7.14 Insufficient Storage

Would you look at that! Here we are in the final stretch of SimNano, and here’s Gryffindork of all people embarking on her last update with a whole week to spare! I’ve actually reached my personal goals already for wordcount and pictures, so I could theoretically put nothing in this post and still make quota. However, that would be kinda shitting on the honour system, not to mention ignoring the fact that I still have THOUSANDS of screenshots to plough through even after the month is out.

Still, I could totally make this a skimpy one—INSTEAD, I have chosen to tackle the most eventful chapter of the entire generation so HAHA yay me!

Siesta: Eventful? No thanks. We’re not fans of “eventful.”

Dusty: Yeah, no events please.

7.13 Use Proxy

Welcome back! Back to the Langurds, and back to the present day that actually took place three years ago (but we don’t talk about that). I have an incredibly pressing life decision to make this weekend, so naturally I’m writing this post instead.

Previously, our heiress popped out her first child (Acara) and jetted off to the future. She returns with pockets full of crystals and nanites, which are clearly what Dudley is “inspecting” here.

Siesta: Dudley no! Bad Dudley!

Dudley: Bad Dudley 😉

He’s skeevy but in the most innocent, unassuming way?

7.12 Continue

Welcome to the real first chapter of Generation Seven! I should probably put a note on 7.1 to skip straight here, but I’m lazy and selfish and would rather make you all suffer through what I had to. #sorrynotsorry

Either way, we made it! The spares are outta here and the hype is off the charts.

Siesta: Omg is it finally my turn??! Omg omg okay, I have so many plans ahhhhh where should I start?!?

7.11 Login Time-out

Ah, seven eleven! A harbinger of good fortune! A store of conveniences, and the source of all the kimbap and soju that keeps me alive!

If ever there was a chapter destined for greatness, it’s this one. Surely we can expect only good things to—

CALAMITY NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I’m sorry but this one really did me dirty. I left her to look after the grandkids while we were in China and didn’t even think to check on her when we got back. At some point I just noticed her icon missing and had to go looking for an urn. She must’ve been right at the 90-day mark because I was not ready. Evidently she returned to the ether somewhere on the path between the couch and the fridge, which is some small solace.

Bottom line though, playable ghost deaths are not cool. 0/10 will not be keeping Kip or Trance around long enough to experience this again.

Cal… enjoy your forever nap I guess.

7.8 This is fine

‘Sup dudes? I just discovered a whole folder of Story Progression/UI screencaps I’ve been forgetting to use. Just think of all that peripheral information going to waste… What is going on in the wide world? Did I even tell you Jada, Delilah, Dusty, Riza, or Duke’s traits? Probably not.

I subsequently discovered that the folder STOPS about two chapters from now and I have NO idea where the rest of it is. Maybe still on my computer in Canada, which is unplugged and wrapped in a garbage bag. Maybe on the flash drive I left at orientation in the Korean boonies. And do I remember any of Siesta’s kids’ traits? LOL absolutely not.

However, I have a day of cancelled classes (lucky 5th graders just left for camp), I’m equipped with snacks, and the school network is down. That leaves me no choice but to ignore all crises and trudge blindly ahead.

Besides, how could I rain on Dustiesta’s parade?

Dusty: I did it! I stuck it to my parents!

Siesta: Really?

Dusty: Well, no. But I did ask Derrick for a divorce.

Siesta: Oh. Well, baby steps.

7.6 Upgrade Required

Happy New Year! And a joyous farewell to 2018, the most desolate year on the Blog of Langurd: home to nine posts, only two-thirds of which were actual updates. Oh my.

This is the year 3019, and revolution is upon us. Fingers will fly across keyboards, updates will churn, comments will be replied to, and babies will be born.

I may just end up half-assing my way to the good stuff because these screenshots are stale enough to break a tooth on.

And Trelilah’s relationship is growing seven kinds of toxic mold, but that doesn’t stop me trying to salvage it.

Delilah: Let me just get this straight. You, Trance Langurd, are admitting your idiotic mistakes and begging for forgiveness.

Trance: Indeed… I think I am.

Delilah: Could you say it one more time so I know I’m not losing it?

Trance: I, Trance Langurd, have behaved like human trash. Can you find it in your heart to take back an unworthy imbecile?

Delilah: Depends. Can I get that in writing?

7.1 I’m a teapot

Hello, and welcome back to the Langurds! For real this time – no more filler bullshit. If you don’t believe me, take a moment to breathe in the scent of decaying tofu dogs and evaporating brain cells.

Oh yeah, we’re back alright.

Turns out I remember zero things from last generation, but I do know that there was a terrible, awful, very no good heir poll and y’all panic-voted this box-headed fool into leadership. I think we will regret this soon, but for now it’s full steam ahead!

Commence the celebratory tea! (I hope she showed up on time)

Siesta: Hey Prototype, I’ve been thinking.

Prototype: God help us all.

Siesta: Since I’m in charge and stuff, I’m going to rename you Siri.

Prototype: Pray tell why?

Siesta: Don’t be silly, Siri. You answer my questions, not the other way around!

Prototype: You poor dense soul.

6.9 Whose Bed Have Your Boots Been Under?

Ah yes, finally—a chapter number to match the Langurds’ maturity level. Just in time for…

Wink wink, nudge nudge. But of course, that’s a very sore topic around here with our Gen. 6 OTP fresh off a divorce and trying to cobble their lives back together. R.I.P. Quilamity, you had a good run were never going to make it anyway.

Both parties take some time to focus on themselves, which tbh is basically what they did while married anyway. Calamity spends hers witnessing important milestones.

Cal: Try not to get arrested, okay?

Trance: Sorry Mom, but my coolness is a serious crime.

6.7 Boulevard of Broken Dreams

And we’re off! Welcome to the first leg of a seven-day spirit journey. I hope you’re ready to feel closer to the Langurds than ever before (hey you in the back, I saw you swallow your vomit just now). Regrets? Absolutely not. Maybe a couple. Or twelve. Who am I kidding, guys? I’m in way over my head.

Our last instalment featured a disastrous bachelor party, a lacklustre wedding, and the birth of a Gen. 7 burrito, but not at all in that order. Don’t get me wrong—Cal and Quinn are totally traditional people who follow all the proper steps toward a conventional marriage.

Case in point—a timeless wedding ritual.

Cal: Is the cake good?

Quinn: WE MUST KNOW IF THE CAKE IS GOOD.

Skydancer: If I say no, does that doom you guys to infertility or something?

6.6 Rockabye Baby

If that title doesn’t tell you we’re getting to the good stuff, then let me tell you right now—we’re getting to the good stuff!

Last time, Gumby finally died but Frieda’s Gold Digger LTW still registered as incomplete. Shit was lost; tables were very nearly flipped. Now we take deep breaths and try to figure out the meaning of this.

Frieda: Yes hello, I’d like to request a refund on my life.