Langurd Birthday Bash Extravaganza! Part Two

If you missed Part One, it’s here. If you’re actually inclined to read this with a backing track, the playlist is here.

It’s not technically the birthday anymore, but that just means we’re partying into the next morning because I’ve been really slow about writing this post because we are can’t-stop-won’t-stop party animals. Deal with it.


Tewl: Right. Time to kick it up a notch up in hurr.

Oh lord, I shudder to think what that means…




Wait, what?


Tewl: Thanks fur answerin’ my matin’ call.

Laura: No probs.

There’s the Tewl I know and love.


Nate: You know this guy’s just trying to get in your pants, right?

Laura: Really? ‘Cause I thought “mating call” meant he wanted to be friends.


The party has officially taken over the Introvert Safe Room.

Sammy: It’s okay, at least I still have this chair to myself.


Livy: Not for long. I’m waiting.

Sammy: Oh, come on…


Some people are still bored with the company though, or possibly just boycotting the party on account of no cake.

Kayla: Iqbal Alvi says you deserve to be shot.



More of this happened, too.

Julia: Aren’t you guys married in the main save?

Sammy: God, Julia, you can’t just ask people if they’re married!


Livy: Seriously, anytime now. My feet are sore.


Tewl: Hay gurl, how’s about I take yew somewhere real nice?

Heather: *oblivious*


He then went and “shared a secret” with Kayla.

Tewl: Check out dem wings, huh? I gotta get me a pair’a those.

Kayla: Haha, too bad you’re no angel.


Tam: Are they… bonding romantically over my tattoo?

Not yet, but…


…they heart-farted, and they sure had a nice cozy conversation in the corner.

Susan: Could you have it somewhere else? I need to computer, now.


Tewl: So… do yew like cheese?


Susan: You will rue the day you kept me from mouse and keyboard.


Woooo, others are taking up the tradition! Good luck, Audrey.

Audrey: This really isn’t that hard.

Yeah, well… well… Laura’s tiny! Hmph.


While all that madness was unfolding, Nate watched the weather channel really intently.


And my simself stared out the window again.

Sam: Life is so vast, you know?

Stahp it, I didn’t give you the “Brooding” trait (though I possibly should have).


Julia: Hey, you know what’s fun to do at parties?

Kayla: Pfffft Laserkatt, more like Copykatt.



Tewl: SHIT! *goes for self-defensive crotch grab* *misses by a mile* *doesn’t realize he’s dealing with a woman*


Tewl: Awww dangit, I just got scared by a girl!

Julia: I could beat you up next if you want.


Sammy: Hey look everyone, Tewl just got his ass handed to him!

Everyone: No, too busy watching the weatherman.

Heather: Or we would be, if Nate’s head weren’t in the way.

Livy: Finally got to sit down, yusssss.


Julia: Hey Sam, what’s with the boyband poster?

Sam: I don’t live here.

Julia: Yeah, but you built it. So which one do you want to marry the most?



And then… Tewl’s first autonomous flirt of the night. He used “Pick-Up Line,” and I really want to know what it was because it WORKED. I don’t know if you remember his early days in the dating game, but that wasn’t how things went down most of the time…


So it must just be a fluke.


Tewl: Le’ss see how many gurls I can get dis line to work on.

Samali: What is this party? I didn’t come here to get creeped on!

Stephanie: Don’t worry, it’s not like it’s going to work.


Stephanie: Oh Tewl, take me now!

I guess that’s two.


Make that three.

Stephanie: Shot through the heart! How could Tewl betray me??



Heather: Tewl’s a real charmer in person, isn’t he?

Samali: Yeah, somehow.


Audrey: No way, man. Don’t come any closer. Legend has it you get girls pregnant just by looking at them.


FIVE, holy crap. And consecutively too??


Tam makes six.

Sam in background: This isn’t supposed to be happening! All my plaaaans are ruuuuuiiiined!!


Sam: What are we going to do about this?

Relax, we’ll improvise.


And keep counting — seven.

Sammy: Oh stop, you’re making me blush!

Livy: Pah! I will be immune to these so-called “charms.”


Nope. Eight.


And nine…


And ten…

Julia: Hello, can we get a reality check up in here?


Julia: I’m sorry, but you’re not all that.

Heather: What did you just say?


Tewl: But… da pickup line failed me?

Maybe you forgot some of the words.


I wouldn’t put it past him to butcher it a little more each time he used it. His brain is like a game of broken telephone.


