Today this blog turns nine years old! I hate that for us. Tewl and his descendants have plagued our lives for too long.
While I like to put out a post every year just to acknowledge the day, the level of effort always varies. Second only to last year’s Paint cake, this may be the laziest celebration of all—largely because I prepared it for the 8th birthday, and then ran out of time to flesh it out and saved it for this year instead.
So here’s the deal:
The Great Langurd Psychoanalysis
What the fuck. Where did 2018 go? How is it July? Wasn’t it February like yesterday?
You may have noticed that time is getting away from me these days. No, that’s an understatement. Time is sprinting Bolt-speed toward the airport and hopping a plane to the next galaxy, then laughing at me while I scream “Planes can’t go to outer space!” and my aged bones crumble to dust.
Dramatic, I know. But let me tell you – shit has been going down lately that has me shaking my fist at the world. Dewey, the terrible wonderful cat who owns my soul, recently tested positive to Feline Leukemia. FeLV, while not actually a cancer in cats, is an incurable virus that gradually causes severe (and ultimately fatal) anemia. He’s three and life is unfair. Last week my vet was talking euthanasia, but then his meds seemed to kick in, and he started gaining weight between visits (my little chubber has always excelled in that), so we’re taking things one day at a time. It’s been a fucking rollercoaster and we would both appreciate any positive vibes you can send our way. ❤
On top of working 40-60 hour weeks at the café, I also just finished a certification course and am applying to ESL teaching jobs overseas! It’s exciting but stressful and real decisions scare me. Please don’t ask how this news plays into the news above because that’s a whole other shitshow.
But let’s get down to what you came here for, which is not sad stories, nor career plans, but the mind-numbing idiocy of a family that is now six years old.
Celebrating Five Years of Langurd: The Official Half-Decade Heptathlon (Finally, Proof that I Am a Crazy Person)
It’s not every day your young blog turns five, and I’ve been stewing and stewing over how to celebrate the upcoming legaversary in style. The only problem with doing cool things is the inevitable need to follow up with cooler things, and let’s face it, Birthdays 3 and 4 reached a level of coolness known only to Beyonce and Antarctica. (I hope you are all reading my sarcasm here.)
Somewhere in my stewing
amidst the carrots and barley I realized that five years is an inanely long time for you, the readers, to have stuck with a stuttering, wheezing, at times just dead-on-the-floor blog like this one. So instead of wasting time on a glorified spin-off, I’ve decided to channel my appreciation into something more productive. Something that has never been attempted in Langurd history. Something that goes against every fibre of my being and may just kill me.
This post is not really happening because I refuse to acknowledge that a year has passed since the last birthday celebrations, and because there’s no way I’ve been doing this legacy thing for four years. Absolutely not a chance. Ergo, this is not a birthday.
EDIT: It is also not a birthday because I’m now uploading this a day late. All the more evidence that it never happened!