7.25 Retry With
Hello, dear readers, and welcome to another dang chapter. The material I’m dealing with is now four years old, and I’m officially at the point where I look at a screenshot and go “HUH?” for twelve minutes before taking complete creative licence. Facts are lost to the netherworld, traits are forgotten, and townie names are only screencapped about 10% of the time.
That’s right. All Langurd content from here until Gen 8 is complete, unadulterated bullshit.
But what else is new?
Last time, in a scrappy little excuse for an update: Kougra stepped outside and got abducted; Ixi went skinnydipping with the robot who changed her diapers (lord help us); Acara’s musician boyfriend got jealous of her professional success; Siesta peed in the hot tub; and Tonu became a young adult.
He swiftly joined the professional singer career, and now here we are.
Kiko: For me?
Tonu: Shawty Imma party til the sun down
Kiko: I mean that’s like 8pm but you do you bro.
I……. okay. Let me piece this together as well as I can. I remember the sudden realization that Siesta—despite completing her LTW—was not actually that accomplished as a bot builder, and had skipped over a lot of cool things—including the legacy statue. I then initiated a grand second attempt at her career.
Evidently I sent her to the robot store for supplies, forgot about her, and came back to this.
Mere rumours, I’m sure.
Siesta: Hello, I would like step-by-step instructions on how to make a Future-Tech robot.
Cashier: How about instructions on how to find the bathroom?
Siesta: Don’t need those anymore, thanks.
Meanwhile, Acara is learning to love the life of a corporate drone.
Acara: Whaddya say, Betsy? I can get you in on this once-in-a-lifetime scheme— I mean, opportunity—just as soon as you say the word.
Acara: Your entire life savings? I— well yes, that would be a reasonable investment indeed. How soon can you make the transfer?
On the other hand, Ixi’s political campaign has… hit some walls, so to speak.
But it’s mostly smooth sailing. I mean, who wouldn’t vote for a politician who curtseys to ordinary citizens?
Ixi: I thought she was a marquess?
Marquess: Nah, that’s just my given name. I’ll take it though.
I have also since learned that Marquess is, in fact, a male title—the female equivalent being Marchioness. Not that I particularly care.
The purple dragon whose name has been on the tip of my tongue for CENTURIES makes a worthy campaign partner between the charisma boost, the colour-coordination, and the sheer badassery.
Ixi: Good afternoon, Hot Jeremey! May I call you Hot Jeremey? It’s how my parents have always referred to you.
Jeremy: Well, ain’t that a reputation.
I might find this image disturbing after certain events if not for two things: a) Pete is our official Gen. 8 portrait painter, and b) the game has confirmed that he is 100% gay.
Ever in pursuit of adventure, Captain Kau has forsaken car and bicycle in favour of travelling across the land, searching far and wide.
And apparently he’s not the only one.
Hans: Hey dude! Wait up! Can you tell Acara to call me? I made four dollars busking and I wanna take her someplace nice!
Wisely ignoring Hans, he gets straight to work commanding what little of the sea he has access to.
Kau: Top o’ the morning to ya! Nice day for a paddle, eh?
While Kiko does whatever the hell it is that Kiko does.
Kiko: I’m just talking to the Weather Stone.
And what, pray tell, did it say?
Kiko: That it will give me the answers I seek for a nominal fee of $80,000!
Kyrii is once again running late for a very important date, which could be anything from prom to a Fight Club meeting, and she is once again cursed to attend while looking like a fool.
Kyrii: Can you not, though?
Kyrii: Seriously, go take pictures of Tonu.
Oh, but that would involve pulling up a sentence generator.
Take pictures of Tonu I will not, for I would now like to devote a chunk of this chapter to the two sims we’re truly sick and tired of!
Siesta: I hope they have food in the future.
Dusty: I hope they have beds.
This seems to be around the point where everyone stopped autonomously taking care of their needs. Probably Butler June coddled them for too long.
Siesta: Sweet, I call the purple one!
Dusty: Oh, okay… I guess this fake grass looks pretty comfy…
Oh fuck, who invited him?
And apparently Pete, too! Does this mean a rekindling of the old Pudley flame? My guess is as good as yours.
Pete: Rend ball in corger ponket. Your turn, Durfley.
Pete: Durfley no.
But the odds are not in our favour.
So, Siesta. How’s it feel to come back to the future (he he) now that you’re a tech pioneer?
Siesta: A what?
You know, paving the way for robot makers to come.
Siesta: These pillows are so soft.
I don’t know why I bothered, or why I’m documenting this now—but of course I sent Dusty off to check on the state of the descendants.
You may recall the last time we looked in on them…
Chin-Han O’Reilly-O’Connell: DEATH TO THE LANGURD NAME!
Here’s hoping things have……… improved.
We stumble upon this one quite by accident. Her name is Alice Langurd. She’s a puddle of all the most ordinary genes in the Langurd pool, plus fairy wings—which can only mean that the cursed Para-Langurd Line has unfortunately made it this far.
In other words, she’s one of Lev’s.
