4.13 Oh Boy, That Tickles!
(NOTE: Chapter 4.12 went up less than 24 hours ago, so make sure you don’t skip over it by mistake! I only say this because back-to-back posts are unheard of for me, so I wouldn’t blame you for clicking the first post you see in the Reader Feed. :P)
Goodness gracious, I just looked through the screenshots for this chapter and we have a lot to get through. Don’t scroll ahead because some of it is big and game-changing. If you do scroll ahead, you’re probably the kind of person who skipped to the end of Harry Potter Six, so kindly let me know to un-friend you. What do you mean there’s no friend system on WordPress? The sentiment is there, okay? I will un-friend you in my heart.
But not actually because it’s your life, and this is a legacy for crying out loud, not Harry Potter.
Newsman: And finally, birdwatchers everywhere have reported that the nation’s owls have been behaving very unusually today. Do not be alarmed if a strange man in a cloak drops a scarred infant on your doorstep in the middle of the night.
Balboa: Malissa, dear — what’s the name of your nephew again?
Malissa: Gumby. Nasty, common name if you ask me.
(Now exiting the parallel universe where “Gumby” is a common name.)
All things considered, the Langurds of the Malboa Clan are a bit more like the Potters than the Dursleys. Wizardry, cats, and redheads in a magical cottage — but hopefully no Dark Lord out to murder them.
Lt. Surge: Whoops, guess I missed the scratch pole by a couple of metres.
Niall: Serge, yeh flutebox!
But unless Lily and James were addicts, the analogy ends there.
Balboa: I have a problem.
I know you do, honey, we’ll get you help.
Balboa: No, that’s not it. I can’t see a thing.
Balboa: There, I fixed it. My hands were in the way.
Malissa: Down to business, babe?
Balboa: Down to business.
Balboa: I sold my right arm for another bush.
Malissa: Oh, you shouldn’t have! But really I mean you should have. That was a genius idea.
Balboa: Wow, I feel unlucky.
Malissa: That’s not a jellybean honey, that’s one of your traits.
Boa: I feel death. Is death one of my traits too?
Malissa: Dunno, but “smokin’ hot” is definitely one of mine if you get what I’m saying.
So remember Lira’s change of heart about motherhood? It didn’t last very long.
Weston: I was going to check on Gumby. He must get lonely up here.
Katana: I’ve got it covered. I’m really good at this.
Weston: Well okay, I guess I’ll go rug shopping again.
Gumby: No wait, come back! She’s lying!
Katana: Nonsense. You’re safe with me, little booger in a blanket.
Katana: God, I hate kids.
Weston: What’s that?
Katana: Nothing, we’re fine!
Which pretty much leaves Gumby to kick and scream on the nursery floor, living by the philosophy of: “I’ll be upstairs in my room, making lots of noise while they pretend I don’t exist.”
On second thought, maybe he is the Harry Potter of the family.
Gena: Are there any other little ones in this house whom I should be attending to?
Boa: No, why would you ask that?
Boa: You can go oil Lev’s easel though. That’s pretty important.
Gena: Are you flirting with me?
Gena: I have to fluff the pillows first, wanna help?
Boa: Sure! Wait, are these even our pillows?
Gena: No, I found them in a dumpster.
Boa: Know what I found in a dumpster? These flowers! Do you like them?
Gena: Mm-mmm, sweet garbage!
Mandrake: I hate yew Daddy.
Boa: Use the potty, Mandrake.
Mandrake: Me no poop fo’ cheaters!
Balboa: Dammit Mandrake, use the potty or I’ll kill you.
Malissa: What did you say to our child?
Boa: Er, we’re rehearsing MacBeth. Turns out Mandrake is a freakish prodigy, who knew right?
Good cover, especially considering the kid is Absent-Minded.
Balboa: No wonder my son hates me. I hate myself.
Tbh, I hate you too right now. If you don’t snap out of that midlife crisis soon, I might have to hurt you.
Oh no, it looks like the Bean Lords beat me to it. Struck down in the prime of life!
Boa: What’s that smell? My butt tickles.
Boa: Help me, Gena! I’m not ready to die yet!
I think this butler has been our wisest investment so far.
Thankfully, when Boa showered off the flames, he also showered off his midlife crisis. Now, life is somewhat back to normal in the forest hut.
Malissa: Do we pay this woman to sleep on our couch?
Boa: I think so, yes.
Two hours later…
Golly, thanks Gena!
