6.5 They All Rolled Over and One Fell Out
Fact: Canada as a nation turns 150 this July.
Fact: Eleven days later, this blog will turn 5.
Fact: I have been writing this blog for more than 3% of Canada’s existence.
Fact?: One day, I will compose an intro that isn’t a rehashed version of “legacy take long time, Gryffindork slow.”
Let’s get down to business
to defeat the Huns. After far too much trolling, Quinn Flanagan has finally succumbed to Calamity’s good looks and agreed to date her… all while she’s been under an ugly spell. Figures.
Calamity: Face it, I’d be the most low maintenance girlfriend ever.
Quinn: You’re not wrong.
Meanwhile, Omen’s chess opponents keep getting glued to the upholstery after beating him.
Maeve: Gee, I’m getting sleepy.
Omen: You are not sleepy… you are itching for a rematch!
Maeve: I want to go home and rethink my life.
Omen: That’s not what— dammit!!
Somehow, alien powers always disappoint.
Cal strengthens her hold on this slippery snake with a special offering.
Calamity: Here is a box you can wear as a hat.
Quinn: You know me so well.
(For the record, I checked my notes and she’s actually giving him a toad here.)
There must be something in the air — or could Frieda be having last-minute regrets about that LTW of hers?
Gumby: I’m afraid I might not be around much longer, dear.
Frieda: Don’t say such things!
I think we can confirm that she’s feeling pretty sappy right now.
Frieda: This is an exact depiction of our first date.
Um, it’s really not?
Pokey: Make way for the more important ship, people!
MY HEART ❤
Gumby: Whoa, hold on a sec.
Pokey: Don’t you dare.
Gumby: Too late.
Pokey: So fucking done with your shit.
Gumby: No Pokey wait
Gumby: I looooove you ❤
Pokey: You’re going to faint after this, aren’t you?
Gumby: Most likely.
I imagine Pokey’s dying wish was that we’d take good care of her baby.
Storm: *way across the map, route failing for days*
We are obviously doing a great job of honouring it.
The sun rises and Quinn hasn’t given us the slip yet, shocker of shockers. Though I daresay no one is as shocked in this situation as he is. XD
Quinn: Can you like, turn that stuff off while we make out?
Cal: Don’t worry, I’m like a Rapidash. I could never hurt someone I really trust.
Quinn: Too bad I’m a total slime then.
*five minutes earlier*
Not all Langurd women are Quinn fangirls.
Rhapsody: Is this really your boyfriend? You know you have to have kids with him, right?
Calamity: Hey, remember military school? Wasn’t that fun?
With Fiasco slowly turning into a pallid creature of wine and darkness, I decide to move his work closer to an actual light source.
Fiasco: It burns!
He thus graduates from “the loser who lives in his parents’ basement” to “the loser who lives in their bedroom.”
Forcing his parents to be “the losers who talk dirty in their daughter’s room.”
Cal: It’s all good, I’m going to work.
Enter the greatest bed glitch ever, whereby Calamity “wakes up” but stays in a sleeping position all the way down to the carpool. Anything for a few extra minutes of shut-eye, right?
Logan: What took you so long? Our lives are in danger!
Breandan: You’re just gonna walk in there dressed like that? Are you insane?
Cal: Good news, your house isn’t on fire.
Logan: It’s not?
Cal: Yeah, just some gnomes. You guys sure are wimpy for a couple of men in uniform.
Breandan: Alas, now we look like fools!
Logan: We should probably quit our jobs, huh?
Omen: Look at me, my job’s just as cool as Calamity’s. The commoners worship me.
Paparazzi: Don’t flatter yourself, I’m just here for that gorgeous sky.
Same here, actually. XD
Okay seriously, you two need to STOP. You don’t get to develop substance this late in life. That’s not how it works around here.
Gumby: ♫ I wanna stand with you on a mountain / I wanna bathe with you in the sea / I wanna lay like this forever / ‘Til the sky falls down on me ♫
You’re 96 days old, the sky is going to fall on you any minute now!
Frieda: But I feel like a girl again!
Gumby: Oh yeah, Old Celery still got it.
Fine, but let it be known that I am evacuating this ship nice and early.
Elsewhere — a rare moment captured in which Crash is not tragic!
I take it back. Not only does he look like this, he also picked up Brooding as his final trait.
Crash: 😀 ?
One day after school, Rhapsody pays a visit to the O’Reillys, whose only flaw is that none of the kids are faceclones of their mother. Otherwise, they’d be useful breeding material.
Conor: Wondering how I bagged that one, aren’t you? Well, let me tell you…
Chloe: Please dear, no one needs to hear that story again.
Their eldest, Morrigan, would be a contender just for her badass name. (Of course, I’m ignoring the glaring fact that we don’t have any heirs on the market yet.)
Chloe: Don’t you have homework to do?
Morrigan: UGH Mom, how many times do I have to tell you? You don’t need homework to be a dragon master!
Adolescence in Dragon Valley sure is interesting.
