8.2 No Prey, No Pay

Welcome back! A new era of Langurd is well underway. Last time, the family sold most of their belongings and sailed off to Isla Paradiso, leaving Dragon Valley—and the still-kicking Fiasco—to be devoured by the fairies.

But that’s okay, because we have new horizons to conquer!

And with Mika pregnant, Kau’s free to go off and put himself in all the danger he wants. To celebrate, he gets a new boat!

Kau: ALRIGHT! Hoist the colours, scallywags!

Who are you talking to?

Kau: The cockroaches in the deck, I guess.

Danger is in short supply today.

Kau: Come at me, kraken.

We’ll try again tomorrow.

 

Mika’s only job for now is to keep this fetus safe so that the sea witch might deem it worthy. But she says screw that, and wants to hunt instead.

Mika: Baby needs paparazzi blood.

She zeroes in on Rang Tran, who’s apparently just as dedicated as this guy from the Spice World movie.

Rang: Come on, just roll over already. My boss really wants pictures of Aquaman.

Mika: Ha! Joke’s on you, he’s just a dumb fish!

Mika: Anyway, would you care to donate some blood?

Rang: Uhhhh no thanks, I’m just here to watch your fiancé sleep.

Jung: I’d give her my blood if she asked me.

Mika: Yeesh, why is everyone so anti-vampire around here?

Rang: I don’t think not wanting your teeth in my arm makes me anti-vampire…

Mika: Most people would beg for a bite from this sexy *gag*— uh, hold on a sec.

Mika: BLEEEEUUUGHHHH

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a puker!

Mika: Can you not sound so excited?

Sorry. It’s just I’ve waited—

Mika: I know, I know. Twelve years in Azkaban.

Precisely.

Twelve years in Azkaban is nothing compared to an eternity in mummy bandages. Any regrets there, Lira?

Lira: Unggghhhhh

Oddly, I feel like she’s living her best death.

Kiko: I see that you’re having a great time continuing the legacy and stuff, and I love that for you. But how’s the get rich plan coming along?

Kau: Who said anything about getting rich? I’m an adventure pirate!

Kiko: Wow, as usual I have to do everything myself around here.

Actually, she does—Kiko’s LTW is Deep Sea Diver, which is a little cheaty as a mermaid and also a convenient companion to Kau’s Grand Explorer. This means she has to plunder $40,000 worth of treasure—erm, that is, sell a shit ton of seashells.

Kau: Actually, I was thinking—

Siesta: WOW WHAT A STUPID HOUSE WITH NO BEDS IN IT

Buzz: I HEARD A RUMOUR SOME PLUMBOTS WERE BEING MISTREATED

Lira: UNNGGHHHHHHH

Like I said, I love having the ghosts here.

It’s a bittersweet first haunting by Siesta, at least two of whose children are happy to see her. Dudley asserts his dominance as firstborn by putting her human son in a cupboard.

Dudley: Die.

Pete: Masterrrrrrr ❤

Siesta: Sorry, do I know you?

Chhhhyeah okay, apparently Dead Siesta is too cool for her bots. See if I care.

…I do, apparently. He immediately brags about his wealth until they can interact. Meanwhile, Kiko lets her true feelings toward Mika be known.

Kiko: Dude, I can’t believe your only two prospects are my father and brother. You must be a real dumb bitch.

Mika: Yeah? Well at least I never slept with Mugsy Brotoaski!

Guys, guys! What would Kau think of this??

Kau: *sailing away from his problems*

This foggy boy is one of the uncharted islands Kau needs for his LTW. At this point, I’m determined not to do any Googling, so he just boats as close as he can. When that fails, he gets out and swims. But no luck.

Kau: Come on, you had to know it would harder than that.

Yes, but I had no idea just HOW HARD for a few chapters to come.

When I said Mika’s ONLY job was keeping the fetus safe… I meant aside from her actual job at the fortune telling wagon.

Mika: It’s called a caravan.

Whatever. What are you wearing?

Mika: Professional attire.

Not anymore! This is actually her leaving work after thirty minutes on the clock to go on maternity leave.

Mika: I’m not sure about this job, to be honest. Do I really want to chain my heart to one career? Or one MAN? Oh god oh god oh god

She’s a joy.

Step away from the old man, Mika.

Mika: You ever just wanna do something crazy?

Dusty: How crazy are we talk— hey stop it, that’s my grandchild in there!

At least he has a bit of a conscience.

Ah, there’s a picture of Kau’s new scales. I guess the carpet matches the drapes now if you know what I’m saying.

Kau: What carpet? What drapes?

Ah, innocent minds.

Kau: Oooooh, a tentacle boi!

Please stop.

Kau: Kk, I will.

