7.2 Forbidden

Well. I just laid out the screenshots for several more chapters and let me tell you, Siesta’s generation is going to be a saga. Today’s update is coming to you in a smaller package so I will feel less daunted by the task ahead.

We find the family in much the state we left them, i.e. total disarray after our resident knight turned out to be robotophile, and our resident robot turned out to be a bitch. Who knew?

The latest trend is that Siri keeps asking Breandan to “train” her on the ballet bar, which is as unsubtle as it is stupid.

Breandan: Work that plié, you arousing slab of tin!

Siri: This is all I ever wanted!

Siesta: I’m sorry, my robot is doing what?

That’s right. You’ve been heiress for five minutes and look what you’ve created already.

Siesta: …I’m going to kill us all, aren’t I?

Most likely.

Maybe it won’t be that bad. I mean, the family survived a whole generation under this one, after all.

Cal: *making faces on the glass*

Cal: Wow my ring is a little crooked I’d better just—

OKAY HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE?

And how is Rhapsody taking all this? You tell me.

Rhapsody: What a lovely hat, Mrs. Nesbitt. It goes quite well with your head.

You know, your ancestor Buzz worked up quite the repertoire of romantic tragedi—

Rhapsody: SHOW ME THE BOOKSHELF

Whether out of pure guilt or some uncanny, unprecedented maternal instinct, Siesta is pretty good at filling in for Riza’s parents.

Siesta: Look, we match!

Riza: In colour or maturity level?

Mind you, she’s not the only one trying to fill in.

Siri: Hey little one. You don’t know it yet, but your daddy and I are going to get married and steal you away from this dumb place.

Kip: *sneaks up out of nowhere* WHATCHA DOIN’?

Siri: ADSLFKJASLH *drops baby*

Kip: I live to intimidate.

Damn straight. Our new graduate (with honour) excels in far too many ways, so it’s time to take a kick at a less predictable can.

A can we call love. ❤

Kip: Jada? Hey, this lady just called love a toilet again and I could really use someone sane to talk to.

Ahem. Jada’s traits, as a reminder.

Seems like a fine time for Siesta to reconnect with the Montague to her Capulet; the Jet to her Shark; the Mithrilen to her Langurd.

Siesta: Hey Dusty, how was re-education? … Oh, that’s nice… Wait, what?

WAIT, WHAT?

Siesta: No, of course I’m happy for you! It’s not like I had some huuuuuuge crazy fantasy about our lives together. Everything here is going great. I only blew up the robot egg once today.

She says with LITERAL TEARS IN HER EYES.

On to something more uplifting, like the pure joy on Calamity’s face after she scares her children shitless.

Trance: Mom! Don’t you have better things to do than hide in the laundry hamper? Don’t you have fire to put out?

Cal: Fire, schmire.

Not like you can talk, young man. Just where do you think you’re going baring that much midriff?

Trance: Wouldn’t you like to know.

Figures he’d bow down to the coolest of Langurds. I can always tell someone is doing a pilgrimage in the catacombs when random shit like this pops up:

And don’t we all know it.

Speaking of pilgrimages – the time travelers were fun at first, but it’s starting to feel like we’re running a hostel.

Amanda: Why would they lock the nursery door?

Yellow Shirt: I call political prejudice.

And I call GTFO.

This is the most recent “descendent” the game has sent us. She’s a Lira faceclone, has shit hair, and has completely regressed into alien features.

Descendent: Welcome to hell.

This, too, is spiralling out of control.

Siri: My love sleeps so peacefully…

FOREVER SCARRED

Seems like the right time for Siesta to road test her bot-building skill, which she can only accomplish by trapping the subject in a dark corner.

Siesta: Okay, I think you’re a little out of whack. Let’s see if we can fix you back to your normal self.

Siri: Bitch, I ain’t wanna be fixed! Least of all by you!

Siesta: That should do it! Gimme some skin, partner!

