4.13 Oh Boy, That Tickles!

(NOTE: Chapter 4.12 went up less than 24 hours ago, so make sure you don’t skip over it by mistake! I only say this because back-to-back posts are unheard of for me, so I wouldn’t blame you for clicking the first post you see in the Reader Feed. :P)

Goodness gracious, I just looked through the screenshots for this chapter and we have a lot to get through. Don’t scroll ahead because some of it is big and game-changing. If you do scroll ahead, you’re probably the kind of person who skipped to the end of Harry Potter Six, so kindly let me know to un-friend you. What do you mean there’s no friend system on WordPress? The sentiment is there, okay? I will un-friend you in my heart.

But not actually because it’s your life, and this is a legacy for crying out loud, not Harry Potter.

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Newsman: And finally, birdwatchers everywhere have reported that the nation’s owls have been behaving very unusually today. Do not be alarmed if a strange man in a cloak drops a scarred infant on your doorstep in the middle of the night.

Balboa: Malissa, dear — what’s the name of your nephew again?

Malissa: Gumby. Nasty, common name if you ask me.

(Now exiting the parallel universe where “Gumby” is a common name.)

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All things considered, the Langurds of the Malboa Clan are a bit more like the Potters than the Dursleys. Wizardry, cats, and redheads in a magical cottage — but hopefully no Dark Lord out to murder them.

Lt. Surge: Whoops, guess I missed the scratch pole by a couple of metres.

Niall: Serge, yeh flutebox!

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But unless Lily and James were addicts, the analogy ends there.

Balboa: I have a problem.

I know you do, honey, we’ll get you help.

Balboa: No, that’s not it. I can’t see a thing.

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Balboa: There, I fixed it. My hands were in the way.

Malissa: Down to business, babe?

Balboa: Down to business.

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Balboa: I sold my right arm for another bush.

Malissa: Oh, you shouldn’t have! But really I mean you should have. That was a genius idea.

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Balboa: Wow, I feel unlucky.

Malissa: That’s not a jellybean honey, that’s one of your traits.

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Boa: I feel death. Is death one of my traits too?

Malissa: Dunno, but “smokin’ hot” is definitely one of mine if you get what I’m saying.

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So remember Lira’s change of heart about motherhood? It didn’t last very long.

Weston: I was going to check on Gumby. He must get lonely up here.

Katana: I’ve got it covered. I’m really good at this.

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Weston: Well okay, I guess I’ll go rug shopping again.

Gumby: No wait, come back! She’s lying!

Katana: Nonsense. You’re safe with me, little booger in a blanket.

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Katana: God, I hate kids.

Weston: What’s that?

Katana: Nothing, we’re fine!

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Which pretty much leaves Gumby to kick and scream on the nursery floor, living by the philosophy of: “I’ll be upstairs in my room, making lots of noise while they pretend I don’t exist.”

On second thought, maybe he is the Harry Potter of the family.

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Gena: Are there any other little ones in this house whom I should be attending to?

Boa: No, why would you ask that?

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Boa: You can go oil Lev’s easel though. That’s pretty important.

Gena: Are you flirting with me?

Boa: Definitely.

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Gena: I have to fluff the pillows first, wanna help?

Boa: Sure! Wait, are these even our pillows?

Gena: No, I found them in a dumpster.

Boa: Genius!

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Boa: Know what I found in a dumpster? These flowers! Do you like them?

Gena: Mm-mmm, sweet garbage!

Mandrake: I hate yew Daddy.

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Boa: Use the potty, Mandrake.

Mandrake: Me no poop fo’ cheaters!

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Balboa: Dammit Mandrake, use the potty or I’ll kill you.

Mandrake: MOMMY!

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Malissa: What did you say to our child?

Boa: Er, we’re rehearsing MacBeth. Turns out Mandrake is a freakish prodigy, who knew right?

Good cover, especially considering the kid is Absent-Minded.

