Blog Archives

2.2 Revenge of the Vaccinator

Greetings! It’s a pleasure to have you back, and I’m sure you have so missed the company of Tewl and the gang during the past week or so. Ha-ha-ha hilarious, right? (Please don’t leave me alone with them again.)

In recent news, I let this site’s one-year anniversary slip by like a boss. Yeah. It was on July 15th, and I did absolutely zip to celebrate, commemorate, or even acknowledge it. I guess I was too busy celebrating more important birthdays like, uh, Harry Potter’s. I would express some kind of dismay or whatever but I’m really not that sorry, especially looking at how little progress this thing has made in its year of existence.

In the last instalment, Tewl married Morgana! Exclamation mark because I still can’t quite believe it. But in spite of my initial doubts, we have a new and improved Tewl on our hands who has not so much as looked at another woman. I know, right? It’s almost too good to be true…

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Tewl: Dere seems to be a invisible magnit dat draws us to—

Aww hell no! Didn’t you learn your lesson the last eighty times you cheated on somebody?

Tewl: C’mon man, she so blonde and dopey!

Paparazzi Dope: And he’s just a real flatterer!

As much as you two are made for each other, I do not approve of this development.

Tewl: What Morgana dun know ain’t hurt ‘er, yo.

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2.1 Rising from the Ashes

Hello, and welcome back! It’s been way too long since the last chapter, but what else is new? I hope everyone is enjoying their summer simming. 😀

When I last showed my face on the interwebs, it was to officially conclude the first generation and elect the newest lord of Langurd. And so here you have them, ladies and gentlemen: your crown prince and his queen-to-be.

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Yes, you’ve come to the right blog. And no, Tewlgana haven’t adopted. Baldy and Brunette here are the result of a series of updates, errors, and incompatible downloads, topped off with the complete reinstallation that seems to be customary every time I return from a break. After everything my game went through, it’s a wonder they even have eyes and noses. But the point is, we’re back! With plenty of screenshots to caption and exciting stuff ahead. Yeah… I may or may not have played through all of the next generation in less than a week. Self-discipline, you say? Never heard of it.

Razor: Jesus, Ara. You know there’s this thing called a shower?

Arabella: Actually, I believe what you smell is your sex appeal seeping out by the gallon.

Yeah, Mr. Not-So-Clean. Go find yourself a toupee or something.

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1.14 Wildurness Esplorerz

Well, howdy! With my second year of university well and truly over and another summer upon me (even if the SNOW on Sunday was trying to tell me otherwise) I decided it was about time to get back on this legacy thing. If I had a quarter every time I wrote those words…

Anywho, I figured out that, if I keep going at this rate, it’s going to take me at least a decade to get through this thing — and I don’t know about you, but I’d like to bring that figure down a bit. Who knows, I might not be this charmingly witty when I’m thirty.

So it’s time to down some caffeine, put on my funny cap, and fly off into the sunset blast through the rest of these chapters so we can get to that long-awaited heir poll!

Must I recap what happened last time? I dunno, I sort of forget and I’m too lazy to open a browser and find out. I think there were some glitches and some birthdays, and some guy called Smewl made an appearance. Sounds about right!

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Life around town continued in much the same disconcerting fashion. Here we see the do-good kids of Sunset Valley following the Golden Rule: Never leave the house unless accompanied by at least two people sharing your lineage, regardless of whether you know them or not. Oh, and a paparazzi lady who used to stalk your father makes an ideal chaperone.

Dorothy: Now, children, we’d best be getting you home.

Razor: Not today, lady. I fly in the face of sketchy authority. I will sit here and finish this polynomials worksheet. You cannot stop me.

Marjorie: Well, let’s see. According to my calculations, it would seem that the ladybug count in this hedge is— ah yes, too damn high!

Zachary: Jeez, what happened? My head hurts and I have no idea how I got here…

I worry sometimes about the youth of today.

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1.13 Altur Egoez

No. This will not do. I’ve had this chapter half-written for like a year but school is bent on keeping it unfinished. The proof is in the pudding, with the pudding being that this chapter’s title is the name of one of my textbooks (with some minor alterations, obviously). Basically I’m in the middle of the worst semester EVER and am currently taking courses in three different languages which is screwing with my mind so dites-moi si je commence à écrire en français oððe on Eald Engliscgereord, si? Derrr, my brain is so fried. Time for Langurds. Because ain’t that the best remedy for a broken intellect.

Now for a SUPERSPEED RECAP because these things are boring as heck! The family was broke so the kids went on a dough-raking mission but failed; Morgana wanted to reconcile with Tewl but he rejected her because he’s douche; Star had an affair with the babysitter; Tewl got his ninth girlfriend but turned her into his sparring buddy; and I forced everyone in the household to be friends so that I didn’t have to invest in more beds. I think that about sums it up – now let’s get cracking on the next one!

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We all know what happens when Tewl gets into fights with girls (or anyone, really) so this screenshot is less for plot development and more for the public humiliation of one legacy founder.

Sandi: Take that, bastard! That’ll teach you to beat up a scrawny-ass punk chick with zero percent muscle mass!

Tewl: Ah goddammit, dese shorts are cuttin’ off ma leg!

