8.5 Shark Bait, Ooh Ha Ha!

Another day, another piratey tale to be told!

Things sure are livening up around here. Kau has secured two out of eight uncharted islands and sorta maybe almost has a plan to get the rest. Mika has a whole LTW of her own! All the kids are out of diapers, and Dusty finally bit the dust after outliving his wife by 37 days.

Er, not that we’re celebrating that last one, but I was running out of ways to make him useful.

Whydah: Isn’t it strange how Grandpa died on our birthday?

Pearl: Can’t we just talk about how good the cake was?

Whydah: I guess you were only a toddler. You wouldn’t understand.

It is bizarre that only one of the twins was “old enough” to be affected by Dusty’s passing. Pearl dodged a huge downer moodlet by getting stuck in that block table.

Being a slob, she’s also immune to “Filthy Surroundings,” so even her low mood is just “too much chicken, I’m sleepy.”

Look at that legacy power couple! Siesta and Dusty are the first Langurd pair with matching LORGE tombstones. Add that to actually reaching an anniversary, and these two might just be our crowning achievement.

But wait! Dusty didn’t just ruin two birthdays. He actually ruined five.

Sal: ♫ Happy Birthday to you! You live in a zoo! You look like a monkey and you smell like one too! ♫

Kiko: Someone remind me to get in touch with that sea witch.

Okay but how hard is it to gain some wrinkles without completely restyling your hair?

Kiko: It’s a surprisingly invasive process.

Next, it’s Kau’s turn.

Kau: Yesssss, one step closer to being an old wizened sea dog!

Kau: Betch’a wouldn’t wanna see this at the other end of a cutlass.

The ribbons really scream “wizened.”

And last but not least…

Mika: Oh no, you’ve made a mistake. MY birthday isn’t for another 72 days.

Sorry, no. I was just too dumb to fix your aging settings so I have to do it manually.

Mika: WHAT? Don’t you dare touch me, I sw—

Kau: Yayyyyy, my lovely wife gets to be wizened too!

Mika: Call me that one more time, I dare you.

Aaaaaand the midlife crises are wildin’ right out of the gate. Which one of you ungrateful louts had the audacity??? Looks like Kau.

The best part is that (due to her vampire lifespan) Mika’s scheduled to be in existential agony for 23 days. I mean, I bet we could fulfill a lot of wishes in that time—but she only gets 21 days as an adult, so measures will have to be taken.

In other news, this is happening.

Ah, symmetry. ❤ Did you know that we’ve always had an odd number of heir candidates in this legacy? We tend to oscillate between three and five, with Siesta’s seven being the obvious exception.

Is it a coincidence that I come from a three-child family? Unlikely.

This trio in particular is just so satisfyingly diverse.

Sal: Puddlessssss 😀

Whydah: How can you dream about puddles when Grandpa is dead?

Pearl: Would you PLEASE talk about anything other than death?

Nope. Our Whydah seems to have a fascination with the morbid and macabre, but what else would you expect from an evil vampire?

Whydah: What are you doing?

Gumby: Reading.

Whydah: What are you REALLY doing?

Gumby: Staring really intently at this book so I don’t have to make eye contact with the other ghosts.

Someone wanted toys, so I styled this chaotic collection of supernatural teddies after the kids’ own skin colours and favourites.

From left to right, they are George Fielding, Sam Bellamy, and Captain Jack Sparrow.

Pearl: Thank you ever so much for my totally-a-mermaid bear!

Yeah, I guess those ones are supposed to be fairies. Could’ve fooled me (and did).

Rommich: My radar tells me there’s a lady here looking for alien WooHoo.

Tough luck, dude. I cancelled that wish like three chapters ago.

Rommich: Aww man. I really gotta update my software.

I also thought this happened three chapters ago, but I’ll cut him some slack since he has been busy with a lot of… booty calls…

The very second he steps off the weight machine, a transformation engulfs him.

Kau: This is it! I’m finally getting my swole bod!

