7.12 Continue

Welcome to the real first chapter of Generation Seven! I should probably put a note on 7.1 to skip straight here, but I’m lazy and selfish and would rather make you all suffer through what I had to. #sorrynotsorry

Either way, we made it! The spares are outta here and the hype is off the charts.

Siesta: Omg is it finally my turn??! Omg omg okay, I have so many plans ahhhhh where should I start?!?

There is one obvious place to start…

Dusty: Can we really do this in front of all your stuffies?

Siesta: They’ve seen our beer pong skills. Do you think they can be any more traumatized?

Nah, they look like a pretty hardened bunch of tavern-dwellers to me.

Moomoocorn: I seen things man

This image brings me so much joy. Less than if Riza weren’t there, but going from a 12-sim to a 3-sim panel is a high very few things can induce.

A post-coitus Snowflake Day meal with Dusty’s ex-husband? Count us IN!

Better make things super awkward by showing up in separate vehicles.

Siesta: This baby is mine.

Yes I know, and you needed to have your triumphant solo drive across town, exploding the brain of every citizen who thought they lived in the Middle Ages.

Siesta: That’s my mission statement!

Siesta: Did the party start without me??!

No, that’s your mission statement. And how could it have, when you’re two hours early? I’m sure no one is even here yet.

Siesta: Hey, she’s here!

Kylee: I factored in four hours for traffic.

Derrick: Great, two Langurds in my foyer. Just what I wanted.

Family relations are extra special now that he’s remarried with Fiasco.

And he’s never actually met his niece/homewrecker before, so it’s time to drive a sledgehammer through that ice.

Siesta: Hiya Derrick! I’ve heard so much about you! I’m gonna call you Uncle Derr-Bear, is that okay?

Derrick: Not even a little bit.

Siesta: Wow, what a rude man.

Maybe cut him some slack, you did tear apart his life.

Understandably, Derrick evicts everyone while he finishes preparing the feast (spoiler: there is no feast) and sarcastically suggests clearing up the leaves as a fun activity.

Kylee: Best party EVER!

Siesta doesn’t partake, but is equally entertained simply by being here.

Siesta: Ooh, can you get a pic of me? I wanna remember this night FOREVER!

Hey, look who’s finally here! In the basement, of all places?

Dusty: Only one place for a clumsy loner at the holiday party of the man he divorced.

Crash: Hurr hurr hurr

Dusty: Yes, I know.

Dusty: ‘Tis I.

Dusty: The garbage man.

Crash: *just sad for him now*

He rescued a butterfly from the bottom of the dumpster though and I just think that’s so beautiful and so Dusty.

Derrick serves a cheese plate. Derrick is done.

Siesta: Wow I sure am hungry after all the activities Dusty and I did earlier.

Good going, lay it on thick.

Siesta: Uh oh, that cheese doesn’t feel good in my belly. Could it be that Dusty and I are pregnant??!

Derrick: Oh no, that cheese has just been in my fridge for six years.

Siesta: *loud puking noises*

Derrick: *slams the door on her*

Silly Derrick – we all know you can’t take a Langurd out with food poisoning. In fact the only reason they’re eating like kings these days is because of the stashes Kip left.

Siesta: I could make this. Doesn’t look so hard.

Oh yeah? What are the ingredients?

Siesta: …cheeseburger.

As you can see, the eternal curse of “fuck up the heir’s portrait” is still upon us. How the hell did you manage to make her look gap-toothed?

Riza: She’s not?

In other Riza news…

She turned out two more crappy books.

…and may well not have a family to live with after I toss her out.

And while we’re doing pop-ups – Trelilah had their third kid! (I sneak in and rename her Marquess to fit with their theme.)

Firstborn Duke is a teen now…

And is very popular indeed with the other teens of Dragon Valley. 😉

Also, somewhere out there a Langurd and an O’Reilly-O’Connell have formed the devil’s union. We hate you, Doritus.

Here is a picture of Dusty’s butt to segue into an update on his professional life.

When we got this popup last time, I wrongly attributed the act (perhaps because EA blatantly gendered “the General”)…

…to this random coworker from Dusty’s panel. The truth is it’s been years since I played this stuff and I did a truly terrible job of noting anything down.

I have him constantly doing this at work, not even remotely aware that actually…

*gasps* *vomits* *faints*

His real boss is Fiona O’Reilly-O’Connell, otherwise known as Siesta’s evil stepmother and one of his parents’ sworn enemies. No wonder he’s having such a shitty time at work.