Joey: That line didn’t even make sense! At least come prepared if you wanna get with this!

The Foolproof Pickup Line made a fool of him, and yet…


Eleven… Dammit…

Sam: Can I tell you a secret? I designed you based on my personal ideal of what a real man should be.*********

Tewl: Dat’s no secret, baby.

(*********Not even a little bit true.)


Actually though. I may puke. Or cry. Or shoot myself.


Sam: See? He came prepared when it was me  he was after.

Joey: Yeah, I’m soooo jealous.


Total score so far: 11/13. Probably the highest score Tewl has ever gotten on anything. Time for a breather, so as not too push his luck or anything.

Nate: Do you really have to sit so close?


Tewl: Yeeaaaaahhhh go Cowboys!

Nate: Cowboys? On the weather channel?!


Tewl: Le’ss give dis pickup line one more shot…



Tewl: Did I say it wrong again?


Nate: *facepalm*

Tewl: Tell me where I gone wrong, I need to get da ladies!

Nate: Not elbowing them in the mouth would be a start.


Tewl: Can I kiss it better?

Nate: Um, NO?

Total score: 11/14. Wait… that doesn’t account for everyone, does it? Jeez, I’m bad enough at managing eight sims.


With sixteen, a few were bound to slip out. I have no idea where Laura went, but Salome was way, way, upstairs, contemplating which wand to kill everybody with.

At least, that’s what I’m gathering from her expression here. XD


Julia: Guys, come quick. There’s a… situation.

Audrey: It can’t be as exciting as scattered showers across Alberta! Wowee!

Tewl & Nate *much tension*


Nate: Is that… a baby?

Kayla: Yep, I had her just now!

Audrey: Get out of town. The legend is real?


Tewl: Lol dat does look like my skin tone, dunnit?

Julia: Now hang on. There’s only one way to know for sure. Who was the second person Tewl flirted with?


Julia: Wasn’t it you, Stephanie?

Tewl: Oh look, another one!

Stephanie: You guys aren’t seriously suggesting that that baby is mine, are you?


Tewl: Oh goody, two more illegitimate childrens to add to my street cred!

Audrey: You’re so dumb I can’t even look at you.


Stephanie: Suddenly I regret signing up for this…

Baby: *choking on hair*


Audrey: Oh shit.


Audrey: Well, this is preposterous. I refuse to care for this child.

Livy: That’s fine, I will!


Nate: Do you think I could crawl out through the fireplace?

Sam: It’s too late. There is no escape…


Tewl: Wtf is dis shit?

Well you see, it’s like Harry with the Hogwarts letters, but it’s babies instead. The Gods of Human Decency are desperately trying to reach you…


Allow me to explain. This whole thing started out as a big practical-joke-turned-genetic-experiment. I wanted to show you guys that you’re an important part of this legacy’s massive success continued existence, so I thought — why not make you all a part of the legacy? Genetically, that is. This is what I meant by “no boundaries.” I’m a scientist lol.

So, if you’ve ever wondered what you would look like as a Langurd, look no further…


…for each of you now has a Langurd dwarf child!

Aging everyone up was a shitshow.


Mutant: You’re next.

all the babies on the floor

My game crashed several times.


But you see, I figured out a trick to make things easier on my poor, poor computer.

Tewl: WHY? WHY U DO DIS TO ME? *hysterical sobbing*


He’s crying because I killed all his babies.

No, really. The only way to do this was to save each one to the CAS bin and then “Force Kill” them. That way, I gradually cleared out household space and my game stopped threatening to combust. Why yes, how observant — I did, in fact, do the same thing to your simselves hours ago. 😉

But don’t worry, the kids still exist in another save file!


All sixteen of them!

Here’s the deal: You know that I do name themes for each generation based on the heir’s traits/LTW/falsely-inflicted persona. For each simself, I picked a theme that I would use if that simself were to head up a generation. I obviously only got to use one name from each theme, but it’s the thought that counts and hey, I had to do sixteen of them so I’ll hear no complaining!

Then I went to town coming up with how I would write these characters if they were in my legacy (you know, how I would blow their traits out of proportion for narrative effect). The traits are about 60% randomized and 40% “oh hey, that would be fun.” I also rerolled some faces if they were too cloney (talking to you, Heather! You refused to produce anything but Mini-Me’s).

Note: If your simself has a last name besides “Simself,” I gave the kid that last name. If not, your kid is a Langurd by blood and on paper.

