6.9 Whose Bed Have Your Boots Been Under?
Ah yes, finally—a chapter number to match the Langurds’ maturity level. Just in time for…
Wink wink, nudge nudge. But of course, that’s a very sore topic around here with our Gen. 6 OTP fresh off a divorce and trying to cobble their lives back together. R.I.P. Quilamity, you had a good run were never going to make it anyway.
Both parties take some time to focus on themselves, which tbh is basically what they did while married anyway. Calamity spends hers witnessing important milestones.
Cal: Try not to get arrested, okay?
Trance: Sorry Mom, but my coolness is a serious crime.
Staging virtual holidays.
Kip: What’s that place, Mommy?
Cal: Ah, The Sims 2. That is beyond our borders. You must never go there, Simba.
Kip: Who’s Simba?
Cal: Eh, kids these days…
And generally being the picture of motherhood.
Trance: Preparing for meltdown in five, four, three…
Calamity: On it!
She occasionally breaks down and rolls a wish like this…
But she’s also rolling other things fuelled by her ongoing midlife crisis…
Because everyone wants a piece of Doctor Jeff.
Quinn pours himself into his life’s work our half-hearted attempts at maybe getting another promotion before he dies.
Quinn: So Breandan, I hear you made some sleazy comments to my ex-wife on our wedding day. Can I get that in writing? You know, for the sake of accurate historical records.
Breandan: Yes, verily. I would not be loathe to wear her kerchief on my helm if thou knowest what I mean.
Breandan: But I must say, that sir over yonder seemeth quite hostile toward thee.
Omen: Hmph! Bet I didn’t even cross his mind when he cut himself out of the family!
Quinn’s life may take a turn for the better when he publishes this autobiographical social experiment article, but it’s unlikely.
For now, he’s just a sad divorced man sleeping in his best bro’s bed.
We don’t do things by halves around here—and while that usually results in doing nothing at all, Calamity’s already filled one big-ticket MLC wish. Now I’m bent and bound she’s going to “get the change she needs” or whatever, and the next step is a sorely needed makeover.
Cal: Hey, pillowcases are fashion.
Yet you’re the one who wants out of it.
Well, hoity-toity salon says pregnant and occult sims can’t get makeovers (in an annoying nasal voice) and Calamity is both, and I knew this already but conveniently forgot. This won’t do, so Calamity sets about fixing things.
Cal: One “Upgrade –> Anti-Discrimination” coming right up!
She’s almost finished when an event outside disturbs the space-time continuum.
Morrigan: Squad, assemble!
Here we have Morrigan O’Reilly of the hot mother and the badass name. On her left flank is Brien O’Connell, newly married to her sister Fiona. On the other side is our good friend Aiden, Brien’s brother… and Morrigan’s husband.
Their trip to the salon is a most-of-the-family affair, and it’s about to get fucked up.
Seamus: Well done, son. I knew you’d bag a good one.
Aiden: Thanks, Dad!
Cal: What the hell! So that bastard was engaged this whole time? Wow, and he made me think I was the bad g…
Cal: …Ah, crap.
Morrigan: Wait, what did you just say about my husband?
Morrigan: Honey, am I to believe that this woman is having your baby right now?
Aiden: I’m sorry, I screwed up!
Morrigan: Oh my GOD, Aiden!
Cal: Well, I’ll be going now.
Seamus: *sigh* My son is an idiot…
Indeed, he all but misses his daughter’s birth, then makes a big show of following Calamity home.
Aiden: I’m gonna go home to my WIFE now!
Cal: *angry fizzle of electricity*
The actual human-for-once baby currently being zapped is a Heat-Loving Party Animal who enjoys pink, fish and chips, and kids’ music. To compensate for her unfortunate beginnings, I give her the name I’ve been saving up from the start: meet Siesta Langurd.
Quinn is very mature about it all and treats her the same as he would his own.
Quinn: Somebody shut up that half-breed!
Cal: Sure, I’ll shut you up.
