7.17 Multiple Choices

Why hello! As promised, I’m doing my darnedest to keep this ball rolling. I may have bitten off more than I can chew with this chapter. With that in mind, I will not waste time trying to think of a cool intro, and I will simply say:

Welcome back to the House of Langurd!

But wait… that’s not our house?!

Acara: I’m at a homework party.

It’s just you at a desk…

Ah, I see. Acara is such a cool kid that her cousin invited her over after school—and then didn’t show up. Probably he heard the words “homework party” and immediately fled.

To go on a date, of course, since the spares’ kids inherited ALL the game.

His “twin” sister Willow is home though, and has grown into a literal anime character.

Willow: I must need more training.

She’s still happily dating (possibly incestuous) girlfriend Stephanie, afaik.

Willow: Can you draw question marks around my head?

No need. I have a kid who makes this exact face through the entirety of my Zoom class every week.

Back in the actual House of Langurd, Ixi may have finally found the acceptance she so craves…

Ixi: A family meal. This is so nice.

Siesta: Pssst, Dusty. Do you think it’s normal for a time traveler to stick around this long? I’m getting worried.

Dusty: That’s kinda your area of expertise.

Ixi: You guys, I’m literally right here.

Siesta: And also right here.

…but probably not.

Ironically, elsewhere, she is anything but unappreciated. Free fridges for days!

See? She’s in such high demand, she can’t even keep up with all the requests for public appearances.

Ixi: Being a celebrity is so exhausting.

Tonu: I found a soggy banana.

Ixi: That’s nice.

But then she comes home to this.

Siesta: Stop messing with the timeline! Look at me, I got old!

Ixi: No mom, you’re just wearing a colonial dress for some reason.

Siesta: Nuh-uh!

Yuh-huh, but I have no idea how it (or the glasses) got into her outfit rotation.

Ixi: Well Tonu, my life is a disaster. How about yours?

Tonu: uǝʞoɹq ɯ,I ǝɯ ʞןɐʇ oN

Yeah, Tonu’s first Unstable episode straight-up deleted all his traits.

I thought this whole thing could be an interesting character exercise, but how am I supposed to write a sim with no personality???

More importantly, the poor kid is just miserable all the damn time.

This isn’t fun, EA.

I’m forced to take the least comedic (but only rational) route and send him to therapy.

Ani-Mei: Me too, kid. I’ve seen some things in this line of work.

Uh, yep. This is too real to make jokes about.

Well bud, how do you feel?

Tonu: Mitochondria.

There we go, back to “normal.”

Aaaaaaand literally the next day, we’re back at Stage 1.

“Mitochondria” may not be total nonsense, given that we now return to Acara “Homework Party” Langurd at her Deluxe Nerd Station for Giant Losers.

Acara: Sick burn.

I know right?

Acara: Watch though, I can make chemistry cool.

By shaking a beaker behind your back?

Acara: Fo’ shizzle.

Well stop it. With your Clumsy trait that literally will end in a “sick burn.”

Acara: Oh. Okay. Sorry.

We can only hope she’ll grow up to be a more competent scientist than her mother, who has only recently found time to dive back into her hobby of poking hologram buttons.

Siesta: Egg, please make a “No More Chickens” trait chip.

Egg: Manufacturing “Even More Chickens” trait chip.

Siesta: Why are you like this?!

Egg: I am egg. Think about it. Would I forsake my creator?

Let us always remember that Siesta has free time because Pete and Dudley are on full charge and taking care of ALL the quads’ skills, needs, and human development. Today’s task: speech!

Only problem is, it’s luck of the draw whether you get Dudley the Responsible or Pete the Party Animal.

Dudley: Book!

Pete: Pop it!

Dudley: Study!

Pete: Lock it!

Dudley: College!

Pete: Polk-a-dot it!

Of course, learning English from a real-live human would probably be more effec—

Siesta: OH NO I’m so pooped, what a long day of robotting!

Buuuuuut that ain’t never gonna happen.

Well, turns out there is an explanation for Siesta’s random getup before – it must be Spooky Day, or else Dusty was just very badly pranked.

Oh, it’s LEV’s party?! Scratch pranked, more like lured into a trap.

Jeff: Bro, did you really copy her costume? You’re dead…

Dusty: Don’t say it, man.

Jeff: …meat.

Dusty: Dang nabbit.

Acara: Why don’t I get to do anything fun for Spooky Day?