Anyway, here they are: The 16 Bastards of July 12th!


Blue Stephens, Daughter of Tewl and Kayla

Kayla writes The Valkyrie Legacy and various things, but I haven’t seen her around in a while! Report any sightings to 1-800-FINDKAYLA.

Name theme: Kayla’s bio says she likes cheese, so I picked types of cheese for her theme. Naturally, I chose the one cheese that could easily be anything but a cheese. Wow, I’m writing “cheese” a lot. Close contenders were Havarti and Mozzarella.

Bot fan, childish, computer whiz, eccentric, hydrophobic. More than a Machine.

Blue is the most normal girl in the world. She likes Disney movies and playing old video games and eating Pop Tarts when she’s supposed to be dieting. So what’s the catch, then? Despite her obvious normalcy, Blue is convinced she’s a robot. She won’t touch a drop of water for fear of short-circuiting, and she’s determined to engineer the perfect sentient counterpart to grow old with. When we inquired about an interview, we were informed that she’d given up speaking English in favour of her “mother” tongue, binary. We asked her friends to comment. “As you can imagine, she smells really bad,” they said. “We don’t hang around her anymore.”


Java Weaver, son of Tewl and Echo.

Echoweaver writes Sample a Brave Legacy and We’re All Mad Here.

Name theme: Programming languages, since Susan is a software engineer and knows things about the Sims on a way deeper level than I can possibly comprehend. Other options were… You caught me, I don’t know any other programming languages because my skills aren’t marketable.

Coward, hydrophobic, light sleeper, photographer’s eye, proper. World-Class Gallery.

Java would be a great photographer if only he could get a little closer to the action. His professional colleagues urge him to “get down and dirty” with his subjects, but the mere thought of it makes Java shudder. The trouble is, he hates water and germs and is very easily startled. His published work is known to be distant at best, shaky at worst. “Ah yes, that one,” he says, referring to a blurry portrait. “A bug landed on my shoulder.” He confesses that he sometimes lies awake at night, terrified that his unsatisfied clients will burst in and murder him. “I prefer to experience the world from behind my camera,” he tells us. “Ideally, they will invent a lens with such a powerful zoom that I will be able to take photographs from my dinner table.”


Aquamarine Zalesby, daughter of Tewl and Heather.

Heather writes the Zale ISBI Alphabetcy and is insane for doing so. Her simself’s surname is ZaleISBI, but I changed Aqua’s to Zalesby because that’s how I say it in my head. 😛

Name theme: You don’t have to check Sim!Heather’s trait panel to know her favourite colour. Shortlisted shades of turquoise include Cyan, Celeste, and Teal.

Can’t Stand Art, Family Oriented, Friendly, Good, Perceptive. Surrounded by Family.

Aquamarine is a no-nonsense supermom who just doesn’t have kids yet, but she definitely has the mom jeans for the job! She doesn’t see the point in coordinating colours, living by the philosophy that “Blue is blue.” She said the same thing when we showed her a purple square, so we suspect she may be colour blind. However, she makes up for her unrefined palate by being an exceptional people-reader. She made a real impression on Phil, our sound guy, when she offered him an oatmeal cookie. He’d just broken up with his girlfriend, who had kept him on a strict no-sugar diet. “Marry me,” he sobbed, hugging her. “I hate weddings,” said Aquamarine. “Too many frills and tags.” Baffled, we asked if she’d rather grow old with cats. “Are you kidding?” she said. “All those litter boxes? No thanks.”


Gronckle Langurd, son of Tewl and Salome.

Voguishstorm writes The Nightwisp Chronicles. (Correction: Her current ongoing legacy is The Moonwisp Chronicles.)

Name theme: Breeds of dragon from How to Train Your Dragon. This was tricky because I don’t know much about Voguishstorm, but “Nightwisp” reminded me of “Nightfury.” Also, there was a crow called Ladon in one of her chapters, so she must like dragons a little bit, right? Please tell me you like dragons, Salome!)

Dog Person, Loner, Loser, Perfectionist, Unflirty. Canine Companion.

Gronckle is truly the definition of a sad, strange little man. Fired from his job as a stock broker after losing half of the company’s money, he spends his days polishing and rearranging his collection of dog figurines. Sometimes he even speaks to them and takes them for walks, as he is too allergic to own real dogs. What’s more, he is losing his hair from worrying about not being able to grow hair above the neck. Some think he is just waiting for the perfect woman to come along and break him out of his comfort zone, but Gronckle isn’t sure he had a comfort zone to begin with.


