6.5 They All Rolled Over and One Fell Out

Fact: Canada as a nation turns 150 this July.

Fact: Eleven days later, this blog will turn 5.

Fact: I have been writing this blog for more than 3% of Canada’s existence.

Fact?: One day, I will compose an intro that isn’t a rehashed version of “legacy take long time, Gryffindork slow.”

Let’s get down to business to defeat the Huns. After far too much trolling, Quinn Flanagan has finally succumbed to Calamity’s good looks and agreed to date her… all while she’s been under an ugly spell. Figures.

Calamity: Face it, I’d be the most low maintenance girlfriend ever.

Quinn: You’re not wrong.

Meanwhile, Omen’s chess opponents keep getting glued to the upholstery after beating him.

Maeve: Gee, I’m getting sleepy.

6.4 Once Upon a Nightmare

Funny story. So I’m at this quiet writing session at a local café, determined to pen some legacy words for the first time in three months. So far, I’ve stared at this page for a solid twenty minutes, trying to convince myself that I can write without caffeine. I can’t figure out where the self-serve coffee is, and the only way to find it is by blindly wandering through a minefield of easily-disturbed introverts.

Needless to say, addiction won out over anxiety (this time) and I made the expedition. Turns out it was ten steps long and only involved eye contact with like three people, but I still feel accomplished.

Now that we know how pathetic I am, let me remind you all what happened at the end of last chapter.

Frieda: What is that thing cleaning up our dishes? Did you buy an ogre slave?

Sky: Oh, that’s your son. I made him ugly so he can find his inner beauty and stuff.

5.10 Alone Together

I know I said Sim Salad was next on the agenda, but it’s Valentine’s Day, and on Valentine’s Day you should be with the people you love.

Lol jk, only using them to cure my writer’s block.

Now where did we leave off last time? Nothing important, right? No cruel cliffhangers? Excellent, let’s get back to our everyday Langurd stalking.

Since Calamity’s birthday, there’s been some speculation as to how Brave/Insane/Couch Potato would manifest in a sim. Well, let me show you.

Calamity: I like to live dangerously. *dark laugh*

Calamity: I DON’T WANT TO LIVE DANGEROUSLY I WANT TO TAKE A NAP.

The first of many case studies.

5.8 Lukewarm Enthusiasm

Who is Luke, and why is he warm? Why isn’t it Michaelwarm or Garywarm? Why does Luke get all the glory? Why am I writing these words and how do I stop?

Um, yes.

Previously, Gumby took a leap of faith stupidity and invested in a crappy resort called the Fool’s Goldmine. Several days into its operations, I decided we’d better check in on the place to ensure that leap doesn’t end in a deadly fall.

Receptionist: Oh boy, here we go again. *sigh* Hi, welcome to the Fool’s Goldmine. Can I interest you in a stale breakfast or a cold shower?

Gumby: Miss, I own this place.

Receptionist: I’m sorry. Can I interest you in a FREE stale breakfast or cold shower?

5.6 The Perfect Storm

Welcome back! Last chapter, Balboa died quietly in his sleep while a massive fire brought his jelly bean garden to the ground. It was pretty cool, and everyone is having a blast now that he’s gone.

Wtf Gumby? I was joking! You’re not actually supposed to be enjoying yourself.

Gumby: Yeehaw, Sonny Jim!

5.5 Bittersweet

Question: What’s the longest you guys have ever played for in one sitting? I’m too ashamed to admit mine, but let’s just say I’ve been putting in almost full days lately, and it’s taking its toll. I moved some stuff into my RL apartment today, and when my cat immediately started nosing around the new trash can, I saw “Check Out New Object” hovering in his action queue. Then I sat down with a glass of water and asked myself what life is.

Of course, it doesn’t help that when I’m not playing, I’m writing posts or editing screenshots or formatting blogs. But hey, you gotta live control fake people’s lives while you’re young!

Alternatively, you can live while you’re old like Lira. She seems to have really come into her own since she hit elderhood, and more specifically, since she embalmed herself in the pursuit of eternal youth.

Lira: Stupid bunny rabbit! I wanted an alien!

Still pining after Teqeq?

Lira: Who is Teqeq?