7.13 Use Proxy

Welcome back! Back to the Langurds, and back to the present day that actually took place three years ago (but we don’t talk about that). I have an incredibly pressing life decision to make this weekend, so naturally I’m writing this post instead.

Previously, our heiress popped out her first child (Acara) and jetted off to the future. She returns with pockets full of crystals and nanites, which are clearly what Dudley is “inspecting” here.

Siesta: Dudley no! Bad Dudley!

Dudley: Bad Dudley 😉

He’s skeevy but in the most innocent, unassuming way?

Captain Sassybot: Way to leave the portal open, idiots.

Dudley: Idiots?

Captain Sassybot: Yeah man, that’s you.

Siesta: Don’t listen to her, Dudley. I built you. You’re perfect.

Captain Sassybot: No, don’t listen to the human. Will you marry me?

Dudley: Yes!!

Siesta: Come on Dudley, let’s go downstairs.

Siesta dumps her crystals in the greenhouse and forgets about them.

Siesta: That’s why we got the SwiftGro thingy, right?

Sure, but let’s not apply that logic to anything else, okay?

Siesta: I would never! Acara is the cutest!

Forgetting the fact that she did recently give birth to her, throw her in a crib, and make a beeline for the time portal.

Still, I have to admit these kids have pretty much got the parenting thing under control. And they’re blazing ahead in their careers to boot.

Just think, Dusty was so good at being a soldier that they asked him to not be a soldier! The highest compliment.

Sadly we have a LTW to make, so natural problem solving skills be damned. And anyway, he gets bumped up to Level 5 (and given access to aircrafts, oh my) shortly thereafter.

But the real reason these two are ahead in life is that they’re actually middle-aged and, as such, not the sprightly young go-getters I make them out to be.

Siesta: Hey, I can still go. Get. You know, stuff.

Tell me that after you roll a midlife crisis.

Well?

Siesta: One sec, just gonna put on my bot suit to hide the wrinkles. Forever.

Hhhyeeeep, not affected in the slightest…

Fortunately, they still have plenty of time left for producing heirs.

Siesta: One more kid wouldn’t hurt, right?

Dusty: One more is great! Say, even two more would be fine. Would three be crazy? HOW ABOUT FOUR?

Dusty really got one taste of parenthood and was like:

This was obviously taken after Siesta popped with #2, but still. The man’s ovaries are raging.

Siesta: Magic 8 ball, will I have a boy or a girl?

Siesta: Whoa! You’re not a magic 8 ball!

Sometimes I have to wonder if she actually engineers all her trait chips by accidentally mashing the right combination of buttons.

But she has to be doing something right. Dudley’s out here cooking up fancy shit I’ve never seen in my life.

Dudley: Soup!

Gosh, don’t sell it so hard.

Oh hey Dr. Jeff!

Jeff: The procedure went smoothly.

That would be the procedure to surgically remove Siesta’s midlife crisis. What a hero. This inevitably ended in…

And who can blame her?

Siesta: No more midlife criiisiiiiissss!

Brannan: What a load of crap. You’re dancing ‘cause you just won the lottery with stolen numbers, aren’t you?

Siesta: Nooooooooo…

Maybe.

Kipada’s eldest demon has blossomed into a grumpy teen and is now ironically courting an angel (daughter of Ani-Mei’s simself and Delilah’s brother Jerald). Seems like an act of rebellion to me.

I stared at this picture for so long trying to figure out which evil matriarch I was looking at. Turns out Fiona O’Reilly-O’Connell (Dusty’s boss/Siesta’s stepmother, formerly looking like this) really took to elderhood like a fish to cement. Why does everyone in Dragon Valley have such tiny noses??

Her daughter Patty is kinda pretty though. She also replaces Fiona as Dusty’s boss somewhere along the line, which doesn’t reek of nepotism at aaaalllllll.

On the other side of the sister-wives arrangement, Morrigan has apparently died and left Brien to fall into the arms of Lev’s daughter.

We really need to get out of this place.

Riza: If ghosts exist, how come my dad has never come back to play catch with me? Huh?

Dusty: Oh god I think I swallowed a bug.

Solid dodge. 😉

Dusty: No I’m serious, help me.

Naysayer Riza is becoming nearly as prolific as her great-great-great-grandmother Arabella, but her subject matter (when she’s not completely ripping me off!!!) is far less popular than Ara’s macabre masterpieces.

Gee, does this look familiar at all?

It’s been five minutes and Acara has already fallen prey to “that’s why we have the Dudley, right?”

