Category Archives: Uncategorized

9.4 The Last Melon

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I use this phrase liberally in everyday life, so it could mean pretty much anything out of context. Just wait though, there will come a point very soon where it actually fits. I promise.

Last time, when we had more melons, we were quite productive. Whydah did a lot of singer stuff, climbing all the way up to Level 8. Both Sal and Mika gave up the occult life for a lame human one. Kau opened an island motel and went to live there forever, but not before ACHIEVING HIS LTW! Pearl got hers too, but it was considerably less work and therefore not deserving of all caps.

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That means everyone outside of our core legacy couple have now fulfilled their dreams, had their portraits painted, and all that good stuff.

Sal: If you think you get to move on and have a family now, think again.

Pearl: I’m not delusional, Sal.

Sal: And don’t even try setting the table for four and staging a hunger strike. It doesn’t work.

Pearl: You tried that?

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9.3 The Last Unicorn

And the show goes on! Welcome to Act III. This chapter has to be a lucky one because ‘93 is my birth year and I said so.

Act II saw our vampirates through a second divorce—a new frontier even for this legacy. Our cast grew by one when we plucked the lovely Fawn Lacey from Oasis Landing. She’s Whydah’s girlfriend, but Pearl may have something to say about that. It also saw two whole Langurds complete their LTW’s, which leaves us with just four to go! That’s Kau’s Grand Explorer (sooooo damn close), Pearl’s The Tinkerer (making steady progress), Whydah’s Vocal Legend (it’s Sing-A-Grams for days) and Fawn’s… well, that hasn’t been settled yet.

She came to us with a dream to be Emperor of Evil, but rabbitholes are so not my jam, and I somehow highly doubt that being evil is hers.

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We return on the morning of her very first day at work to find her dressed the part (or trying) and running lines in the bathroom.

Fawn: Gimme all your money!

Honey, no.

Fawn: *ahem* (deepens voice) Gimme all your money!

Still no, but keep at it.

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9.2 The Last Straw

Welcome back! Last time, Whydah became a sell-out pop star cursed to deliver Sing-A-Grams until the end of time. Pearl hit stuff with a hammer, Sal found the riddle to Plumbob Island (number 7 of 8), and Kau got wind of Mika’s long-past infidelities but did nothing about it—yet. We installed a time portal and immediately got a visit from the purple-haired Lilah Turni, a strong candidate for Whydah’s hand, but we lost her trail at Bella Vista Beach and were faced with no choice but to hunt her on her own turf.

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Whydah: Turf? You mean concrete. Why couldn’t they make it a water landing?

Pearl: I mean, not all of us fell on our butts…

One thing that still baffles me in this game: no matter how many future trips I send my sims on, the pool is always their first thought bubble when they get here.

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9.1 The Last Beginning

How surreal is this? A whole decade of nonsense has come down to one final era. We’ve seen some wild times, from Tewl’s philandering escapades and Katana’s reluctant tombraiding to Gumby’s space-cowboying and Siesta’s screwy robots and beyond.

But just what will this era hold, aside from the end of all things? An excellent question. While it was tempting to cop out completely, breed Whydah with the first townie she heartfarted, and finish this off in a single chapter, I am not THAT lazy. In fact, I thought long and hard about what sort of calling this purple people eater might pursue.

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Whydah: The scroll hath been bestowed upon me. I am ready for my future.

Her final trait is Virtuoso, which I’ll admit I rolled for a few extra times. I mean, I can only take so much of “Easily Impressed” and “Excitable.”

That makes her final roundup Evil, Heavy Sleeper, No Sense of Humour, Natural Born Performer, and Virtuoso. Clearly a tortured soul only capable of expressing herself through heavy metal (and yes, “heavy metals” was a theme I briefly considered for her children’s names).

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So you have chosen…

(Using these nifty placeholder pics so that WordPress doesn’t spoil it in the preview.)

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Well, this was a doozy.

First, I must apologize. I asked you not only to pick an heir, but to choose between good and evil, pink and purple, practical and theatrical, excitable and deadpan… oh, and then there was Sal.

What a crossroads for the end of the legacy!

