4.17 Robots in Disguise

Hello again! Seems like all I do these days is blog. Just as it should be, since I checked the archives and apparently this generation alone has taken me over a year to write. How? HOW? That’s 1/3 of the time this blog has been alive. What is it about Katana’s children that have made things so difficult?

Don’t answer that.

Thanks again to everyone who read the birthday posts. I know it was a lot to get through, but the party isn’t over! Oh no, keep your dancing feet warm because it’s Christmas in July! This post would have made sense if I’d stuck to the schedule dammit

Teqeq: Do you like what I’ve done with my hair? I hear chicks dig the flow.

And since Snowflake Day is a time for family, we invited all the relatives we could think of. Birth certificates/paternity tests required at the door.

I’m talking to you, Blondie.

Lydia: It’s me, Drachma! Haven’t you missed my deadpan facial expressions?

Drachma: Bitch, I’ll deadpan your face.

Dreads: I’m Florin!

Lev: He brought pie, can we keep him?

Retrospectively, I really want to keep Teqeq. He’s a cowboy alien AND he keeps a squishy cat in his spaceship.

Okay, there’s also the small matter of “he has a spaceship and we could totally have kept that if we’d moved him in.”

BUT CATS

Actually, I remember now. The Drachma poser was Mandrake’s RI from prom, but she’s a face one.

Lydia: So I had a really great time—

Mandrake: No.

Valencia: I hear you’re the new Florin! I already like you better than the old one.

Boyd: Back here again? A year went by too quickly.

Azula’s brat is all grown up, but he hasn’t changed.

Valencia has though. Just a bit. In another save file, she’s currently starring as my contestant for Boolprop’s Next Top Model. Tommy and Gabby’s genes had to be good for something.

After the simself party, these guys are like a bunch of limp lettuce leaves.

Gumby: Oh boy, I got tiddlywinks! Hooray!

Teqeq: It’s so nice to meet you at last, my son.

Mandrake: What?

The flow went out of style that fast, huh Teqeq? XD

No one liked Buzz, and out of shame he never got up to open any presents.

Hater #1 in the green and white is the infamous Melonie. She didn’t live up to her name, if you know what I mean.

Turns out the old Florin was there too, but he hid in the bathroom being his usual existential self.

Florin: If our eyes are the windows into our soul, what are windows the windows into?

New Florin: Great party you guys got up in here!

Guess who was also in attendance. Come on man, are you really going to ruin Christmas?

Grim: I’d love to, but your architecture is crap.

Can’t you walk through walls?

Grim: Creeping ivy is my kryptonite.

Whitney: Santy Claus, why are you taking our Mommy? Why?

Fuck you, Grim. You can have all the Langurds you want, but HOW DARE YOU take my Niall?? D:

What’s worse, he took her on the kittens’ birthday. </3 I was too distraught to take real screenshots, so you’ll see grownup-Whitney later.

Pudding: She lives in you! She lives in me! She watches over everything you see!

Stop it guys, you’re killing me.

Lira: What’s this, the cat just died? Let me take this opportunity to announce my pregnancy.

Gumby: Hey Grim, while you’re here, there’s this fish called Freddie III…

Grim: But isn’t that your cousin’s fi— Ah, you clever, clever child.

Florin played a lament on the piano in remembrance of Niall’s life.

He has no skill points and it sucked.

Gumby: Golly, all that Christmas turkey is making me pudgy! Better get a jump start on my new year’s exercises. Aaaand one lunge, two lunge…

Lira: Why is my son an idiot?

Disgusted Face: Don’t ask me.

Manny got this guitar for Christmas, so I did something I’ve been thinking of doing for a long time.

Manny: TWANG TWANG

Buzz: PLUNK PLUNK

Meet the Tiddlywinks. With Lira and Robot Fetus on drums, they’re a four-man ensemble containing zero actual men.

Lira: Sorry, Gumby, we don’t need you.

Gumby: But Mom, I’ve been practising so hard! I have a whole 12% of a skill point!!

That’s not the only area where he’s soon to be superfluous.

Gumby: Am I getting a sister or a brother?

Lira: I don’t know, let me check…

She wants a girl, of course. And I’d be totally on board with that.