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Balboa: No wonder my son hates me. I hate myself.

Tbh, I hate you too right now. If you don’t snap out of that midlife crisis soon, I might have to hurt you.

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Oh no, it looks like the Bean Lords beat me to it. Struck down in the prime of life!

Boa: What’s that smell? My butt tickles.

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Boa: Help me, Gena! I’m not ready to die yet!

I think this butler has been our wisest investment so far.

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Thankfully, when Boa showered off the flames, he also showered off his midlife crisis. Now, life is somewhat back to normal in the forest hut.

Malissa: Do we pay this woman to sleep on our couch?

Boa: I think so, yes.

Two hours later…

genacallsfiredepartmentuhoh

Golly, thanks Gena!

*doles out fine for false alarm*

😡

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Meet Pudding, Cat #3 for Malissa’s LTW. She looks custom-made, but I swears she’s from the adoption catalogue. My simself moved to Midnight Hollow with a pink cat and suddenly, pink cats all over town. It’s an epidemic.

Pudding: I’m a disease!

But a cute one.

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I guess Pudding is a birthday present, since Mal’s about to enter the “bribe of libe” herself.

Malissa: Everyone, look! I can knock this pot off the table with one hand!

Malissa Langurd, master of cheap magic tricks and pot handling. I don’t have a post-sparkle picture for you because I bailed early to go on a simself hunt.

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Like I said, my simself moved to town with one Moggy Winterwolf. She subsequently acquired…

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…Henry…

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…and Ratchet. Let me just state for the record that this is totally inaccurate. I would never give my herd of cats such stupid names.

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SimSam was supposed to be living with a whole bundle of simselves, but apparently they didn’t meet the criteria of… well, being cats, so they got kicked out. Coincidentally, the only allowed to stay was Julia Laserkatt.

Julia: Do you mind?

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After some searching, Lira found my heavily pregnant simself holed up in the bathroom. (No clue who the father is, but my money is on a stinky old guy.)

Lira: So what did you do with the rest of the simselves?

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Sam: I ATE THEM.

Lira: Cool.

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Lira wisely figured it was a good time to leave and check out some townfolk. We’ve seen painfully little of them since we arrived.

Lira: Now there’s a face I’d like to see on my babies.

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Young: Yeah, I get that a lot.

Sweet lordy, you don’t often see premades this beautiful. If I didn’t have Lira’s generation so thoroughly planned out, I’d pounce on that right now. Er, I mean Lira would.

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Katana: Shut up, kid.

Gumby: Love me!

Katana: One lullabye and that’s it.

You’re not fooling anybody, Katana. You obviously have a soft spot for the little guy.

Gumby: *alien wail*

Katana: Bye now.

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Look who it is, everyone! 😀

Jeff: You don’t call, you don’t write, we don’t see each other for months — do you want to explain what you’ve been doing that’s kept you so distant?

Lev: Eating snow cones and pretend babysitting!

Jeff: Okay, I understand.

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Lev’s on the verge of maxing her third skill, so I thought I’d invited Jeff and get him all queued up to move out with her. And while he’s at it, he might as well help out with the last bit of her LTW.

Jeff: How’s this?

Lev: Perfect. This sculpture will be a symbol of our eternal love.

Nice choice of material. (Y)

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Some love really does seem to be eternal though. I am clearly talking about a Langurd’s love for his football.

Katana: Throw my back out? Pffft, I won’t throw my back out!

Weston: God, I can’t watch this.

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I’m glad that things have blown over with these two. They really are each other’s best shot at happiness.

Egyptian Gnome: Must… have… beans!

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But happiness is only one of the smorgasbord of emotions they get to experience every day with their lifestyle.

Malissa: My face is on fire!

Boa: Forget that, I’m feeling mildly nauseous here!

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Balboa: When life gives you lemonade, make lemons!

Malissa: Hey, my version was better.

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Boa: Wait, wait, I’ve got it! When life gives you lemonade, drink it!

