This is it. The OFFICIAL last chapter of Generation Seven—not because it’s actually over, but because I have decided to deem it so, and because I have the power.
Everything after this is university, and I’m currently making hella efforts to condense all of that into 4-5 posts—but we all know that won’t happen.
I have ALSO decided that when I finally get back to gameplay, I’m going to restart from the end of university. I have several versions of the save I could jump back to, but I had an heir in mind when I played ahead, and I’m not sure how I feel anymore. I also want to know how you guys feel!
All that to say—optimistically, in 4-5 posts’ time, there will be an heir poll! AND THEN WE SHALL MOVE FORWARD AT LAST.
Previously, we saw a future in which Siesta Langurd was synonymous with failure, which sounds an awful lot like the present tbh. She sought to redeem herself with a legacy statue, and in the process, cobbled together a wondrous thing we call Pudley.
Siesta: Hey, you’re pretty cool. But how would you like to be aware that you’re cool?
Pudley: Piatto del giorno!
Siesta: I have outdone myself.
Pudley is, for all intents and purposes, a newly built future-tech PlumBot with Sentience. And that means the future folk are gonna build a statue of his creator. Hey—I don’t make the rules.
A Decade of Langurd: We’re All Langurds Here (feat. Quiz!)
Guys… it’s here. It came. It happened.
The thing I’ve always joked about is now a reality.
The Dysfunkshinul Legacy is ten years old.
And what I hoped might be an exciting milestone is actually a colossal reality check. I mean, it turns out the Half-Decade Heptathlon—that idiotic time I posted every day as a countdown to the blog’s fifth birthday—was like, LATE GENERATION SIX.
The crazy thing is that I felt so unproductive for having published “only” five generations in those first five years. And then to follow that up with ONE generation in the next five! Oh, 2017 Sam, how could you have known?
Anyway! I’ve stopped beating myself up over it, and the reality is that I sold three of these past years to being an alien in Korea. This thing is getting finished at some point—it’s always just been a question of when. 😛
So even if today is laced with shame, I think it deserves a celebration!
~HAPPY TEN YEARS, EVERYONE!~
Of course I’ve gone and done something completely ridiculous as per usual.
It occurred to me, while attempting to untangle the massive incestuous web that is Dragon Valley, that one thing is true. Sooner or later, we will all be Langurds.
In fact, each birthday celebration has brought us a little bit closer to this terrifying truth. In 2015, many of your simselves were divinely impregnated with Langurd children of their own. Why, even last year, you may have been forced to see yourself in a Langurd heir by way of personality comparison!
So why not come to terms with your fate, and find out which of these positively broken human beings you most resemble—naturally, in a Buzzfeed-style quiz of completely unrelated questions?
Just rip off the band-aid.
(Because silly WordPress won’t let me embed it…)
I would LOVE to see your results in the comments! I will admit, the curiosity is killing me.
Of course, on a day like today I’m extra grateful to everyone who reads—or has ever read—this blog! I definitely don’t see the traffic I used to, but the sheer COMMITMENT some of you regular readers possess is worth more to me than any number of views. Whether you’re a lurker, a liker, a commenter, or a Boolprop thread follower—thank you for always coming back!
And I promise to get this thing done. Eventually.
Until then, Happy Simming!
P.S. Just as an added bit of shock value, I was 19 when I started this. I’m now 29. Reading some earlier posts is physically painful. 😛
Ahoy, mateys! Let us sail forth into uncharted waters, past that obvious Bokoblin camp on the hill and beyond this world to the place I know where I cannot go where I long to—
Hahahaha just kidding. We are good and stuck here ‘til the end of conceivable time! Can you tell I want to be literally anywhere that’s not Dragon Valley??
But anyway, welcome back! Previously, everyone hated the new butler. A grounded Kau resigned himself to the life of a landlubber. Kougra tried on many hats. Kyrii cured cancer and Tonu un-cured it. Ixi became a politician overnight, which is pretty standard these days. Acara was boring, and Kiko was the opposite but still did nothing worth mentioning. Names got you twisted? Have no fear! I have conveniently omitted five whole Langurds from this recap in the interest of simplicity!
Let us see what they’re all up to now.
7.23 Service Unavailable
Welcome back—to yet another post that will undoubtedly disappear into the ridiculous blur of Generation Seven. I can’t imagine how you all feel trying to keep things straight, because I’m barely hanging on myself.
Previously, Dusty topped his career AT LONG FREAKING LAST and dumped his boss, Patty. Kiko and Siesta became mortal enemies, Ixi returned from snob school, Acara went from humdrum teenager to humdrum young adult, and many a mastermind plot was hatched.
But most importantly, in a tragedy that rivaled losing the unicorn, we said goodbye to the greatest butler of all time. And no—June didn’t die. She just stopped doing her job and then vanished in a hallway.
