Blog Archives

7.0 Quinnspiracy Decoded: A Prologue

You guys voted for this star-crossed lovers business, and honour compels me to deliver on my promises in the fullest way possible. Which means—you guessed it—the Langurds are about to enter that shadowy, foreboding territory we call PLOT.

Don’t worry—Siesta’s generation will be played and written as much by the seat of my pants as the others have been. It’s just that after playing detective so many times in Gen. 6, I felt it would be helpful to put all of my “COINCIDENCE? I THINK NOT” moments in one place.

So please humour me as I don my Halloween-store trench coat and cap, and attempt to mash together disjointed happenings into a wad that can conceivably be called “evidence.”

*ahem*

Without further ado, let us open the case!

open the case

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6.11 Don’t Blame It on the Moonlight

In my haze of exhaustion last night, I completely failed to acknowledge a feat I have not accomplished since Chapter 1.3: two legit updates in one day! Universally recognized as the first sign of the apocalypse, so start hoarding those cans. Given that in Tewl’s day my average post length was a weak 40-45 screenshots, I think I get to claim victory over myself here.

To celebrate that victory, and because everyone begs for this shit on Leisure Day, the Langurds are opening up their glorious yard for entertaining!

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Like any good party, this one begins with a fumbled pizza delivery.

Pizza Girl: Tada! Did some ants order a pizza?

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6.1 Wake Me Up When September Ends

Want to know what it takes for me to be productive these days? I am finally penning the first words of a post I’ve had prepped for three months, and only because…

a) Boolprop is running a marathon updating event where I get a shiny medal if I publish 3-10 of these bitches in October (spoiler: it won’t be 10)

b) My bedroom no longer gets a wi-fi signal thanks to the mythical router upstairs, which I am beginning to suspect is just a pair of rabbit ears stuck in a potato. This has cut me off from my #1 hobby of watching related YouTube videos until I can’t remember where I started or why I exist.

c) Yesterday’s quidditch tournament has rendered my every muscle completely useless, so I literally couldn’t do anything else even if I wanted to.

Why am I like this? D:

Anyhow, the stars have finally aligned—so here I am, making a start on GENERATION SIX!

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We mark this milestone with a big “fuck you” to Isla Paradiso as we ship off to the Valley of Dragons.

DV greets us with an equivalent “fuck you” in the form of rain.

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5.9 Well-Preserved Ruins

Let us begin this chapter with the Greatest Tragedy of Them All™.

florin doesn't have children what

I’m talking about the fact that the game thinks he has children. And family. And friends.

I’m sorry, I bet you’re all crying now. Things can only go up from here, right?

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Buzz (writing): A gentle snow falls like bullets on my metal joints. I see her up in the distance, walking away from me. Then I realize it is just my shattered heart playing tricks on my weary mind.

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5.5 Bittersweet

Question: What’s the longest you guys have ever played for in one sitting? I’m too ashamed to admit mine, but let’s just say I’ve been putting in almost full days lately, and it’s taking its toll. I moved some stuff into my RL apartment today, and when my cat immediately started nosing around the new trash can, I saw “Check Out New Object” hovering in his action queue. Then I sat down with a glass of water and asked myself what life is.

Of course, it doesn’t help that when I’m not playing, I’m writing posts or editing screenshots or formatting blogs. But hey, you gotta live control fake people’s lives while you’re young!

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Alternatively, you can live while you’re old like Lira. She seems to have really come into her own since she hit elderhood, and more specifically, since she embalmed herself in the pursuit of eternal youth.

Lira: Stupid bunny rabbit! I wanted an alien!

Still pining after Teqeq?

Lira: Who is Teqeq?

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5.2 Trouble in Paradise

Another chapter so soon?! (You ask in distress.) I’m sorry. I should probably leave a courtesy buffer or something but sometimes the words just keep flowing, y’know?