Uh, yep, so apparently there’s a fun glitch where sims teleport to the nearest beach every time they try to enter an underwater cave, and we have it. There’s a simple-ish fix (enter build/buy mode on the lot, pick up the cave, put it down) but it’s happening EVERY SINGLE TIME, and resets the next time they come back to that dive site. Remind me again why I still play this game???

Also, someone please remind me to get the full moon lighting mod, because I’ve been talking about it since like Gen. 3 and I STILL don’t have it. XD

Mika: I want you to kick Dudley out. He’s acting creepy.

Oh really? If that were the only criteria, there’d be no one left living here.

Hey, what the heck happened to your new boat?

Kau: Oh. I dunno, must’ve left it at the dive site.

Sure did, and I see it took the liberty of drifting on home while you were underwater.

Enter ANOTHER fun facet of IP gameplay where I have to go home and drag his boat back into his inventory every time he dives. For real, this world had better cough up some pros real soon or the cons just might send me back to DV.

Receptionist: Welcome to La Costa Verde. Are you waiting for your husband? Boyfriend? Baby daddy?

Mika: I am a free agent, you swine. Now show me the luxury.

Have I been playing a rich family for too long, or does this place need help with its definition of “luxury”?

Mika: It’s still better than a tent.

I can’t even remember why I sent her here, which is bad considering it’s only been a few weeks this time. Maybe to combat the light sleeper issue? Maybe to stop her from imploding her relationship with Kau? Most likely though it was just a whim, and not in the Sims 4 sense.

Okay, pro one for Isla Paradiso. Where else can a pregnant vampire go swimming under a brilliant full moon?

Mika: Literally anywhere with a pool.

Well fine. Spoil my fun.

Might as well, since I’m definitely going to have to spoil yours.

Bartender: Yeah, I really don’t think I should serve a pregnant woman booze.

Mika: I beg your pardon? I’m not pregnant, I’ve just gained a few pounds! And I think you owe me a free drink for that insult.

Don’t worry—she does not, in fact, indulge. Anyway, she starts sizzling in the sun not long after this.

Take two on this cave business.

Kau: Do you think there are dinglehoppers in there?

I don’t really care what’s in there as long as you don’t get ejected again.

Success!

Kau: Oooooh, I think I see some gadgets and gizmos!

Dang, these caves are eager to throw him out. But hey, this seems legit. What could it hurt?

Nothing, it appears, since he just discovered his first uncharted island!

Kau: Wait, really?

Yes, really. This is Diver’s Den, which I’m proud to say I found without a guide, although maxing scuba diving is supposed to be a part of getting this one, and Kau just ate magical kelp instead.

Kau: My first booty!!!

That’s right, Kau. You get that booty. *stifles laughter*

Sweet, sweet booty.

Now what to do with our new island? Well, it’s free real estate, so we can turn it into a resort or build a house on it for ourselves. Alternatively, one can stand in the middle of it and act like a five-year-old.

Kau: I’m Dusty. I’m soooooooo sad and pathetic since my wife died. I wish I were cool and handsome like my son!

Hooooooookay, shut up and eat your chunk of fish.

Kau: Get in ma belly, tentacle boi!

It took me a while to figure out why regular meals weren’t filling up the mermaids’ hunger bar. It turns out that “fish is great, but kelp is better,” and one can learn this by simply hovering over the motive panel, which I did not do for quite some time.

But I digress. How’s the luxury, Mika?

Mika: Oh boy, plasma fruit toiletside in a room with no windows? Hot girl summer is real!

She’s not the only pregnant lady who’s checked in for some “me” time. Maybe they should start a club.

Something Vidal-Rodel: I am in labour.

Fine, be that way.

She’s also not the only Langurd here! How’s life, Ixi?

Ixi: I’m sorry, I do not speak to crushers of dreams.

Hey, she’s not doing too badly on her own. This is Level 5, and I’m not sure she got much higher than 6 or 7 in my original playthrough.

In a hat trick of happy coincidences, here’s Rang Tran! Mika has a wish locked in to drink his blood, so now it’s time for the stalker to be stalked.

Mika: Looks like Rang’s back on the menu, boys!

Rang: Please stop.

Actually, she has annoyingly limited interactions with him for some reason, so I go ahead and cancel the wish. You’ve foiled us this time, Snorkel Boy.

And that brings Mika’s 24 hours of luxury to an end.

Mika: Just ruin my life why don’t you.

I’m sorry, truly. But I hope you’ll stop trying to ruin my heir’s life.

See? We can manage a normal family breakfast.

Mika: Omg… What if the baby is Dusty’s?

Kau: *lickety spits out waffles*

Okay, I regret that I’ve been driven to such petty measures, but I really have to nip this in the bud.

