7.16 Enhance Your Calm

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Guys this legacy turns nine tomorrow. What the actual fork.

Will I make it under the decade mark at this point? Actually, I forbid anyone from answering that. Don’t even put it in the universe.

In other news, I am humbled by the fact that I can disappear for seven months and come back to one of these:

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Once again proving that the people reading this blog are far cooler than the dweeb writing it. Thank you to anyone on Boolprop who voted for this dumb, inactive legacy. ❤

Alright, back to business. Gen Seven. Raising seven kids. And screenshots dated 2017 – which honestly just hurts, man.

How did we end up here?!

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Ixi: Allow me to stage a dramatic reenactment.

Alright, I’m waiting.

Ixi: No, this is it.

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Ixi: Presenting Act Two.

I want to be mad, but this is a Tony-worthy biography.

Ixi: Why thank you.

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The next hurdle for her acting skills—making friends with her bland potato of an older sister.

Acara: Who’re you calling a potato? She’s the one with No Sense of Humor.

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*crickets*

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Acara: …

Ixi: I’m so glad we had that chat.

Acara: I guess.

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Bonding achieved!

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Ixi & Acara: Eww, I hate hallways.

And now they are one.

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It would be cruel at this point to not do a name refresher for the rest of the brood.

Left to right we have: Kau, Kougra, and… dammit girls, why you gotta sit so parallel? Now the readers have to guess who’s who from the captions.

Kyrii: I’m a lobster!

Kiko: My father will hear about this.

Uh, middle kid Tonu also exists but no one has seen him in days, probably.

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However, despite all the camera time, it’s face clone Ixi who’s the biggest write-off of the bunch.

Siesta: Oh hey, Siesta from the past. When did you get here?

Ixi: What? No, it’s me. Your daughter.

Siesta: Cool cover story.

Ixi: Well anyway, I would like to propose a family getaway. It doesn’t do well to have eleven people cooped up like this.

Siesta: What a great idea that I thought of on my own!

Ixi: You didn’t—

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Siesta: Let’s go, Quad Squad! Hey Acara, make sure Tonu doesn’t die.

Dudley: Squad!

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The eldest three are left with some unqualified teen, and Dustiesta and the robots take off with four toddlers in tow. No one is happy. Also Pete broke the kid.

Siesta: We’re going to the beach to relax.

Kyrii: It’s October!

Siesta: WE’RE GOING TO THE BEACH TO RELAX.

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Dudley: Beach?

Dusty: Yes, Dudley. Beach.

Kau: Bitch?

Dusty: No, beach.

Dudley: Bitch?

Kiko: Bitch!

Dusty: *sigh*

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Word of obvious advice: do not ever have your sims attempt such an outing. You think it will be cute times, and then they just walk around playing bumper strollers with dead eyes.

Kyrii: I wish you’d never pulled me out of that basket!

Kiko: Dang sis, that’s dark. I love it.

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If nothing else, the beach is a great place for existential crises.

Dusty: There’s a whole world out there, Dudley.

Dudley: Dudley?

Dusty: Too bad we’ll never see any of it.

Dudley: Never?

Dusty: That’s right. This town owns all of our souls and there’s nothing we can do about it.

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Dudley: Nothing…

Great, drag the robot with you into the pits of despair.

Kiko: I love despair. Let’s be friends, Dudley.

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With Dusty evidently hiding from the world underwater, his wife autonomously cozies up to her robot child.

Siesta: Wow, who made you so cute?

Pete: Siensta. Teehee.

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Idk though, Pete’s got some weird kinks up in those circuits.

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Siesta: It’s Siesta, you big metal baby! It’s literally engraved inside your skull!

Pete: Seesaw?

Siesta: Ugh!

Kyrii: Wow Mom, who even let you make robots?

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Siesta: It’s fine. We’re having a nice time.

Siesta: …Is that Dusty floating out to sea?

I’m gonna say yes.

Siesta: GET BACK HERE YOU COWARD, WE ARE IN THIS TOGETHER

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Sentient Dudley proves to be the most intelligent adult we have, and takes Kiko home.