Aiden: I think he meant the child.
Cal: Get out of my house, you generic son of a bitch.
So continues the delicate balancing act of convincing the children everything is okay.
Kip: Why is everyone yelling?
Cal: We’re all just REALLY excited about your birthday, honey!
Kip: I am so loved!
The game knows better; she rolls Insane. I cry and reroll because rule-breaking is addictive I’d rather not play the same generation over again, thank you very much. The second time, she gets Adventurous.
Kip: I’m going on an adventure! To the school bus!
I have decided her aesthetic is “black and white photograph with really bad red-eye.”
Kip: I’m a model.
I agree, but first go learn things!
Kip: I wouldn’t look this cute in glasses.
Omg you’re ten, go roll in the mud and set ants on fire!
Kip: Ew, nature.
Kip: Seriously though, how do I get on the school bus?
All this time, I thought Rhapsody was just an idiot. Turns out the routing on this lot is actually that bad.
Calamity returns to the salon that night to finish what she started like a good Samaritan and get that skill point.
The O’Reilly-O’Connell Carnival of Fuckery is nowhere to be seen.
Quinn does find their matriarch though. Grab your shovel, man, ‘cause you’re gonna need it for all that dirt.
Quinn: Would you say your sons are respectable men?
Shauna: Oh, absolutely! Upstanding citizens and wonderful husbands!
He gets home and composes a scathing article about her because that option seems like the most fun.
Quinn: Terribly dressed high-society woman totally clueless about the inner workings of her family…
Those of you who’ve been cursed by Mysterious Ghost Hunter Music of Unknown Source—is it not somewhat terrifying? I tracked mine down to the hospital, which did not make things less creepy.
I think the dark spirit of baby Falafel still lingers in this world…
He may be slightly jealous of being replaced by a prodigy.
Trance: I am a master of modern dance!
Cal: Ooooh-kay, kiddo.
Time will tell if Trance gets upstaged in turn by his younger sis—
—ter. Did you just blow up the baby?
Time will tell also if Siesta survives her mother’s, er, stimulating mood swings.
Who forgot we had a unicorn?
Who forgot to take down the wedding decorations that are now an awkward reminder of painful memories?
At least it makes for a pretty picture.
A less pretty picture: with Gumby gone, poor Storm has to resort to extreme measures to get any attention.
Storm: Notice me senpai!
And yet she hasn’t been carted away from us like Rarity & co., so I think we’re doing pretty well.
Storm: Mom, I don’t like it here anymore. No one talks to me and I just get stuck in shit all the time.
Pokey: Sorry kid. Maybe you’ll luck out and die soon.
Storm: But I ate a life fruit!
Pokey: Sucks to be you, then.
Damn horses causing problems right, left, and centre.
Kip: You’re smudging my calligraphy!
Zenyatta: Fuck your calligraphy.
Kip: You’re not very nice.
Another LTW knocked off the list! Congrats, Crash—you are officially more than a hot piece of ass. You are a hot piece of ass who can also do math and stuff!
Crash: *still unable to defend his intellectual honour*
Well, what now? Anything you’ve been dying to do while I’ve had you cooped up in a children’s playroom absorbing smarticle particles?
Crash: *deep in thought*
Crash: *sprints out the door*
I wonder what he has in mind?
Just kidding, I planned the whole thing. Our guy just needs a bit of liquid courage to make it unfold.
Sophie: Do attractive women make you uncomfortable, Crash?
Crash: *long swig*
I think most of us would be a little intimidated by Sophie. She’s got gorgeous bone structure (whoa there Tyra Banks) and wasn’t horribly styled by the dice rolling machine. Plus she has Crash’s habit of being stupidly picturesque!
Sophie: ♫ Hello, is it me you’re looking for? ♫
Indeed it is—if only Crash can psych himself up to confess. Deep breaths, buddy.
Why the fuck would you…?
Everyone has different methods, I guess.
And when all else fails, you can always hire an interpreter.