Kau: Let’s just get married right now.

Mika: Doesn’t it seem a little soon?

Kau: I mean, you’re pregnant and it would really be easier if the baby was born a Langurd.

Mika: Okay okay, fine. Let’s get this over with.

The perfect words to herald the start of a marriage.

Accompanied by the perfect wedding guests.

Kiko: Come on Pete, I just need to give you a tune-up!

Pete: NO TURN UP!

Dusty: Well great, there goes my last chance at happiness.

Oh, get over it.

They do make a cute pirate couple, and as someone pointed out in the comments, Mika really is the perfect Langurd.

Mika: Wow, I’m so excited to have a little baby who belongs to only us and no one else!

Kau: Um yeah, about that…

Kau: Hey Kiko can I talk to you about that whole sea witch thing?

Kiko: I’m busy now. Try calling back in about 6 hours.

Kau: What?

She’s only half bullshitting him there. The reason we haven’t seen much of her is because she’s been reckoning with the egg, trying to work her way up to a certain trait chip we’re in need of. I wish we’d kept spares around, but apparently Siesta sold most of her stock.

Kiko: Yessss, I did it! I conquered the egg!

Not quite. Actually, we found a slight workaround…

It’s a random set, but we luck out and get one of what we need on the first try.

Unfortunately, it’s two we’re looking for.

Dudley gets the first one, but Pete gets to do the honours.

Pete: *BONK*

Dudley: Die???

Pete: *BONK BONK*

Dudley: ………love???

You may have guessed where I’m going with this.

Omg, it’s happening!

Mika: Again, could you not sound so excited? I am in exceptional pain.

TWELVE YEARS, MIKA. IN—

Mika: OH MY GOD I KNOW.

What the hell are you doing? Get in there!

Kau: But Mika wants me to read a pregnancy book.

It’s a little late for that now!

Mika: What a great way to spend my Spooky Day.

Wait, it’s Spooky Day? You know who else was a Spooky Day baby?

Mika: OH GOD, NOT HER.

Relax, girl. Dudley’s here for you.

Mika: No he’s not.

Dudley: Move?

Oh, my bad.

Kau could be here for you, but apparently he has other priorities.

Kau: I want my child to have a strong masculine role model!

Again, NOT THE TIME.

Out pops a little boy, and his portrait in the panel is a dull green like Kau. But then Dudley is all…

Dudley: Pink?

Pete: Ponk?

And then his portrait changes colour (the same thing that happened with Kyrii, I believe?) and I realize we have ourselves ANOTHER rainbow baby!

This one is Saladin Langurd, an Insane Couch Potato Capricorn who likes turquoise, firecracker tofu, and Chinese tunes.

Mika: Great, he has Dusty’s genes. Kau’s definitely gonna know the baby’s not his!

Oh, for crying out loud.

I’ll come right out and explain the name, since this one’s a little hard to track. The Saladin we’re paying tribute to is an English barque (big boat) from the 1800s that carried a huge shipment of booty. It crashed into rocks and sank after two mutinies killed all the navigators aboard, and the survivors were questioned in the last piracy trial held in Nova Scotia, Canada.

The ship was probably named after the sultan of Egypt and Syria, in which case it should be pronounced sa-luh-deen (if my sources have it right).

And just like that, we’re literally a single generation from completing this legacy!

Wow Mika, can you not see Pete is trying to make that bed?

Mika: Gee, so sorry to inconvenience your precious hunk of metal.

Hey, that hunk of metal is probably going to raise your child. Show a little respect.

Just in case anyone needed proof that Saladin is not, in fact, Dusty’s—nor will the next one be.

Dusty: Did somebody call me?

EWWW NO. GET OUT.

Dusty: Aww man, you guys spent my hard-earned money on a bed?

I’m sorry, I didn’t realize we were on a budget  here.

Kau: Dad, what the hell! Shouldn’t you be… I dunno, on the toilet or something?

Sick burn, bro.

Mika: Now Kau, there’s no need to yell at your father.

There’s also no need to stick your arm through your kidney but here we are anyhow.

Mika: Say, Mr. Langurd. Do you like… video games?

Come on Kau, you need to shut this down! Where do you think you’re going?

Kau: …to the toilet.

Oh, brilliant.

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I could probably keep this one going, but I’d better quit while I’m ahead. I’m actually wrapping this up the same day I posted 8.1, and scheduling it for a later release. Last chapter was a stubborn beast, but this one just fell onto the keyboard in a couple of sittings.

Thank you for your lovely comments on the last chapter! I’m equally excited that things are finally rolling again. The end is in sight. :O

Happy Simming!

-Sam