8.3 Shiver Me Timbers!

(Another one?? Trust me, no one is as surprised as I am! Because consecutive updates are such a rare occurrence here, make sure you didn’t miss 8.2!)

Ahoy, mateys! And welcome to another instalment in the Age of Vampirates. Previously, Mika gave birth to the first child of Generation Nine, which is a crazy huge deal. Little Saladin could be either a vampire or a mermaid, but I suppose it ultimately doesn’t matter considering he belongs to the sea witch anyway.

Isn’t that right, Kiko?

Kiko: I’ll……. fix it.

You’d better. Just look how attached Kau already is.

Kau: Hey there little buddy! Your daddy read a whoooooole parenting book just for you!

Dusty, who just walked in on the conception of his next grandchild, is totally playing it cool now.

Dusty: So. You wanted to talk about video games?

Mika: Why is your cake on fire?

Dusty: Oh, I don’t know. This stuff just tends to happen to me.

Mika: I wish I’d never married your son.

*chokes on fire*

Dusty: Is that so?

Mika flees to the bathroom, probably to puke, but someone beat her to the bowl.

Mika: Ooooooh, she pregnant.

Nah, that’s you. She just had bad waffles.

Mika: You know, the way you ate that fire cake back there was pretty hot.

GODDAMMIT MIKA.

Oddly though, the reaction is totally different when Dusty initiates the flirting.

Dusty: I could paint a landscape with the colours in your eyes.

Mika: Wow dude, I’m married to your SON.

Dusty: What the hell, woman? You think you can play me like some kind of fool??

Mika: Wow, chill. I’m just having a little fun.

That’s it, no more autonomy for you two.

Mika gets the time-out chair because it’s a convenient babysitting spot, and because she deserves it.

Mika: Are you saying he doesn’t?

Oh, he does. He’s just old and irrelevant and I don’t really care what he does offscreen.

I have much more important things on my plate, like debugging dive caves and recovering Kau’s boat for him.

Having found one island by exploring caves, my uneducated guess is that the rest of them can be found in the same way. So Kau hits up every dive site in Isla Paradiso and explores the shit out of those underwater tunnels.

After several hours of this, his pockets are loaded with booty, but we’re no closer to finding another island. It starts to dawn on me that there may be more to this LTW than meets the eye.

So until I have a better plan, he can at least have a break from those twisty caverns.

Kau: Whoa… which way is up again?

Of course, the boat’s nowhere to be found when he resurfaces. I guess I was too lazy to go get it for him this time.

But wait, who’s that about to run him over with a jet ski?

Tonu???

He hops off to splash his brother, but MerKau is waaaaaay too fast for him. I sure hope he gives up the chase soon.

I’ve been curiously waiting for my simself to shack up with a townie, and desperately hoping it won’t be another octogenarian. The pop-up’s not looking promising, but I have to go and see for myself. That could be blonde hair, right?

Dammit, Sam.

Dammit dammit dammit.

Would you look at that. Didn’t I tell you that “hunk of metal” was going to raise your child?

Mika: He won’t mind looking after another one, will he?

Fortunately not. Dudley on the other hand lost his RoboNanny chip at some point, so crying babies just register as white noise for him.

I would theoretically argue that the same is true for Kiko; I’m not sure she should be trusted.

Mika: What are you doing with my son?

Kiko: Nothing, we’re just playing. Gosh, what are you trying to accuse me of?

Mika: Whatever, I have to go. Don’t even think about handing him over to the sea witch.

Kiko: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA that’s ridiculous.

Kiko: We’ll try again tomorrow, buddy. I’ll take this as payment for now.

Saladin: *wails*

One might think Mika was abandoning her child for something important, but she’s only been sent as a scout to a spare party.

Mika: Is that “Naked and Afraid”?

Kyrii: Sure is.

Mika: So stupid.

Kyrii: Very.

It’s a shame these two didn’t get to cohabit for long. I feel like they’re on a similar wavelength.