Twi’lek Lynne, daughter of Tewl and Michelle

MichelleLynne01 writes The Insanity Family Backwards ISBI.

Name theme: Star Wars alien races on account of the obscene number of abductions in Michelle’s legacy. Other options: Gungan, Wookiee.

Athletic, brave, hot-headed, loves the heat, vehicle enthusiast. Firefighter Superhero.

Twi’lek has a hot head and she loves it (the heat, that is). She has no fear of the flames and is her town’s best and brightest firefighter. However, she is known to be extremely reckless in dangerous situations, running into burning buildings saying “I LOVE FIRE!” among other things, and she is currently on probation for taking the fire engine on joyrides. We asked her how she feels about this. “REALLY MAD,” she said.


Blatch Winterwolf, daughter of Tewl and Sam.

Sam writes this blog. Sam wishes she hadn’t started this sentence in the third person, as it makes her uncomfortable.

Name theme: Quidditch fouls as listed in Quidditch Through the Ages. “Blatching” consists of flying toward someone with the intention of colliding. (Not a foul in Muggle quidditch, for the record. And not just ‘cause we can’t fly.)

Artistic, Diva, Kleptomaniac, Party Animal, Virtuoso. One Sim Band.

Blatch Winterwolf is a starving artist and proud of it. “But you’re not really starving, are you?” we asked her. “I see you’re wearing a lot of jewellery there.” “YOU DON’T KNOW MY LIFE,” she responded, and refused to speak to us again for three days. The next time we met with her, she was much more forthcoming. “I do weird things when I’m drunk,” she confessed. “I can’t help it. You see this tattoo? I put it on myself one night, and I don’t remember a thing. Good thing it turned out so nice, right?” When our scribe hesitated, she threw us out again. We decided to stick to interviewing her friends. “Blatch is a psychotic maniac who trusts no one and can’t be trusted,” said one of them. “That jewellery is definitely stolen. She doesn’t even take it off to swim or go to sleep.”


Polly Esther Darroch, daughter of Tewl and Laura

Janeeyreforce writes The Darroch Legacy, which is currently on hiatus for the RL Darroch Legacy.

Name theme: Puns make great names, as Laura (janeeyreforce) and I (gryffindork) would both attest. Other options: Robin Banks.

Couch potato, excitable, loves the outdoors, neat, unstable. Grand Explorer.

Polly Esther is a suppressed housewife who uses reality TV as an escape mechanism. Her favourite show by far is Survivor. One day, she tied a checkered placemat around her head and remarked that she would look pretty good in a buff. Since then, she has checked out every book in the library on wilderness survival and edible plants. She trains every morning and studies every evening, and practises her spelling for tribal council. It was a close call one day when she accidentally put poison ivy in the dinner! Thankfully, her husband was too busy choking to ask questions. “Polly Esther Darroch WILL be the best Sole Survivor the show has ever seen,” she told us. “That is all. The tribe has spoken.”


Manic Sama, daughter of Tewl and Sammy.

Sammy-Sama writes The Miller-Yang Legacy and The Bagrov Legacy.

Name theme: Brands of hair dye, because Sammy is always dying her hair fun colours. If there’d been a twin, she would have been called Panic.

Eco Friendly, Frugal, Genius, Sailor, Shy. Scientific Specialist.

At twenty years old, Manic made the brave decision to live on a boat. The goal? To make her ecological footprint as small as possible, to live on the bare minimum and to get the hell away from humankind. To be honest, she is probably just dodging some tax laws. However, she claims to live a completely organic lifestyle, gathering her own food and weaving her clothes out of pond reeds and cattails. We had a few questions for her, starting with her hair. “It’s natural,” she promised. “The sun bleaches it that way.” Next, we inquired as to the motor on her boat — surely that must run on petroleum? “That’s enough questions,” she snapped. “Can’t you see I’m an introvert?”


Sassy Laserkatt, daughter of Tewl and Julia

Laserkatt writes the LISBI, or Loki Is Surrounded by Idiots.

Name theme: Most popular cat names, duh. I hardly think I need to explain this one.

Good, irresistible, never nude, schmoozer, virtuoso. Leader of the Free World.