She’s also macking on Discount Obi-Wan Kenobi, just to rub salt in the wound.
Dusty: Oh thank god, you have blue hair!
Claudio: Uh, who are you?
Yes, the main line’s future is looking at least 50% more Mithrilen than before! This is Claudio Angel-Finnigan, which means that the game thinks Acara and Hans have a future. LOL.
Ironically, it also means that (aside from Lev’s descendant) the Langurd name is still wiped out in this universe.
We also spy Claudio’s daughter, Stacy. She’s a classy gal and has the one elusive colouring combo that we did not manage to get from Dustiesta. Idk guys, should we make Acara heiress??!
Of course the black hair found its way back in. Claudio’s wife is Abbey, who also has concerningly Langurd-esque genes. Stacy’s siblings are Chandra, Tiffany, and Jasen, and they’re just as varied as our Quad Squad. The future really needs to find a new dress, though.
Stacy: Why is this man sobbing in our kitchen?
Dusty: I’m sorry, I’m just so happy that my bloodline didn’t get wiped out!
Stacy: Weird flex, but okay.
We then head over to see Daryl Kelly-Dolan, an apparent offshoot of Kiko’s. This at least bodes well in that the Kelly-Dolans are one of the few families left in Dragon Valley who are not related to the Langurds.
That said, this dude almost definitely married his sister.
Shelley: You gotta problem with that?
Less of a problem than I have with your name being Shelley Kelly-Dolan.
Shelley: It’s a family name, y’all.
And with kids named Corrie and Myles, this is starting to check out.
Right. I guess the whole point of this trip was for Siesta to do cool things, but I don’t see much of that.
Siesta: I’m just napping still the brawl starts.
Not a brawl, dude. And I don’t think the suit is going to win you any points for professionalism.
Siesta: But I’m an enthusiast!!
We can only hope they mistakenly throw you in the kids’ division.
Ah, the Langurd Way—giving absolutely everything you’ve got and landing solidly in third place.
Doin’ the legacy proud.
Back at base camp—I mean the hostel—I mean… what even is the Oasis Landing version? Anyway, back here, Dudley is a very popular guy.
Kiara: Why hello there, I don’t believe we’ve met. I’m Kiara.
Kiara: Oh god, I can’t feel my arm. What did you do to me?
Dude in Red: Didn’t they teach you about Siesta Screwybolts Langurd in school? You couldn’t pay me to touch one of her robots.
Kiara: Wait. I heard Langurd’s bots had a thing for humans… So, pretty boy, whaddya say?
Kiara: Gosh. Screwybolts really was a whackjob.
While Siesta’s reputation is beyond tarnished here, Dusty’s rather enjoying this version of the future.
Dusty: The Mithrilens live on! I’m not a complete failure! What a great day!
Yes, alright, I’ll let you enjoy this modest victory. Here—have a montage of getting to know your great-great-great-times-infinity-grandkids.
Myles: Oh boy, Great-Grandad-Times-Infinity, you sure are good at video games!
Dusty: Oh, this? This is nothing compared to the flips I do in planes.
Dusty: It’s good to know pillow fights are still alive and well with you young’uns.
Corrie: Oh, our pillows are too hi-tech for fighting. We just keep these chickens in sacks for fun.
Dusty: Chick-…….. WHAT?!
He gets to be far more impressive here than he ever will be in his own time.
Corrie: What’s your job, Great-Grandpa-Times-Infinity?
Dusty: Well, I’m an astronaut. I get to explore the stars.
Corrie: There are stars where you come from?!?
Dusty: What do you mean? I can see them out your window right now.
Corrie: No, those are drones the government uses to cover up the pollution.
Dusty: Oh dear.
And learn a few lessons from the whippersnappers of the day.
Corrie: I win!
Dusty: But scissors cut paper!
Corrie: What’s paper? This is an iPad…
Dusty: Oh dear indeed.
Dusty: Hey, these things are pretty nifty.
Corrie: You don’t have to feed them or anything!
Sprites: *delirious with hunger*
And that brings us to the end of this futuristic voyage. You can probably say goodbye to Myles, Corrie, and everyone else, since we’re bound to fuck up the timeline before we come back.
But before we go, I would like it noted that the Langurds did not, as it turns out, cause the extinction of unicorns.
Oh, and one more thing. This happened at some point during the trip. Did the future residents poison Pudley against their creator? Is Siesta just that much of a grump now?
We will never know.
Siesta: Alright Pete, since I’m now a third-place bot builder, I’m ripping everything out and starting over.
Correction—we certainly know.
And what did the rest of the family get up to? Tonu clearly sacrificed all his needs to become the Gnub champion.
Tonu: House prices have gone up this year.
Worth it, I suppose.
Well, we certainly know what Kougra DIDN’T do.
Kadoatie: Hello, financially wise human. Please shower me with the affection that my irresponsible master withholds.
Kyrii: Go try your luck on a park bench, pipsqueak.
Just under the wire, Kougra makes her first appearance this chapter.
Kougra: Don’t leave me.