You call that “fun”?

Acara: My bar for entertainment is pretty low.

Well, alright then. Get out there and sell yourself for candy!

Acara: TRICK OR TREAT.

This eager beaver sprints to the nearest house without even bothering to put on a costume. Classic.

Acara: WAIT THIS IS A COSTUME THING? WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME?

Dog: Not very bright, are we?

And she picks the O’Connell-O’Reilly house, naturally.

Acara: Hi auntie! I’m a mermaid!

Patty: Hello, Langurd child. Here’s your pois— uhhh, I mean candy.

Acara: What?

Now make like a lobster and get the shell outta there!

Acara: What a fun time! I’m gonna go write in my diary about it!

I’m glad she’s so easy to please.

We’re closing in on the end of toddler days, and thanks to the efforts of Pete and Dudley, we might just get the quads fully skilled!

Pete: Killed? *reaches for brain*

Kougra: No, Pete. Bad Pete.

Kyrii: You good, sis?

Kougra: Yeah, we’re cool. This is totally normal childhood development.

Kyrii: Tell me about it. I’m learning to poop from a man who can’t.

I don’t have any pictures of Kau skilling, so I can only imagine he spent his entire toddlerhood at the block table.

Kau: BLOCK IS LOVE. BLOCK IS LIFE.

Cool it with those eyes, dude.

Kau: Are these ones better?

Not really.

Kiko: How ‘bout these teeth?

Actually kinda cute, though the stank cloud ruins it.

Kougra: Oh, is it a cuteness contest? Sign me up!

I never said—

Kyrii: Me too! Me too!

Dammit, will you all—

Ixi: Me three!

Actually, you idiot, that makes five. This is in fact a quintuple birthday, which I suppose is a cuteness contest of sorts. Let’s see who wins!

And that’s where my first screenshot folder for Gen. 7 ends. The next one inexplicably starts with this shot of Tonu, and there are no more age-up pictures from the mass birthday. I didn’t even screencap any traits.

There’s a second front door for some reason? What agent of chaos briefly occupied my brain back in 2017?

Tonu: Leapin’ lizards!

I had to pull these pics from various other places in the timeline, which really borked up the rest of the chapter.

First up is Kau! His face is nothing like we’re used to seeing around these parts—a sweet relief after two clones and a… whatever Acara is. He adds Sailor to Brave and Loves the Outdoors, which is cohesive af. Mayhaps we have a little cowboy pirate on our hands?

Kau: I think you mean Kauboy pirate.

Daaaaamn.

I really did her dirty with this pic, but Kiko’s look is similarly refreshing. She develops Angler on top of Evil and Friendly, which apparently calls for a baseball cap (or am I just running out of unused child hairs?). She also ditches the snake ‘fit for some less threatening pastels.

Kiko: Fish are friends, not food.

Aww, so sweet!

Kiko: Dunno if I can say the same for people though.

Oh. Oh NO.

Child Kougra is as cat-like as ever, though she bears a concerning resemblance to Child Acara. She develops either Computer Whiz or Night Owl, and one of those is a spoiler for her teen trait, but I can’t remember which so I guess she gets to have them both now.

Kougra: All-night gaming session? Happy Birthday to me.

I think Kyrii develops Vegetarian, so I hope to god that’s a tofu dog. I change up her hair accents a little bit because she already wasn’t supposed to exist so what even are rules?

Kiko: We should do crimes together.

Kyrii: No thanks.

Kiko: Come on. You, me, and Dudley. Whaddya say?

Kyrii: Not my thing, sorry.

Kiko: You’re missing out, girl.

Kyrii is destined to use her talents for good. Like taking on a robot at Hide and Seek.

Pete: Ready not, hurr come!

Kyrii: Teehee, you’ll never find me.

Pete: Found.

Kyrii: Dang it!

Pete: Blebtime now.

Kyrii: Alright. What are we reading?

Pete: Hide & Suck 101: How 2 Get Gud.

Kyrii: Touché.

Apparently we indulge all the bedtime story requests now. Jeez Acara, stop being so perfect.

Acara: And I’m going to read you my favourite book—Advanced Chemistry for Nerds. Hey wait, who added “for nerds” to the title?

Tonu: *immediately passes out*

Acara: Wow, I’m so good at this!

No bedtime for these two, apparently.

Kiko: Wanna do crimes with me?

Kougra: For the last time, just because my name is Kougra doesn’t mean I’m a cat burglar.