Sassy’s mother always wanted to grow old with cats, but instead she had five children. After a difficult upbringing with siblings Lucky, Pepper, Tigger, and Socks, Sassy found her way into politics and hasn’t looked back since. The golden girl of Sunset Valley, she has her sights set on presidency and has never wanted anything more… Until six months ago, when her friend took her to a One Direction concert. From pyrotechnics and teenage sweat rose a new dream, to assemble the next big girl group and take the music scene by storm! Torn between two vastly different ambitions, can Sassy keep her rock ‘n’ roll life a secret? Newly reconciled half-sister Blatch could help her pull off a Hannah Montana of epic proportions, but it won’t be easy. And now there’s the question of her missing jewellery…


Swagman Nike, son of Tewl and Samali.

Somebodysangel13 writes The Maloney WYDC and The Rourke Epic Legacy, the latter of which is based on a concept we discussed together. I hear there may be some Langurd blood up in there eventually!

Name theme: Australian words that make me giggle. That Sam is Australian and this Sam is half-Australian, so what could be better? Shortlisted: Bogan, Dunnie, Arvo.

Bookworm, Born Salesman, Gatherer, Loves the Outdoors, Over-Emotional. CEO of a Mega-Corporation.

Swagman is straight out of the Australian bush, where he just spent six years building a spiritual connection to the land. “Coolibah trees are great,” he says. “You can sit there with a good book while your billy’s boiling, it’s really nice.” Now that his trek is over, he’s bagged himself a multi-million-dollar book deal with Walkabout Adventures. “I’m going to write about my experiences, hopefully convince others to go out and do the same. It’s a really personal thing, nothing commercial or capitalist or any of that rubbish.” He pulled out an iPhone to check his schedule. “Don’t s’pose you blokes wanna come to a formal event tonight?” he inquired. “You’ll come a’waltzing Matilda with me, right?”


Minorca Langurd, daughter of Tewl and Tam.

Autumnrein writes The Winters ISBI.

Name theme: Tam has a hobby farm with chickens, which I think is really cool. Thus, her simself’s children shall be named after breeds of chicken.

Genius, Good Sense of Humour, Natural Born Performer, Night Owl, Workaholic. Master Magician.

A legal secretary by day, Minorca dreams of James, the handsome paralegal two cubicles over. She is quiet and dorky at work, but if only he could see her after the sun sets! By night, she does improv puppet shows at a local gay bar. Under the lights of the stage, Minorca the Dorka (as they called her in middle school) becomes Minorca the Magical! Her audience loves her! She only wishes James would walk through the door one night, but she is equally terrified that he will. There have been rumours, after all…


Frack Phyrcracker, daughter of Tewl and Nate.

Phycracker93 writes The Lee Legacy and The Huggins ISBI.

Name theme: Nate has a no-swearing policy on his blog, which is pretty admirable. I wish I didn’t rely on swears so much for comedy. It turns out swears that aren’t swears make half-decent baby names, at least for Sims. Alternates: Frick, Fudge, Biscuit, Bleep, Gorram.

Absent-minded, loner, mean-spirited, no sense of humour, unflirty. Jack of All Trades.

Frack is not a happy camper. Sorry, she’s requested a correction here: “I don’t camp,” she says, holding our camera guy by the throat. So let’s just say she’s not exactly Mary Poppins, okay? In her spare time, she enjoys going to ball games. When we asked what her team was, she told us she doesn’t have one. “I buy front row tickets just to boo the players,” she explained. She currently works as a waitress, where she deliberately spills soda on a customer at least once a day, but she is “in it to quit it” and plans to give up that gig within the year. “Ideally, I’d like to do that five times,” said Frack, who gets a thrill out of resigning.


Lutz Langurd, daughter of Tewl and Audrey.

Audrey used to write My Own Personal Hell, but she seems to have dropped off the face of the planet.

Name theme: Figure skating elements because we bonded over our ruined skaters’ feet in the comments one time. Others: Choctaw, Salchow, Biellman.

Bookworm, Dramatic, Eccentric, Family Oriented, Hopeless Romantic. Superstar Actor.

Lutz reads a lot of YA novels. A LOT. She’s made spreadsheets comparing the most ideal fictional husbands, and manages a massively popular tumblr where fangirls can place bids to formally “own” their favourite characters. Lutz herself is the proud owner of Augustus Waters, Emmett Cullen, and Finnick Odair. Her next big plan is to break into the film industry. “I’m going to get cast as a female lead and fall in love with my co-star,” she declared. “Hopefully in time for the next John Green adaptation.” She has not been to acting school.