Lira: Gonna do it right this time.

That’s right, Gumby was just a trial run.

Buzz: I’ll be a better father than Zurg if it’s the last thing I do!

Not so fast, Buzz. Gumby’s not the only one getting replaced…

It’s all hands on deck for Lira’s second simbot, since pink diamonds are the Mews of the gemstone world.

Boa: Alright butterfly, time to turn into a big shiny rock!

Butterfly: But… but I just blossomed into my true self! What more do you want from me?? D:

Things in the cat world are a little tense right now.

Pudding: I’m… sorry your wife died.

Lt. Surge: It hurts very much.

Pudding: Can I make it better?

Lt. Surge: She would want me to be happy.

And in front of her ashes, too! Have some respect!

Tiny kitten face in the snow: Excuse me miss, are you the Birthday Fairy? You seem to have overlooked me.

Whitney: Oh, thank you, miss! I won’t forget this!

This pregnancy is bringing out the softie in Lira. Wait… Does this mean we’re finally getting a Langurd with morals?

If we did, he or she would be the first one since Razor.

Razor: Hello Grey Wind, my old friend.

Grey Wind: We had some good times, Master. I loved when you meditated in a puddle of my refuse.

Tewl: Lol me too.

It’s about time for another memorable pet around here, since Niall’s time at the post was so short. Ergo — meet Pokey, Gumby’s new horse!

Gumby: That’s right, I rescued this little lost pony from bandits!

She’s Ornery and Fast, which makes me think of when you press a button fifty times in frustration and suddenly it registers all the responses at once.

Gumby: Giddy up, Pokey! Yip yip! Make haste! Ride like the wind! GO!

Gumby: WAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

Pokey is pokey. Hehehehe.

Despite the bumpy start, Gumby rolled “The Jockey” and I locked it in. I love when my Sims are decisive.

Lira: I’ve decided to have this baby now.

Psshhh, suck-up.

It’s a girl! In honour of her mother’s new wings…

This is Skydancer Langurd. If you didn’t have one of these growing up, I feel bad for you son.

But not as bad as I feel for this little girl.

As predicted, Skydancer is an upstanding infant, born with Good and Loves the Cold locked in. Her favourites are red, autumn salad, and kids’ music.

And thanks to her mother’s indescribable relationship with her father, she completely screwed up the family tree and all related moodlets.

So if I make Skydancer heiress, am I technically on Generation 6? XD

This was taken further down the road at Gumby’s graduation, where Lira got “Proud Parent” AND “Proud Grandparent” moodlets. I don’t understand the math behind this — in fact, I think we broke logic.

Anyway, back to the present, where Gumby is still a dorky teen whose only friend is a horse.

Pokey: I’m not your friend, little green stick man.

Gumby: But Pokey! You’re my only ride home!

Pokey: Should’a just bought a bike, kid!

She’s learning to humour him, slowly.

Gumby: Alright Pokey, we’re gonna sneak into this race and blow ‘em all away! Everyone will be talking about us, the dark horse of the competition… and his lightning-fast mare!

Good luck with your ONE riding skill point.

Well shit.

Pokey: Whoopee, I can’t believe it WORKED!

Gumby: Do you know what this means, Pokey? I feel a hunger coming on, a hunger for victory!

They make quite the pair.

However, it’s a good thing that pets aren’t susceptible to weather moodlets in this game, or Gumby would be getting a visit from the RSPCA. Take note that the staircase to the mausoleum has a roof over its head while our live equine does not.

Buzz: I’ve been thinking, now that we have a baby together… Will you be my Mrs. Nesbitt?

Lira: Don’t be silly! Why would I marry you when I already got the child that I wanted? And what if one of my next two simbots is better looking?

Lira: Besides, you can’t even fly. You can only fall with style.

Buzz: I wish I could fall with style into the fiery pits of hell…

I never mentioned Buzz’s LTW, or anything about him for that matter, but he’s quite the sensitive guy. He’s a Brave, Excitable, Hydrophobic Loner and a Natural Born Performer. Oh, he also likes pink and wants to be a Professional Author. Someone’s about to go capitalize on his heartbreak, methinks.