Malissa: Truly, I’m embarrassed for you.

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Malissa: So embarrassed I could just…

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Malissa: *croak*

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Malissa: *thud*

Balboa: Um, I think a bad thing just happened.

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No, we can totally fix this. See, her eyes are still open!

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Balboa: That’s just her facial defect and you know it! She’s dead! My wife is dead!

Grim: Yeah, yeah. Your wife is dead.

Paparazzi Dimwit: Gonna go tell errbody LOL

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Grim: My, my, what a scene this is. What did you kids do?

Balboa: We were just having fun, I didn’t think it could go this far, you have to believe me! I’m sorry, Malissa, I’m so…

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Surge & Pudding: Human? What happened to our human?

How are you gonna explain it to them, Balboa? HOW??? 😥

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Malissa: Please give me a little more time! I just need like, three more beans, I’m begging you!

Grim: Shit son, are you even learning from this?

Boa: For god’s sake, let her eat the beans!

Grim: No, dammit. You need to stop. You both need to stop.

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Grim didn’t have to say it a third time.

Boa: Lock this gate! I am never setting foot in here again!

And that was the end of Malboa’s blissful days in the Jellybean Garden.

Okay, now just take a deep breath and stare at the ocean for a bit, because at this exact moment…

ocean

…my camera was dragged across town and I heard the soul-crushing organ music start playing again…

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…because Katana went to another one of Azula’s parties and Grim showed up and it wasn’t a puppy this time, I repeat, IT WASN’T A PUPPY. *breathes* 😥

Valencia: Great, someone can finally tell me what happens when you die! I’ve been waiting since Chapter Seven!

Katana: Stop touching me or you’ll find out first-hand.

Haha, geddit? “Hand” because she’s… yeah, okay. I’ll stop.

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Katana: Change for the poor?

Grim: Can you take this seriously, please?

Katana: I am serious.

Grim: Then come with me.

Katana: But I lost my legs in a terrible accident.

Grim: Stop it.

Katana: No you.

I can’t think why else she’d be pleading considering the urn she got…

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Gabby: That thing makes a much better party guest, if you ask me.

No one asked you, loser. Katana WAS the party.

Katana “The Party” Langurd leaves us as 97 years of age. Despite hating everything and taking nothing seriously, she accomplished a hell of a lot. She maxed her visas and obtained Certificates of Partnership for all three countries, gathered thousands of dollars’ worth of gems and relics, and reached level four in the political career track. Even if we stopped there, she’d be the most productive sim in the legacy so far. But let’s not forget the five children she birthed by three different “fathers,” nor the 48 total skill points she earned in 10 different disciplines, nor the six credits she earned toward a business degree. Katana died with two grandchildren (Mandrake and Gumby) and two great-nieces: Jerri (of Tommy’s son Jaime) and Nina (of Lance’s daughter Nadia). Not bad for a food-loving Netflix addict.

If I did my math right, she raked in 318,597 LTH points. I’m not sure what the exact measure of a crapload is, but I think that might be it.

Au revoir, Katana. You were undoubtedly the coolest.

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Ahem. Back to regular programming now. I’ll try to hold it together but it might be kind of hard since… you know… THAT’S RIGHT WESTON, YOU KEEP DREAMING ‘BOUT THAT CHICKEN LEG. HOW DARE YOU BE HERE WHEN KATANA ISN’T???

Look at that quality captioning. I think I should go take a nap.

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Dat skill bar — so close and yet so far! Will the Jeff statue do it for her?

Jeff Statue: You got this babe, I believe in you!

Lev: *giggle*

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It’s Gumby’s first trip out of the upstairs cavern! And Lira’s picture from the banner, too! Wow, such monument in one screenshot.

Lira: Try blending this lighting with the other pictures, hehehehehe.

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This fine photography is brought to you by “Lev completed her LTW and I backed up into the stairs.” Dammit.

