Expecto Patronum!

*shakes wand* Damn thing’s broken again.

Well, I won’t be passing my OWLs anytime soon, but I did get nominated for an award! Not only here, but on the Maitland Round-Robin Legacy as well! (Technically that one was for Radax, the founder, but I’ll look after his trophy for him.) Umbramuse tagged me first, followed by DSLady and Voguishstorm. Thank you guys! ❤ You said some super nice words that made me feel things.


This was originally dubbed the Spirit Animal Award, but I’m opting for the alternative Patronus Award because anything else would be a betrayal of my username.

And because you can totally change the name of an award after you receive it, like getting an Oscar and saying “this looks like more of a Robert to me.”

How it works:

1.) Thank the blogger who nominated you, and link back to their page.

2.) Post the award picture on your blog.

3.) Write a short paragraph about yourself and what your blog means to you.

4.) If you could be any animal, what would it be?

5.) Pick and notify ten nominees.


I talk about myself a lot, so this will be kind of redundant. My name is Sam. I’m 23. I’ve lived in a bunch of places, but I’m in Southern Ontario for the foreseeable future. I have one cat, Dewey, who lives at my apartment, and two budgies, Buddy and Azazel, who live with my parents so that Dewey can’t eat them. I speak English at a Grammar Nazi level and French at an Unconfident Foreigner level, and I studied both at university. “Studied” is a loose term since I spent most of that time playing quidditch, the greatest sport in the world. I’m still an assistant captain a year after graduating and frequently direct people to gameplay montages so they will stop mocking me. (Yes, I’ve seen the skydiving video.) This blog is my ninth legacy attempt and by far my most successful, but I always feel that acknowledging success makes me more likely to fail. That’s why I treat the whole thing as a joke.


This is a hard question. I love all animals and have sentimental connections to a bunch of them. Cats are my favourite (duh) and I’m pretty sure I was one in another life. I could spend all day watching birds socialize. My apartment contains an unhealthy amount of elephant decor. I also had an orca phase, a horse phase, a wolf phase, a panther phase, and a zebra phase among others.
So, since my natural response to any choice is “but I want to be ALL the things!” I think my Patronus would have to be a platypus.


To explain this decision I will have to tell you a story or two.

*:~ Story Time with Sam! ~:*
There are many tales of how the platypus came to be. The official Aboriginal story is that a duck was raped by a water rat. Charming, I know. The version they put in children’s books is that when God was giving out parts to all the animals—back before they looked any different from one another—the platypus was underwater and couldn’t hear him. So by the time it got its shit together, it was stuck with all the leftovers: a duck bill and webbed feet, mammalian fur, and a silly little beaver tail.

My platypus story is a slightly different.

When I was five, my aunt gave me a knock-off Beanie Baby that she swore was a platypus.


Definitely not a platypus

And yet I named it Platypus, and I went along for years convinced that this was what a platypus looked like. I made a friend in Grade Two who had the real TY platypus, and we had many an argument over whether a platypus was supposed to have four feet or two. (Never mind that neither of our beanies had a tail, so we were both wrong.) Together we composed a picture book series called “Nuttso the Crazy Platypus” containing some very confused anatomy. When I finally moved to Australia in Grade Four, I knew for certain that my life had been a lie.

From then on, I vowed to accumulate a wealth of platypus paraphernalia and knowledge. To this day, I can tell you that its scientific name is Ornithorhynchus anatinus. I can tell you it is one of two existing monotremes, and it commonly lives in bodies of water called billabongs, along the east coast of Australia. I can tell you that the females lay 1-3 eggs per mating season, and the males have venomous spurs on their back legs. I can tell you their young are called puggles. I can tell you that they are threatened but not endangered, you won’t find them in any zoo on the west coast, and the best place to see them in the wild is a National Park northwest of Brisbane. I can tell you that platypuses are smaller than you probably think, and the sounds they make are unbearably adorable but not really like Perry’s at all. And yes, the most accepted plural is indeed “platypuses,” not “platypi.”

That’s the most I’ve typed “platypus” since ye olde bristol board projects.

I could analyse the hell out of why I’m drawn to these goofy duck-beavers, but most of it is their adorable awkwardness. I grew up kind of ugly-duckling-like and didn’t learn to feel comfortable in my skin until a few years ago; I’ve always had too many conflicting ideas of what I wanted to be like, from my clothing and music taste to my sense of humour and life’s ambition. Kind of like picking a patronus, I’d settle on one thing only to realize what I was missing out on by not picking the other thing. This sucked for a long time until I realized that picking one thing is rarely necessary. I still can’t decide if I’m an artsy kid or a sciency one, a tomboy or a girly girl, a waterbender or an airbender—and for the life of me, dammit, I will never be able to choose between Bulbasaur, Charmander, and Squirtle. Even after university, I’m the person who has no idea what they’re doing, but I’ve always been happiest doing a million things at once. I think it would have saved me a lot of trouble if I’d just accepted that I was a platypus all along instead of holding out hope that I’d eventually become a swan.