Not everyone is getting along so well these days.

Ixi: A friend of mine back in the Valley says they’ve put up a giant portrait of Lev on City Hall…

Acara: Oh, can it Ixi. We’ve all moved on.

It warms my heart to know that they’re doing relatively okay, and certainly no better than the core household, because we can’t have that.

At least one or two of them live in this cute little box on the beach; if I remember correctly, it’s Ixi and Kyrii. Acara and Kougra are roomies elsewhere.

Kyrii: Oooh, you have to watch this guy try to knock down a coconut! It’s ridiculous.

Mika: Meh, I’m over it.

So is Acara, I suspect. This and everything else.

It’s not much of a party, but Mika still overstays her Thirst bar and has to seek out a quick fix.

Ixi: Is this necessary? We have plasma juice in the refrigerator…

Mika: It’s for the baby.

Ixi: Well, if you say so.

On the topic of babies—several branches of Gen. 9 are rapidly growing! As per the shocker I dropped last chapter, Tonu knocked up Echo Weaver’s simself. Their child Miranda is actually older than Saladin by a few hours.

Well, that was fast, but “everyone saw this coming” is right. I just hope he pays his child support.

 

Equally baffling is that Kyrii’s gotten tangled up with Rubisel Ichtaca, a.k.a. Tropical Don Lothario. Their son Jeb is born a little while after this.

The yellow toddler is Melody Scott, born of Rubisel’s affair with a married woman.

That married woman? Linda Scott, wife of Tariq Scott—who happens to be one of two non-Langurd guests at the party.

Tariq: I just can’t believe she would do me like that, you know?

Ani-Mei: Don’t blame it on the moonlight.

Tariq: I’m not. I’m blaming that asshat Rubisel. Are you even listening?

Probably not; her love life is much less complicated. She’s married to Teodor Medina and expecting their first child. (Ani is the one simself in my game who always gets hitched without fail. :P)

In other news, Siesta is getting pretty old.

Wait, what?

I don’t know what’s going on, but why would you force us to relive this??

We’ve long since accepted her death—and her incredibly silly haunting choices.

Kau: Come on Mom, I’m hungry.

Siesta: Hehehehehehehe, no fire cake for you!

I can’t believe it’s taken me this long to get both the mermaids out together. Or actually—I remember why. Mermaids have a tendency to travel by swimming unless you specifically direct them otherwise, so moving as a group takes a long-ass time.

Kau: Race you to Pearl’s Deep.

Kiko: Yeah right, and get there tomorrow? I have a better idea.

Kiko: You still up for that race?

Kau: You bet!

Kiko: *revs motor* Suckerrrrrrr!

Kau: What sorcery…??

It’s called gasoline, Kau. You just let me know if you ever wanna try it.

Kau: Oh. Dammit.

The sailboat does make for cooler pictures, though.

Fun fact—winter is actually my favourite season for screenshots in Isla Paradiso (but definitely not for gameplay).

Kau: ♫ There once was a ship that put to sea / The name of the ship was the Billy-o’-Tea / The winds blew up, her bow dipped down / O blow my bully boys blow ♫

This is what you came here for, I know.

Okay seriously, what’s with all these pregnancy field trips? I’m guessing it was to combat the Stir Crazy moodlet? NO WAIT! You got hungry on your way to the spa to fulfill a massage wish?

Mika: Bingo. Only one thing.

What?

Mika: Vampires don’t get hungry, noob.

Ohhhhhhhh damn whoops. Well now this just serves as pictorial evidence of my idiocy.

I don’t blame her for wanting to get out though.

Tewl: Hey gurl, how you doin’?

Mika: Is this the one you called my male counterpart?

Yes. Just don’t make eye contact, whatever you do.

Mika: Is he gone?

Not even a little.

I mean, there’s probably some universe where they deserve each other. But it is not this one.

Kau: Hey dude, do you mind? That’s my pregnant wife you’re creeping on.