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Gumby’s birthday is legitimately the one good thing we’re getting out of this chapter. Excuse me if the maximum enthusiasm I can muster is that of a sloth being run over by a wheelbarrow.

Balboa: What the hell, where did this kid come from?

Lira: I made him. I’m going to the bathroom now.

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Poor Gumby, all alone on the kitchen floor. But hey, that’s Lira’s nose!! *dances*

*stops dancing because fuck this chapter*

Still, I think he’s freakin’ adorable. Something about the young-Leo haircut?

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Heading to Narnia, are we?

Lev: I guess you could say that.

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Jeff: Oh Leeeev! I hear you, you know. I’d recognize that singing butt anywhere.

(NOTE: The choice of Woohoo location was autonomous. I’m twisted, but I’m not that twisted.)

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Possibly the most insensitive and convoluted thing I have ever witnessed.

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Okay, I take that back.

Lev: LOL my brother’s wife just died and we totally banged in their wardrobe right beside him.

Jeff: LOL you’re still naked… Why are you still naked?

(Because glitches, bro.)

Boa: You are both trash to me.

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Lev: Don’t you wanna marry this hot piece of singing ass?

Jeff: Yes. But I don’t want to know where you were keeping the ring…

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So Lev got her fairytale wedding, in a sense. And the Queen and King of the Fae packed up and sailed away to Neverland, a.k.a. Story Progression. Make me spare babies, fools.

And they lived happily ever after while the rest of the house was broken and miserable.

Omg what a beautiful and uplifting chapter eh?

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Sorry, guys. I kinda lost it halfway through because Game of Thrones finale. It’s been a rough night. I’ll publish this in the morning.

Happy Simming!

-Sam

About gryffindork7

I like cats. This is a really thorough bio.

Posted on June 15, 2015, in Generashun 4 and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 20 Comments.

  1. Katana nooo! D:
    Malissa too! I knew something was going to happen with those jellybeans 😦
    Gumby is definitely clawing his way into my heart, so cute >w_<

    Like

    • Yeah… Malissa was not entirely accidental, but not intentional either. They just kept rolling those “eat x number of jellybeans” wishes and obviously I obliged a little too much.
      Hehe, he looks too squishy and harmless to have claws! Obviously I’m quite taken with him too. 😛

      Like

  2. Oh… oh my gosh. I’m not even sure what I just read.
    Fun Harry Potter and Friends references (my generation one chapters titles are all “the one with” 😮 ) but then… NO NOT KATANA D: I honestly wanted to cry, I’m far too attached!
    Also – I know I’m technologically useless – how do I download your sims and keep the custom content!? Because I don’t have the same stuff as you so they show up wrong. Except Florin. Of course!

    Like

    • That’s okay, I was pretty befuddled after writing it, too. 😛
      That’s cool! I’ve been on a Friends binge on Netflix lately, and I just watched the one where Monica’s sick, and I laughed way too hard at Chandler’s “Struck down in the bribe of libe!” comment. I couldn’t find the exact clip on YouTube, sadly.
      Katana is the one sim I never got sick of even after writing her for literally years. </3

      Ah, I've been meaning to make my downloads a little more friendly! The trouble is that some CC automatically installs into your game when you download it on a Sim, but some doesn't. A lot of the hairstyles on my sims probably don't, and Lira's outfit is from the Store so it definitely won't. I can upload CC-free versions if you like, or I can try to tell you where I got hairstyles and such from! Just let me know who you're trying to download and what you're having issues with. 🙂

      Like

      • I bought the boxset a couple weeks back and I’ve been plugging my way through it, mixed with FMAB because I’m incapable of watching one thing at a time. I watched that episode not long ago so picked up on the reference almost instantly 😛 I loved that scene!
        Katana 5eva 😥

        I’m mostly after Balboa and Lev if I’m perfectly honest, but I wouldn’t say no to Lira either! It’s mostly the hair, Balboa’s everyday clothes and Lev’s socks – I’m not that bothered by the other outfits as I don’t really see them in those a lot 😛 If you know where you got the CC from that would be great, but whichever is easiest for you really! 🙂

        Like

      • FMAB?? 😀 Wow, please stop, you keep getting cooler. Mustang & Hawkeye are my laptop background, and I’ve been working on a piano medley of the soundtrack for a while (it sucks, but hey).