Such is the circle of life.
Her (second) replacement is such a disappointment that I didn’t even bother to screencap her name.
Butler: Sweet, who made waffles?
Siesta: Evidently not you.
7.22 Permanent Redirect
Here we go. Let’s keep kicking the can that is this legacy!
Previously, Siesta decided that seven uniquely blossoming personalities were just too many, and shipped Ixi off to Snob School (her wish, not mine).
While I do not condone her choices, I too am overwhelmed by numbers – especially when you account for a cat, two robots, and the fact that she and Dusty are mentally five.
I decide that the easiest way to deal with this is to keep them all in one place. As in literally cram them into a singular vehicle. What could go wrong?
Kau: Are we there yet?
Acara: Obviously not. We haven’t even left.
Dudley (driving): Left?
Siesta: No! You stupid hunk of junk!
Kiko: Jeez Mom, why don’t you ship him off to boarding school too?
Dusty: Who went to boarding school?
Tonu: Another day tells the tale of flowers.
Pete: ROD TURP!
Kougra: *dying a slow death in a middle seat* Read the rest of this entry
7.20 No Content
I told you these titles were going to start sounding dumb.
But Gryff, they’ve always sounded—
DO NOT FEAR! For this chapter does not actually have “no content,” just painfully little until the last few screenshots. So let’s cut to the meaningless drivel, eh?
Previously, there was a big Snowflake Day blowout (literally, the fireplace exploded) but ghost-Boa saved our butts with magic. Also, Siesta replaced Dudley’s Capacity to Love chip with Sinister Circuits—at least, I think she did. Try decoding thirty different screenshots of your sim holding a screwdriver suggestively in front of a robot, three years after playing the game and taking no notes.
At this point I’m taking complete creative license.
Dudley: Turn up?
Pete: Turn up!
Here we are at last! The final chapter of—
Nah, I can’t. That’s too cruel a joke.
You see, the previous longest Langurd generation finished at eighteen chapters. That was Gen. 4, when I sent the dweebs to university and did the dual heirship thing. The others have ranged from ten to sixteen, but it’s always an even number for some reason.
Today, we hit eighteen chapters on Gen. 7, and the amount of stuff that has yet to happen is ABSURD. I haven’t blocked anything out beyond 20, but my current guess is… 28? 30? And that’s just until I can post an heir poll.
The biggest worry is that this is the ONE generation where I can actually run out of chapter titles, because there is a finite number of the thing I’m basing them on. At the very least, they’re going to start sounding really dumb. I did NOT think this through, guys!
Shall we begin?
After witnessing Dusty’s tryst with his boss from across the street, Siesta stumbles out into the front yard with hot tub brain. Her gallivanting children are all trickling in just before curfew, so it’s bonding time.
Siesta: So that weather. It sure is weathery, huh?
Kiko: Mom, let’s be straight. Do you remember my name?Read the rest of this entry
7.17 Multiple Choices
Why hello! As promised, I’m doing my darnedest to keep this ball rolling. I may have bitten off more than I can chew with this chapter. With that in mind, I will not waste time trying to think of a cool intro, and I will simply say:
Welcome back to the House of Langurd!
But wait… that’s not our house?!
Acara: I’m at a homework party.
It’s just you at a desk…
7.16 Enhance Your Calm
Guys this legacy turns nine tomorrow. What the actual fork.
Will I make it under the decade mark at this point? Actually, I forbid anyone from answering that. Don’t even put it in the universe.
In other news, I am humbled by the fact that I can disappear for seven months and come back to one of these:
Once again proving that the people reading this blog are far cooler than the dweeb writing it. Thank you to anyone on Boolprop who voted for this dumb, inactive legacy. ❤
Alright, back to business. Gen Seven. Raising seven kids. And screenshots dated 2017 – which honestly just hurts, man.
How did we end up here?!
Ixi: Allow me to stage a dramatic reenactment.
Alright, I’m waiting.
Ixi: No, this is it.
7.15 Payload Too Large
Well damn, this MUST be the longest year ever if I’m actually going to get an eighth post in yet. I thought we’d continue on that downward slope from 2016 – the peak year of this blog in all ways – through the pitiful four posts of 2019 and into the dark chasm of “I remember when there used to be updates.”
But alas! My advent calendar this year is in the style of a daily “to do” list, and today’s little paper said “write a blog post,” so I groaned and opened up ye olde screenshot folder to see what we were working with, and GOOD LORD HOW COULD I HAVE FORGOTTEN JUST HOW MUCH WE ARE WORKING WITH.
Please witness: Middle Children’s Reaction to Their Parents Having Quadruplets
Ixi: I love Tanky!
Tonu: I love everything!
Hey guys. Take a look through the nursery window. I dare you.