7.15 Payload Too Large

Well damn, this MUST be the longest year ever if I’m actually going to get an eighth post in yet. I thought we’d continue on that downward slope from 2016 – the peak year of this blog in all ways – through the pitiful four posts of 2019 and into the dark chasm of “I remember when there used to be updates.”

But alas! My advent calendar this year is in the style of a daily “to do” list, and today’s little paper said “write a blog post,” so I groaned and opened up ye olde screenshot folder to see what we were working with, and GOOD LORD HOW COULD I HAVE FORGOTTEN JUST HOW MUCH WE ARE WORKING WITH.

Please witness: Middle Children’s Reaction to Their Parents Having Quadruplets

Ixi: I love Tanky!

Tonu: I love everything!

Hey guys. Take a look through the nursery window. I dare you.

7.14 Insufficient Storage

Would you look at that! Here we are in the final stretch of SimNano, and here’s Gryffindork of all people embarking on her last update with a whole week to spare! I’ve actually reached my personal goals already for wordcount and pictures, so I could theoretically put nothing in this post and still make quota. However, that would be kinda shitting on the honour system, not to mention ignoring the fact that I still have THOUSANDS of screenshots to plough through even after the month is out.

Still, I could totally make this a skimpy one—INSTEAD, I have chosen to tackle the most eventful chapter of the entire generation so HAHA yay me!

Siesta: Eventful? No thanks. We’re not fans of “eventful.”

Dusty: Yeah, no events please.

7.13 Use Proxy

Welcome back! Back to the Langurds, and back to the present day that actually took place three years ago (but we don’t talk about that). I have an incredibly pressing life decision to make this weekend, so naturally I’m writing this post instead.

Previously, our heiress popped out her first child (Acara) and jetted off to the future. She returns with pockets full of crystals and nanites, which are clearly what Dudley is “inspecting” here.

Siesta: Dudley no! Bad Dudley!

Dudley: Bad Dudley 😉

He’s skeevy but in the most innocent, unassuming way?

7.11 Login Time-out

Ah, seven eleven! A harbinger of good fortune! A store of conveniences, and the source of all the kimbap and soju that keeps me alive!

If ever there was a chapter destined for greatness, it’s this one. Surely we can expect only good things to—

CALAMITY NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I’m sorry but this one really did me dirty. I left her to look after the grandkids while we were in China and didn’t even think to check on her when we got back. At some point I just noticed her icon missing and had to go looking for an urn. She must’ve been right at the 90-day mark because I was not ready. Evidently she returned to the ether somewhere on the path between the couch and the fridge, which is some small solace.

Bottom line though, playable ghost deaths are not cool. 0/10 will not be keeping Kip or Trance around long enough to experience this again.

Cal… enjoy your forever nap I guess.

7.10 Early Hints

Dude, how’d we get to Chapter 10 with no babies? The last time we dawdled this much was in Gen. 4, when the gang was still in university. “The gang” included Lev, which surely can’t be a coincidence. And remember how she graduated first but didn’t actually get a degree? And how she never completed her LTW either? Yeesh.

#LevLangurdIsOverParty amirite?

And then there was Gen.2, which was only 10 chapters long in total. A simpler time. D:

I sure hope we can come up with better candidates…

Anyway, I seem to be forgetting that I kept Kip and Trance around because I LIKED them, so I’ll try to give their remaining appearances less of a “gtfo already” vibe. Dustiesta’s offspring will flood grace the homestead soon enough.

Duke: Excuse me, what do you mean “no babies”? I am a baby!

Siesta: Me too! Feed me!

Trance: I thirst. Am gromp.

Delilah: Is this the Gen. 8 heir poll?

I sure hope we can come up with better candidates…

7.8 This is fine

‘Sup dudes? I just discovered a whole folder of Story Progression/UI screencaps I’ve been forgetting to use. Just think of all that peripheral information going to waste… What is going on in the wide world? Did I even tell you Jada, Delilah, Dusty, Riza, or Duke’s traits? Probably not.

I subsequently discovered that the folder STOPS about two chapters from now and I have NO idea where the rest of it is. Maybe still on my computer in Canada, which is unplugged and wrapped in a garbage bag. Maybe on the flash drive I left at orientation in the Korean boonies. And do I remember any of Siesta’s kids’ traits? LOL absolutely not.