So much for “doing it right this time.” Neither Lira nor Buzz seems to remember that they have a burrito cooking on the top rack of the oven (read: a baby lying on the attic floor). But there’s one person who knows exactly what Skydancer is going through.

Gumby: Hey there, little sister.

Gumby: Shhh, no one can know I was here, okay?

TCTBE!!!

Apparently I recoloured her blanket just in time for her birthday. Older siblings can make their cases but I think we can safely say it sucks to be the baby of THIS family.

Lira: Hey Gumby, have you met your little sister?

Gumby: Nope.

Lira: Do you want to meet her now?

Gumby: Nope!

Tewl: Yeeaaahh, I love parties! Any simselves fer me ta knock up round here?

TIME AND PLACE, TEWL.

Lira: Think I can clear the baby’s head?

Boa: Go for it!

Mandrake: Parkour!

She’s… a carbon copy of Lira. I don’t know what I was expecting — maybe a recombination of Dax and Katana’s genes? At least she got one recessive trait, that being Katana’s weirdo mutant eyes.

And she’s a fairy! That’s different, at least. I know it’s kinda frowned upon, but I recoloured her hair so I wouldn’t just be writing Lira all over again. You can’t put me through that, I refuse.

Skydancer: It’s called a sequel!

Stfu.

Buzz taught her to walk in record time, but she decided she wanted to fly instead.

Skydancer: I shun my wobot hewitage!

Buzz: *cries*

Buzz: You listen here you little wind-up toy, your daddy is the only one in this house who has time to change your diapers. If you’re not willing to accept who you are, then I’m afraid you’re on your own.

Skydancer: I’m a WEAL GIRL!

Buzz: *drops baby*

He wasn’t kidding.

Skydancer: Being a weal girl is stinky.

Such a tragic life, at such a young age…

Oooooh, look at the pretty wildflowers! Razor would so pick these for Ara… and then die in the process. What did I say about tragic?

Okay no, this is definitely the most tragic. Gumby plz, I’m sorry I said anything bad about Melonie!!

Although at this rate, he may just marry his horse.

Gumby: My father says that’s acceptable in the deep south of the United—

NO.

Transfiguration isn’t doing the trick (dammit McGonagall) so it’s officially time to excavate the entire property.

Lira: Oh look a human jaw

Like I said, when are we going back to Sunset Valley?

The miner yielded no results and I started to despair.

Lira: That’s it! Being a pretty fairy is not helping anything anymore! I want to go back to being… just the pretty part.

Buzz: Well, aren’t you… pretty?

Lira: Yes, I’m a werewolf now. And I know what you’re thinking, but don’t worry…

Lira: …I only did it for the gemstones.

Buzz: Ah, well that makes everything okay.

Mandrake: Woooooo, I got my dad’s tattoo! I can’t wait to show him!

Yeah, about that…

Mandrake: Aw, dangit.

I can’t believe one of our heir candidates is a young adult while another is still a toddler. I did not have my shit together this generation. My shit was very emphatically not together.

…Don’t read that the way I just did.

Manny’s fifth trait is Neat and his LTW is Master Acrobat because idk, fuck it.

The odds of being struck by lightning in your lifetime are about 1 in 3,000. The odds of finding a pink diamond are—I dont know — like 1 in 150.

WHY???

For Lira, his was one of those “pray to god I get home before I see someone I know” moments. And who should drop by but her intergallactic lover?

Teqeq: I see things have panned out well for you. I’d better not bother you anymore.

Teqeq: But I will take my son.

Mandrake: I’M NOT YOUR SON!

Mandrake: At least I’d better not be after THAT.

First abduction since Dax! They must have a thing for the dumb ones.

Speaking of dumb…

Buzz: At last, I have dug my hole of shame! Now I can fall with style into the abyss and Lira can forget I was ever alive!

Okay, but please bring me back a pink diamond?

Buzz: Are you listening?

That’s a PINK diamond, P-I-N-K.

Skydancer: Who da heck are you?

Balboa: The sad old man who lives next-door.

An accurate summary of his life.

Boa: …And then, right after my wife died, my sister and her idiot boyfriend had relations in the wardrobe while I was sleeping! How rude is that?

Skydancer: Sounds wike you could use a weekend at da spa.

