2.3 The Last Hurrah

It was early afternoon. Rotter had gone for a ride across town with his loyal mare, Bertha. Exhausted and saturated with their typical odour of household refuse, they made for the nearest watery oasis. As they crested the hill, Rotter heard the most enchanting melody wafting toward them from under the trees.

2.2 Revenge of the Vaccinator

Greetings! It’s a pleasure to have you back, and I’m sure you have so missed the company of Tewl and the gang during the past week or so. Ha-ha-ha hilarious, right? (Please don’t leave me alone with them again.)

In recent news, I let this site’s one-year anniversary slip by like a boss. Yeah. It was on July 15th, and I did absolutely zip to celebrate, commemorate, or even acknowledge it. I guess I was too busy celebrating more important birthdays like, uh, Harry Potter’s. I would express some kind of dismay or whatever but I’m really not that sorry, especially looking at how little progress this thing has made in its year of existence.

In the last instalment, Tewl married Morgana! Exclamation mark because I still can’t quite believe it. But in spite of my initial doubts, we have a new and improved Tewl on our hands who has not so much as looked at another woman. I know, right? It’s almost too good to be true…

Tewl: Dere seems to be a invisible magnit dat draws us to—

Aww hell no! Didn’t you learn your lesson the last eighty times you cheated on somebody?

Tewl: C’mon man, she so blonde and dopey!

Paparazzi Dope: And he’s just a real flatterer!

As much as you two are made for each other, I do not approve of this development.

Tewl: What Morgana dun know ain’t hurt ‘er, yo.

2.1 Rising from the Ashes

Hello, and welcome back! It’s been way too long since the last chapter, but what else is new? I hope everyone is enjoying their summer simming. 😀

When I last showed my face on the interwebs, it was to officially conclude the first generation and elect the newest lord of Langurd. And so here you have them, ladies and gentlemen: your crown prince and his queen-to-be.

Yes, you’ve come to the right blog. And no, Tewlgana haven’t adopted. Baldy and Brunette here are the result of a series of updates, errors, and incompatible downloads, topped off with the complete reinstallation that seems to be customary every time I return from a break. After everything my game went through, it’s a wonder they even have eyes and noses. But the point is, we’re back! With plenty of screenshots to caption and exciting stuff ahead. Yeah… I may or may not have played through all of the next generation in less than a week. Self-discipline, you say? Never heard of it.

Razor: Jesus, Ara. You know there’s this thing called a shower?

Arabella: Actually, I believe what you smell is your sex appeal seeping out by the gallon.

Yeah, Mr. Not-So-Clean. Go find yourself a toupee or something.

1.8 Angellz ‘n’ Demunz

And once more, welcome back! If I end up posting this when I mean to, I must say that I’m rather shocked at my own productivity. If not, well… there’s really nothing new there, and I apologize for my lazy butt.

In any case, I guess I have no choice but to be productive from this point forward. I’ve officially played through as much of Generation One as I can without posting an heir poll (spoiler alert: I’m absofrigginlutely excited for that) so now I just have to caption a bajillion screenshots. Let’s get started on some of that, shall we?

Last chapter, the boys became BACHILLERZ NO MOAR when Morgana and Tuesday moved in to their pad, which is also no longer a pad because we used all of Morgana’s money to build a real house. YAY. Then, Chris and Tuesday got married at a party that may go down in Sim history as the most awkward social gathering ever. That party wasn’t quite over when I ran out of steam last chapter, so I guess it’s back into the chaos we go.

Most of the guests did the right thing and ditched after Round 27 of Let’s-All-Try-to-Walk-through-this-Two-Foot-Gap-at-the-Same-Time-Ready-Go, everyone’s favourite party game. Some, however, did not.

Boyd, for one, was still absurdly determined to woo Tewl’s girlfriend. Like, what the hell?

Boyd: Now hold up a second, Morgana. I am a scientist. I can provide for you. Are you honestly saying you’d rather stay with this tool of a man?

Morgana: Yes, Boyd. You’re a raisin, not to mention one hundred percent crazy. You’re a crazy raisin. A craisin! I can’t date a craisin.

Pauline: Oh-ho-ho! Check out Tuesday getting mauled by that door! What a loser, amirite?

NO ONE LIKES YOU, PAULINE.

Tuesday: I am not at all impressed.

