7.24 Processing

Ahoy, mateys! Let us sail forth into uncharted waters, past that obvious Bokoblin camp on the hill and beyond this world to the place I know where I cannot go where I long to—

Hahahaha just kidding. We are good and stuck here ‘til the end of conceivable time! Can you tell I want to be literally anywhere that’s not Dragon Valley??

But anyway, welcome back! Previously, everyone hated the new butler. A grounded Kau resigned himself to the life of a landlubber. Kougra tried on many hats. Kyrii cured cancer and Tonu un-cured it. Ixi became a politician overnight, which is pretty standard these days. Acara was boring, and Kiko was the opposite but still did nothing worth mentioning. Names got you twisted? Have no fear! I have conveniently omitted five whole Langurds from this recap in the interest of simplicity!

Fuck.

Let us see what they’re all up to now.

7.23 Service Unavailable

Welcome back—to yet another post that will undoubtedly disappear into the ridiculous blur of Generation Seven. I can’t imagine how you all feel trying to keep things straight, because I’m barely hanging on myself.

Previously, Dusty topped his career AT LONG FREAKING LAST and dumped his boss, Patty. Kiko and Siesta became mortal enemies, Ixi returned from snob school, Acara went from humdrum teenager to humdrum young adult, and many a mastermind plot was hatched.

But most importantly, in a tragedy that rivaled losing the unicorn, we said goodbye to the greatest butler of all time. And no—June didn’t die. She just stopped doing her job and then vanished in a hallway.

Such is the circle of life.

Her (second) replacement is such a disappointment that I didn’t even bother to screencap her name.

Butler: Sweet, who made waffles?

Siesta: Evidently not you.

4.12 My Baby All Gone

Lt. Surge: Greetings, scum. As the master of this household, I have taken over narration duties for the time being. The coup was easy; Sam is a creature of very little willpower, known to melt in the presence of cats. She lets us sleep in her clean laundry and chew on her headphone cords because she doesn’t have the heart to tell us no. All I had to do was sit up here and make this face, and she immediately bumped my picture to the top of the chapter. Pathetic.