5.3 Procrastinate Now

Ah, my philosophy of life! I’m afraid I’ve made the title scheme painfully obvious for this generation, but I can’t ALWAYS be cryptic. Or should I say… explicitly ambiguous? 😉

Last time, stuff happened! Oh, you want specifics? Erm… I wrote that post yesterday and already, all I remember is that a baby was born.

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Little Omen the alien genius! Behold the first green-on-green-on-green shot of him, and let it burn into your retinas because it will likely be the last.

Fun fact: I haven’t caught him with his eyes open yet. It’s because he’s secretly Brock from Pokémon.

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This is Tariq Scott. Mandrake met him while busking at the park, and with Rickey no longer in the picture, I think they would make adorable babies.

Tariq: That escalated quickly.

Mandrake: Don’t mind my family. Things can get a bit weird around here.

Tariq: Oh really? How so?

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Mandrake: Well, my cousin Gumby is an alien. My Aunt Lira built an igloo with one and that’s how he was born. He also has a ghost for a girlfriend and a weird business deal with the Grim Reaper.

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Mandrake: Skydancer, she’s the normal one. Just a plain old fairy.

Tariq: Sure, some people are Sagittarians, some people can fly.

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Mandrake: But her father is a robot.

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Tariq: Her father is a robot?

Mandrake: Yes.

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Tariq: Shit man, we gotta get you outta here.

(Tariq is actually married, but I don’t know why I bother mentioning that anymore since it apparently doesn’t stop these guys.)

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Lira: I suppose it is kind of icky if you’re not used to it.

Buzz: But you’ve always said a metal man is the only real man!

Lira: I meant Dax’s face. Wait, what are you talking about?

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Under a sorrowful rain, I regret to inform you that…

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…after an impressive run of about 250 beans…

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…Balboa finally fell prey to the odds…

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…and was struck down by the love of his life, the jelly bean bush.

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Grim: You’ve gotta be kidding me.

Flash of white light: STOP RIGHT THERE, GRIM!

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Gumby: This is my job now! I won it fair and square!

Grim: Because you slapped me with a bag of feathers? Get the fuck out of here, kid.

Gumby: Okay.

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Grim: You are dead.

Paparazzi: Me???!

Grim: No, him— FOR CHRIST’S SAKE, PEOPLE.

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Grim: You realize there are other people dying in the world, right? I can’t be here ALL THE TIME. Hey, next time you knock on my door, maybe I just won’t answer. How does that sound?

Boa: Please, sir, I just want to see my wife again.

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Grim: To hell with that.

Boa: Does this mean I get to eat more jelly beans?!

Grim: …I quit.

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Gumby: Soooo… Can I have his job now?

Your chances aren’t looking good.

Axorn: HERE FOR YOU BRO.

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Poor Frieda’s just sitting over here, thinking she’s got Queen of the Underworld in the bag. Gumby, how are you going to tell her that you guys need to embrace a simpler lifestyle? D:

Frieda: Gold-crusted tea leaves fertilized with panda dung… don’t mind if I do!

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Sky: Hey, why didn’t I get the cool loft room? I’m a fairy!

You’re right, that would’ve been smart. But hey, guess who’s not smart? XD

Sky: You?

Wrong! The correct answer was “your face.”

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Despite all she has to put up with around here, and despite her penchant for fire and thievery, Sky really does have a good heart.

Skydancer: You poor little thing. When you’re older, I’ll be your stylist and you’ll never clash so disgustingly again.

That’s right, Fairy Godmother Skydancer to the rescue.

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Lira: I just did something HORRIBLE…

What was it?

Lira:I… don’t remember.

Old age is really getting to this one.

At this point, I was starting to worry about how much time was passing and how little everyone had accomplished. Which isn’t entirely fair, since Frumby (Grieda?) broke the Langurd record by procreating in Chapter 2. However, we’re a long way off getting any more house space, what with my decision to give the spares their day in the sun.

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So I sent everyone on a trip to buy some time!

Everyone: No thanks, we’re good.

Am I the only one excited about this? World Adventures is so nostalgic now! When I heard the China music, I started seeing in black and white.

can't travel under effects of mystical transformation

Sadly, SOMEBODY had to stay home and babysit because you can’t travel while you’re high. Good to know.

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Skydancer is supposed to accomplish “Magic Makeover” before she moves out. Her goal for the trip? Pump up those fairy powers!

Frieda: Oh, what a lovely trick! A-plus!

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Skydancer: What sort of counterspell do you have up your sleeve, huh?

Gumby: Sky, be nice to my fiancée. You two are going to be sisters soon.

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Skydancer: You’re marrying my brother??!

Frieda: OH GOD I’M MARRYING YOUR BROTHER!

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Skydancer: You poor thing, come here.

Frieda: Aren’t I just.