*doles out fine for false alarm*
Meet Pudding, Cat #3 for Malissa’s LTW. She looks custom-made, but I swears she’s from the adoption catalogue. My simself moved to Midnight Hollow with a pink cat and suddenly, pink cats all over town. It’s an epidemic.
Pudding: I’m a disease!
But a cute one.
I guess Pudding is a birthday present, since Mal’s about to enter the “bribe of libe” herself.
Malissa: Everyone, look! I can knock this pot off the table with one hand!
Malissa Langurd, master of cheap magic tricks and pot handling. I don’t have a post-sparkle picture for you because I bailed early to go on a simself hunt.
Like I said, my simself moved to town with one Moggy Winterwolf. She subsequently acquired…
…and Ratchet. Let me just state for the record that this is totally inaccurate. I would never give my herd of cats such stupid names.
SimSam was supposed to be living with a whole bundle of simselves, but apparently they didn’t meet the criteria of… well, being cats, so they got kicked out. Coincidentally, the only allowed to stay was Julia Laserkatt.
Julia: Do you mind?
After some searching, Lira found my heavily pregnant simself holed up in the bathroom. (No clue who the father is, but my money is on a stinky old guy.)
Lira: So what did you do with the rest of the simselves?
Sam: I ATE THEM.
Lira wisely figured it was a good time to leave and check out some townfolk. We’ve seen painfully little of them since we arrived.
Lira: Now there’s a face I’d like to see on my babies.
Young: Yeah, I get that a lot.
Sweet lordy, you don’t often see premades this beautiful. If I didn’t have Lira’s generation so thoroughly planned out, I’d pounce on that right now. Er, I mean Lira would.
Katana: Shut up, kid.
Gumby: Love me!
Katana: One lullabye and that’s it.
You’re not fooling anybody, Katana. You obviously have a soft spot for the little guy.
Gumby: *alien wail*
Katana: Bye now.
Look who it is, everyone! 😀
Jeff: You don’t call, you don’t write, we don’t see each other for months — do you want to explain what you’ve been doing that’s kept you so distant?
Lev: Eating snow cones and pretend babysitting!
Jeff: Okay, I understand.
Lev’s on the verge of maxing her third skill, so I thought I’d invited Jeff and get him all queued up to move out with her. And while he’s at it, he might as well help out with the last bit of her LTW.
Jeff: How’s this?
Lev: Perfect. This sculpture will be a symbol of our eternal love.
Nice choice of material. (Y)
Some love really does seem to be eternal though. I am clearly talking about a Langurd’s love for his football.
Katana: Throw my back out? Pffft, I won’t throw my back out!
Weston: God, I can’t watch this.
I’m glad that things have blown over with these two. They really are each other’s best shot at happiness.
Egyptian Gnome: Must… have… beans!
But happiness is only one of the smorgasbord of emotions they get to experience every day with their lifestyle.
Malissa: My face is on fire!
Boa: Forget that, I’m feeling mildly nauseous here!
Balboa: When life gives you lemonade, make lemons!
Malissa: Hey, my version was better.
Boa: Wait, wait, I’ve got it! When life gives you lemonade, drink it!
Malissa: Truly, I’m embarrassed for you.
Malissa: So embarrassed I could just…
Balboa: Um, I think a bad thing just happened.
No, we can totally fix this. See, her eyes are still open!
Balboa: That’s just her facial defect and you know it! She’s dead! My wife is dead!
Grim: Yeah, yeah. Your wife is dead.
Paparazzi Dimwit: Gonna go tell errbody LOL
Grim: My, my, what a scene this is. What did you kids do?
Balboa: We were just having fun, I didn’t think it could go this far, you have to believe me! I’m sorry, Malissa, I’m so…
Surge & Pudding: Human? What happened to our human?
How are you gonna explain it to them, Balboa? HOW??? 😥
Malissa: Please give me a little more time! I just need like, three more beans, I’m begging you!
Grim: Shit son, are you even learning from this?
Boa: For god’s sake, let her eat the beans!
Grim: No, dammit. You need to stop. You both need to stop.
Grim didn’t have to say it a third time.
Boa: Lock this gate! I am never setting foot in here again!
And that was the end of Malboa’s blissful days in the Jellybean Garden.
Okay, now just take a deep breath and stare at the ocean for a bit, because at this exact moment…
…my camera was dragged across town and I heard the soul-crushing organ music start playing again…
…because Katana went to another one of Azula’s parties and Grim showed up and it wasn’t a puppy this time, I repeat, IT WASN’T A PUPPY. *breathes* 😥
Valencia: Great, someone can finally tell me what happens when you die! I’ve been waiting since Chapter Seven!