Kadoatie: I love you! I will never remind you of your fiscal instability again!
Kougra: Do you fucking promise?
Kadoatie: Mostly. Just get a piggy bank or something.
It seems like Kau and Kiko have gotten… closer? Don’t tell me we have a Daryl and Shelley situation here??
Kiko: Eww, don’t even go there. The butler broke all the beds.
Come on. How can you fuck up making a bed? She’s bad, but she’s not thaaaaat b—
Siesta: I am going to fire that bitch so hard.
Um, okay. I see that some measures will need to be taken.
But first, Happy Leisure Day! What a lovely opportunity for sims to interact who never normally appear together!
Acara: Nice to meet you. I’m Acara.
Tonu: We never found a body.
Acara: Oh my.
It turns into a little bonding session for Dusty and (80% of) his daughters, which is kind of adorable but mostly just aesthetically pleasing.
Ixi: Is it true that you went to the future and Acara had descendants?
Acara: Wow, jealous much?
Dusty: Oh, yes. And Kiko too. Corrie and Myles are my new BFFs, as they say in the future.
Kougra: No Dad, they don’t even say that now.
Ixi: Are you sure there weren’t any of mine?
Kyrii: You can’t procreate with the mirror, Ixi.
Dusty: Now girls, your careers are just as important as your future families.
Dusty: Just look at me. I do flips in planes!
Kougra: *snarfs hot dog* And I’m a rocket scientist.
Kyrii: I would be a rocket scientist if I could get this stupid bowl off my hand.
Kyrii: Alright guys, good chat.
Kiko: Aww, come on! I just got here!
Family time is a rare treat, but these kids have their own things to do. Kyrii, for instance, buries her nose in a book. Or rather, buries a book in her batter. Idk, but her commitment to education just bowls me over. 😀
Kyrii: Fuck off. *reading An Idiot’s Guide to Not Having a Bowl for a Hand*
Kougra tries on yet another hat—and this one may actually fit?
Kougra: Gin and pool water, coming right up!
I don’t need to tell you what Acara is doing.
Acara: Just securing a multi-million dollar deal for the company and lining up my next promotion. Yeah, you officially can’t make me feel shitty about this anymore.
Well. Okay then.
But how does Kiko get by doing absolutely nothing ever?
Kiko: Wouldn’t you like to know.
I truly would.
Ixi the conniving politician may just have the most important task of all.
Ixi: I win again! Shall we go one more round?
Butler: I’m not sure my lungs can take it.
Ixi: That’s perfect! I mean, don’t give up yet!
I do appreciate her efforts.
While it’s fun and games
and life and death at the Langurd pad, Tonu’s out on his official first day as Tofu Beancurd the pro singer, and things are… overwhelming.
Tonu: Babies are cute but fragile!
You got this, my dude!
Tonu: Watch out, there’s quicksand!
Patty: Omg where?
Tonu: I love rain!
Okay, maybe you don’t got this.
Your first Sing-o-Gram customer! You’d better impress her!
Diana: Help, I lost all my vertices.
Tonu: The roof / The roof / The roof is on fire
Diana: Wow. Your singing is so beautiful, it made me render.
How’s that for a testimonial?
Tonu: Catch me in the fridge, right where the ice be
Gym Bros: Your vibe is so contagious, I could work out all day!
Plumber: Your dancing is so elegant, it’s making me sparkle!
Doctor: Oooh, who is he?
In short, the town loves him.
Tonu: If you want it moist, I can make you girl pancake
Green Jacket Dude: A star is born.
Which, of course, just adds to the stress.
Tonu: I used to have a goldfish!
But enough of that. There are a few orders of business left to attend to, and this one cannot wait.
Siesta: Hey lady, you’re fired.
Butler: Nah, I’m good.
Siesta: Excuse me?
Butler: Where are the Doritos at?
Siesta: Um… top cupboard.
I’ve peeked ahead and she’s STILL HERE for several chapters to come, so I really don’t know what to tell you.
I can tell you that I have kept this post going long after I wanted to stop just so that Siesta could have ONE victory.
Siesta: I did it! I made the most advanced robot in the world!
Pudley: Je suis baguette?
Siesta: Wow, he’s so sophisticated!
Pudley: Donda esta el habanero?
Structurally, he’s a combination of Dudley and Pete with a hoverbutt. Stylistically, he’s a patchwork of all seven children’s patterns. Mentally, he’s still an empty tin can.
But the game says we get a statue for this one, so we’ll damn well take it.
Man, this one felt like a goliath but it’s only just at my average post length. SimNano may get the better of me this year.
I think we have one (?) chapter left before university times, so yay for that! But also nay for that, because university is going to be another 5? 6? 7? posts in itself. I may just section it off and call it a summer special, because we are at THE BOTTOM OF THE BARREL for chapter titles. 😀
Also! Someone asked me to upload my builds, and I’m totally slacking on that. But I have not forgotten! Booting my game is just a very overwhelming thought at the moment. I’ll try to get past the terror.
Until next time, Happy Simming!