Actually, no. You just switched out your twiggy fish legs for twiggy human legs.

Kau: I did not agree to this!

Well, I know for a fact no one agreed to “normal”.

Kau: Father would be so disappointed in me!

For this? No.

For most other things? Absolutely.

Hopefully the next generation of youths will be equally disappointing to their parents.

Whydah: Auntie Kiko, why don’t you have a job?

Kiko: Well, isn’t that just my favourite question of all time!

Whydah: Really?

Kiko: No. Go do your homework.

They’re gonna be just as resentful toward them, that’s for sure.

Pearl: DAD! You can’t just walk in when I’m showering!

Kau: Sorry! It could be worse, you know. My dad walked in on your—

Pearl: GET OUT!

His relationships with his kids are teetering. He lost his mermaid powers. One more thing might just send this sad loser over the edge.

Mika: Hey, what do you call a ship that isn’t yours? Nacho chip! Get it?

Oop. That landed badly.

Mika’s first MLC wish is an innocent little “Plan Outfit”, so I put together a “slutty gardener” look that slays, if I may say so myself.

Mika: Time to get this baby out on the town.

Her second? Not so innocent, but definitely in keeping with her traits. I should hardly be scandalized.

Speaking of which, Mika’s been autonomously nerding it up while stuck at home with the kids, and so—without my putting in any effort—she becomes my first-ever sim to gain a social trait. SimsWiki says she started out as a Level 9 Rebel, so this is actually pretty impressive.

I’m not sure how the rolling-for-traits thing works with these, but I just let her lock in the auto-filled Bookworm (a trait we’ve seen very little of in this legacy).

However, even being the ultimate nerd can’t cancel out her philanderous ways. I probably wouldn’t indulge these MLC wishes if she and Kau weren’t already in the red, but being that they are… a special visitor might just shake things up a little. :3

It’s a good thing the kids are all in school now, so they don’t have to witness the complete dissolution of the family.

Sal: I hate school. The kids here are so two-faced. And I still miss Grandpa.

Pearl: Grandpa who?

Sal: Seriously? How did you not notice the whole cloud of smoke, Grim Reaper in the kitchen thing?

Of course Whydah would take an immediate liking to the floaty-faced kid.

But it still creeps me out, so I fix him in CAS.

Josue: I was perfectly happy with my deformity, thank you very much.

Whydah: So was I. And now I’m locked into a playdate with a perfectly average boy.

She makes the most of it anyway, and doesn’t see much of Mr. Perfectly Average once they get there.

Whydah: Is this what a rich person’s house is supposed to look like?

But Josue’s mom happens to be somebodysangel’s simself, who’s been simselfing in my game for a loooong time and definitely knows the ropes.

Samali: Josue, I’ve told you a hundred times not to bring Langurds home from school!

Josue (offscreen): Gee mom, I thought you said “long turds”!

Samali: Well don’t bring those home either!

Thankfully, we’re much less discerning about who we bring home. Otherwise I wouldn’t let Kiko drag in sea scum from the ocean floor.

Kiko: Welcome to my beautiful home.

Salty: This is a shack with three sailboat beds.

Ah yes, the “front door” situation creates some confusion for guests.

Kiko: I’m just messing with you. That’s a decoy house for robbers.

Salty: So you keep the children there as bait?

Kiko: Exactly.

Salty: Nice.

Oh lordy. It would appear Kiko has met her match. However, there’ll be no hanky panky because I don’t trust the game not to register “boyfriend” as “not friendly enough to show you the island.”

Instead, we’re spamming friendly interactions until the cows come home.

Kiko: Here, a poisson for my fishy friend!

Salty: How I love les poissons!

There was probably a Friends reference to be made here but I’m too lazy to go back now.

Sal and Pearl are way too wholesome. And I don’t mean that in an endearing way; I’m considering deleting the dining room table so that they’ll stop spending all their time in paper crowns.

Sal: Hey, is that Prince Eric?

Pearl: Where? I need to have words with him about recognizing women’s faces—

Sal: KABLAM

Pearl: Oh, I see what you did there. Well played.