But you did it, guys. And you did it ever so decisively…

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Mutiny! THE LAST HEIR POLL

Don’t miss 8.8, which came out mere minutes ago! And now, without further ado…

1. Saladin

2. Whydah

3. Pearl

I’ll leave this up for about a week, or until there’s a clear winner, or until all the regular readers have had a chance to vote. Feel free to drop a comment so I can keep track. 😀

Happy Simming (and Voting)!

-Sam

8.8 Parley

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I know I can’t. If I post this on schedule, I’ll have knocked out an entire generation in two weeks! That’s… honestly pretty ridiculous even if I hadn’t taken four years on the last one.

Welcome, my dearest, loveliest, most committed readers—who must be just a little crazy to ingest this much Langurd content in a fortnight—to our twilight cruise, our final voyage, our swan song if you will. In a mere 100-something screenshots, this ship will come into port and be sent to the breakers, and I will cease my efforts to become fluent in the language of boats. Oh, happy day!

But we have many nautical miles to cover before then. Last time, Kiko married fellow evil mermaid Salty and they welcomed a very not-evil daughter named Tuna. Homes were built on our private islands and living arrangements were messed with. The teens threw a very boring party where secrets were revealed. Mika became bros with the maid, and Kau’s job created some awkward sexual tension.

If anyone’s keeping track, we’re currently at 5/8 uncharted islands. But with the kids on the verge of turning YA, the legacy is dangerously close to ending before Kau completes his LTW—never mind his children getting anything done!

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As such, I’ve decided to allow only very manageable ambitions from this point on. Pearl has just locked in “The Tinkerer” (max Handiness and Logic) as an homage to The Hot Repairladies Club of Generation One. I hope she’ll make Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great *INHALE* Grandma Tuesday proud.

Pearl: Can I get some coveralls?

No, I like your 50’s waitress look too much.

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8.7 Drink Up, Me Hearties!

Welcome one and all to the penultimate piratical publication! (Thanks, I worked really hard on that one.)

We are fast approaching the end of this generation—and for that matter, the end of this legacy! The challenge officially ends as soon as either Saladin, Whydah, or Pearl has a child.

A TERRIFYING THOUGHT.

But there are plenty of things to distract us. We recently acquired our fourth uncharted island by purchasing a few buffet tables, and our fifth by getting Salty to talk. One of those was approximately 85 times harder than the other.

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Kiko almost died (but not really) on the way to Mermaid’s Secret, so she’s recuperating in this old tent until she has the strength to swim home.

Kiko: Top quality medical care.

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8.6 Give No Quarter

Why hello YET AGAIN, my dear aquatic voyagers. The destination is in sight and the waters are becoming treacherous, so hold onto your hats! Batten down the hatches! And settle in for the next leg of our journey.

Last time, none of the kids had any birthdays which I’m sure was a bit of a disappointment. Only our adulting folk grew into their more adult selves, and rained chaos upon this house with their midlife crises. Kau pulled an Ariel so that he could fight a shark, and somehow won. Mika went on a flirting rampage at the local library. Sal and Pearl played children’s games while Whydah communed with ghosts. And Kiko? Well, she was around. I’m not always privy to her secrets.

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Kau’s got three islands locked in now. He has his sights set on Cay to the City, but he’s only just getting started. What a blessing that on his second day of work, he’s assigned to the most bustling beach of them all.

Kau: Ahoy there! Do you need assistance? No? Your form looks a little— I see, I see. Carry on, good sir……… AHOY, YOU OVER THERE!

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8.5 Shark Bait, Ooh Ha Ha!

Another day, another piratey tale to be told!

Things sure are livening up around here. Kau has secured two out of eight uncharted islands and sorta maybe almost has a plan to get the rest. Mika has a whole LTW of her own! All the kids are out of diapers, and Dusty finally bit the dust after outliving his wife by 37 days.

Er, not that we’re celebrating that last one, but I was running out of ways to make him useful.

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Whydah: Isn’t it strange how Grandpa died on our birthday?

Pearl: Can’t we just talk about how good the cake was?

Whydah: I guess you were only a toddler. You wouldn’t understand.

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