The Great Langurd Psychoanalysis (Not Another Birthday…)

Today this blog turns nine years old! I hate that for us. Tewl and his descendants have plagued our lives for too long.

While I like to put out a post every year just to acknowledge the day, the level of effort always varies. Second only to last year’s Paint cake, this may be the laziest celebration of all—largely because I prepared it for the 8th birthday, and then ran out of time to flesh it out and saved it for this year instead.

So here’s the deal:

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The Great Langurd Psychoanalysis

Celebrating Five Years of Langurd: The Official Half-Decade Heptathlon (Finally, Proof that I Am a Crazy Person)

It’s not every day your young blog turns five, and I’ve been stewing and stewing over how to celebrate the upcoming legaversary in style. The only problem with doing cool things is the inevitable need to follow up with cooler things, and let’s face it, Birthdays 3 and 4 reached a level of coolness known only to Beyonce and Antarctica. (I hope you are all reading my sarcasm here.)

Somewhere in my stewing amidst the carrots and barley I realized that five years is an inanely long time for you, the readers, to have stuck with a stuttering, wheezing, at times just dead-on-the-floor blog like this one. So instead of wasting time on a glorified spin-off, I’ve decided to channel my appreciation into something more productive. Something that has never been attempted in Langurd history. Something that goes against every fibre of my being and may just kill me.

The Great Langurd Olympics (a.k.a. Not a Birthday)

This post is not really happening because I refuse to acknowledge that a year has passed since the last birthday celebrations, and because there’s no way I’ve been doing this legacy thing for four years. Absolutely not a chance. Ergo, this is not a birthday.

EDIT: It is also not a birthday because I’m now uploading this a day late. All the more evidence that it never happened!

Langurd Birthday Bash Extravaganza! Part Two

If you missed Part One, it’s here. If you’re actually inclined to read this with a backing track, the playlist is here.

It’s not technically the birthday anymore, but that just means we’re partying into the next morning because I’ve been really slow about writing this post because we are can’t-stop-won’t-stop party animals. Deal with it.

Tewl: Right. Time to kick it up a notch up in hurr.

Oh lord, I shudder to think what that means…

Langurd Birthday Bash Extravaganza! Part One

Before you read: Overkill is my middle name. That is all.

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Happy Birthday to you,

Happy Birthday to you,

Happy Birthday, dear http://www.domesticshenanigans.wordpress.com

(BREATHE)

Happy Birthday to yooooouuuuuu!

*confetti*

My little blog turns three today! If it were a sim, it would look like this.

That’s Tewl as a toddler, yes. A fine candidate for the Secret Block Society.

Well, what are we waiting for? Throw on this Langurd-themed playlist in the background and let’s get this party started.

2.5 The Night is Dark and Full of Terrors

Sick of me bombarding you with updates? TOO BAD, HERE’S ANOTHER ONE.

I should get an award for this kind of hardcore hermit lifestyle dedication.

Last chapter, proactivity was the name of the game (if it were actually a word, that is). The rest of our spares moved out (and into the home of a happily married couple) and Razabella (lousiest ship name ever?) tied the knot. Then, Ara went into fierce combat with childbirth and popped out the first kid of Generation Three.

Can we keep up the momentum? Read on and find out.

Let’s kick things off with inspiring screenshot, courtesy of Grey Wind:

In the Langurd household, one can find peace in the most unexpected of places.

Tewl: Who dun dis?

Grey Wind: It was I, Master.

Tewl: …Good boy.

The woes of having a front porch: the pet gets praised for “peeing outside” but we still have to mop it up. –.-

2.4 Romeo’s Quest

Hey, people! So I’m super stoked right now because I earned $20 digging up dead saplings for my mom and I’m using it as an excuse to go by Supernatural. I know, I know — I’m pathetically behind on expansions. It’s because I have this nasty habit of throwing money out the door, and I’ve been trying to kick that habit in the last year or so. That means no “unnecessary purchases” allowed. Apparently these things fall into that category, which is dumb. I want houseboats and skating rinks and university. 😦

(I’m 20, guys. I know sometimes it sounds as if I’m 12.)

Anyway, my morals are waging war on each other because I’m so tempted to just give in and buy the four EPs I’m missing, but it’s a lot of money to spend all at once, especially since I recently quit my part-time job. Which ones are worth it if I just want to spice up my game? If anybody has advice, feel free to lend it!

Also feel free to lend me $25, because I just made the mistake of finding this gem online:

Goddammit, why am I not a millionaire?

Right. Back to business.

When we last saw these guys, the last of the kids aged up into young adults and I sent them on a celebratory “last hurrah” vacation to China. Razor discovered the martial arts, Keg whined like a broken dishwasher to Billy Ray Cyrus, and Rotter found Gorgeous Foreign Woman 2.0 after a severe head trauma. Upon their return, a catastrophic succession of “accuse of cheating”s left everyone’s love life in a mess. Let’s see how they’re faring today.

2.3 The Last Hurrah

It was early afternoon. Rotter had gone for a ride across town with his loyal mare, Bertha. Exhausted and saturated with their typical odour of household refuse, they made for the nearest watery oasis. As they crested the hill, Rotter heard the most enchanting melody wafting toward them from under the trees.

2.2 Revenge of the Vaccinator

Greetings! It’s a pleasure to have you back, and I’m sure you have so missed the company of Tewl and the gang during the past week or so. Ha-ha-ha hilarious, right? (Please don’t leave me alone with them again.)

In recent news, I let this site’s one-year anniversary slip by like a boss. Yeah. It was on July 15th, and I did absolutely zip to celebrate, commemorate, or even acknowledge it. I guess I was too busy celebrating more important birthdays like, uh, Harry Potter’s. I would express some kind of dismay or whatever but I’m really not that sorry, especially looking at how little progress this thing has made in its year of existence.

In the last instalment, Tewl married Morgana! Exclamation mark because I still can’t quite believe it. But in spite of my initial doubts, we have a new and improved Tewl on our hands who has not so much as looked at another woman. I know, right? It’s almost too good to be true…

Tewl: Dere seems to be a invisible magnit dat draws us to—

Aww hell no! Didn’t you learn your lesson the last eighty times you cheated on somebody?

Tewl: C’mon man, she so blonde and dopey!

Paparazzi Dope: And he’s just a real flatterer!

As much as you two are made for each other, I do not approve of this development.

Tewl: What Morgana dun know ain’t hurt ‘er, yo.

2.1 Rising from the Ashes

Hello, and welcome back! It’s been way too long since the last chapter, but what else is new? I hope everyone is enjoying their summer simming. 😀

When I last showed my face on the interwebs, it was to officially conclude the first generation and elect the newest lord of Langurd. And so here you have them, ladies and gentlemen: your crown prince and his queen-to-be.

Yes, you’ve come to the right blog. And no, Tewlgana haven’t adopted. Baldy and Brunette here are the result of a series of updates, errors, and incompatible downloads, topped off with the complete reinstallation that seems to be customary every time I return from a break. After everything my game went through, it’s a wonder they even have eyes and noses. But the point is, we’re back! With plenty of screenshots to caption and exciting stuff ahead. Yeah… I may or may not have played through all of the next generation in less than a week. Self-discipline, you say? Never heard of it.

Razor: Jesus, Ara. You know there’s this thing called a shower?

Arabella: Actually, I believe what you smell is your sex appeal seeping out by the gallon.

Yeah, Mr. Not-So-Clean. Go find yourself a toupee or something.