Flame King, daughter of Tewl and Livy.

DSLady writes The Gordon Legacy, and rumour has it Balboa just moved in with the family. I’m pretty psyched about that.

Name theme: This one was easy — State Alchemist titles from FMAB. I could have picked Crimson or Iron-Blood or Fullmetal, but come on, it was always going to be Mustang. Then I realized that that would make her “Flame King,” and there was no turning back.

Ambitious, Artistic, Evil, Friendly, Neurotic. Emperor of Evil.

Flame King is the king. Despite her busy schedule of kingly duties, she graciously invited us to her Shadow Lair for tea and crumpets. “I have designs,” she said feverishly, “grand designs!” She brandished a stack of papers under our noses. They were sketches of birds with motivational quotes in cursive. No sooner had we glimpsed them than she pulled them back sharply. “Don’t breathe on them!” she gasped, and kicked us out onto the street.


Oxford Hudson, son of Tewl and Joey.

Darzio had a blog for a bit, but the link seems to be broken now. Another reader who probably doesn’t read this anymore.

Name theme: All I know about Darzio is that he lives in the UK and goes to school. Hence: schools in the UK. Laziest theme that ever was.

Clumsy, diva, easily impressed, family-oriented, supernatural sceptic. Celebrity Psychic.

Oxford is a respectable family man who goes to church every Sunday. Lately, rumours have been circulating suggesting that he practises witchcraft. Hudson is outraged. “To quote a very wise man with a beautiful moustache,” he announced, “THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS MAGIC!” The townsfolk were unconvinced, especially when sparks flew from Hudson’s fingertips as he spoke. “Witches are all warty and stuff,” he went on to say. “I am definitely not a witch.” Two days later, rumour has it he woke up from a bout of sleepwalking in a circle of stones, chanting nonsense. It was all too much for Hudson and he is now suffering what can only be described as a mental breakdown, experimenting with various metal headpieces to inhibit his supernatural abilities.


Billie Jean Langurd, daughter of Tewl and Stephanie.

Umbramuse writes The Bedlam ISBI.

Name theme: Back in the Liebster days of yore, one of umbramuse’s “five albums for the rest of your life” was Thriller. Tbh, I only picked Michael Jackson songs as a theme because Billie Jean and Dirty Diana would be a kickass pair of twins.

Animal Lover, Great Kisser, Mooch, Rebellious, Vegetarian. Gold Digger.

Billie Jean was the “it” girl in college. That’s lowercase, not capital — she doesn’t know computers. What she does know is how to get the best couch at the vegan coffeehouse on campus, how to ward off creeps at the sketchiest bars, and how to get away with not chipping in for pizza. “I’ve only got 20s, I’ll get you next time,” she demonstrates with a wink. Now graduated, Billie Jean confirms that these skills are not helping her to find employment. “I need to hook a man,” she says half-jokingly. “Getting famous was Plan A. Nine to five was Plan B. Now I’m thinking I’ll marry rich — I’ve had loads of affairs with older guys.” Concerned, we interviewed some of the wealthier men in town. “Billie Jean is not my lover,” they all insisted. “I don’t know where you’re getting these ideas from.”


Well, that took a little longer than expected. Thanks for reading, and thanks to my wonderful to cast! I had fun with you guys, especially trying to distinguish between Salome, Samali, Sammy, Sam, and Tam.

I also had a surprising amount of fun with the 16 Bastards, and I kind of want to do more with them. If anyone wants to download theirs or anything, let me know! I kept them mostly CC-free in case there was any interest in that.

Back to regular programming next time!



About gryffindork7

I like cats. This is a really thorough bio.

Posted on July 13, 2015, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 31 Comments.


    Ahem. Pretty please could I have my ‘bastard child’? That is not a sentence I ever expected to say in life. But oh my god, I managed to wake up my cat in excitement – Flame King!? Best. Name. EVER.
    Fun fact – I once ate 7 crumpets for breakfast and practically cheered when I read the crumpets thing in her bio.

    Another moment to be disappointed with my simself for falling for Tewl’s advances!

    I can only imagine the hell you went through to get all of this done so… woah. This was insane, and the 16 bastard children are incredible. Honestly, I pity my poor friend who was on the receiving end of some very excited yelling. I love this. I just love it xD

    And Balboa has indeed moved into the legacy house… marrying the heir as he did so D: xD


    • You may certainly have her! Who am I to keep a mother from her own child? (This is all so twisted. What have I created?)