But the bootlicking has done him good and he’s now a Squad Leader (Level 4), which sounds like a lot of pressure and I’m worried for him.

Which Dusty? OUR DUSTY?

Nuh-uh, that’s fake.

Siesta: Notice anything… different about me?

The Tewl-like look on your face?

Siesta: No, look down!

Good god, who left the bed unmade?

Siesta: Omg seriously!

I mean, this is probably wise, if Dusty is all we have as a male role model.

The one downside to inheriting the entire estate is that there’s a LOT of housekeeping to catch up on after half a generation of being sidetracked.

Siesta: This is so unfair.

I could call in Trance to repla—

Siesta: I LOVE LAUNDRY! 😀

Dusty: The horrors that have been committed in this dark place. *shudder*

Not wrong bud, I get the creeps every time I take pictures in here.

With that done, there’s another important milestone to attend to.

Siesta: Okay, I quadruple checked the code. I ran all the diagnostics. I disconnected the external servers. There should be no way this can fail.

Egg: Lol no promises.

Siesta: *sucks in the biggest breath* Pleasedon’texplodepleasedon’texplodepleasedon’t—

Dudley: Explode!

Siesta: Omg, I don’t believe it!

Everyone, meet Siesta’s first Plumbot creation: Dudley!

Dudley: Dudley… explode?

Siesta: Please don’t, you’re amazing!

Dudley: Amazing! 😀

First order of business: Establish that the human maker is taken and you cannot date her. #TheSiriEffect

Siesta: Dudley guess what? I’m having a baaaaaaby!

Dudley: Good!

Siesta: Here Dudley, if I tinker with your chips we might get past this one-word-responses thing.

Dudley: Tinker 😉

Siesta: Well?

Dudley: Potty.

Dusty: Yeah, that’s what they all call me.

Dudley: Master ❤

Siesta: This is the best decision I ever made.

In fact, it might be Siesta we have to keep an eye on. Largely because ELECTROCUTION.

Interestingly, we may also need to watch Dusty.

But probably not, because these two are a couple of mangled and folded puzzle pieces that miraculously found each other in the vacuum cleaner.

Siesta: I hope our baby is just like you. ❤

Dusty: NO! Why? Why would you say that?

Look, Dudley cooks! Take that, Kip! Never needed you anyway!

Dudley: Cookie.

Dudley: Pong! ❤

Dudley: Master shake shake!

Siesta: Haha this is fun!

Does your fetus think so?

Siesta: If it doesn’t it’s no child of mine!

Siesta seems like the kind of sim whose favourite food would be cookies, and I almost miscaptioned this photo. In fact it’s fish and chips, but I’m sure she’s thrilled to be eating food made by a bot.

Siesta: I made the thing that made this. I basically made this.

Let’s not get ahead—

Siesta: I am a chef.

Sweet dreams, chef.

Does she pretty much live the life now or what?

While she naps away the afternoon, Dudley gets dinner ready.

Dudley: Noooooooooodle.

His maker opts for an ice cream appetizer first.

Riza: So you’re having a kid, eh?

Siesta: Yuh-huh.

Riza: My artworks are kind of like my children. I could give you some parenting tips.

Siesta: Could you try not being like this?

I second that.

Riza: Good thing it’s my birthday! I’m gonna be so different when I’m older!

Let’s hope.

Riza: *looks exactly the same* *develops Unflirty due to indifferent study habits*

That’s our Riza.

Dudley… did you put watermelon in a frying pan?

Dudley: Egg 😀

You know what, never mind.

We have much more important things to observe.

Siesta: Ooooh, sounds fun! Where are we going?

Siesta: Wait! No! This isn’t fun!

The many faces of Siesta’s 10-second labour.

We finally did it! 8th gen in the flesh!

This oddly human-looking child (she has Grandpa Aiden’s skintone, I think) is Acara Langurd. She’s Excitable and Clumsy, a Pisces, and a lover of Latin music, pumpkin pie, and spiceberry.

Sounds like a basic fall-loving white girl who thinks going to salsa nights makes her extra spicy.

Siesta: Alright, that’s done. Time to go!

Dudley: Go?

Siesta: Hurry up, Riza! I just gave birth and I’m moving faster than you.

Riza: Gee sorry, I’m a little busy.

Yeah, the game tried to make her graduate instead of time travelling. The audacity!

But don’t worry, she still made it.

Riza: Ugh. I don’t get why you brought me. I doubt art has changed much in a few centuries.