Babysitter: Dude, you the goat. I gotta split. There are KIDS here.

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There’s about to be no kids here if we pull anything like this again. Also hi Tonu, I forgot what you looked like!

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Damn, this beach day really wasn’t meant to be, huh?

Siesta: RAIN IS JUST WATER. I AM ALREADY WET. YOU CAN’T TAKE THIS FROM ME.

You’d think, as a robot engineer, that she’d know a thing or two about electrical safety…

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*cellphone ringing in pocket*

Or maybe not.

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I feel like she needed this victory.

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But now it’s well and truly time to pack it in.

Siesta: Come on Dusty, it’s over.

Dusty: Just leave me here.

Siesta: Not a chance.

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What’s this? Why do you two look so sinister?

Kiko: We’re friends.

Dudley: Friends! 😀

I’m not sure if it’s the Slytherin vibes or the fact that she shares traits with Lira, but she scares me.

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Kau seems a little less threatening. I mean, how can you go wrong with Brave and Loves the Outdoors?

Ixi: Evening sir, what can I get started for you?

Kau: A WHOLE ROASTED ANTELOPE.

Ixi: I’m afraid we are sold out.

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Kau: Unacceptable! I want to speak to your manager!

Ixi: I see. Right away, sir.

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Ixi: Oh, silly me. I forgot that this isn’t a restaurant and I don’t have to do anything.

Kau: I’LL HAVE YOU FIRED, I WILL!

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One day as a child and she’s already resorted to moving out.

Ixi: If anyone wants me, I’ll be… wait no, don’t tell them where I am.

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Spotted: Pete being the real goat and giving Tonu all the love.

Pete: I loaf this borby.

Tonu: I loaf Pete. 😀

Precious.

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Then he has himself a nice swim in the rain.

The animation of a chonky robot boy doing breaststroke in a dark backyard almost breaks me.

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But it’s okay because this whole place is broken.

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Jesus Christ, guys. At this point I’m inches from confiscating Dudley’s Steel Chef chip.

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Siesta: What did we say about cooking chickens, Dudley?

Dudley: Chickens!

Siesta: In moderation, please.

Dudley: More! Chickens! Please!

Siesta: No.

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Siesta: Dudley, are you cooking a chicken right now?

Dudley: No. 😀

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How nice of you two to help out!

Acara: I crave work. This fulfills me.

Ixi: Not I. I just came down for more cookies.

Well since you’re here…

Ixi: Please don’t.

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What I mean to say is, how about some chicken instead?

Dudley: Chicken!!!

Actually…

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A lie. It’s all been a lie.

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Dusty conveniently avoids the cleaning party by eating his pie in the front hall. Look at this smug shit. Thinks he has it all figured out.

Dusty: What? No, I’m just really excited for pie! That’s what this face is.

Suuuuuuure.

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Looking back, I’m super impressed that we had the quads on relatively the same schedule this whole time.

Siesta: That’s right. I’m Super Mom.

***with two helper robots and a Dusty.

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Siesta: Why you gotta give the robots all the credit?

Dudley: Chicken!

Kau: No silly, I’m a cow!

Maybe because they’re flipping adorable with the kids?

Siesta: I’M ADORABLE.

Of course you are.

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That awkward moment when you spin into athletic wear, but you still have a potty to clean.

Siesta: Do I ever get a break?

College, my dear. College.

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Which, contrary to the chaos of this entire generation, may actually be on the horizon. Not to brag or anything, but our Kyrii is already such a fast reader, you can’t even see the book.

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For real.

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And it’s fairly obvious that these two excel at everything but social interaction.

Ixi: So, do you like… TV shows?

Acara: Why are you running away as you ask a question?

Ixi: Indeed. Good talk.

And back to the treehouse she goes.

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Let’s check in on Dusty Pieface.

Dusty: Hello, work! Yes, I am calling about work! I do so love work!

How convenient, thank you for the segue into our quarterly career update.

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Dudicus is at Level 7, which is pretty nice I guess but also—for an old man—dangerously far from Level 10.