Last time, Gumby fell in love with Frieda Salas, an evil ghost who wants to kill him and steal his money. Lira had tea with her SimBots and lamented the curse of aging. Mandrake broke my game, and Boa tried in vain to die by jelly bean. I know now that that can’t happen, but for the sake of continuity and my pride I’m going to pretend I am none the wiser.

(Pretend not to be wise? How ever shall I do that?)

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Gumby’s second date with Frieda was a raging and unreasonable success. I know the shot I gave you last chapter was a little stingy, so here’s a better look at her face.

Frieda: So hypothetically, what colour would you want your ghost to be?

Gumby: I don’t know. Why?

Frieda: Oh, no reason.

For anyone wondering, this is her real, EA-given colouring. All of the Midnight Hollow ghosts seem to look like this underneath, i.e. so white they must have been genetically engineered by Hitler himself.

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4.13 Oh Boy, That Tickles!

(NOTE: Chapter 4.12 went up less than 24 hours ago, so make sure you don’t skip over it by mistake! I only say this because back-to-back posts are unheard of for me, so I wouldn’t blame you for clicking the first post you see in the Reader Feed. :P)

Goodness gracious, I just looked through the screenshots for this chapter and we have a lot to get through. Don’t scroll ahead because some of it is big and game-changing. If you do scroll ahead, you’re probably the kind of person who skipped to the end of Harry Potter Six, so kindly let me know to un-friend you. What do you mean there’s no friend system on WordPress? The sentiment is there, okay? I will un-friend you in my heart.

But not actually because it’s your life, and this is a legacy for crying out loud, not Harry Potter.

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Newsman: And finally, birdwatchers everywhere have reported that the nation’s owls have been behaving very unusually today. Do not be alarmed if a strange man in a cloak drops a scarred infant on your doorstep in the middle of the night.

Balboa: Malissa, dear — what’s the name of your nephew again?

Malissa: Gumby. Nasty, common name if you ask me.

(Now exiting the parallel universe where “Gumby” is a common name.)

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4.10 It Always Comes Back to You

Alternative title: Everything Goes to Shit.

Let me warn you in advance, this is going to be a long’un. Remember how I said “there’s a baby next chapter, I’m 85% sure of it”? Well, I grossly miscalculated and lied and misrepresented and I’m pretty sure at least one of those is a felony so arrest me plz, I deserve it. On the bright side, I’m endeavouring to annihilate the rest of the university screenshots in one fell swoop — or rather, one really drawn-out chapter.

Ugh I am so done with this.

I mean, uh, this is gonna be really exciting! Please don’t leave 😀

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Let’s start with this concerning scene. Either Malissa got hired by Umbridge and is tailing her husband to a DA meeting, or…

Malissa: I’m following the trail of sparkles! Weeeee!

Just as I thought – guiding his impaired wife safely home like a dutiful husband. Their relationship is much more functional than it appears.

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4.9 I Love You, You Love Me, We’re a Happy Family

Isn’t that the most accurate description of the Langurds you’ve ever heard?

For the record, if I get this chapter out by Tuesday, I’ll have done seven posts in two weeks. That might just qualify as a miracle.

Where were we? Oh yeah, still at university. For this whole chapter and like half of the next one. I’m sorry, but it can’t be helped when our bright young minds are keeping so busy!

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Prof. Richards: You see, a corporation is like a colony of honeybees! Everyone has a task to do, but in the end you’ll just die among the flowers or with your butt stuck in the arm of a pesky human.

florininsightfulcomments

I can smell the sarcasm.

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4.7 Come on Barbie, Let’s Go Party

Now that we’re acquainted with the new house, let the breaking-in commence! Or more likely just the breaking.

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Weston: Gilded wainscoting, crystal chandeliers, solid gold bathtubs… This place must have cost us approximately—

A shit ton, yes, thank you Mr. Frugal. Maybe don’t check out Lira’s room because it contains $6600 worth of curtains. XD

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