Tewl: I don’ take orders from no fish, bucko.

Kau: Wow, okay. You’re fun.

And now for more wholesome things! Three or four trait chip bundles later, Dusty strikes gold!

Kiko: Wow so I really gained five whole skill points for nothing?

Is that all?

Kiko: Whatever. C’mere Pete, let me open your head for a second.

Pete: Flive??!

Kau: Are you really too focused on the bots to caption what’s happening over there?

Nah I just don’t feel like dealing with it at present.

Because we finally did it, guys. Both of our tin men officially have their hearts back. ❤

Kau: Wow Kiko, I didn’t know you were such a sap.

Kiko: Shut up.

And thus begins an all-important reconciliation.

Dudley: Sorry?

Pete: No porplem, Durfley.

Mika: I hate to interrupt your little love story, but the baby’s growing up and stuff. Thought you ought to know.

Crap! Hold that thought, Pudley. This I gotta see.

Dudley & Pete (simultaneously): BORTHDAY WOOOOOOOOO!!!

Mika: You’re right. They do belong together.

Ah, infant birthdays. Where everyone cheers for a cake and forgets about the child lying on the floor five feet away.

Dusty: Is that buttercream icing?

Kiko: What fine candle placement!

He may be lacking in buttercream and candles, but Sal’s a cutie—and a wee mermaid!

He’s giving me toddler Kau vibes for sure, obviously with Mika’s hair. And her eyes, which are also Kau’s. I think it only occurred to me just now that they’re the same. XD

Did I realize toddlers could watch TV? Probably not. But this little couch potato figures it out immediately and it makes for the sweetest scene.

TV Guy: On this season of Survivor, drama is at an all time high! Is something going on between Rebunca and Jimminy Bob? And who threw the rice bag in the river?

Dudley: Dumb.

Sal: Dumb!

Such domestic bliss has never been achieved. Our robots reconciled, our heirs happily married with an adorable baby and one more on the way…

Mika: DO YOU HAVE TO TYPE SO FREAKING LOUD

There we go. All is well when everyone’s asleep.

*two seconds later*

Kau: Oh god oh god, what do we do? You can’t have this baby in the wine cellar!

Mika: Watch me.

Mika: Hey, we should totally Woohoo in the porta potty.

Kau: Now??!

NO NOT NOW. Get your shit together, guys.

They actually take off to the hospital without being directed, and Kau doesn’t even try to swim there! I’m impressed. Also impressed with Mika for climbing a ladder while in active labour.

This gives Pudley some alone time to raise their sunken ship from the deep.

Dudley: Flower?

Pete: Omg Durfley!!

Once again, their romance is tragically overshadowed by anticipation…

…but I can hardly be mad. IS THAT A PURPLE BABY?

Mika: What, are you collecting them all? Are my children Pokémon to you? 

Lady, I was born in the 90’s. LIFE is Pokémon to me. And if you must know, we’re only missing orange and yellow. 😀

*ahem*

Well folks, this little blueberry is Whydah Langurd! Spooky Sal may have escaped the Evil trait, but Whydah’s got us covered. She’s also a Heavy Sleeper, just to rub it in her mom’s face. Her favourites are lime, crepes, and Island Life music, and she’s a Libra.

She’s named for Whydah Gally, a ship from the Golden Age of Piracy. Originally a passenger, cargo, and slave ship, she was captured by “Black Sam” Bellamy and used in turn to capture many more ships. She was ultimately wrecked off the coast of Massachusetts in 1717, taking Bellamy down with her.

Kau: Ey, wait-a forrr me! *chef’s kiss*

WAIT WHAT?! And why are you doing that with your hand?

If anyone’s counting, the household was full after Whydah. I definitely didn’t put the cap back on after the last time we blew through the limit, yet I still manage to be surprised. Such is the life of a noob.

Kau: Two is-a better than-a one, eh?

You stop that now.

