Seven Years of Slacking
So I bet you saw this post and thought “hey, it’s July, it’s SimNano time – looks like Gryff got her shit together halfway through the month!”
Well nope, I’m actually just here to drop the obligatory birthday post acknowledging this blog’s SEVEN YEARS of existence. That’s right – acknowledging, not celebrating, because we’re well past treating these birthdays as accomplishments.
^ This legacy, 95 years from now after the successful completion of Chapter 8.17
In fact, at exactly seven years in, my last published chapter is 7.7 and that’s pretty cool BUT we’ve officially started averaging LESS than a generation a year and that’s pretty… not cool.
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Here are some more impressive things that have been accomplished in less than seven years:
Michelangelo – painted the Sistine Chapel
Mark Zuckerberg – coded Facebook, became a billionaire
Harry Potter – defeated the darkest wizard of all time
The Black Death – eradicated 60% of Europe’s population
This kid – born, accepted to Oxford
On the other hand, it took Andy Dufresne 19 years to escape Shawshank Prison and excavating a wall with a tiny hammer seems like a much more apt metaphor for this legacy soooo maybe I don’t need to beat myself up. (Correction – I really do need to beat myself up.)
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In a classic example of “I set the bar way too high for myself and now I can’t even see it,” I’m afraid I don’t have time this year to host a multi-chapter party, stage more Olympics, and ESPECIALLY not to churn out a post a day for a week or build a goddamn PC (where did I get that energy?!) so for the Langurds’ seventh birthday, my gift to you is this random collection of… highlights? A summary? Maybe just a bunch of pictures I found in a mysterious folder called “favourites” that happened to be on the drive I brought with me to Korea?
But we have to give everything a fancy name around here, so I present to you:
Langurds through the Years
Title: The Formation of the Secret Block SocietyTM
Tagline: You can’t sit with us
Title: The Secret Block Society II: Mass Graduation
Tagline: Probably still grasping basic geometry
Title: Tewl’s Just Desserts
Tagline: The world’s most punchable face
Title: The Return of the Football
Tagline: A silver-haired bromance (in theatres this fall)
Title: No Babe, THAT’S our Star!
Tagline: No Dorothy, you’re not a part of this
Title: Proper Childbirth Posture
Tagline: Honey, this wasn’t part of the birth plan
Title: The Tale of the Mantis
Tagline: Jack of all trades – master of being beaten repeatedly by an old lady
Title: Head of the Family Tree
Tagline: Praying those apples fall, like, thirty miles away
Title: Jergens Awakens
Tagline: When you know you’ll never get an Imaginary Friend potion, you take matters into your own hands
Title: How to Break Up a Couple in 10 Seconds – by Katana Langurd
Tagline: Not sure if disgusted or impressed?
Title: Lira’s Big Entrance
Tagline: A Halloween birth on the dance floor, what can go wrong?
Title: Murderous Thoughts
Tagline: When you’re at a house party and you literally hate everyone there
Title: Left Hanging
Tagline: The tragic saga of Dax and Lance, a.k.a. Dunce
Title: Attack of the Bedtime Stories
Tagline: Don’t be silly, I hate all my children equally
Title: Better Door than a Window
Tagline: Tammy Parker – WoRsT RoOmMaTe EvEr
Title: My Snaaaaaacks!
Tagline: That time when I really didn’t understand this game at all
Title: Toadz in Luv
Tagline: I thought u were a wizard?
Title: Immediate Regret
Tagline: When you’re evil but you’re friendly too
Title: How can we sleep while our beds are burning?
Tagline: The moment that literally made me write all the prior chapters faster, because I was so excited to use this caption
Title: A Most Unholy Union
Tagline: The real reason LeffJeff didn’t make it in the end
Title: Florin’s War on Love
Tagline: When even your soapbox is a sinking ship
Title: Pokey’s Dream, Fulfilled
Tagline: Boa’s lot in life, summarized
Title: No More Jellybeans
Tagline: When even death doesn’t want you
Title: A Happy Family
Tagline: Or the cast of a 2009 YA novel?
Title: Toy Story 5
Tagline: Still less creepy than those ventriloquist dummies.
Title: Til Death Do Us Part
Tagline: But I still won’t marry you
Tagline: A side-effect of ice cream, or Gumby’s totally overwhelmed mental state upon entering adulthood?
Title: Gumby Becomes Death
Tagline: If Scott Calvin can do it, so can I!
Title: Man(drake) in the Moon
Tagline: Spoiler – he doesn’t stick the landing
Title: Calamity Finds Love
Tagline: None needed
Title: Identity Crisis
Tagline: Think inside the box
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And because this all feels really half-assed, here’s an even MORE half-assed (quarter-assed, even) preview of what’s to come!
Safe to say I’m probably not making my SimNano goal of seven posts in July (given that thus far I have ZERO) but I’ll try to get at least one more out this month. If you’re not on Boolprop and have no idea what I’m talking about, what are you even doing?!
Now, I’m going to post this shit before it’s no longer July 12th in any time zone anywhere…