Siri: I’m sorry, installation of the “Siesta Iz Kool” code has failed.

Siesta: Dammit.

So it’s back to the drawing board.

Siesta: Ohhhh… well I’ve been plugging THAT in totally backwards.

I realize now she probably should have hit the books before I let her get her hands on real circuits.

Jada finally deigns to come over and oh my, what a sight. Storm is the ultimate aesthetic accessory.

Storm: Hello, eating snow here.

Jada: Are you neglecting this unicorn? Seriously?

Of course not! We would never do that again.

Jada: Hey, what’s the emergency?

Kip: Let’s get you out of those clothes.

Jada: Pardon?

Kip: There.

Jada: Okay… but you said something about a missing person.

Kip: Yes, and she’s back now. I missed her a lot.

Jada: …I’m an actual police officer, Kip.

All she can do is hover and stare with this dumb look on her face. Not that I blame her, but frankly it’s embarrassing.

Kip then goes to fulfill her needs but apparently forgets to invite Jada inside, opening the door to all kinds of untoward behaviour.

Trance: I’d give you my jacket, but I’m too cool to wear one.

Jada: Jerk. Tell your sister to get off the toilet or I’m leaving.

Trance: I have a better idea.

Gross. Little hotshot isn’t even YA yet.

These two, on the other hand – totally in sync.

Kip: It would be a crime for us not to be a couple.

Jada: Is she for real?

Jada: I guess we do look pretty cool.

They are goddamn models and this legacy doesn’t deserve them.

This one is really feeling herself, until—

Rhapsody: Hey, you look familiar…

Rhapsody: Aren’t you Breandan’s apprentice at the police station?

Jada: Wait, my boss lives here?

Kip: Wait, my uncle is your boss?

Jada: Uh, gotta go. *sprints through metal bars*

Kip: That went well.

Hey Rhapsody, you feel any better after screwing over your niece’s relationship?

Rhapsody: Not really. I think I want to hit things.

Breandan: You must have polished your breastplate, for I cannot avert my eyes from it.

Siri: *giggle*

I think I need to clarify that ALL of Siri and Breandan’s interactions have thus far been autonomous. This may not be an ISBI, but my sims are perfectly capable of fucking shit up on their own.

You should also know that—aside from that person-person-minus in the nursery—Rhapsody has not accused Breandan of cheating, nor does she have any betrayal moodlets, nor has her relationship with him actually dropped. Someone is in full-on denial.

Rhapsody: *basically witnessing robot sex* This is fine.

Rhapsody: My love—

Breandan: Milord.

Rhapsody: Milord, I can see you’re going through a rough patch. I hope you know that Riza and I are still here for you, whatever you need.

Cal: Excuse me, but no. Have some self-respect and kick this trash out.

Siri: A strong man like you needs a strong woman, baby. And I’m made of titanium.

Rhapsody: I know you won’t fall for her tricks.

He definitely fell for her tricks.

Rhapsody: I don’t understand. Are you really throwing away our dream?

Breandan: No, Rhapsody. I am throwing away your dream.

Siri: DAYUMMMM

“Watch the stars” my ass. Y’all are staring at a broken wall speaker.

God, I almost feel bad for her.

Hey Breandan, I thought you were morally opposed to women making the first move?

Assface.

And they lived happily ever after.

______________________________________________________________________________________________

Blegh. I honestly despised writing this arc, but it happened, so it had to be done. And here we are — another happy family shattered by free will.

Things I’ve been forgetting to mention:

1) Thank you all for your PC name suggestions! I mean, most of you just liked the post and said nothing, but that’s okay. I have yet to settle on a name but I will be sure to make a big deal about it when I do.

2) Boolprop is running another SimNaWriMo event, and I will be participating with the Langurds! I may have crashed and burned my way to bronze last time, but this time will be different. Largely because even ten updates would be like a THIRD of this generation. Brace yourselves for September 1st is all I can say.

Happy Simming!

-Sam