Buzz Lightyear: I was the overworked robot before it was trendy.

Buzz is still one of my favourite ghost visitors. I especially love the reaction he gets out of Dudley, despite being a much older model…

I have to think it’s the equivalent of One Direction meeting the Beatles.

Lira: Ugh, what is this new-fangled technology? Back in my day, I screwed in every bolt with my own two hands!

How am I just now realizing the weird parallels between these robotically-inclined heiresses??

Siesta: Hey, I’m not a copycat!

If it means anything, I’m pretty sure you’ve got a leg up in the IQ department.

Siesta: Why won’t this chart move? I wanna take it with me to the bathroom!

Forget I said anything.

What modern times we live in! Now, you can rely on machines not only to water and weed your plants, but to nurture them emotionally as well.

Crystal Plant: C’mon big guy, gimme a kiss.

Dudley: Kiss?

Crystal Plant: And then we’ll make sweet love while nobody’s looking.

Dudley: Okay.

Evidently, this machinery still requires close monitoring.

Siesta: I got a new chip for you, Dudley!

Dudley: Tinker?

Siesta: Yes that’s right, it’s time to tinker.

Dudley: Baby?

Siesta: No Dudley, that is not how babies are made.

Dudley: Tinker 😉

What have we created…

Siesta: OH NO! I broke the left phalange!

Egg: CRITICAL MALFUNCTION. CRITICAL MALFUNCTION. YOU WILL BE PUNISHED.

Siesta: Uh oh.

What? What happened?!

Siesta: BLEEGGHHHH

Siesta: Oh god, is that my BABY??!

Siesta: EW GET IT AWAY!

Hopefully not how the actual birth goes.

Not many people would choose this nursery as a quiet sketching spot, but Acara is just that angelic. Hey Riza, wanna get her out of her crib so she can have her birthday??

Riza: Nah, that’s why we have the Dudley.

Indeed, I suppose it is.

Dudley: BIRTHDAY!

How is it that after breeding ghost aliens with the rainbow residents of a fantasy world, we’re right back to Generation 1???

Acara: I’m hella cute though.

That she is.

Siesta: I hope this kid comes soon. I look like I swallowed a football.

Dusty: Yeah but a really cute football!

Siesta: Hahaha yeah.

Siesta: *mutters* Some kinda husband you are.

Dusty: Oh hey Blubsy, what do you—

Dusty: YEEEEOOOOUUUCHHH!!!

Dusty: Young man, that was UNCALLED FOR!

Siesta: Actually it was kinda called for.

And then they’re right back to being vacuumed-up puzzle pieces (hey, I’m not letting that metaphor go).

Dusty: I hope the little football looks just like you.

Siesta: I mean, faceclones DO run in my family…

Speaking of which, I apparently thought the final stretch of her pregnancy was a GREAT time for Siesta to pay a little Sunday visit to some friendly faces.

Siesta: Hey, that’s not a friendly face. That’s Auntie Skydancer.

My bad. I must have been trying to solve the mystery of Crash and Sophie, who so long ago left the house as newlyweds before inexplicably drifting into separate residences and forgetting all about each other.

Seeing as Sophie now lives with our shady fairy friend, I think we can surmise whose fault that is.

Sophie: Tut tut, looks like rain.

Skydancer: Brainwashing? No brainwashing here.

Sky’s new beau also lives here – Darrn Langurd (formerly Dreams-Sackholme) was one of Trance’s “Turn the Town” victims. See how my carelessness seems to create these immortal power couples who will hold the town in their evil grips forever???

(His name is actually Darrin but I’m laughing too hard to fix the typo.)

Speaking of immortal power couples – next stop: Trelilah’s place. It looks surprisingly homey.

Siesta: How can they afford this?

I may or may not have lent them some family funds to make sure they didn’t fall into the void…

Surprise! Delilah is expecting AGAIN.

Delilah: Hi, Siesta! Long time no see.

Siesta: Okay no fair, why does she get to sparkle when I look like a lime green balloon?

And Trance is still alive, so there’s a good chance they’ve been working on their marital issues.

Delilah: Guys, could you stop being invisible for a second? We have guests.

Trance: You heard her troops. Put on your best.

Duke looks a lot like his dad but with his mom’s colouring and nose(?). Vampire baby Marquess is a downright ice queen and I love it.

Pharaoh’s pretty cool herself, though the Bimple Pox have struck her down.

Pharaoh: Hey Auntie! Did you eat a blimp?

Siesta: No but I’d sure like to tie you to one.

Hooookay, Sunday visiting with pregnant Siesta may have been a poor choice.

