletic skill and garner 7 fishing points without my ever being aware he was an angler. He must have fished in a lot of swimming pools.
Well, that’s Dax in a nutshell. Moving on.
Florin: Since when do we live with a toad?
Drachma: I hear it’s what happens when you can’t find a girlfriend.
Florin: Yikes! I’mma go make an online dating profile!
Fear not, young ones, for there are plenty of frogs in the pond. Or the artificial fishery, if you please.
Malissa: Whoa man, I must be tripping. Your head looks just like a toad’s.
Balboa: Nah bruh, I mixed some bad herbs and mushrooms. Now I have to get kissed by a beautiful princess in the rain.
Malissa: Hold still, I can’t see straight.
Malissa: Duuuude, you’re like a firefly with arms!
Boa: Fireflies are tasty.
And love started to blossom between princess and toad.
Malissa: No worries.
Balboa: For getting rid of that gross haircut.
Lev: This is so unfair. I’ll never find true love while I’m stuck on a homework date with dirty plates.
Ah, the curse of being a hopeless romantic workaholic.
If she’s not out and about or doing homework, you can usually find her in the ex-laundry room, clocking overtime for her job at the grocery store.
Lev: Dear Mr. Jones, we appreciated your business today. I hope you are satisfied with your purchase of a loaf of bread. If you experience any difficulties with it, don’t hesitate to call. Furthermore, I would like to present you with a 10% off coupon, redeemable in the bakery section only. Does not apply to bagels or specialty tortillas. Also please take this customer satisfaction survey. Tell them Lev Langurd sent you. Love me please. Sincerely, your faithful cashier.
But hey, at least she’s making use of what used to be a beautiful eco oasis…
*sniff* RIP laundry machines, sledgehammered for the sake of laziness.
And let’s not forget “a second bathroom, where hopefully no important events will happen because it’s impossible to photograph in there.”
And this, friends, is why I pushed for dual heirship. Because I am shallow and could not be made to part with these genetics.
His LTW is Alchemy Artisan, and he rolled Equestrian–which, let’s be honest, I’ll never find a way to work into his personality.
Nor will I figure out what to do with his bizarre resemblance to Bernard the Elf.
And that’s a wrap. Man, am I ever rusty. I can feel the joints creaking with every forced joke. But my last semester of university (!) seemed like a great time to get sidetracked, so here I am, waking up at 5am to bang out a few captions each day. I hope some of you are still here, too!
Posted on January 21, 2015, in Generashun 4 and tagged arrested, azula, balboa, bathroom, bernard the elf, birthday, blog, dax, death, diving championship, drachma, driving lessons, duck face, florin, gabby, hiram, kacey, katana, lance, lance's face, laundry room, lev, lira, malissa, midnight jog, motorcycle, nadia, paparazzi on fire, pool party, prospector pete, rejection, retirement, sepia flashbacks, thotful spot, toadification, tomahawk, trash talk, true love's kiss, weston, who wore it better. Bookmark the permalink. 18 Comments.
Love it! It’s so awesome to see a chapter of the Langurds. I hate it when Sims have their birthdays in the smallest rooms of the house. I eventually give up and just do aerial shots. They try their best to make it impossible but I will never lose!
Sweet love of duck O_o… he does look like Bernard… damn. I’m not sure what to file that under to be honest.
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Thank you! 🙂 And I know, right? I’m so stubborn about it, I usually end up with sub-par photography but at least I can say “HA!” at the end of the day. Because that’s what’s important in life.
I’m probably going to file it in a deep, dark crevice somewhere, never to be spoken of again…
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Yay! An update! And I’ll just go ahead and finish your poem for you:
“And those darn Langurds make me crazy!”
So much funny. I think the toad on the motorcycle was your crowning achievement during this update. That and Dax dying. And making me have that sad Dixie Chicks song stuck in my head.
Can’t wait for ever so very much more! Congrats on like, the final semester! I can’t wait until you’re done so you can post all the time and make me happy.
But seriously, super great to see you. ❤
Haha! See? This is apparently where an English degree gets you. That is an excellent ending — I may have to immortalize it somewhere on this website.
I’m still not quite sure how Dax dying managed to be such a tragic event. Not that death isn’t tragic in itself, but really… if the family is in such a state over Old Crazypants, how are we going to deal with losing Katana? :O
You are far too kind, and thank you! ❤ It's all over now (as soon as I pay my outstanding library fines) so I'll do my best!
Nope, it’s the swaying vortex of old farthood. Enjoy it!
Dax: No thanks, don’t think I will. Come to Daxie, sparkles!