Bonus Baby, also known as Pearl, is—wait for it—Good and a Slob. She enjoys Spice Brown like her father, Island Life like her sister, and Pumpkin Pie like her great aunt Kip. She’s also a Pisces.

THEY’RE GOOD AND EVIL, GUYS. I could not have done better if I’d hand-picked their traits myself.

Her namesake is, of course, the Black Pearl from “Pirates of the Caribbean.” Sails black as night, crewed by the dead, alternately captained by Captain Jack Sparrow and Captain Hector Barbossa; burned, sunk and raised from the depths at least twice—and definitely more stuff that happened in the last movie I didn’t watch. 😛

Kau does try to swim home from the hospital, which is both a blessing and a curse for Pearl since she just teleports to the corner of the lot to be forgotten for the next few hours.

Pearl: Help?

On the other hand, Mika takes Whydah on a pilgrimage through the hills. In the snow.

Mika: Baby girl’s gotta be tough like her mother.

We might give some credit to Kau in that department.

Seriously, bro. You have MULTIPLE boats.

Kau: I’M FINE

And what a lovely place the girls come home to. I joked about wanting to go back to lawn living, but this is truly feeling like a Gen. 1 revival. At least Katana doesn’t seem to be bothered by it.

Katana: Ah, sweet childhood memories.

Also, lol. It’s not like Dusty doesn’t heartfart every sim he ever encounters (I once checked both his attraction figures and they were like 9000 something??) but I didn’t even know Boa swung that way!

Tough luck, though. This man has eyes for only one ghost.

Dusty: Honey, I’m hungry.

Siesta: Dudley will make you something.

Dusty: He’s too busy canoodling with Pete.

Siesta: I DID NOT SEE THAT COMING

You are literally the only one.

As long as Siesta’s here, the lovebirds don’t have to worry about Dusty crashing their nest.

Kau: Do you think we have enough kids yet?

Mika: Not yet. We should try for an orange one next.

Perhaps I put ideas in her head…

Believe it or not, this is Mika’s wish.

So is this.

HOWEVER… I must confess I am leading you astray. This is just a regular old WooHoo for those few LTH points. I debated long and hard about whether they should have another kid, but I had such a good feeling about Whydah and Pearl that I decided to stop there. I just hope they’re not all faceclones. D:

Anyway, our RoboNanny is looking to run off into the sunset any day now.

Dudley: Bzzzzzzzt

Pete: Hehehehehehehe

DUDLEY NO

In fact, they’re already so absorbed in each other that Pete is shirking his duties.

Kau: That’s so sweet of Dudley to recharge Pete through his mouth.

Kau…

Kau: What?

Mika knows what’s up.

Mika: Could they cool it with the PDA? They’re setting such a bad example for Saladin!

By what, being in love?

Dudley: Marry?

Pete: Durfley! Stoop it!!

*sheds a tear*

Pete: Really. Stoop. Plz.

Dudley: Okay…

Um, okay. This I genuinely did not see coming.

Just look at them! Are they not the definition of a match made in heaven?

Mika: I’m with Pete. Being engaged sucks.

Please leave, you’re setting a terrible example.

Clearly, Pete has the robot equivalent of Mika’s Commitment Issues, and he just needs to be the one to initiate the proposal.

Pete: Take rang?

Dudley: No rang.

Pete: But Durfley…

WELP.

At this point, I decide to try one more proposal, and if it’s rejected, I’ll give up on my Pudley dream forever. </3

Pete: TURN UP?

Dudley: TURN UP!!

Ah, there we go.

And look, someone already decorated the wedding venue!

What a perfect place for this ship to finally sail. ❤

---

Er, we got a little off course there, but Pudley was one hang-up I just had to indulge. Sorry not sorry. I promise to get back on track in the next one!

Alas, this insane productivity that came out of nowhere is about to go kaput, since I’m heading off into the woods again. But only for a few days—Chapter Four on Monday, maybe?

Until then, Happy Simming!

-Sam