Other reasons why I’m like a platypus:

1) You can’t keep me out of any pool, lake, river, ocean, hot spring, or bathtub (okay, maybe if the bathtub is particularly germy). I feel completely at home underwater and would live there if I could. This is basically the only reason I am not a cat.

2) Platypuses look pretty funny on dry land, but they’re totally graceful when they’re in their element. I think I’m a bit like that, too.

3) The platypus is an Australian animal but bears some resemblance to the (mostly) Canadian beaver. I’m Canadian, but I lived in Australia for a big chunk of my life and have dual citizenship.

4) Platypuses are solitary creatures, but they’re good at sharing billabongs with other animals. I’m a massive introvert, but I generally like people and I think I’m capable of being good company.

5) At the risk of sounding all “NOBODY GETS ME,” there are a lot of misconceptions surrounding platypuses and things about them that aren’t widely known. In the same way, I think people often read me wrong and are surprised when they eventually get to know me. I have the odd friend who either a) didn’t like me or b) thought I didn’t like them at our first meeting. This is definitely because I’m a platypus and not because I’m awkward or standoffish. XD


I’m late to the party as always, so everyone has been nominated like a thousand times and doesn’t need any help from me. *sob* Instead of strictly “passing it on” I’m going to give a shout-out to some blogs I love which—for whatever reason—didn’t get mentioned in my Liebster post last year (but I stand by my love for all those blogs too!).

The Bedlam ISBI by umbramuse: This legacy’s dark and twisty cousin.

The Gordon Legacy & The Evans EPIC by DSLady: Wonderfully full of hilarity and nerdspeak.

The Moonwisp Chronicles by Voguishstorm: An ISBI-Alphabetcy—ambitious and entertaining.

The Rourke EPIC by somebodysangel13: The ultimate legacy breeding experiment.

The Zale ISBI by Heather: Another ISBI-Alphabetcy, and 15 generations of awesome.

The Oleander Family Legacy by dawnstar17: Founded by a pink man. Also hilarious.

Pixel Perfect: A Gamer’s Legacy & Pixel Perfect Redux by Kim: Fantastic storytelling from TS3 to TS4.

Absolutely Cuckoo by ixot: Complete and utter lunacy.

Insanity Family by MichelleLynn01: Alien abductions coming out your ears.

The Creeper Legacy by starlatrix: Nbd, just the reason the Langurds exist.

If you haven’t been nominated and are just dying to write an animal post, let me know and I’ll add you to my list! However, anyone who takes this from me should probably call it the Life’s Story Award, since that’s what I seem to have turned it into. XD

About gryffindork7

I like cats. This is a really thorough bio.

Posted on May 18, 2016, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 15 Comments.

  1. That is definitely the most adorable not a platypus I’ve seen in a while.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Googling “Platypus patronus” aaaaaand it’s adorable: https://img0.etsystatic.com/051/0/9019886/il_570xN.683260140_pqhm.jpg

    Thank you for the shout-out. As somebody’s real-life dark and twisty cousin I find that description very fitting.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. “and for the life of me, dammit, I will never be able to choose between Bulbasaur, Charmander, and Squirtle”

    Also, Platypuses WIN at life, love those guys. I also like Robin Williams’ description of how playtpuses came to be – God was high, and thought putting all those random things together would be a good idea. He was right!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. *blushes profusely at your complements* You’re so sweet. Also, PLATYPUSES F YEAH 😀

    I already made my award speech thanks to Umbra, but I’ll add you as well! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Congratulations, and thank you very much! YOU LOVE ME! *cries* *composes self* Ehrm, I mean, you love my blog, awesome. OMG I LOVE YOURS TOO!!! *slaps self* I mean, I appreciate your blog, in a grown up, cool, foot-tapping, head-nodding kind of way.

    Platypuses are the best, who wouldn’t want to be one? And your not-platypus still captured the _essence_ of a platypus better than her actual platypus beanie.

    Liked by 1 person

    • So this is how adults love things, eh? Well then, *nods head, taps foot* to you too. 😛

      My younger self would be so pleased to hear that. Platypus (because that was her name… so original) will always be the original platypus. ❤


  6. PUGGLES?! PUGGLES???!!? This is the best thing.


    Liked by 1 person

  7. Welp, I’m late but better than never, right? Right?! I nominated your blog for the Spirit Animal Award HERE and HERE . Enjoy my crazed ramblings and congratulations! XD

    Liked by 1 person

  1. Pingback: Indeks | The Dysfunkshinul Legacy

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