Siesta: Ooooh, I wonder if they still have swimming pools!

Just to save us any more Riza focus, this is how she spends her trip to the future. In fact I don’t think I would be remiss to say that this is how she spends her actual future in its entirety.

Siesta gets a little crazier and tries the food synthesizer.

Siesta: Wow, I am such a good chef!

Uh no, all you did was press a button and it still sucks.

I send her to check out Legacy Park, one of the many monumentally important things I failed to cover on our first trip here.

Siesta: OoOooOooh, who’s she?

He is responsible for the first ever Plumbot, but not for long. This statue is ours, it has been decided.

Emit: It’s nice to see you, Siesta. When we met I was sure you would explode the almanac and make spaghetti of the time-space continuum. Now look at you! You have your very own Plumbot.

Dudley: Masterrrrrrrr ❤

Emit: Funny story, I found some of your descendants and it looks like they’re the same as mine!

Siesta: Haha what? But you’re not my father.

Emit: That’s not what I–

Siesta: Nice catching up, gotta go!

Emit: Dammit. Every time.

Dudley: Father?

And now for a disordered jumble of snapshots from “Siesta’s Supply Hunting Adventures”:

Siesta: I will travel across the land

Siesta: Searching far and wide

Siesta: Each crystal plant to understand

Siesta: The loooooooooove that’s inside!

Nope, you ruined it.

Siesta: Gee, that is one fine door. Sure wish there was a way to open it.

(Don’t worry guys, I don’t stay dumb for much longer.)

Siesta: You teach me and I’ll teach you!

Go home.

Siesta: I love this place. Can we stay here forever?

What about Dusty and Acara?

Siesta: Oh yeah. But don’t they exist in the future?

Uh, their ashes do. Do you KNOW what year you’re in??

Siesta: 2035ish?

Yikes, girl.

Further proof that Siesta actually sucks at the future.

Uh, Siesta…?

Siesta: What? I’m discombobulating my nanites.

Have you looked behind you?

Siesta: No, why?

Dudley: Master ❤

No reason.

We leave Dudley (whom I keep calling Dusty) to do bot stuff, and set out on another day of trawling for thingamajigs.

Siesta: You look like you could use some looooooove.

Crystal Plant: Talk dirty to me, baby.

Siesta: Ewwww no.

Well chew me up and spit me out, would that happen to be…?

And THERE’S something we absolutely could have done much earlier if I had even the slightest sense of HOW TO PLAY THE SIMS.

Siesta: Ehhhh doesn’t seem that exciting. Any dork could’a found this place.

Siesta: What is this, a pyramid for ants?

Ever get the sense that you’re just SEVEN YEARS LATE TO THE PARTY?

For the record, I’ve owned TS4 almost since its release but have yet to commit to it for longer than an hour. More and more I’m thinking I ought to get with the times and learn the ropes properly before they come out with another one. Say Langurds, how about an upgrade?

Siesta: We’re not interested, thank you for calling, bye!

The tribe has spoken.

Siesta: Oooooooh now that’s cool.

“Any dork could’a found it” though, right?

Siesta: No no, this is mine. I am the first one here ever. All hail Captain Siesta.

Sassybot: Sorry lady, but you ain’t the first.

Siesta: Oh my god! I’m so sorry!

Siesta: Oh Captain, my Captain!

Sassybot: No I’m serious, this is a major tourist trap. Everyone comes here.

Standing alone in the rain, her dreams of becoming a space pirate thoroughly dashed, Siesta has no choice…

…but to don the boxes of shame…

…and pursue her true calling as a Big Hero 6-style bot fighter.

Jk, Bot Siesta is more of the Baymax type and went in for something a little less violent. I have to say, the only robot name lamer than “Siesta Langurd” is “Robot from the Future.”

So many flashbacks to Gumby and Pokey’s races. Go for Broke never failed us. B-)

Speak of the devil! And whose descendant are you?!

Unicorn: I’m sorry, the Rarity-Axorn-Storm Memorial Corporation has forbidden all unicorns from interacting with humans forever.

Tbh, the most realistic thing about this future.

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Daaaamn, I wrote 95% of this today on my school computer and I feel a little slimy for that, but I wasn’t about to stop with the captions flying so fast. Can you tell I’ve waited for this part FOREVER?

I was also way ahead on my wordcount goal for SimNano after the last chapter, so my lack of ridiculous verbosity here should even things out a bit. XD

Not much else to say – time to get plugging on the next one!

Happy Simming!

-Sam

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