PMSL. Possibly the best old age death EVA. Oh Langurds, how I have missed you and your funny.
As Heather said, the toad on the motorbike was gold, and I also loved Lira fighting with the gnome grave then going back and forth across the ‘river’. These two are going to be such brilliant heirs. And hot damn, Balboa is hawt! Despite the resemblance to Bernard the Elf. Just don’t dress him in Christmas gear, and we should be fine.
(BTW, I put your Simself in my Epic Legacy, and she’s having a grand old time in Hidden Springs – I think she was up to about 4 Romantic Interests and one oops baby before the family moved)
So glad you enjoyed! Haha, I’m pretty sure I don’t have any Christmas gear to dress him in, so we should be safe. What’s more disturbing than this resemblance is that Bernard’s actor is actually a rather good-looking man, with the right haircut and the right lighting. But that just confuses me more, so let’s not speak of it. 😛
Oh my, what a life. I hope she’s picking better names for her children in your game!
You’re back! And no you aren’t rusty. This was another great chapter as usual. The picture of Bernard killed me and now the resemblance cannot be unseen.
Thank you, I’m so glad you think so! ❤ And I am truly sorry for it.
I complete forgot who everyone was, and spent about ten minutes on each picture pointing out the various family members to myself like a crazy woman…
Balboa’s age-up… I mean DAMN! I think I’m in love. Causally ignoring the resemblance to Bernard (please name his kid that. Please.)
Oh, and the mental image of Florin rapping (or at least attempting to) “I’LL NEVER OPEN A DOOR, OR PULL OUT A CHAIR – YOU CAN TELL ME HOW YOUR DAY WAS BUT I DON’T REALLY CARE.” was too much to handle, and I was crying with laughter at my laptop for a good ten minutes. Add Tommy being the teacher dude? Dead.
Yet reading this reminds me I need to go back to MY legacy challenge…. Oops.
I don’t blame you! Even I blanked on everything when I tried to sit down and write this chapter. I had to spend ages trying to match up pictures with what’s in my notes… and it doesn’t help that half my notes are things like “K gives fossilized tomato” and “bought out elixir store because forgot recipe LOL.” That’s really helpful, past Sam.
Hahaha, Florin wishes he could be a womanizer like that. He’s like the failed second coming of Tewl himself. 😛
Indeed you should! But I understand the difficulty. 😉 Blogging is hard work.
Balboa is a hottie. I don’t mind looking at him. I get why you wanted him as heir.
The whole toad thing was hilarous. It made me giggle. My boyfriend thinks I’m nuts. Which is true.
and Lira really needs to work on becoming interesting… Dual heirship is a battle after all… And if it’s not, it should be.
Haha, I’m glad we’re on the same page! And I’m sorry but not sorry that your boyfriend thinks you are crazy… I like to think that bringing out the weirdo in people is my specialty. 😉 You’re right though, it is a battle — and that definitely starts to show in the next chapter…
Such unique features Balboa has, even if he looks like the Elf. I didn’t even know you could become a toad in this game XD.
I kind of think Florin is funny even if he’s a loser.
And that sweet picture with Dax made me sad, I’ll just hold it against my heart curled in a ball and cry now.
Yeah, it came with Supernatural! I’m really slow at figuring out the expansions and all their features, so I didn’t know until recently either. I guess my incompetence keeps things new and exciting. 😀
I’m having a change of heart about Florin these days. It’s kind of like Ross in Friends, how he takes himself seriously even though everything he does is idiotic. And everyone hates Ross, but the show couldn’t go on without him, you know? XD I’ll miss Florin when he has to leave.
Whee! That’s a great way to find a romantic interest — getting someone to kiss away your frog face.
Goodbye Dax. I liked you. Except when you hung around and let the legacy family support you after the divorce.
Gah. Please give Lance a makeover. Please?
Right? I was probably going to match Boa with his Egyptian RI, but then the frog thing happened and well, that’s a fairytale romance right there.
Dax WAS pretty awesome in an “arghh you stubborn old git” kind of way… Looking forward to using the house space he freed up, though. 😀
“The pains of being incurably romantic and workaholic at the same time.”
Damn that was a HIT straight to me ole hart, what’s left of it wkwkwk.
And that “Nice Guys Finish Last” song?
And as per always, sooo much randomness and absurdity I don’t know what to comment!
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LOL, poor Lev is super relatable. I have a sim in Gen. 8 who reminds me of her a lot, come to think of it…
Omg, Nice Guys! Damn, I haven’t listened to that in ages. Early 2010’s YouTube was such a good time.