Don’t look so dejected, Gumby. At least they’re bonding!

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I thought Mandrake could try his talents on a foreign audience, see if they might be better received internationally. But the game must be onto my stalling tactics; you can’t “Perform for Tips” while on vacation.

There is one other thing he can work on.

Mandrake: Hey, Tariq! I’m in China! I thought everything would be upside-down over here, but Gumby still has a girlfriend and no one appreciates my miming. I’m just gonna talk to you all week instead. Roaming charges? What are those?

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Skydancer went swimming in the marketplace fountain as per tradition. Then, she stumbled upon the Lus. They’re just the perfect little family with kids who get along great and parents who are very much in love. In other words, the Langurds’ worst enemies.

Skydancer: But they’re so lovely!

Yeah but you’re not a real Langurd, are you?

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Skydancer: Greetings, Lu family! I am your fairy godmother!

Jiannan: My children don’t believe in fairies.

Liu: Daddy, that woman is flying!

Jiang: That’s, uh, that’s because she’s on drugs. Drugs are bad.

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Skydancer: Don’t believe, huh? How about now?

Jiannan: I don’t get it. Why are you shoving snowflakes up my nose?

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Skydancer: Because you’re a frigid bitch!

Jiannan: Hahahahahahaha! Get away from me!

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Skydancer: Hey kid, how about some magic?

Liu: Magic isn’t real! Drugs are bad!

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Liu: *FART*

Jiannan (from table): Life is a lie, Liu.

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Gumby and Frieda both wanted to see the Terracotta Army, so I thought they could make a date of it. Unfortunately, traversing mountainous terrain as a ghost is no mean feat.

Gumby (texting): Hey, why aren’t you here yet? Hurry, I’ve already rolled a wish to learn this tourist’s sign!

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Near sunset, she finally came floating up the hillside. It looked sort of ceremonial, like she was walking down the aisle or something, so I thought — why don’t they just get married?

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Here comes the bride, all dressed in— GUMBY PUT DOWN THE PHONE.

Gumby: Aww, but Tetris!

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So they had a private ceremony in front of horses and men, dishonouring the tomb of Emperor Qin Shi Huang, and it could not have been more perfect.

Frieda: Well, they could be made of gold.

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Frieda: So could these rings. Jeez, Gumby, was this the right place to cut corners?

Gumby: But Ring Pops are cheap and stylish!

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Frieda: We are going to have massive marital issues.

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You may now kiss the bride!

Army guys: *quiet tears*

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Immediately afterward, they shared an autonomous “Friendly Hug.”

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Followed by an autonomous “Shaka Bra.” Trying to tell me something, guys?

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Let’s try a dip kiss. That’s kind of your thing as a couple, right?

Frieda: Sure, it’s like our secret handshake!

They may as well be screaming “PLATONIC! PLATONIC!” at me.

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Dat face, Frieda.

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Gumby: What, don’t you trust me?

Frieda: Of course I do! This is a face of infantile wonder and delight! Now find me a defibrillator, please.

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Gumby: Silly Frieda, you don’t need a defrillibigator! You’re already dead!

Frieda: Not to mention I’m a heartless bitch.

Gumby: That too!

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Gumby: So hey, now that we’re hitched, I should probably tell you… I didn’t get that job I was hoping for. We’re going to be making some financial adjustments, maybe start eating out of cans.

Frieda: I want a divorce.

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Love is in the air it seems. Mandrake spent all evening setting the mood for a young couple.

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Mandrake: And break it down!

Deng: I wish this guy would pick a song and stick with it.

Mandrake: Hehehehe

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Lira and Buzz also spent the day together. He played bass and she worked out in her winter coat. Typical.

Buzz: Wow, I sound good!

Lira: You’re my stereo, baby.

Unfortunately, she was actually talking to the stereo.

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Buzz really is a diligent, upstanding guy. He even cleaned up what must have been a puddle of urine so that no one would slip and fall down a trillion stairs. :’)

Buzz: Wait, this is PEE?

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Meanwhile, Lira spent some quality bonding time with her children.

Lira: Look at this picture of my grandson! Isn’t he the cutest thing?

Gumby: Mom, that’s my kid.

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Lira: No, I don’t think so. Little Omen is green, you see.

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Gumby: Mom, I’M green!

Lira: Well how about that. But who in the world would sleep with you?

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Gumby: Mom!

Frieda: Well, this is awkward.

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Skydancer: I like big butts and I cannot lie, you other brothers can’t deny…

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Skydancer: …when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face you get

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Skydancer: Oh hi, mother, didn’t see you there!

Lira: Nice dance moves! Not!

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Skydancer: You didn’t see a thing!

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Lira: Let’s face it, I’ll probably forget this by tomorrow anyway!

Skydancer: Oh, stop! You’re too much!

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Lira: Never change, my darling, you are perfect.