Katana: Stop touching me or you’ll find out first-hand.
Haha, geddit? “Hand” because she’s… yeah, okay. I’ll stop.
Katana: Change for the poor?
Grim: Can you take this seriously, please?
Katana: I am serious.
Grim: Then come with me.
Katana: But I lost my legs in a terrible accident.
Grim: Stop it.
Katana: No you.
I can’t think why else she’d be pleading considering the urn she got…
Gabby: That thing makes a much better party guest, if you ask me.
No one asked you, loser. Katana WAS the party.
Katana “The Party” Langurd leaves us as 97 years of age. Despite hating everything and taking nothing seriously, she accomplished a hell of a lot. She maxed her visas and obtained Certificates of Partnership for all three countries, gathered thousands of dollars’ worth of gems and relics, and reached level four in the political career track. Even if we stopped there, she’d be the most productive sim in the legacy so far. But let’s not forget the five children she birthed by three different “fathers,” nor the 48 total skill points she earned in 10 different disciplines, nor the six credits she earned toward a business degree. Katana died with two grandchildren (Mandrake and Gumby) and two great-nieces: Jerri (of Tommy’s son Jaime) and Nina (of Lance’s daughter Nadia). Not bad for a food-loving Netflix addict.
If I did my math right, she raked in 318,597 LTH points. I’m not sure what the exact measure of a crapload is, but I think that might be it.
Au revoir, Katana. You were undoubtedly the coolest.
Ahem. Back to regular programming now. I’ll try to hold it together but it might be kind of hard since… you know… THAT’S RIGHT WESTON, YOU KEEP DREAMING ‘BOUT THAT CHICKEN LEG. HOW DARE YOU BE HERE WHEN KATANA ISN’T???
Look at that quality captioning. I think I should go take a nap.
Dat skill bar — so close and yet so far! Will the Jeff statue do it for her?
Jeff Statue: You got this babe, I believe in you!
It’s Gumby’s first trip out of the upstairs cavern! And Lira’s picture from the banner, too! Wow, such monument in one screenshot.
Lira: Try blending this lighting with the other pictures, hehehehehe.
This fine photography is brought to you by “Lev completed her LTW and I backed up into the stairs.” Dammit.
Gumby’s birthday is legitimately the one good thing we’re getting out of this chapter. Excuse me if the maximum enthusiasm I can muster is that of a sloth being run over by a wheelbarrow.
Balboa: What the hell, where did this kid come from?
Lira: I made him. I’m going to the bathroom now.
Poor Gumby, all alone on the kitchen floor. But hey, that’s Lira’s nose!! *dances*
*stops dancing because fuck this chapter*
Still, I think he’s freakin’ adorable. Something about the young-Leo haircut?
Heading to Narnia, are we?
Lev: I guess you could say that.
Jeff: Oh Leeeev! I hear you, you know. I’d recognize that singing butt anywhere.
(NOTE: The choice of Woohoo location was autonomous. I’m twisted, but I’m not that twisted.)
Possibly the most insensitive and convoluted thing I have ever witnessed.
Okay, I take that back.
Lev: LOL my brother’s wife just died and we totally banged in their wardrobe right beside him.
Jeff: LOL you’re still naked… Why are you still naked?
(Because glitches, bro.)
Boa: You are both trash to me.
Lev: Don’t you wanna marry this hot piece of singing ass?
Jeff: Yes. But I don’t want to know where you were keeping the ring…
So Lev got her fairytale wedding, in a sense. And the Queen and King of the Fae packed up and sailed away to Neverland, a.k.a. Story Progression. Make me spare babies, fools.
And they lived happily ever after while the rest of the house was broken and miserable.
Omg what a beautiful and uplifting chapter eh?
Sorry, guys. I kinda lost it halfway through because Game of Thrones finale. It’s been a rough night. I’ll publish this in the morning.
Posted on June 15, 2015, in Generashun 4 and tagged balboa, birthday, death, double death, fairy wedding, gena the butler, gumby, harry potter, ice sculpture, inappropriate flirtations, jeff, jelly beans, katana, leffjeff, lev, lira, ltw complete, malissa, mandrake, move in, move out, on fire, party, pillow fight, pink cats, pudding, sim julia, sim sam, simselves, wedding, weston, young jae sung. Bookmark the permalink. 20 Comments.