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Patty is his boss. Most sims roll this for Schmoozing purposes, but with Dusty you take it at face value because you can bet he’s just a sad man who wants a best friend.

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He apparently also wandered into the tombs and caught the eye of the scariest person in this legacy. I’m sure he has nightmares daily as a result.

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Dusty: It’s been so long since we spent any time just the two of us.

Siesta: Just the two of us, eh? I can think of a few things I want to—

Dudley: *LOUD INTERFERENCE BEEPING*

Yes, the thing that MOST scares everyone in this house is the prospect of another kid. XD

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Dudley may be the master of chickens and cockblocking, but Pete is a veritable Da Vinky over here.

Pete: I’m trash!

No, Pete! Love yourself!

Pete: Loaf myself! Loaf trash!

That works, I guess.

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Jeez Acara, you could’a tried harder on the Beth Harmon cosplay. That’s not even a little bit canon.

Acara: Yes, thank you. Can I learn in peace?

Never!

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You might say we have a generation of gifted kids this time around. Tbh, the only one I worry about is Tonu.

Tonu: Did I do it wight?

Why yes, I believe those holes are for your feet.

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I would like to acknowledge that, while mostly invisible, he has not been that neglected. The bots trained him well.

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However, “the bots trained him well” should never be uttered as a reassuring phrase. He grows up and rolls “Unstable.” I have a crisis trying to style him, and this lewk ensues.

Tonu: Right on, Sonny Jim.

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I already know I will fail epically at writing his traits, so I’ve decided here and now that I will use a random phrase generator for all his dialogue. Yolo.

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Kiko: What. Is. This.

Siesta: Liquified tursoykey?

Kiko: Tursoykey, you say?

Siesta: …yes?

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Kiko: Neato, I was hoping to try some of that!

Siesta: *exhales* This one scares me.

Dusty: Scares YOU? Welp, I’m screwed.

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ONE YEAR? They had seven kids and Dusty got old in ONE YEAR?

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Dusty: How about a night on the town to celebrate?

Siesta: We could “accidentally” hop a train to Riverview.

Dusty: I love your brain!

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As if they have the guts. This is her actual response.

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A movie it is, and of course Dusty spends the whole time cowering under Siesta’s seat with a popcorn bucket over his head.

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Siesta: You wanna talk about it?

Dusty: I can’t believe we swam in the ocean just yesterday. I’m never doing that again.

Siesta: Uh, did you miss the part where the sharks were on land?

Dusty: I’M NEVER GOING ANYWHERE EVER AGAIN.

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At least they get a wicked discount on dinner.

(Being a celebrity is altogether frivolous when you already own the town.)

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Now here’s a picture of them actually enjoying themselves since they’ve done nothing but suffer all this chapter.

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And earlier at the theatre…

Paparazzi: Dudes, you just missed it. Some old hag died here a few minutes ago.

Dusty: I beg your pardon?

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Paparazzi: Yeah, it was sick!

Dusty: Yipes. I hope it wasn’t someone we knew.

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Ayyyyyyyyy. Remember last chapter when I couldn’t remember if she was alive or not? Well, this solves that.

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They also ran into Brannan, Kip and Jada’s oldest son, who is very much alive. This little grunge elf is out here rocking pigtails and doing us proud.

Brannan: Do I know you?

Cold as ice.

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No update on the Kipster, but Jada—after several crises—has really excelled in the Athletic Career. She’s now at Level 6.

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Their second son, Walden, is really bad at his job so now they’re having him bury people. A comforting thought.

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Trance and Delilah (no longer Trelilah as of a few chapters ago, rip) wound up with five kids. Their eldest just got married to a Philip Eames—and we’re at the point with this town where I can’t remember if the hyphen-Langurd came before or after the union.

We really gotta get out of Dragon Valley.

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I can confirm that Riza’s boo has no Langurd blood whatsoever! He is in fact Dusty’s nephew, via brother Riordan and sister-in-law Cara Gallgher. Those are townies I actually remember!

Still, we REALLY gotta get out of Dragon Valley.