Whydah was the one who wanted this originally, but Sal’s taken it upon himself to become the patisseur of the family.

Sal: Uh nope, I don’t think that’s gonna pan out for me.

Hey, don’t be so quick to give up on your dreams!

Kau: Hey Sal, I smelled something bur— Oh wow, that’s embarrassing.

Sal: IT’S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE

Always making the perfectly timed entrance to humiliate his kids.

“Wholesome” does not quite extend to all three siblings.

Pearl: Why won’t you play Kings and Queens with me and Sal?

Whydah: What’s the point? We’re all going to die one day.

Pearl: Okay jeez, you could’ve just said you don’t feel like it.

Death may be closer for some than others. Now that Kau’s a tasty human, it’s time to dangle his flesh in front of a shark again and see what happens.

Kau: LOVE THIS FOR ME

Note that he did finally trade in the sailboat for a gas-guzzling monster. Less aesthetic, but we got shit to do.

Whatever might happen, Kiko’s got his back.

Kau: Ow.

Kiko: Sorry about your back, bro.

She’s stuck with her crappy age-up hair in mermaid form now, but that’s the least of our problems.

Kiko: Oh, Sharky Shark! Mama brought you a snack!

Kau: I feel objectified.

Sure enough, Sharky Shark is right up on Kau’s ass.

Kau: Oh god, is that a drowned ghost over there? That can’t be a good sign…

Edward: Don’t do it man! It’s not worth it!

Kau: *gulp* Okay, I’m ready.

Shark: *growl*

But wait. You see that little plumbob in the background? You see what Kiko’s about to do?

Yeah, I fuck up and send her into a cave without resetting it, and the whole ding-dang party teleports to shore.

Kiko: Lol whoops.

Kau: But I was so ready!

Edward: Get out while you can, man!

I’m not sure why we’re bothering with all this when Kiko could just…

But I won’t question the laws of the simiverse.

Alright, Take Three. Kau dons the retro diving suit this time for its clearly superior hydrodynamics.

Kau: I’m ready for him. Any time now. I’ve got eyes in the back of my—

Kau: GRRGBRGLBBLBLBLLRRFFFFF!!!

Yeah, it’s terrifying how sudden this animation is. My heart rate went through the ceiling.

But ultimately, I had no reason to worry! I’m assuming his ten athletic points were a little bit useful here.

Kau: There! That’s what you get for not attacking me the first two times!

Shark: What?

He gets this moodlet, which is hilariously macho of him.

He’s also down to the final stage of the island quest! Apparently the map has been in the town hall archives this whole time, which is not even a little bit exasperating.

And voila! Refuge Island is ours. This one comes with a little sailor’s bachelor pad, which will definitely come in handy when Kau blows up his marriage.

Kau (offscreen): What?

Nothing.

Back at home, summer is in full swing and my little vamps are enjoying some fun without the sun.

Whydah:

He just fought a shark and his family still doesn’t take him seriously. Sad life for Kau.

Mika’s relationship with the kids is considerably better, but their personalities may be a little bit much for even her to handle.

Mika: Jimmy Sprocket and the Squishy Stone, Chapter One.

Whydah: Don’t we have something with a little more despair?

Pearl: *dreaming of confetti and rainbows*

That’s it. You two may be fire and ice but I don’t want a blood feud on my hands, so it’s time for some bonding.

Whydah: Ugh, do I have to?

Pearl: Whoops, how’d I get jam on my feet?

It worked for Kiko and Salty, so we may as well give it a try. Pick your most precious possession and hand it over.

Whydah: Here you go, Pearl. This made me think of you.

Pearl: Oh WOW, I sure am TOUCHED by this HEARTFELT GIFT!

No one said you had to commit that hard.

Whydah certainly didn’t.

Pearl: And here’s something that reminded me of your… delightful personality.

Whydah: FOR ME?! Oh, you shouldn’t have! …There, how did I do?

Ooh, sour grapes. Burn.