Omen is oh-so-close to getting his LTW and peacing out forever, but his last opponent is a force to be reckoned with.
Maeve: Crushed it.
Maeve: Call me in 36 hours.
Omen: I hate you.
Everyone gets a break from their busy lives to watch Crash graduate, oh boy!
Sky: Is this really necessary?
Omen: Just kill me!
But not Rhapsody. Rhapsody is grounded for being
a bad bitch too slow to catch the school bus, so she gets to stay home and play video games.
Rhapsody: Literally the best day of my life.
So it turns out Sky actually uglified her 10th victim last chapter — it was Donte of all people, and in ruining his life, she finally made something of hers. LTW down and finally disentangled from a doomed romance, our Skydancer is ready to strike out on her own! Rhapsody plays her a nice little send-off tune.
Rhapsody: ♫ To the left, to the left / Everything you own in a box to the left ♫
Sky: How sweet.
Proud of you, girl, leaving us as an accomplished and independent woman!
Sky: Yeah, about that…
*a few days ago*
Skydancer Langurd, a disappointment until the end.
And now she’ll be teaching her deadbeat ways to the new generation. Perfect.
Omen: Hey everyone, look over here!
No way, did you finally beat her??!
Omen: Lolnope, it’s just my birthday.
And for that, I’m not putting your eyebrows back.
Crash the gym bro has started training Calamity for work, and let’s just say it’s a good thing he can’t make his thoughts heard.
Cal is actually doing well at work, which is a perfect excuse to slack off for a while and focus on… other things…
Quinn: Hey, you’re still electrocuting me! What gives?
Calamity: Maybe you did something slimy again?
Quinn: Huh, I don’t think so…
*five minutes earlier*
Slimebag or not, you can’t deny these two are a match made in heaven. Or somewhere more whacked, like Narnia, or the Upside-Down.
Quinn: What’s the life jacket for?
Calamity: You can never be too safe in these waters.
Quinn: That’s true, STD’s are a real thing.
Calamity: No stupid, I’m talking about the mythical Tub Monster!
Quinn: Of course you are.
Calamity: Do you see it?
Quinn: Hard to say. Maybe you should help me look.
Whether or not there was innuendo in there, this is how the first child of Gen. 7 is conceived.
As for our other lovebirds, it’s no use trying to stop them. Frieda dons her activewear for the first time ever just to indulge Gumby—probably the closest they’ve come to a healthy marriage.
Gumby: That’s it, you’re almost there! You’re almost touching the weights!
Frieda: Do I have abs yet?
All this prompts Frieda to realize she really doesn’t have any passions for Gumby to share in, since all she’s been doing is waiting for him to die.
Frieda: Surely there’s something else I’m good at?
Actually, she’s pretty well-rounded. Too bad we typecast people so early around here.
Speaking of which, this is pretty much where you can find Gumby when he’s not with his wife. Little wimp still needs the occasional time-out to rest his frail heart.
Hey, wasn’t Maeve there a minute ago?
And she didn’t get stuck in the chair?
Does that mean…
Well, it’s about damn time!
Of course, he proceeds to autonomously play chess on his computer because he knows no other life.
Omen: One does not give up his craft simply because he has become a master.
Hokay Mr. Wisdom, is that out of your cult handbook?
Omen: Page 249, Verse 3.
Our youngest has yet to master the craft of getting to school in this town. To add a layer of difficulty, she’s grounded to all hell from missing school and isn’t even allowed to get on the bus anymore, so she has to teleport.
Rhapsody: ♫ Hello darkness my old friend ♫
It really is a sad story.
Almost as sad as this one: Fiasco is so married to the nectar machine that his mother has to migrate her easel to better capture him in his natural habitat.
Fiasco: Great, this is exactly the version of myself I want to be remembered by.
Frieda: Which other version would you prefer, exactly?
Fiasco: Point taken.
Turns out hot tubs really can make you sick.
Calamity: Nah, I definitely just did my suspenders up too tight.
Sure, let’s roll with that.
Until she pops, she gets to keep living the good life: jabbing stuff with wrenches and clashing with her co-workers.
Emily: Get this, I’m a firefighter.
Calamity: We’re all firefighters here.
Emily: Are you sassing me right now?
In other simself news — congrats, Livy, you birthed a(nother) Langurd!
One more delivery to the cellar, and Fiasco’s done his part in preparing the family for the apocalypse.
No Langurd will ever thirst for wine again.
…I stand corrected. Echoing his brother’s “a master doth not give up his craft” proverb, Fiasco rolls this immediately post-LTW.
The obvious answer (to this and to everything) is WINE PARTY!
On the left we have “Blood of the Brothers,” Katana’s first nectar from way back in Gen 3. It’s survived three moves and has appreciated enough in value that it’s almost a shame to drink it, but yolo I guess. On the right is “Bottled Starlight,” one of Fiasco’s younger concoctions. It’s a wild card.
Fiasco: Welcome to Fifi’s Wine Showcase! Step right up, take a sip of my life’s work!
Fiasco: Well, everyone? What do you think?