1.7 Partay Rockerz in da Howse

Hi guys! Welcome to yet another sporadic instalment of the Dysfunkshinul Legacy. I was totally planning on captioning this chapter during my nine-hour drive to Chicago last week (don’t worry—I wasn’t the one driving) but obviously, that didn’t happen. Instead, here I am, fresh off a Harry Potter convention and writing this because the finale of The Glee Project hasn’t been posted online yet. Boo. BUT ANYWAY.

For anybody wondering, the glitchy problems I posted about last week are all resolved now. They won’t come into play for a few more chapters yet, but I figured I’d let you know that it’s all good now. 🙂

Tewl returned home from his life-changing date-but-not-really with Morgana to find a stray kitty sleeping on his bed, while Christopher dreamed of betrayal.

Chris: Zzzzzzzz… Gonna kill that traitor with a dagger in his sleep, bwahahaha. Zzzzz… Too bad I’m the one sleeping… Zzzzz…

1.6 Identitee Crysus

Aaaaaand we’re back again. Last time, Tewl acquired a new bro who is a girl, cheated on the woman he was cheating with, and sent Christopher’s girlfriend into labour by making out with her. Confused yet? So am I. God, I hate my founder. Still, let us dive back into the chaos…

After Cesar’s birth, Tewl accompanies Tamara back to her place to be the supportive male figure she no doubt needs in this vulnerable time.

Tewl: How’s dat feel, babe?

Tamara: Not bad, actually. Thank god I don’t have to deal with Christopher’s “massage” at a time like this.

Tewl: Yeah man, Christopher sucks.

1.5 Da Betrayull

We’re being super realistic apparently, because wow it’s taken me forever to write this chapter. Realism sucks.

This is the second last post I need to publish before I’m caught up with my overzealous gameplay aszxdcfvghnjmkl (sorry, had to wipe some grease off of my keyboard) and I’m basically racing to be done with it so I can get back to the fun part. Not that I don’t enjoy the writing, but there’s some exciting stuff coming up and I promised myself I wouldn’t play through it until I’d captioned everything I have so far. Self-discipline is a bitch.

Anyway, less about me and more about this pair of idiots!

Whose bromance has reached such a level that they now have synchronized dreams.

Tewl: A toxic sludge monster! Quick, kill it wif fire!

Chris: I’m on it! Take tha— oh, it got me with its tentacles. 😦

Tewl: Noob.

1.4 Broez Over Hoez

Welcome back! Last time, we discovered that Tewl is really lame and needs to get a move on with his LTW. But what else is new?

Christopher got a job at the diner! That’s kind of new and exciting, right?

Chris: Oh, yes. As you can tell from the smiley faces above my head, I am simply ecstatic.

Hey, we can’t always have what we want. Or ever, if you’re Tewl’s peon.

Chris: Gee, that’s encouraging.

1.3 Evrybuddy Luvs Tewl

Hello again! Last chapter, Tewl had an emotional breakdown, treated himself to a motorcycle, pretended to be a superhero, struck out with two married women, and finally found (temporary) love with the unflirty Erin Kennedy.

Wingman Chris successfully wooed Tamara Donner, a big fan of his toilet. And now for more shenanigans.

With his work done at the gym (albeit not the kind of work one typically does there) Tewl roars over to the Brightmore, a nightclub that replaced the Goths’ house when I accidentally bulldozed it. I figure he can scout out some future conquests to make our work easier as this legacy goes on.

Tewl: I am too cool fer words.

Are you? Then shut up.

1.2 Bachillerz 4 Lyfe

Welcome back to the Dysfunkshinul Legacy! In the last installment—not that it was very long ago—we saw our idiot founder Tewl being a world-class mooch (in keeping with his traits) and failing in his romantic endeavours (for which he has NO EXCUSE). Then, Christopher Steel stole his football, so he asked the guy to move in, and voila, we now have two useless members of this legacy! Excitement lies below.

In celebration of their new domestic bromance, I let Tewlopher get some ice cream at the truck that is perpetually stalled in front of their lot. Whoever is driving that thing clearly missed the memo when this ceased to be a rich neighbourhood.

Ice Cream Man: You know what happened to them swanky folks used to live up here?

Tewl: Ya, dey were forced to move to a swamp.

Ice Cream Man: No kidding. Well there goes my business.