        I’m digging through my CC folders now, so I’ll get back to you shortly!

        Like

      • A screenshot I took of Ed’s face is mine right now. Royai forever though! I’m still at the stage where I cry like a baby every time I hear the opening/endings but still listen to them on a loop. I also have Ed’s pocket watch – proof on the Yours Truly page on my blog!
        Also, totally don’t want to listen to that medley right now or anything!! I’m attempting to create english translations of the openings/endings to sing, but that’s going about as well as you’d expect!

        Awesome, thank you! 😀

        Like

      • Phew, okay, I finally tracked it all down! Lev’s socks were a nightmare, since I got them by accident on a Sim from the Exchange. If you go to the Gen 4 page there are links under the pictures now. 😀

        Like

      • Literally as I reply to the first one, you send that xD
        You’re amazing! Now to download everything and unleash them into my neighbourhood!

        Like

  3. Totally agree with you about people who skip to the end of books and such… also HP references WIN at life.

    And yes, the premade sims in MH are absolutely gorgeous. Your simself is making her way through the whole Lau clan (yes, she’s gay in this iteration). I might just have to get her ‘accidentally’ knocked up, need to spread those genes to the next generation.

    Oh no, Katana! Each new heir becomes the most awesome thing in the legacy, but gen 4 are going to have to do some serious work to even come close to matching Katana. Over 300k LTH? That’s amazing!

    Malissa, I was kind of expecting, with all the jellybeans… too bad she’s the one that carries the baby, you’d have to resurrect her in order to get awesome jellybean ghost babies.

    Alternatively, we could just continue breeding Lira, because she breeds pretty babies! Gumby is adorable. I may be biased due to the brilliant name, but he’s my fave thus far.

    Like

    • Having had 4, 5, and 6 spoiled for me by snotty kids in primary school, I can’t help but be bitter. Hehe, I will never stop drawing comparisons. XD

      That’s awesome! I have yet to see my simself produce a normal-looking child. I just found out she married Young Jae Sung himself — but, idiot that she is, she waited until she was an elder. 😡

      Tbh I don’t think anyone will ever be as cool as Katana, but that’s okay. The rest of the Langurds will have her to look up to.

      That WOULD be cool, and I’ve never played a ghost sim before! But yeah, I had to manage the house space really carefully this time, so it wouldn’t have been a viable option anyway… and you’re onto me already haha, I’m more interested in breeding Lira. 😛

      Like

  4. It was only a matter of time before Malissa’s addiction caught up with her. Poor Boa, Mandrake, and cats (who’s going to clean their litterbox now?!?!).

    No! Katana! I was hoping she would stick around a little longer, at least long enough for her grandsons to start bugging her for bedtime stories and make her WANT Grim to visit. She was such a cool TH. 😦

    Like

    • They are quite a broken bunch in the forest hut these days. The litterbox doesn’t often get cleaned, let me tell you… We recently invested in a self-cleaning one. D:

      I wanted to see her as a proper grandparent, too. 😦 But I can’t exactly say her life was unfulfilling.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Malissa!

    WTF? If I mention that something bad might happen to your sims, it seems to be REQUIRED that it happen in the VERY NEXT POST. I’m going to stop acknowledging that bad things can happen. Happy happy tra la la…

    And Katana too, but Katana rocked her lifespan pretty damn hard. It’s hard for me to think of her passing as anything other than triumph. My awesomest sim evar, Charles, was also a Seasoned Traveler, and he exited this plane with 370k LTH — mostly because he kept rolling insanely high-point wishes to kill mummies on his final trip, and there were a lot of mummies in that tomb. I totally counted that LTH for 3 points on my scorecard, even though I was never clear on whether that was in the rules.