Quinn: I had Crash mime his feelings to me and wrote down what I deciphered.
Sophie: Is that a dragon shooting a fireball at Iron Man?
Quinn: Sure is.
Sophie: Oh Crash, I feel exactly the same way!
Kip rolls a wish for a treehouse—a clever hack for an adventurous outdoors-hater (or, you know, a generic wish that every Sim kid has at some point). None of them seem to match Dragon Valley’s aesthetic until I realize that this roof is slightly reminiscent of Winterfell from Game of Thrones.
I always thought those cylinder things were kinda weird for a castle.
Imagine my surprise when I plunk this down all satisfied, only to rotate my camera and spot this shining figure across the lake. It’s a bird, it’s a plane…
…it’s Fifi giving a private performance to a stone wall!
Fiasco: Remember how I wanted to be a vocal legend once and you changed my LTW to wine?
Is it just me, or would it not make sense for electric ghosts to be immune to electric shocks? The same way electric Pokémon absorb electric type attacks?
Cal: Oooh, when did I get these leggings?
Clearly asking the important questions.
Another important question: how does a clown like Quinn produce such adorable offspring?
Trance: My condolences.
Kip: For what?
Trance: Losing the heir poll.
Kip: Oh, you.
But let’s not rule out Siesta, little party animal celebrating a fateful birthday fiesta. I’ve specially assigned Rhapsody to do the caking so as to surround her with recessive hair vibes.
Rhapsody: And here I thought I’d earned this honour through childcare.
Kudos to white-haired Crash and ginger queen Malissa for joining in the ceremony.
Rhapsody: None of us are heirs and one of us is dead—but hey Siesta, do us proud!
Success! She isn’t a ginger, but around here I’m obligated to get excited about any hair that isn’t black. Interestingly, none of the three kids inherited their hair directly from a parent (Cal would have passed on the spiceberry highlights). The brown eyes we decided are from Gumby/Calamity.
Confession: I rerolled her face because no one deserves a 4th-generation faceclone.
With three solid contenders officially in the mix, Trance is upping his cute game.
Trance: Mommy, I’m scared.
Cal: Why, son?
Trance: There’s a dead lady on the floor.
I’m not even going to pretend I know the who, what, and why of this situation.
The second time Sophie comes to visit, we learn a few things about her. One, she works in the Journalism industry with Quinn the Dud. Two, she currently lives with the entire O’Reilly-O’Connell brigade because WHY NOT?
Sophie: We’re not supposed to see each other on our wedding day.
But you guys haven’t even kissed yet???
Sophie: I just know these things, okay?
Words fail our hero, so Rhapsody provides a soundtrack for all the important milestones in their relationship.
Rhapsody: ♫ Can you feel the love tonight? ♫
While Kip prepares their wedding cake.
Kip: Lemon lavender chiffon with a zucchini ganache!
(Help, her traits are killing me. This is the only way I can reconcile “Adventurous” with “Hates the Outdoors.”)
They finally tie the knot in the bathroom after one of them takes a pee break. All I can say is they sure know how to Langurd.
Sophie: Now let’s get you far away from these crazy people, okay?
Crash: *nod nod*
We don’t have the house space to get them pregnant, so we’ll have to trust Story Progression to do it for us. Haha, “trust Story Progression”…
Good one, Sam.
I was ready to post this last night, but then I couldn’t think of a title and I figured only sleep could inspire me. It didn’t. Hence my posting this fours after I woke up and started thinking again. 😦
My house has been full of people all weekend and I can’t wait to dramatically slam my door and hammer out the next four chapters by Wednesday. Because I’m not quite ready to admit that that won’t happen. 😀
Posted on July 10, 2017, in Generashun 6, Half-Decade Heptathlon and tagged aiden, birth, birthday, breandan, brien, calamity, crash, falafel the dark spirit, kip, love day, ltw complete, morrigan, omen, quinn, rhapsody, siesta, sophie, storm, trance, wedding. Bookmark the permalink. 9 Comments.