      Unfortunately her dress is Store Content (I couldn’t resist using it, too perfect). If you have Midnight Hollow you should be fine, but if not, I can throw something similar on her! …If she’ll let me. She kinda scares me, but she may be my favourite. (Polly Esther and Sassy are close behind, and I love Gronckle’s face.)

      Congratulations on the crumpets! I’ve always wanted to like them but for some reason, I just can’t. Possibly because I have trypophobia, but that’s just a hunch.

      I feel ya. Only Julia and Salome have the right to be proud of themselves.

      Not gonna lie, it was a huge undertaking. I spent almost three solid days working on it, and I planned it all out a month ago. What is my life anymore? I enjoyed it though.

      Would you please stop terrorizing your poor friend on my account! Jk, I approve of excited yelling anywhere anytime. I’m also super stoked to see Balboa in your legacy!


      • I’m guessing that means I didn’t fall for Tewl either? XD THANK GOD. I do wonder why I was in my PJs in front of those wands though.


      • Hahaha, you didn’t fall for him because you figured out how to avoid him in the first place! I think you went off to take a nap. I’m sorry I didn’t notice or I would have sent you back down to the party! 😛


      • Nah it’s alright, I love my grumpy face XD


      • You’ve probably already said and I’ve completely missed it somewhere but – where are we downloading these simself/Tewl spawn from? Also, I don’t have any store content as I’m broke as hell 😦 So if you caaaan, that would be great! Also, yay for potential favourite! Personally, I think she’s got the best name 😛

        I have that too, only, for some reason not about the crumpets… O.o

        Jesus. I couldn’t ever do that, my attention span is waay too short – some major admiration right now!

        My friend secretly loves it, he’s helped a lot with my legacy and I’m trying to bully – sorry – politely ask him to read yours, as we have similar tastes in humour XD


      • Once I get it all figured out, I’ll probably make a special page under the “The Family” tab. I’ll make a note about it in the next chapter!

        My attention span is an all or nothing deal. Matters of life and death = nothing. Trivial, directionless distractions = all. Oh, and thank you for aggressively promoting my blog! XD



    I actually scrolled down to the face of my bastard and thought, “Hey, that one turned out rather hot!” Imagine my surprise that I was ogling my own distorted genetics! HUR HUR HUR. Java looks like he’s very confused about why he can’t be Superman. Like, he wants to run toward the camera pulling his shirt apart, but he knows it won’t work, and why is that anyway?

    This is THE most awesome birthday celebration idea I have ever read. Bravo. Java is going straight in my game. Maybe a Gen 7 Sample will marry him, and my legacy will get very confusing.


    • Well, biology (or was it Freud) says we’re drawn to features that resemble our own, so maybe you recognized your kin? I guess that would mean you did a good job on your simself. 😛 That is PRECISELY what Java looks like, word for word. I’ll upload him ASAP!

      All the thanks, and I’m so glad you liked the idea! I wasn’t sure how it would go over, and I had a lot of time to worry in CAS. 😛 I wanted to stick all 16 of them in my legacy, but then I realized what that would accomplish. Tewl has already polluted the genetic pool quite enough.


  3. …I’m filing for full custody. You’ll be receiving the forms in the mail. All further contact shall be through my lawyer. X’D Okay all fake seriousness aside, I knew you were up to something by resurrecting Tewl, but this…shakin’ mah head.

    *Sigh* If you’ll excuse me, I have to go wash off all the shame and imaginary AXE body spray I suddenly feel on my skin.


    • Aww, but they’re such charming children! I wanted to keep them all to myself! Okay, now I just sound creepy. I HAVE BEEN WRITING THIS BLOG FOR TOO LONG.

      True story, I played a game of truth or dare one time that involved my being sprayed head to toe in AXE. I reeked of douchebag the whole day after. It is one of the worst things I have experienced.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I can just see you hoarding a bunch of little illegitimate Langurds in a basement and feeding them stale Cheerios.

        You poor, silly thing taking that dare! XD I hear tomato juice baths help…or is that just skunk stank? Is there a difference?

        Liked by 1 person

  4. AHAHAH part two! I love it and the Simselves crossed with Langurds was an awesome idea! I actually squealed at work, this is beyond awesome and I think it deserves a drink! I can’t believe Tam fell for Tewl’s charm but then again I would be so disappointed if she didn’t and I didn’t get the chance to see this. I would love to download her, and oddly enough she turned out rather pretty.