    Those jellybean bushes scare the crap out of me. Mal was exhausted, I think, so I still don’t know if high energy would save me from death. I prefer my sim deaths to be less random. The Magician career scares me too.

    Like

    • Like I said, doomsayer! Or you’re just a really attentive reader, because I do tend to drop some hints. 😛 I generally cull screenshots if I know they’re not leading anywhere in the future (one perk to playing so far ahead).

      370k is insane! I wish there were a wider range of fancy gravestones based on LTH points. Katana was too lazy to fight mummies for the most part, but she did a LOT of tombs. And I think her “Hates the Outdoors” trait helped — she would usually roll “Go Inside” about three times per day.

      I’m not sure about the tired thing either. I’m pretty sure it’s just a 1% chance no matter what, but Balboa has definitely eaten more than 100 and Malissa was at about 30 or something. I don’t mind a random death or two… in fact, I sometimes wish I knew less about the game so that things would catch me unawares more often. It keeps things interesting. 😛

      Like

  6. ASSCUZE ME. People skipped to the end of the half blood prince? D: *loses faith in humanity*
    Hnnng. What if Gumby turns out to be the most normal child ever unlike his hippie aunt and uncle and on his 11th birthday he’s invited to go to a normal school and I dunno, he hates his chemistry teacher… *breathes* The headmaster has a normal length beard. And even if it was long enough to tuck under his belt he wouldn’t.

    Ahem. WHY DO THE AWESOME ONES DIE SO YOUNG?! T_T 97 is young, really. (Jormy died at 93 and she had about a million points and achievements and all the things :’c ) Also Malissa, I liked you D: You fit in so well with the theme of the family, harr harr.

    Hey, at least JeffLev found their happy and awkward end \o/

    And I know you’re dying to know this, but I currently have three cats. I’ve had cats all my life. My dad and his gf have… NINE CATS. WHAT THE HELL. Yay cats! *high five*

    Like

    • I know, right? Harry Potter spoilers are the reason I have trust issues. Probably also the reason I hate kids. And everyone and everything. Spoilers have RUINED MY LIFE, man. *fumes*

      Whoa. O_O My mind is absolutely blown. Special post for Harry Potter Day? I think so.

      I guess Grim is trying to be nice, giving the losers a chance to accomplish something in their final days… Not that they actually will, so it’s a waste really, and he should just pile those extra days onto the Awesome Ones’ lifespans. I guess I shouldn’t complain though since Razor got 117 of them. :/

      I am always dying to know things about cats, so no irony needed! Nine is the perfect number of cats. Three is my short-term goal. I would settle for one though… Growing up, half my family was allergic, and now I live in a no-pets apartment. The universe is cruel. I am probably the most cat-crazy non-cat-owner in the world though. I mean, I used to toss my dolls aside and put their clothes on my stuffed cats, so…

      Like

  7. Oh no, two deaths in one chapter! Katana had a hell of a life, and 97 is a good age for a Sim. I’m kind of sad that she won’t be around to warp Mandrake and Gumby, but I think their parents will take care of that just fine. Malissa…well…I expected one of them to die from the jellybeans, but I honestly thought it would be Balboa. The cats must be devastated. 😦

    Also Lev’s wardrobe Woohoo and subsequent naked proposal were a nice pick-me-up after all of the death. Ah, naked glitches, where would we be without you? 😛

    Like

    • I thought 97 was pretty decent at the time, but now that I actually WANT Balboa gone for house space, he’s determinedly outliving her. I think Tewl got to exert as much influence on Katana as Katana did on Gumby, so the way I see it, a little goes a long way in this family. 😀

      I know, sometimes you just need something like that to happen to remind you that you’re playing the sims. 😛

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Pingback: 5.04 – Love in the Cold | Rourke Epic Legacy

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