We leave Delilah to what is presumably the only thing saving her sanity: playing foosball alone while blasting vintage country records.

And later…

Ch—Chauncey and Sherrie??

Absolutely not.

Unfortunately, I did not have this many names prepared for their theme (which – as you’re probably aware – is loosely “royal titles around the world”). They become Viceroy and Vicereine, which is only barely an improvement.

Next we head to Kipada’s equally cute abode.

Siesta: No fair, they have a pool!

What is with your pool obsession? You literally have one!

Siesta: I thought our backyard was just made of water.

Can’t you swim in water??!

Actually, we’re largely checking in on these guys because of some horrific rumours we heard.

Child: Heya Auntie, did you swallow a blimp?

Siesta: I can’t even see you but I want to strangle you.

Yeah, DV gets annoyingly dark sometimes.

Ah, it’s Willow. She’s stayed cute but has a slight case of the crazy eyes.

Jada emerges and goes in for a romantic hug on Siesta.

Jada: Please take me back to the big house!

Siesta: Sorry, I guess you picked the wrong Langurd. You snooze you lose.

Jada: Dammit…

I can’t say I ever pictured myself writing this conversation.

Back in the “big house”, little Acara is well looked-after by Dudley.

Like, far better looked-after than any Langurd baby ever. How adorable is this???

I have to wonder though – is he savvy enough to liquify pumpkin pie for her, or will she just have to watch her parents eat it?

We never find out. He gets a pie in the oven and immediately:

This basically confirms that he’s just another Langurd disguised in a metal suit.

What a great time to shut down, too.

Siesta: IF YOU EAT MY COBBLER I WILL END YOU.

Riza: Haha don’t worry I probably won’t.

Welcome to the madness, Ixi Langurd! Ixi is Good and Friendly, likes pop music, fruit parfait, and lilac, and is a Cancer.

Siesta: Oooh, you are a pretty cute football.

Siesta: Hey Acara, here’s a sister. Can I get back to my cobbler now?

Dusty: Don’t you think she’d maybe like… another sister?

Siesta: Ugh, fine.

Dusty: Are we really gonna—

Siesta: COME ON, I DON’T HAVE ALL DAY.

Egg: :O

As if it needed any more reason to defy her.

Back in the kitchen, every ghost ever has gathered to celebrate Ixi’s birth.

Ghosts: SHE IS THE CHOSEN ONE

Riza: Ghosts are definitely not real.

Tewl: Boooo, who invited her??

They all take a slice of cobbler and proceed to vanish.

Dusty: Does no one in this family know how to use a dishwasher?

Haha, good one.

Dusty: My daughters will grow up to be much more responsible.

With a bundle of traits like theirs – Excitable, Clumsy, Good, and Friendly – he could be right. However in a legacy that thrives on “dysfunkshin,” that may not be something to brag about.

I just wanna take a second to acknowledge that Siesta…

…an incredibly accomplished Bot Builder…

…who knows all the things…

…and has created some really integral trait chips…

…is still the kind of Sim who pees herself right in front of the toilet.

Siesta: Life is hard, okay?

But at the end of the day, at least she is showing some initiative in caring for her own babies.

Crystal Plant: #$&@#*$#&#^$^)%!!!

Siesta: ##$@!@%@&*#$(%%!# to you too!

“Caring” indeed.

Hopefully she won’t speak that way to Nooboo #3.

Siesta: Great, looks like I swallowed another $#@!#@$%^)!@ing football.

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Update 4/5 done and dusted! (Not that dusted, actually. I’m too impatient for proofreading.) This is the first time I’ve been ahead of the game for SimNano and it feels pretty good!

(Shut up Sam, you don’t get to say you’re ahead of anything when you’ve taken 8+ years to write a legacy.)

Regarding that “incredibly pressing life decision”… I am currently weighing up whether I should extend my stay in Korea for a third year, from March 2021 to March 2022. There are a lot of pros and a lot of cons and COVID is a thing and so much could change even between now and 2021, so ahhhhhhhhhh. It would mean another year away from my desktop and the Langurds, and being that I can FINALLY see myself catching up on my screenshot backlog… this poses a problem. Not that it’s a HUGE deciding factor (of course I have priorities!) but being essentially cut off from many of my hobbies has been a big thing for me, I’m not gonna lie. That said, I do really like what I’m doing over here and it’s probably not an ideal time to leave stable employment and well anyway, this isn’t what you came here to read. 😛

For now at least I have Update #5 to keep me distracted~

Happy Simming!

-Sam