Gumby: Ah, a leggy fusion of forest fruits with oak undertones.
Frieda: I think it has grapes in it?
Crash: *would rather eat burnt carbonara*
Fiasco: Well I think it’s garbage, just like everything else I’ve ever done with my life.
Gumby: Thank god you said it.
What a great revelation after you’ve devoted yourself to the craft of winemaking.
On that note, it’s a bittersweet “see ya never” to our eldest spares! Best of luck in the void, boys!
Fiasco: What’s the void?
Poor child is going to die out there.
Frieda: R.I.P. my sweet innocent baby.
This is a terrible thing to say, but I wish people’s houses would start catching on fire already. If Cal has to deal with one more “AAAAHH gnomes are scary help us pls!!” I’m going to quit.
Entire Mithrilen Family: GNOMES ARE SCARY!
So much so, apparently, that they’ve evacuated themselves and left baby Dusty to die. First of all: Dusty is like the worst name ever for a child of former royalty. Also: he’s the only one in this case who can actually justify saying “gnomes are scary.”
Cal: Jeez, I can see why they left you here.
Calamity: Okay, you’re actually kinda cute. I wouldn’t mind getting me one of these.
Surprise, you’re getting you one of those!
Calamity: Idk, I’m pretty satisfied if this new dress is all I get.
Sometimes being easy to please is not a good thing.
You know what else isn’t a good thing?
Calamity: Hey guess what, we’re having a baby. Whoops, wrong number!
That. Absolutely that.
In person is always better.
Calamity: Hey guess what, we’re having a baby.
Quinn: Is it mine or the Tub Monster’s?
Calamity: Good question.
Seems like a good time to add Quinn to the family and give him
a beautiful makeover an even slimier hairstyle than before. He’s a Friendly, Charismatic, Excitable Genius with a Good Sense of Humour, which is totally not how I’ve been writing him but let’s forget about that. Oh, and there’s one more thing…
Quinn: Surprise, I’m going to be an old man tomorrow!
WHYYYYY am I forever cursed with adult spouses at the end of their life stage WHYYYYY. D:
I guess I have no right to complain about “cursed,” not when Rhapsody’s entire life has been a series of outrageous punishments for things she can’t control.
Rhapsody: Literally the only perfect kid in this family’s history and what do I fucking get for it? *growl*
Maybe a little parental recognition would help.
Gumby: *pat pat*
Rhapsody: Uh, what are you doing?
Gumby: You had a weird sparkly thing stuck to your back. It’s gone now.
Not that she’ll get it from either of hers in their lifetimes.
Whoops, I forgot to knock on wood. Sorry Gumby.
Gumby: How did I get down here?
Gumby: Why am I suddenly terrified of myself?
Gumby: Oh please, Mr. Grim, turn me into anything else!
Grim: You think I’m happy about this? I was having a grand old time in the Maldives, then my replacement had to go and die!
Gumby: Can’t I be one of you, then?
Grim: Nah, you were doing a shit job anyway.
Frieda: MY GUMBY!
What a perfect way for a true celery to leave this world.
Frieda: I take it all back! I don’t need his money, I just want my Gumby!
Grim: Are you sure about that?
Grim: Joke’s on you, sister.
In a cruel plot twist, Frieda ends up crying over a pot of ashes and still missing her LTW. Um, I’m sorry, but was there a WRONG way to do this? Did we really just flub the most straightforward of all LTW’s?
Frieda: Fuck you Gumby you worthless lump of playdough you ruined me!
But more on that later.
Hello there! I see your Liebster nominations and am incredibly grateful and oh so late to the party as always, and beginning to feel like a broken record because nothing I say in these A/N’s hasn’t been said before. However, know that this broken record is drafting up answers to all your questions and will post them as soon as she feels less guilty about not posting real things!
For anyone who was following the round-robin legacy I started on Boolprop over a year ago (whoops), I finally kicked myself in the butt and finished my generation! Conveniently, I’m telling you this right as the heir poll is closing, but the point is that’s one more distraction off my plate.
Unfortunately, I recently started playing an EPIC challenge for fun (double whoops) and am thinking about publishing it—but probably not until Cal’s generation is done, and definitely not with the same ambition as this blog. In fact, I’m thinking of starting a central blog where I can toss all my Sims trash that doesn’t fit in this dumpster, including the “Who’s Your Daddy?” challenge I started last year (my life is one big “whoops,” okay?).
I also bought Stardew Valley back in May and logged 116 hours in two weeks. I am not proud of this.
I am, however, quite proud of this because small things amuse me.
Posted on June 28, 2017, in Generashun 6 and tagged birthday, calamity, crash, death, death of a celery, dominique, donte, dusty, fatherly love, fiasco, firefighter, frieda, ghost pokey, graduation, grim reaper, grounded, gumby, hot tub monster, ltw complete, maeve, morrigan, move out, omen, pregnancy, promotion, quinn, rhapsody, serenade, sim emily, sim livy, slime, stardew valley, storm, titanic, wine party. Bookmark the permalink. 11 Comments.