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What’s this? I daresay we caught Acara looking kinda cute?

Acara: It’s my birthday!

Oh thank the lord, you can grow out of this dull face and into…

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…an unfortunate, incompatible combination of the Langurd jaw, the Mithrilen nose, and the O’Connell mouth.

Acara: At least I’m an even mix?

Your bottom lip is a triangle, girl.

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Acara: Well alright. Happy Birthday to me.

Now I feel kinda bad.

Acara: Why ever could that possibly be?

She rolls Family-Oriented as her fourth trait, joining Excitable, Clumsy, and Workaholic to make her possibly the most likeable Langurd ever. Too bad this is the Dysfunkshinul Legacy.

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Before we go, let’s see what wisdom Tonu has for us today.

Tonu: Truman’s first problem was the economy.

Is that so?

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Tonu: Is this bridge made of wood?

Dusty: What bridge? Son, are you okay?

Tonu: Mind your own business!

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Dusty: What’s wrong with him?

Tonu: You are the weakest link! Goodbye!

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Dusty: That’s not very nice.

Tonu: Stand up and catch that ball!

Kyrii: I could and I would, but I’m kinda tired.

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Tonu: Here’s Johnny!

Well, this is going to be an adventure for sure.

______________________________________________________________________________________________

Greetings!

bernie

I think everyone who follows this legacy is used to my bullshit by now, but still! I dream of one day achieving a regular posting schedule. Or semi-regular. Or at least the kind where people don’t have to wonder if I’m still alive.

A mini life update: I am currently midway through my third contract in South Korea, and about 80% sure I won’t be renewing for a fourth. It’s a bittersweet decision and in no way final just yet, but if I don’t change my mind, I’ll be back in Canada and reunited with my PC by mid-March 2022! That gives me precisely four months to play and write the rest of this legacy before its 10th birthday. LOL.

But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. I still have a 9th birthday post to put out, not to mention the rest of Gen. 7 and the kiddos’ university days. I am also pitifully behind at responding to comments as always, so I will tackle those shortly. XD

I hope this post finds everyone healthy, happy, and mayhaps vaccinated? (Can’t relate ‘cause Korea is being super slow on the rollout, but it’s nice to see some kind of light at the end of the tunnel!)

Happy Simming!

-Sam

About gryffindork7

I like cats. This is a really thorough bio.

Posted on July 10, 2021, in Generashun 7, SimNano and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 11 Comments.

  1. My my my, is this an update I spy? I wish you luck in attempting to finish this before it’s tenth birthday!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh my, you’re still alive! The legacy is still alive! I’m gonna have to reread everything.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I was just thinking about binging a reread of this legacy, and then I spy this in my feed! Awesome sauce! And welcome back! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m just awed that you’re still at it! My legacy started in 2009, and we’re essentially running neck-and-neck in the race to be the world’s slowest completed Sims legacy, so let the race drag on!

    I actually LOVE Acara’s face. Screw homogeneous beauty standards. Give me a sim face I haven’t seen before! She’d have my early heir vote, except that going this far in Dragon Valley without a weird color somewhere is just a horrific tragedy.

    I’m staring at my legacy blog, trying to write through the inevitable death of last gen’s patron and learning to write mods instead. Bleeeeagh.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lol, we give a whole new meaning to “drag race”, huh? 😛 You’re on though!

      Okay, I’m glad Acara has at least one fan out there! I’m a little harsh on her – I actually like her look too, it was just so confusing to see at first, and she definitely looks FAR better as an adult. But I agree. I set things up so perfectly for rainbow babies, only for the game to go “hold my beer” and throw me the most earthly baby possible. COME ON.

      I like that your procrastination is so productive, though. Write mods?! Never mind legacies, that’s way cooler! (I do wish you luck writing your heir’s death though. That’s never fun, especially when you’re as slow as we are and they’ve probably been alive for like four years between in-game and screenshots…)

      Like

  5. I actually find Acara’s face to be quite interesting. We’ll see.

    Like

  1. Pingback: Indeks | The Dysfunkshinul Legacy

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