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4.15 Gotta Catch’Em All!

I have waited so long to use this chapter title.

Welcome to the world of Langurd. My name is Sam. People affectionately refer to me as the Soulless Overlord. This world is inhabited far and wide by creatures called Langurd. For some people, Langurds are entertaining. Some use them in their own legacies. As for myself, I study Langurds as a profession.

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But first, tell me a little about yourself. Are you a boy or a girl?

Lira: Huh?

Your very own Langurd legend is about to unfold. A world of dreams and adventure awaits you. Let’s go.

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4.4 Make Him Better or Get the Buzzer

Well, considering how confident I was last chapter in my hermity caveman ways, a lot has actually happened since I put that post out. I went on a forest adventure, tried to move into my new place but failed, and had a job interview. Oh, and I got my first tattoo! Basically, I’m still an unemployed deadbeat but I’m an unemployed deadbeat who dipped one toe in the waters of real life for half a second. Yay, me!

Speaking of unemployed deadbeats, it occurred to me that the last Langurd to hold a steady job was… well, Morgana, and I had no part in her getting or keeping that job. Three generations of dicking around later, our fortunes are dwindling and I’ve decided to crack down on my heirs, start funnelling them down the narrow road of career society. Just kidding, but I’m accepting that we won’t last forever on book royalties and broken space rocks. Someone’s gotta put food on the table and all that.

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Raggedy: You gonna finish that?

Lira: Yes.

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4.2 There’s a Snake in My Boot!

Howdy, partner!  No, actually, I refuse to start a chapter that way even in jest. Instead, let me start it by saying I BOUGHT THE SIMS 4! It was on for half price, and—having over-budgeted for groceries for the year—I thought I would treat myself. You know, to make up for those nights when I had a microwaved potato and some vanilla frosting for dinner. I made one sim, put her in a lot, then got bored and quit. But that’s okay, because my attention span right now is about as broad as a WOULD YOU LOOK AT THE TIME, I have to go watch Game of Thrones.

In the Land of Langurds, Dax’s death reminded me that Katana is no spring chicken herself—nor, for that matter, is she a seasoned chicken traveler as she set out to become so long ago. For shame. You might say that Old Peabrain gave us the little push we needed to seek greatness. However, he also gave us a bunch of shitty moodlets to hinder the pursuit of said greatness.

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But you know, sometimes the first stage of grief is “press a button and magically get over it.”

Katana: Wow, I’m not sad anymore. Oh wait… I never was.

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4.1 Come Play with Me

Long ago some words were said:

“I’ll finish a legacy ‘fore I’m dead!”

And this one here was going well

Until it all just went to hell

Because you see I’m really lazy

And I can’t think of a rhyme for that so the poem is over now.

*   *   *

So yeah… remember that thing about getting to Generation Six before the end of the year?

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Happy 2015! This gal is nowhere near her winter years.

Lira: What are you talking about? Now that I’m in charge, all the years are winter!

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3.2 Gung Ho

gung ho [guhng-hoh] – adj.: extremely enthusiastic and enterprising, sometimes to excess. Adopted by US marines from Chinese Pidgin English.

This is my life lately. Why, only today I am “enterprising” to sew a dress, clean my room, do laundry, write four French assignments, and caption these 100-odd screenshots.

Not only that, but this chapter is so ambitious that the only other apt title would be “Five Birthdays, Three Life-Threatening Experiences, Two Destinies Fulfilled, Two Graduations, Two Kind-of Deaths, a Birth, a Party, an Abandonment, and a Wedding.”

Having read that description, you can probably just skip the chapter. But please don’t. I put my blood and tears into these things.

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We begin with a father-daughter trip to China, undertaken by each party with a heavy heart.

Razor: O great spirit of Sim-Fu, grant me the strength to defeat the Abitar without glitching into oblivion.

Katana: Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou— Just kidding, I’m only upset about being outside.

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3.1 Terra Incognita

Holy moly, generation three! I’ve been procrastinating writing this because it actually feels like progress. Until I remember that I started this legacy 18 months ago, not to mention I started attempting legacies when I was a preteen. Then it just feels pathetic.

A quick note: Thank you all for voting in the heir poll! In case you missed the mini-post, Katana won. By a landslide. Lance did so poorly I’m tempted to rookie haze her.

Another note: School has returned with a vengeance, but this time my courses are all—would you believe it?—really enjoyable, so it’s gonna be a challenge on more than one level to tear myself away and procrastiblog. Yes, I am kidding myself. I will, of course, be shirking my studies wherever possible. Still, when your prof integrates this video into a lecture in a meaningful way, you can’t not do the readings.

I DIGRESS (as per usual). Time to kick this generation’s ass. But first, a word from our retiring torchbearers…

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Arabella: Peace at last! I am so relieved I could just fart sparkles!

Razor: I am honoured to be a part of this manly, manly picture.

Fun fact—I call them “retiring torchbearers” but neither has fulfilled a LTW as of yet, because they are useless because their LTW’s are a bitch and a half. Thus, as sick of them as we may be, they still have some screen time to look forward to.

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2.2 Revenge of the Vaccinator

Greetings! It’s a pleasure to have you back, and I’m sure you have so missed the company of Tewl and the gang during the past week or so. Ha-ha-ha hilarious, right? (Please don’t leave me alone with them again.)

In recent news, I let this site’s one-year anniversary slip by like a boss. Yeah. It was on July 15th, and I did absolutely zip to celebrate, commemorate, or even acknowledge it. I guess I was too busy celebrating more important birthdays like, uh, Harry Potter’s. I would express some kind of dismay or whatever but I’m really not that sorry, especially looking at how little progress this thing has made in its year of existence.

In the last instalment, Tewl married Morgana! Exclamation mark because I still can’t quite believe it. But in spite of my initial doubts, we have a new and improved Tewl on our hands who has not so much as looked at another woman. I know, right? It’s almost too good to be true…

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Tewl: Dere seems to be a invisible magnit dat draws us to—

Aww hell no! Didn’t you learn your lesson the last eighty times you cheated on somebody?

Tewl: C’mon man, she so blonde and dopey!

Paparazzi Dope: And he’s just a real flatterer!

As much as you two are made for each other, I do not approve of this development.

Tewl: What Morgana dun know ain’t hurt ‘er, yo.

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