    Such an awesome idea! You’re the best!


    • Gahhh, thank you, I’m too flattered by this! I would not be opposed to a celebratory drink (like our simselves haven’t done enough of that already!). Minorca has one of my favourite looks – I gave her a dumb hairstyle to match her secretary schtick, but she’d be really cute all done up in CC (and non-tacky makeup). I’ll upload her with the others. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Freaking Tewl, I can’t believe I fell for it. I’m disappointed in myself haha.
    These past two chapters were so fun, and seeing all the bastard children was fun too. It gave everyone a chance to see what would have happened if they had been married to the founder early on xD. It also made me want to start a Sim-Self legacy challenge, but I’m overworked enough as it is haha.
    Can’t wait for the next legacy chapter!


    • Me too, believe me! I created this legacy to poke fun at douchebags, and then my simself goes and falls for THE douchebag of douchebags. D: I don’t understand.
      I’m glad you had fun with them! That legacy would be epic, but gosh, you do have a lot on your plate already.
      P.S. Your BNTM entry this week was awesome. 😉


  6. I loved this! Great posts as always and so much fun! I was wondering what Tewl was going to get up to at the party but I didn’t expect this. 😀

    Also, I would LOVE to have my bastard child! (Never thought I’d say that, ever.) She would make an awesome Kook. 😉


    • Thank you! Your simself stirred things up a bit with flirty trait, kind of like Tewl did I suppose (but not to the same magnitude, oh god no).

      I will upload her for sure! Of all of them, I think her combination of traits is my favourite.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I love those kids. XD I do love dragons, I also thought I deleted my old legacy but I guess not XD. This is my ongoing one. I now know this – my genes do not compute with Tewl’s-. I hope to see them all soon. 😀


  8. LMAO, I was not expecting that! So not surprised at my simself falling for Tewl’s “charms” – she tends to go about her LTW of 5 kids without worrying about finding an appropriate father figure to raise said children. Love the naming theme, Aussie slag is awesome. And Swagman has the Samali nose, lol! It’s been in the Zale family since Krypton married Samali, so if you keep him, beware it might go through the whole town. And some very nice puns in his bio, great work 😀

    I would so grab a couple of them if you put them all up for download. It kind of freaks me out to consider marrying in an actual simself, but a simself/Langurd half-breed would be perfect.


    • Glad you’re pleased with your bastard! It’s gotta be a strong nose if it can overpower the Langurd one. Your simself did great things for the Zales! And thank you, I pride myself on those. 😀

      That was my logic, too. I don’t think I could trust myself with someone else’s sim, but if it’s only their child, well… 😛

      Liked by 1 person

  9. My child is truly terrifying. Both in looks, and in personality. I promise you that I am not as ugly as my simself is. I just stink at making a good enough likeness of myself.

    I knew that Tewl was going to try something creepy, but it was definitely creepy when Tewl tried to seduce my simself. *shudders* Glad he wasn’t receptive.

    These anniversary chapters were funny. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

    Oh! I realized that I’d never mentioned to you that I do have another blog. It’s not so much a story as it is a silly blog (it’s a dual isbi blog called Huggs For The Insane). I can’t promise that it even comes close to the hilarity of this blog, but here’s the link incase you wanted to check it out, or add it in the post about what blogs I do, or whatever:


    • Haha, don’t worry, I have no doubt about that! I got a kick out of your simself’s negativity though. It was fun to watch. 😛

      Thanks for reading! I just went to check out your ISBI, only to realize I had already read the first chapter a while back. So apparently I’m just dumb and forget things. I’ll add a link in this post, and I’ll be back over to read more soon!


    Streak of 10 tho, that’s impressive 8D I’m so ridiculously late to the party, but that was hilarious and very satisfying to read. I want to write a really longcomment but im on my tablet and typing is THE WORST. I do hope you uploaded the kids, Sassy will move in with Precious, I can’t see how this will go wrong in any way at all ❤

    Now I'm off to ask people if they're married or possibly want to marry random members of boy bands ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Omg I love him! I’m only stylishly 2 years too late, but I still keep up with your posts, so glad you are continuing!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • This is me on a time travelling journey through all the comments I failed to reply to!

      But oh my gosh! Late is always stylish around here so not to worry – and I’m so glad you liked your Birthday Bastard! XD


  1. Pingback: Simantics: Catch (up on) the madness | Sample a Brave Legacy

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