Boa: You know what? You’re right! I deserve to pamper myself!

Gumby: Alright, the coast is clear. I think I have time for a quick Change –> Feed –> Snuggle rotation before someone notices I’m in here.

Skydancer: No need, big bwo. Uncle Boa did it alweady!

Gumby: Uncle Bo— What?! No fair, I never got that! Spoiled little brat.

So he gave up the big brother gig and went full-time with his riding. I guess he was probably going to school somewhere in there, but you wouldn’t know it from my screenshots.

Gumby: Big race next week! The prize is 100 ice cream cones!

Pokey: I’m lactose intolerant.

Gumby: Did I say ice cream cones? I meant a big shiny trophy, giddy-up now!

Buzz came out of the hole safe and sound and EMPTY-HANDED, so I sent him wandering the back alleys. We will not rest until a pink diamond is found, cut, and safely encased in a hollow palladium chest.

Buzz: More like I will not rest.

Do you SEE me sleeping, smartass?

I am not entirely ashamed to admit that we came this close to another social worker incident. You’d think four cats could entertain each other, but no, I have to give them step by step instructions every two to three days.

Whitney: And now I shall groom you.

Potato: This is so very new and exciting.

Mandrake: I was wondering if you could help me, sir. I wanna be a acrobat!

Proprietor: It’s a damn good thing you don’t want to be a linguist, am I right?

Mandrake: Huh?

I’ve never done a Showtime career before, so the next series of screenshots was mostly me ogling and laughing and shaking my head.

Mandrake: Here, take a bite of my salami sandwich.

Mimes don’t talk, Manny.

Mandrake: What? Sure they do!

Mandrake: And he SLAYED the Basilisk with a two-handed greatsword!

Mandrake: The man was sad as he walked through the storm.

That’s not even miming, that’s just the weather today.

Mandrake: But I’m not really sad!

That’s up for debate.

Mandrake: Downtrodden and ridiculed, he dragged his two broken legs across the desert.

Mandrake: Whoa, what the hell am I even doing?

If Manny sticks around for a bit, we could have some fun with this. His stage name is “Lettuce Loins Langurd.”

What are you doing, Buzz? I SAID NO RESTING!!!

…

…

Ohhhhhhh. I may have overlooked this slight small issue.

Dammit EA, this lightning randomizer is way out of whack. Lira and now Boa?? Shoot, I almost called him Weston because sad old men in their boxers all look the same to me.

Boa: So much offense.

Skydancer: I want a weal stowyline! How else awe the weaders going to vote fo’ me?

Nice try, faceclone. Actually, rather than investing time in our wee tot, this was the moment I stopped playing altogether for several months because I had a degree to finish. Everyone stayed frozen from about August to January while I wrote papers and cried.

I was gone for so long that when I came back, the beautiful Young Jae Sung wasn’t young or beautiful anymore! He was also a tour bus driver and had gotten married. It was like some twisted nightmare.

And guess who fucking married him?

I am also dumbfounded. YOU KNEW I WANTED THOSE GENES.

I have to wonder at the calibre of that marriage though, since he has at least 48 empty seats in that bus and yet she rides along behind in the pouring rain.

Sam: It’s fine, I don’t deserve it. I don’t have a real appreciation of leopard-skin interiors.

You are an embarrassment to women everywhere.

NIALL CAME TO VISIT and I don’t know why I took the picture from this horrific angle. Clearly, I was drunk or something.*

Whitney: Mommy!! ❤

Pudding: Oh great, the bitch is back.

Niall: *naps*

*Actually, I have never played the Langurds while drinking. Food for thought.

Buzz did eventually make it home after his little aquatic adventure. He wasn’t accomplishing much anyway, so I retired him from the diamond quest and let him settle into the life he was meant for.

Buzz: It starts with a big ol’ cuppa Joe.

What a coincidence — that’s how I start my writing days, too!

Buzz: Let’s see… Space Shuttle to Your Heart by B.L.L. Langurd.

What’s the second “L” for?

Buzz: Nothing, that’s just how you prove that you’re a real writer.

Of course. Also, if you think about it, Ara’s diamond is technically back in its rightful place given that it’s Buzz’s heart. ❤ Seriously, I’m going to puke.