Kiko: But you could be.

I’m actually really confused by this timeline, because the quads obviously aged up during a full moon, but then apparently had their first day of school and are now doing their first homework under ANOTHER full moon? I suspect this may have been the point when I built a new PC and did a full reinstall, but I’m not sure why that would mess with the moon cycle.

And this, kids, is why you don’t leave your screenshots chilling for four years.

When she is allowed to sleep, Kiko is the lucky one. She gets the last customizable corner in the spare room, and decks it out accordingly.

Kiko: Fish are friends, not food. But also pretty wall decorations.

I had to convert the nursery for Kougra and Kyrii, but it’s still not enough space.

So Kau… well, he lives on the roof now.

Kau: This is the best outcome I could’ve hoped for.

Turns out children can’t light the firepit though. So he just stares contentedly into the void.

And when I say he lives up here, I really mean it.

Kau: I feel you may be slightly capitalizing on my traits.

Sure am, deal with it.

Just when I think I have everyone sorted for personal space, here’s Acara doing her homework in the shower.

Acara: It’s where I think best.

I mean… same.

Regardless, with all the kids out of diapers, there may finally be hope of getting this house under control.

Siesta: How does a toilet even turn black? Do we have a squid living here?

Nope, just a lobster.

Siesta: Omg. The laaaaaaaaast potty.

Don’t you plan on having grandchildren?

Siesta: No thanks, I will yeet myself out of here before that happens.

The kitchen, as always, is the heart of the problem.

Acara: Smells more like the buttcrack of the problem.

Siesta: Hey Acara, my favourite daughter who’s ohhhh so good at cleaning…

Acara: Nice try. I have plans.

Siesta: Well, what the heck am I supposed to do now?

Uh, hey Siesta? Remember how you’re a millionaire?

Siesta: Haha oh yeah.

Do you know how millionaires clean their houses?

Siesta: How?

THEY DON’T.

Siesta: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Siesta: Yes, hello? I’d like to order a butler. Qualifications? Uhhh, someone named Jeeves? Ideally with a severe distaste for chicken.

The real question though—did Acara really have plans, or did this little nerd have the guts to lie through her teeth?

Acara: I do now. I’m going out with a boy.

WHOA WHOA WHOA. WAIT. Did you check his ancestry? How related are you??

Thank the lord, she managed to find the ONE non-Langurd teenage boy in this whole town. Hans Angel-Finnigan is the son of Jerald Murphy Finnigan and Ani-Mei’s simself, and while he may once have been Trance’s nephew, his only ties to Acara are through a now-imploded marriage.

Unfortunately, for all her good sense, she still doesn’t know how to people.

Acara: Private Langurd reporting for date duty.

Hans: Hahahahaha. Oh wait, are you serious?

It’s just one of the woes of being a military kid, apparently.

OROC Kid: Squadron Leader Langurd. Sir.

Patty: Go back inside, Jorbethan.

You heard Jorbethan (probably not his real name)—Dusty is a Squadron Leader now, aka Level 8. This last stretch is the toughest, so he’s resorted to fraternizing with the enemy boss lady.

Dusty: So weird, I had no idea you lived right across the street! Did you know I used to live in this house too?

Patty: Oh yes. That’s why we bought it.

Dusty: Wait, what?

Patty: We found aaaaaaall your diaries under the floorboards.

Dusty: Oh dear.

Since Kiko is now an Angler and Kau a Sailor, it has been settled that these two simply must be partners in crime (probably literally, if Kiko has any say). So Pete takes them out on a little Sunday expedition.

Kiko: Okay boss man, you in charge of this heist. What’s the plan?

Pete: Ready… set…

Kiko: Lead us to the cash, Pete.

Pete: FUSH!

Kau: I don’t think there’s any cash in here.

Kiko: Meh, I’m willing to play the long game.

So is Dusty, apparently.

Patty: Can’t you read at your own house?

Dusty: There are a lot of kids there…

Patty: Well, I am mildly impressed that you’ve been here for three hours without awkwardly heartfarting any of my relatives.

Dusty: Me too.

Dusty: Oh, I didn’t notice your sister under the rug.

Rae: No one ever does…

Dusty is a filthy liar because every single kid is currently out of the house. Again, super confused as to why I have a picture of these four walking into school while the other three are off gallivanting. I suspect they were maybe signing up for afterschool activities? Do they have to go to school for that?