Skydancer: It’s because I’m a clone of you, isn’t it?

Lira: Yes. If only you were also evil…

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Angel Lira and Demon Lira. Aren’t they precious?

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Mandrake: Why did I even come on this trip? I’ve literally accomplished nothing.

Gumby: But you finished your breakfast, didn’tcha?

Mandrake: Oh yeah, I did do that.

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Skydancer: Hey, big brother! Consider this my wedding present to you!

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Gumby: I can fly! I’M PETER PAN!

Skydancer: Well gosh, don’t repay me with a kick to the face.

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Gumby: Uh, Sky? How do I make these sparkles go away?

Skydancer: You don’t. You’re a pretty girl now.

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Buzz: Say, how much do I gotta pay you under the table for one of those zodiac figurines?

Ai: Sorry, sir. They are not for sale.

Buzz: No really, I think you misunderstand me. I’m loaded you see.

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Ai: And I think you misunderstand me, for I am not a mule to be bribed and broken! I will protect this store’s honour with my life!

Buzz: How about the dragon? You could part with the dragon, I bet.

Ai: No! It is my favourite!

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Buzz: Your favourite? It would be a shame if something were to…

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Buzz: …happen…

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Buz: …to it.

Zhan: You’re under arrest!

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So that’s what Buzz did for the rest of the trip. Frieda, meanwhile, was kind of floating from place to place (ha ha) when she discovered this rising star at the academy.

Frieda: The walls have ears!

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Singer: And what beautiful ears they are!

Frieda: Sorry guy, I can’t tip you. My husband’s got a lockdown on our spending.

Singer: Must a capable lady like yourself answer to a man?

Frieda: Good point. Here’s $100.

Tourist: He swindled you too, eh?

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The Gen. 5 kids have never spent much time together. Maybe because of their vastly different ages/parentage/personalities/hobbies. Never too late to make an effort, though! Correct me if I’m wrong, but aren’t you two playing for the wrong colours?

Gumby: No, Skydancer is just REALLY GOOD.

Mandrake: Hey guys, when can I play?

Skydancer: When my Joker gets a Yahtzee on his Blackjack.

Mandrake: Cool, I’ll wait here!

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Buzz and Lira took a shot at reviving the old band, the Tiddlywinks. Who knows, maybe they’ll be better received in China, too?

Buzz: We still got it, baby!

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Lira: Hey, don’t break my drums!

Tourist: Don’t block my fridge.

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Skydancer: My family is great.

Don’t tell anyone I said this, but… yeah, they kind of are.

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Now go take a dive into this pile of shit.

Sky: This is so glamorous.

Fairy Repairs are a real nightmare to watch as a germophobe. I don’t care if it’s magic — you’re gonna need twenty showers when you come out of there.

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Hey, remember how Mandrake used to be into fishing? Apparently he never picked up, like, any skill points.

Mandrake: I said ‘can I take you home with me?’

Koi: We said ‘never in your wildest dreams!’

And they danced all night to the best song ever.

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Presenting my favourite “we hath returned” pile-up of all time.

Sometimes you don’t realize how bizarre this family is until you see them all in one place. And I mean literally standing on the same speck of dirt.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

That’s all for now!

Sorry nothing much happened in this one. I guess the title should have tipped you off. But don’t worry, I’ll call the next one something like “Do Stuff All the Time” or “Making Progress.” (Spoiler: That would kind of kill the theme.)

Happy Simming!

-Sam

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About gryffindork7

I like cats. This is a really thorough bio.

Posted on August 18, 2015, in Generashun 5 and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 15 Comments.

  1. No more kitten pictures? I am disappoint.

    Other than that, I loved this chapter! Lira has to be my favorite sim out of all the sims in the history of this legacy. If Lira dies I will be very sad 😦

    Like

    • He’s not in a posing mood these days, sadly. More of an “attack the camera and the hair hanging around your face while I’m at it” mood. 😦

      I’m glad! 😀 Lira has definitely given Katana a run for her money. I’m a little worried I’ll having nothing to drive the comedy once she’s gone haha.

      Like

  2. Haha, I’m supposed to be doing my homework when I saw this chapter – the title was so perfect I had to read it straight away XD I really like this chapter, and I forgot to mention it before, but I love how you chose “Omen” as the baby’s name 😛

    Liked by 1 person

    • HAHA YES, excellent. 😀 I’m glad I can inspire procrastination. Based on my own school experiences, I should probably teach a class on it.

      Glad you liked it! Omen is cool, but there’s a better name coming (at least I think so). I need to get a move on with the writing so I can introduce them to you guys. 🙂

      Like

  3. So how’s come random townie can play for tips, but Mandrake can’t?? Not fair. Also, I never see townies doing Showtime stuff outside of a Simfest. It would make me happy to see more of them. I’m going to guess it’s an NRaas setting someplace. It used to be that all the Simfests were empty because StoryProgression was squelching all of Showtime’s generation of in active performers. It might be somewhat better now. I’m about to play an Acrobat for a bit, so I guess we’ll see.