Gumby: Would you like to buy some toner?

Mandrake: Dude, you should be a telemarketer!

Gumby: I think so.

Mandrake and Gumby had better watch out — their aspirations may be really impressive but their third heir candidate is sailing through all the toddler skills. As much as I’ve documented her neglect and nothing else, she has roped various adults into teaching her life skills and chipped away at the xylophone all on her own.

Skydancer: All done, now on to peg box!

YOU DON’T BELONG HERE.

Out in the yard, the gnomes were playing a terrifying game.

Bunny: Alright, I got ‘im pinned down. What’s next?

Evil Gnome: Next… I stab you through the skull. Psych.

Gumby: Don’t worry Pokey, I’ll protect you from the scary lawn ornaments.

Pokey: Let’s be real, I’ll be doing the protecting.

Gumby: Thank god.

Balboa’s empty life seemed like such a waste of an able-bodied slave a wonderful man, so I set him up with a side project.

Boa: Enjoy this large handful of elaborate salad.

Cashew: Just an apple would have been fine.

Wild Horse: No food for us earth ponies, huh? RACIST.

Proof that yawns are contagious on an interspecies level.

Boa: Would you like to come home with me? You’d get to sleep outside and drink out of the pond!

Cashew: After what you did to Rarity? Yeah, don’t think I don’t know about that.

Balboa: *shower of shame*

Guess he’s gonna have to go home and kindle friendships with these fluffballs.

Pudding: LOOOOOVE ME

I hate having Lira like this. The dissonance was kind of funny at first, but I really hope we get those gems soon.

Lira: Don’t worry, I will track them down with my heightened sense of smell…

Lira: …and my newfound bond with mother nature!

Katana: Haha, you’re a dog.

Surge: There’s no place for you here, you great ball of slobber.

Oh dear god please help us, Buzz. Don’t you want to get your girlfriend back to normal?

Buzz: Well, okay, I’ll give it one more shot. To infinity, and beyond!

Nadia: Isn’t it romantic what he’s willing to do for his woman?

Terrance: Yes, very— er, you want me to do that? D:

But then he decided to kick back with a cup of Darjeeling after — once again — finding nothing.

Buzz: Look at me, I’m a sham! I can’t even find a stupid pink diamond!

I feel you, bro. But guess what…

Someone just did!

Boa: Why thank you, I—

It was Lira, you idiot. I just sent you to cut it.

Turns out once your hunting skill is high enough, your chances of finding the rarer gems basically double. It’s still a long shot but if it means 40 hunts instead of 80, I’m okay with that.

Lira: My sweet little cub… Mama will come back to you soon.

Maybe she shouldn’t? I mean, werewolf Lira is more human than human Lira ever was.

Case in point.

(A truly fucked-up case at that.)

There are some drawbacks though.

Lira: Shower? What is shower? The rain will cleanse me, I have rocks to find!

Lira: SLURP SLURP SNARL

Oh god I can’t stand noisy eaters. Please please please go back to normal!

Mandrake: …and the pirate geisha thought to himself, is that cat about to attack me?

Little Girl: I can’t tell if he’s brilliant or just plain stupid.

As you can see, Mandrake’s career as a Mime Narrator is going well.

Gumby: Guess what, Uncle Boa? It’s my birthday!

Boa: Am I supposed to care?

He still has the squishiest face. And hey, he kind of looks like he’s going to cry.

Gumby: I’m n-not going to c-c-cry. I’m just g-going to c-cut back our s-s-spending b-by a generous h-h-half.

Frugal strikes again…

…and so does Gumby’s bladder problem.

Gumby: If y’all didn’t get me so stressed out all the time!

On a final note, I’d been wondering for a while why everyone had abandoned their favourite activity of eating snowcones for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Apparently, some genius did this. I thank them.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Notes:

1) Only one chapter left and then it’s heir poll time!

2) There is now a tab under “The Family” where you can download your Birthday Bastard if you so wish.

3) 20,000 potatoes, baby! The blog hit 20k views amidst the birthday shenanigans, but it was too much to celebrate all at once so this gets to be a footnote instead.

Happy Simming!

-Sam