DON’T LET YOUR SCREENSHOTS FESTER GUYS

OH and here’s teen Ixi! Since I totally forgot about her after the quintuple birthday. Still a faceclone. I think she rolled Proper, but again that could totally be her YA trait. We’ll roll with it for now.

Ixi: Excuse me, Dear Baby Brother. Would you kindly increase your walking pace? I would appreciate it OH SO MUCH.

Also a random shot of Trelilah’s third-born, Marquess. I gotta say, aside from the Kipada clan, Gen. 8 has been a real weird time for genetics.

But anyway, back to Acara and her date. We return to find them soaking wet, and this could raise some interesting questions but I’m sure it’s for a really boring reason.

Acara: I can’t believe I dropped my phone in the lake!

Hans: Haha, that’s so funny.

Acara: Wow, a real human who finds me entertaining!

Hans: How low is your bar, girl?

Acara: Idk, pretty low.

Hans: Well great ‘cause you’re way outta my league.

I promptly restyle him as Mr. Vanilla to match Acara’s personality.

Acara: Was that really necessary?

Hans: Don’t worry, still got the zebra loafers to keep things interesting.

And just like that, our first Gen. 8 has a boyfriend! (Or close to, but I give up on timelines.)

Acara: Should I confess that my first and greatest love is science?

I don’t think that’ll be necessary.

Acara: I know, let’s critique each other’s homework!

Hans: Suddenly I regret everything…

And now, over to Pete and the kids. Pete, where are the kids?

Pete: Pooooooooooonl.

THE KIDS?

Kau: Kiko… why is there a strange man taking pictures of us?

Kiko: Shhh, don’t act weird. Pretend we aren’t doing anything wrong.

Kau: We aren’t doing anything wrong. We’re fishing.

Kiko: That’s it, bro. You’re selling it.

And now for more unattended minors…

Ixi: Hey Tonu, what did you get for question four?

He’s an elementary schooler, you moron.

Ixi: Yes, but I’m convinced he’s a closeted genius. So Tonu, what did you get?

Tonu: Pedestrian.

Ixi: That’s IT! The nitrogen cycle is so pedestrian. I owe you, baby brother.

Ixi: But for now, adieu. I’m sure you can find your own way home.

Tonu: What goes up must come down.

Nice of her to have faith in him, but I’m not so sure. This kid makes me nervous.

Tonu: Elvis has left the building.

Am I dreaming or did that one almost make sense?

And now for— wow okay, Dustiesta really let their spawn roam all over the place, huh?

Kyrii: Rook to E5.

Kougra: Dammit. RIP knight.

Man: Are you looking for an opponent, little girl?

Kyrii: Nah man, can’t you see I’m playing big brain chess with my sister?

Kougra: Yeah, beat it punk.

The kids are alright. If this legacy has taught me anything, it’s that I should probably be more worried about the adults. And YEP, that certainly holds up today.

Patty: Give these a good sniff, huh? Can you smell the chloroform?

Dusty: Oh no. Patty, I had no idea…

Dusty: …that there was so much chemistry between us.

Patty: Why are you so difficult to murder?

Dusty: It’s part of my charm.

Patty: *giggles* NO, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

Dusty, you slimy, slimy man.

Dusty: Siesta doesn’t need to know what goes on behind closed doors.

Uh yeah, except that door isn’t closed, and she has a direct line of sight into the house.

Siesta: My husband is so dumb.

Well? Aren’t you going to run over there and drip hot tub water all over Patty’s floor in revenge?

Siesta: Nah.

Wow. Ignorance is bliss, I guess?

Siesta: No, I’m just way too comfy.

Dammit, we really do need to keep tabs on everyone.

Lev: Ixi, right?

Ixi: Do I know you?

Lev: In a sense. How are you enjoying the life of a Langurd spare?

Ixi: I beg your pardon? We haven’t even had an heir poll yet.

Lev: Of course, of course. My mistake.

Lev: Still, if you ever find yourself… an outcast, so to speak… under that roof. Just know that the Fairy Realm could offer you more.

Ixi: Wait, I do know you. You’re the mayor who burned a man alive in the park.

Lev: A mere rumour. Just think on what I said. We’ll be waiting.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

This one was a doozy. You’d think that as the screenshots got more recent, I’d have a better memory of what’s going on. But I’m more lost than ever.

Nevertheless! There is no choice but to keep blundering forward. On to the next one!

Happy Simming!

-Sam