However, I have a day of cancelled classes (lucky 5th graders just left for camp), I’m equipped with snacks, and the school network is down. That leaves me no choice but to ignore all crises and trudge blindly ahead.

Besides, how could I rain on Dustiesta’s parade?

Dusty: I did it! I stuck it to my parents!

Siesta: Really?

Dusty: Well, no. But I did ask Derrick for a divorce.

Siesta: Oh. Well, baby steps.

7.7 Blocked by Parental Controls

Oh, how I’ve fallen in the world. There was a time when I wrote these posts from an actual desk, a queen-sized bed, or occasionally even a hammock. I’m typing this one from a floor mattress, sprawled on my stomach in that awkward position that strains your shoulders and kinks your neck no matter how you rearrange yourself. There’s laundry drying just above my butt, approximately three inches of Korean dust on my laptop screen, and bread pizza with hot dogs in the toaster oven I scored for free with my phone contract.

Huh, it doesn’t sound so bad when I phrase it that way. I actually love my Seoul apartment, and I do have a real-ish bed balanced on two mold-combative plastic pallets. I just wasn’t feeling the inspiration over there.

Also, compared to the Langurds’ house it’s a downright port-a-potty so I think I have full license to complain.

Seriously. Just look at that golden glow on the wallpaper. Look at it and weep.

Delilah: Welcome to your new room, Duke! And good news, as the oldest you get it aaaalll to yourse— wait, who is that?

Riza: Just the disappointing child of a doomed relationship. Don’t mind me.

7.6 Upgrade Required

Happy New Year! And a joyous farewell to 2018, the most desolate year on the Blog of Langurd: home to nine posts, only two-thirds of which were actual updates. Oh my.

This is the year 3019, and revolution is upon us. Fingers will fly across keyboards, updates will churn, comments will be replied to, and babies will be born.

I may just end up half-assing my way to the good stuff because these screenshots are stale enough to break a tooth on.

And Trelilah’s relationship is growing seven kinds of toxic mold, but that doesn’t stop me trying to salvage it.

Delilah: Let me just get this straight. You, Trance Langurd, are admitting your idiotic mistakes and begging for forgiveness.

Trance: Indeed… I think I am.

Delilah: Could you say it one more time so I know I’m not losing it?

Trance: I, Trance Langurd, have behaved like human trash. Can you find it in your heart to take back an unworthy imbecile?

Delilah: Depends. Can I get that in writing?

7.5 Temporary Redirect

BREAKING NEWS: Gryffindork utterly tanks SimNoWriMo for a third year running, much to the surprise of no one

To be fair, I did NOT see October coming. The other day my poor coworker had to convince me that it’s not “almost fall” anymore, it actually is fall. Who knew?

THIS JUST IN: Actually publishing post in mid-December, has nothing to say for self

So anyway, here’s what was going to be Update #2, and is now just a plain old chapter in the middle of all the other ones. With a two month gap to boot.

*drumroll*

Hello, and welcome to the part of this generation where I get far too invested in my spares and lose sight of the legacy’s ultimate goal!

Why? Because if Story Progression had its way, it would only have them become sad, celibate mimes.

It’s only fair that Kip and Trance get their day in the sun, so I took them and their other halves to the sunniest place I could think of!

 

Let’s appreciate how the newcomers are like “WOW A VACATION WE ARE SO BLESSED” while my actual legacy kids couldn’t give a shit.

Kip: I would feel more blessed if you hadn’t done this 3000 times before.

And how would YOU know that?

Trance: I’ve seen our basement. Is there anything left in the tombs?

7.3 Switching Protocols

I’m doing my darnedest to keep this momentum going, so let’s get straight into the next act of the shitshow!

Here we see a typical morning at the Langurd Lodge for Futuristic Wayfarers. After arriving with a crash of thunder that ruins my screenshots and wakes the baby, a guest makes himself at home in the nursery.

Colby: Ah, what a quaint little transport vessel! I believe this is what they called a bort.

It’s precisely at this point that I rage-delete the time portal and leave Colby forever stranded. I hope he learns how to sail that bort the fuck outta here.