Erin: Well, I’m glad I never got involved with that pansy.

Jocasta: Few sandwiches short of a picnic there, Erin? Ooooh, snap. That’s way better than the last caption you wrote for this thought bubble.

Why thank you. 😉

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1.11 Goin’ Nowhurr Fast

Hi guys! So… I caved and bought Showtime today. My brother dragged me out to Walmart for free My Little Pony posters, and it was sitting there all temptingly on the shelf in its sparkly blue case. I like cases—they look pretty on my shelves. I’ve been trying to save money but I just don’t think I can live this way. I’m dying to install it now, but I figure I should get through the rest of this captioning first so here I am SLAVING AWAY over pretty pictures like the good little Simmer I am. Are you proud of me? …No? Fine then. I’ll hand things over to Tewl and Morgana, your favourite people in the whole wide world!

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Morgana: Why don’t YOU do the chapter recap, since you’re such an asshole?

Tewl: Derrr, me? I wouldn’t know what ta say…

Morgana: How about you cheated on me with fucking Pauline Wan and I found out about it from our two-year-old daughter, whom you took as a wingman on your first date?

Tewl: Ya, I guess dat is kinda true.

Morgana: Forget it, I’m done with your crap! You’re a scumbag twat and this legacy is STUPID!

Ohhhhkay. Remind me never to let you guys introduce another chapter.

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1.9 Glitchiffy!

Hello again! After a crazy weekend at work, I now have three glorious days of freedom. And guess what that means? More Langurds, of course! Because that’s what everyone wants in life.

Last time, Morgana gave birth to triplets Ripper, Rotter, and Razor, the first of our eligible Generation Two children. Tuesday went into labour, but the chapter was getting tediously long so I left her hanging like the gracious creator I am.

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Tuesday: Get to it already, will you? I’ve been in labour for sixty-five hours, thank you very much!

Alright, alright. Off to the hospital you go.

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1.8 Angellz ‘n’ Demunz

And once more, welcome back! If I end up posting this when I mean to, I must say that I’m rather shocked at my own productivity. If not, well… there’s really nothing new there, and I apologize for my lazy butt.

In any case, I guess I have no choice but to be productive from this point forward. I’ve officially played through as much of Generation One as I can without posting an heir poll (spoiler alert: I’m absofrigginlutely excited for that) so now I just have to caption a bajillion screenshots. Let’s get started on some of that, shall we?

Last chapter, the boys became BACHILLERZ NO MOAR when Morgana and Tuesday moved in to their pad, which is also no longer a pad because we used all of Morgana’s money to build a real house. YAY. Then, Chris and Tuesday got married at a party that may go down in Sim history as the most awkward social gathering ever. That party wasn’t quite over when I ran out of steam last chapter, so I guess it’s back into the chaos we go.

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Most of the guests did the right thing and ditched after Round 27 of Let’s-All-Try-to-Walk-through-this-Two-Foot-Gap-at-the-Same-Time-Ready-Go, everyone’s favourite party game. Some, however, did not.

Boyd, for one, was still absurdly determined to woo Tewl’s girlfriend. Like, what the hell?

Boyd: Now hold up a second, Morgana. I am a scientist. I can provide for you. Are you honestly saying you’d rather stay with this tool of a man?

Morgana: Yes, Boyd. You’re a raisin, not to mention one hundred percent crazy. You’re a crazy raisin. A craisin! I can’t date a craisin.

Pauline: Oh-ho-ho! Check out Tuesday getting mauled by that door! What a loser, amirite?

NO ONE LIKES YOU, PAULINE.

Tuesday: I am not at all impressed.

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1.7 Partay Rockerz in da Howse

Hi guys! Welcome to yet another sporadic instalment of the Dysfunkshinul Legacy. I was totally planning on captioning this chapter during my nine-hour drive to Chicago last week (don’t worry—I wasn’t the one driving) but obviously, that didn’t happen. Instead, here I am, fresh off a Harry Potter convention and writing this because the finale of The Glee Project hasn’t been posted online yet. Boo. BUT ANYWAY.

For anybody wondering, the glitchy problems I posted about last week are all resolved now. They won’t come into play for a few more chapters yet, but I figured I’d let you know that it’s all good now. 🙂

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Tewl returned home from his life-changing date-but-not-really with Morgana to find a stray kitty sleeping on his bed, while Christopher dreamed of betrayal.

Chris: Zzzzzzzz… Gonna kill that traitor with a dagger in his sleep, bwahahaha. Zzzzz… Too bad I’m the one sleeping… Zzzzz…

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1.6 Identitee Crysus

Aaaaaand we’re back again. Last time, Tewl acquired a new bro who is a girl, cheated on the woman he was cheating with, and sent Christopher’s girlfriend into labour by making out with her. Confused yet? So am I. God, I hate my founder. Still, let us dive back into the chaos…

After Cesar’s birth, Tewl accompanies Tamara back to her place to be the supportive male figure she no doubt needs in this vulnerable time.

Tewl: How’s dat feel, babe?

Tamara: Not bad, actually. Thank god I don’t have to deal with Christopher’s “massage” at a time like this.

Tewl: Yeah man, Christopher sucks.

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