I guess some progress was made though, because the next second they’re walloping each other with pillows.

Whydah: Hey Pearl, *WHAM* I think you’re *WHAM* swell!

Pearl: And you’re *WHOMP* my favourite *WHOMP* sister!

Meanwhile, Kau’s timing is once again impeccable.

Kau: Come on, Sal. Do better.

Sal: It’s not my fault!!

Nor is this mine!!

Okay yeah, this one’s on me. The “Pay Bills” button popped up and I accidentally closed it instead of paying them, which meant it was permanently erased from my memory three seconds later.

It’s been a while since this happened, and our relatively small number of belongings makes me nervous. So I build a fence around the house and throw some decoy furniture out on the lawn.

Of course, that’s when Miles decides to fly in from university.

Miles: Funny idea of a house you’ve got.

Says the dude who still lives in a frat. Don’t make me change my mind and send you back there.

Miles: Hey Mika. You got old.

Mika: I’d be mad if I weren’t so desperate to talk to a man who’s not my husband.

Miles: Those are my favourite words!

Paperboy: Hi Mrs. Langurd! Where’s Mr. Langurd?

Mika: Buzz off, Freddie.

There’s the man of the hour. Hey Rico, just saying, we’d be OH SO UPSET if you took our lawn bathtub and wardrobe. D:

Rico: You would, huh?

Rico: I smell a rat.

Dammit.

Pearl: Who are you?

Rico: Rico the Repoman, here to take your stuff. Woooweeee, wouldn’t mind repossessing your aunt over there.

Pearl: Excuse me? She’s not a possession.

Why are Repomen just the biggest douchebags around?

Alas, he does not attempt to take Kiko (I would’ve liked to see him try). Instead, he zaps the family computer…

…followed by one of those two books on the counter…

…and something so insignificant from the bathroom that I couldn’t even tell what was missing until I saw this picture (it’s the toilet roll).

Mika and Miles take this opportunity to sneak off to the library on a date. However, Miles is still living the half-life of a foreign visitor, which means their only romantic interaction is “Take Photo Together.”

This definitely doesn’t satisfy Mika’s flirt wish, so I get real cheaty and forcibly move him to Isla Paradiso to see if that helps.

Apparently moving requires him to leave the date though, and suddenly we’re at the point where none of this is worth a silly MLC wish.

She moves on to Guillermo Ichtaca in his absence, but he is a man of principles.

Mika: I got two tickets to Iron Maiden, baby—

Guillermo: Ew, you are way too old to be a teenage dirtbag. Also I am married.

Rang Tran: Looks like my blood’s not the only thing you can’t get, huh Langurd?

But that’s okay, because Miles is back and now he’s fully interactable!

Mika: I’d let you wipe my hard drive if you know what I mean.

Rang: Girl, are you even trying anymore?

Weirdly, that flirt doesn’t register. Looks like we have to kick things up a notch.

Bystander: I’m ready. This is going straight to the internet.

Bystander: *drops phone* Wow, I wish my boyfriend would kiss me like that.

Mika: Why is it still not working?

Miles: What’s not working?

Mika: Ugh, never mind.

At this point, I conclude that “flirt with someone else” must mean “flirt with someone NEW”, so we ship Miles back off to his island shack and never contact him again.

But before we go, look who it is! Midlife has clearly been just as kind to Kougra as our own lot, given that she seems to have run away from a very niche kind of beauty pageant?

Kougra: You weren’t supposed to see this!

And what is Kau doing while his wife seduces the entire library?

Kau: Help me! I fell in the fishbowl and I can’t swim! Wow, Mika, again?? I know, I am really really dumb! Look, it’s Captain Kau! Oh, my saviour!

Whydah: Aren’t you supposed to be saving real people?

Kau: Yeah but I can’t get over the hedge fence.

Ohhhhhhhh fuck. Let me fix that.

There we go. Cay to the City is going to take a decade or two, so we need to start racking up rescues before Kau gets any older.