    I know jack about fairies, so it was a lot of fun to watch Skydancer. Frieda really is radiant in a wonderfully creepy ghost way. WTH was the action that Buzz was doing when he spun around and busted up the souvenir shop?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Why am I so unperceptive? I didn’t even think of that. Definitely unfair. I guess it’s because he was a local? I don’t know how the mechanics work, but Mandrake and Gumby (both in self-employed career tracks) are listed as unemployed when they’re in a world besides their own. Actually, maybe that applies to regular careers too, but I wouldn’t know since nobody in this family has one. You’ll have to let me know your experiences with the Acrobat career (or better yet, I’ll have to catch up and read them!). Mine have been pretty underwhelming.

      Haha, that was “Smash”! All SimBots can do it to generate scrap (kind of like “Detonate”). I’d never tried it before this, and there’s something weirdly enticing about destroying a permanent fixture in a vacation destination… though maybe I shouldn’t admit that. 😛

      Like

      • Ohhhh. Dude. I forgot that. Yeah, you’re unemployed while on vacation. NRaas Traveler has a setting that lets you bring your career with you. I’ve never used it.

        Holy crap. I was never that interested in playing a Simbot until this moment. Mebbe I can marry one into my ISBI. (That’s my challenge where I do the funny. Much lighter reading than the Samples 😉 )

        Winston is going to be the Acrobat, so there’s nothing to read until I play some Gen 7. Sky (Gen 5) was a Singer. That’s where I learned the awesomeness of sing-a grams and the fail of Support.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Duh. That was “The fail of Simport.” Don’t write Sims tech on your phone.

        Like

  4. LMAO, that last picture makes my day. Oh, this family is so incredibly strange and unique, rather like RL (though I imagine there are fewer supernaturals IRL. Maybe).

    Aw, poor Gumby, he would have made an awesome Grim on his black unicorn. And I bet he would have allowed Balboa to see Malissa once again. Damn that Unlucky trait!

    That first picture in China, with Lira in her jammies and Sky in her matching polka dotted red dress made me laugh. The resemblance between Lira and Skydancer is has never been better illustrated that that picture. I freaking love how their personalities are so completely opposite. As if we couldn’t tell just by Sky’s pink-on-white wardrobe that she’s Glinda the Good Witch/Fairy.

    Like

    • Haha, “maybe” indeed! I like to think they’re just better at keeping their secrets IRL. It’s kind of funny to think of the Langurds as being a realistic family, but you’re probably right. Most real families are far from perfect. 😛

      I had this whole “The Santa Clause” style storyline laid out for Gumby and Grim, but nothing worked out the way I wanted it to and now I’m scrambling to piece the screenshots together (pretty much how these posts are born anyway).

      I know, I was going to point that out but I figured it spoke for itself! They are really a great pair, and I’m sad that I didn’t have them interact more before the trip. This legacy is going to need so many spin-offs when it’s over…

      Like

  5. Welp, I did it. Chapter one of my new legacy is up and published!

    https://oleanderlegacy.wordpress.com/2015/08/22/just-your-average-legacy-blog/

    Liked by 3 people

  6. Somehow I missed this update – it didn’t pop up in my WordPress reader. I’ve now read it and it was a lot of fun to see everyone procrastinating! Has Mandrake always been so uncool? I don’t know why, but he was the star of this update for me. He’s just so oblivious, and being shot down by fish was hilarious. (I should probably know those lyrics, but I can’t recognize them.) Congratulations to Gumby and Frieda too…I guess. Their marriage is going to be a spectacular failure, right?

    Oh, and if you need more Simselves to populate your various worlds, I ended up making one a few days ago. She’s posted on my blog. 🙂

    Like

    • Dang it, WordPress! It wasn’t showing up in my feed either, so I thought this might happen. I’m glad to see Mandrake getting some appreciation! He’s always been fun to write, being that happy-go-lucky, doesn’t-know-any-better, only-human-child-in-a-whacked-up-family kind of guy. The lyrics are from “Best Song Ever” by One Direction, pronouns slightly modified to fit the fish scene. And yep, it’s going to be spectacular alright. You can’t expect much else when you marry a ghostly gold digger…

      Oooh, awesome, I’ll throw her into my game! You can probably expect to start making appearances when Gumby’s heir takes over. 😛

      Liked by 1 person

      • Of course, it’s showing up in my feed NOW, but that doesn’t really help much.

        Ah, One Direction. I’m not a boy band or pop music person, so that’s probably why I didn’t recognize the lyrics. 😛

        Sweet, I can’t wait to see what she gets up to in your game!

        Liked by 1 person

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