Kau: Roger that. See a swimmer, pull ‘em out.

Well, maybe let’s focus on the people who are drowning, but yes. Good start.

Unfortunately this beach is not a very popular one. The first visitor we get is Lady Phantom, and she doesn’t even do us the favour of drowning.

Lady Phantom: Just thought I’d put in an appearance so that my presence here isn’t a total waste.

Yeah, up until now we’ve spent most of our time at home and at dive sites, so the simselves have mostly grown old and had families without my documenting any of it. Lady Phantom here has two kids with Matteo Torres—little Noe…

…and less-little Darin.

Come to think of it, I’m not sure how Noe is blue? Is Matteo one of those townies with weird-coloured ancestors in the graveyard?

Oh damn, I just looked it up and apparently ALL the Isla Paradiso graveyard sims have this skin colour, which means it can randomly pop up in their children’s children. We wouldn’t know this because we never actually married in any IP townies before (namely because I thought their genes were boring—the irony).

The more you know!

On that note, since when is this a thing? I mean… you’re welcome, Andrei..

RIP, Andrei.

While we’re doing halfhearted townie updates, someone should tell Kyrii that siblings’ names don’t HAVE to alliterate (she now has Jeb and Jarred). I can see why she would think that, though. XD

So far, the other spares have only had brief flirtations. It may be time to give up hope of any more Langurd cousins, but the gene pool is probably better off for it.

OMG IT’S HAPPENING. KAU, HURRY!

Omar: Oh my, I shouldn’t have put so many cool rocks in my pockets!

Kau: Don’t panic! I’m coming!

No you’re not!

Kau: I don’t know, my action queue says I am!

When it rains, it pours.

Omar: Aww man, I thought you were a pretty girl from across the beach.

Doug: Wait, that’s a guy? Is it too late to stop drowning?

Kau: I’d let you feed the fish if there wasn’t booty on the line.

Doug: What?

I love how aggressively he shoves the buoy at them. And then he just swims away, like “you got this from here.”

Anyway, that’s two rescues under the belt! Which, if we keep up that pace, means we should make quota in approximately… 16 more workdays.

But for now, he’s off the clock and ready to… unwind.

I guess if Mika gets to do it, I may as well give him a shot.

Kau: I have to pee.

Lady: How exactly does that pickup line end?

Kau: It, uh… Yeah, I’m sorry. Bye.

The tragic thing is how little game he and Mika have with anyone but each other.

Mika manages one more flirt with Teodor Medina (oops, sorry Ani-Mei—I think this is your husband!) but the wish remains unfulfilled. After all this mess, I guess it’s stuck there until her elder birthday. LOL.

And now for a random collection of nighttime escapades to finish off the chapter!

Kiko: Satan, is that you? I thought I’d lost you, buddy!

Satan: SCREECH

Yeah, I’m not really sure what Kiko’s been up to since the shark fight. Most likely summoning Salty for hangs and working on her fishing skill while she waits for him to dog-paddle his scrawny ass over here.

Kiko: Yep, that’s pretty much it.

How did we get two full moons in two chapters? Am I actually burning through material that fast?

Whatever, Whydah’s clearly in her happy place.

For real—she’s got a veritable Army of the Dead assembled.

Whydah: Chin up, Great-Great-Grandpa. You’re doing great with all these ghosts around.

Gumby: Th-th-thanks.

Malissa: You know, she reminds me of someone, but I can’t quite put my toe on it.

Lira: Unggghhhhhh.

Oh, yeah. That parallel struck me as soon as I gave her bangs and eyeliner.

Yes, Whydah is shaping up to be a spooky little creature. Which makes Pearl a little more… her father’s daughter.

Pearl: It’s possible that ghosts could be walking among us right now!

Kau: Oooooooh, I got chills!

Tuesday: I’m right here, but okay.

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Bit of a sloppy place to cut, but still going strong! Time to see about condensing the next four chapters into three. Wish me luck! And thank you for keeping me motivated with your likes and comments! 🙂

Happy Simming!

-Sam