And with that I am DONE my third year of university.
Just in time for the Langurds to start their first. Dammit.
To be honest, judging by what I’d heard of the EP, I expected university to be a gigantic disappointment. Much to my surprise, it wasn’t. It didn’t meet my expectations of not having my expectations met. How does that work?
Go away, Exam Brain.
ONWARD, to move-in day!
I decided on an evil whim to have Katana and Lance share a room, and then had a creative embolism trying to merge their decorating styles.
It left me so drained that I did basically nothing to Tommy’s. You know, because all dorm rooms come equipped with advanced Wicca technology these days.
Lance is studying the Fine Arts and put her skills into practice immediately.
Lance: I sense that a piece of “fine art” walked into the building just now.
I’m glad to see that Lance is Lance no matter where I put her. You can take the girl out of the nuthouse but you can’t take the nuts out of the girl. I mean— crap.
Uh-oh, do I spy sisterly competition?
Katana: I only spawned this thought bubble to make Lancelot mad.
Katana is studying Business because I see her developing a formidable presence on the black market someday.
The object of the girls’ vying affections is Stephen Brackney, who would go on to spend the entire semester dancing in his pyjamas. I wish MY university experience were more like that.
Love was in the air, so Lance penned a letter to her first flame, Weston.
Lance: My dearest Wessy-Wes, I’ve bean at univercity for two hole minutes and our magickal kiss is still fresh on my mined. I can practicly feel you’re hands on my sholders, pushing me violetly away. Such strong. Very passion. Wow. Be the Gwinaveer (sp?) too my Lancelot. XOXO, gossip girl.
You just wrote all of that on the keyboard.
Lance: Then I’ll need a bigger envelope!
“And stop mailing me keyboards, please.”
But she was not to be stopped in her conquest.
Lance: What’s a town bike? That sounds like a fun job!
Pierce-from-Community Lookalike: Fresh out of high school, my favourite kind.
Oh hell. I really can’t leave this girl alone.
Nor this one, apparently.
Katana: Listen here, my eager scholars. I want to share with you my greatest piece of wisdom to help you move forward in life. You see, it’s really about putting one foot in front of the other and keeping the balance. If you have a destination in mind I can guarantee you will reach it, even if you fall many times along the way.
Yep, that’s about the extent of her formal education.
Last but not least, we have Tommy, studying Technology. I mean literally studying at this very moment. Before exploring campus or making friends or anything.
Vampiric Weasley: Oh my god, did you actually crack a book on the first day?
Tommy: *sigh* The Muggle curriculum is very unfulfilling.
Luckily, Gabby here convinced him to take a break. Then he kicked her butt at ping-pong. Sorry, I mean table tennis, the Olympic Sport. #WHYNOTQUIDDITCH2016
Tommy: Yeeaah, victory! How’s that feel, huh? Like a stake through your dirty vampire heart?
Gabby: That’s really prejudiced.
Tommy: What, like you have rights and stuff?
To keep her from the clutches of Fusty Waistcoat Man, I sent Lance to mingle with people her own age. She danced awkwardly in a corner.
And proved she’s really good at killing the mood.
Girl: Why do I suddenly get the urge to yell at you?
Guy: Bah! I’m done with this place. Let’s go home.
Lance: But the party just started, you guys!
Nothing could kill her naive freshman spirit though. In a daze of hyperoptimism, she sat down next to Eddy Mullins, a very hairy walking stereotype.
Lance: I love university! University is great!
Eddy: Can’t hear you over Edgar Allan Poe: An Anthology.
Later that night, Katana and Tommy went to a super classy kegger where the host passed out in the first five minutes.
Dreads: Now we draw dicks on his face, right?
I went to a party like this in first year and the host was the only person I knew. Awkward times ensued.
However, with Lance absent, awkwardness was not a problem here. AND Katana got to put the moves on Brackney.
Katana: Hi, I’m Katana. Consider this “the moves.”
Stephen: Okay, I will.
Stephen, you have joined Morgana in the ranks of characters I instinctively cannot write a persona for. Congratulations.
Okay, so there was some awkwardness. Running into your sibling at a party can never go smoothly.
Katana: Oh, you’re here? Well this is…
But they made the best of it. Siblings help siblings get drunk (Y)
Well, for the most part.
Katana: Siblings don’t give siblings concussions, ASSHOLE!
Tommy: Eep! Don’t eat me!
Okay, seriously? Is being able to play the guitar a prerequisite for parties these days? As a drummer, I find this an inconvenient social standard. No one wants to sit around and listen to me beat things with sticks.
What an unfortunate segue.
Bartender: Girl, I been workin’ here six years and ain’t never seen Goth Boy drop his pants so fast. You gotta be some kinda goddess.
Lance: No, sir, just a Muggle.
Naturally, she has a naked guy standing in front of her and she’s off in her own little world, drawing what appears to be Harry Potter, his incompetent first-year slave, and an upside-down coffee mug.
Colin Creevey: Hi Harry! I brought you your coff— oops, I spilled it all.
Harry: That’s alright, Colin. I’ll go and get another one myself even though I’m all famous and important. Fucking imbecile, AVADA—
She somehow ended up back at his house, being relentlessly hit on by his jock roommate, Mugsy Brotoaski.
Mugsy: Mugsy like! Mugsy give flowers to pretty girl! *grunts, beats chest*
Eddy: *stands there like a useless nincompoop*
What a sad, sad love triangle.
Back at the kegger, Tommy was whipping Old Fusty into shape.
Fusty: Are you sure I should be—
Tommy: Push it, Grandpa! Work those deltoids! Osteoporosis is a myth!
And then they got thrown out for overstaying their welcome.
Revenge at its finest.
The next day, classes began. Lance got in some early-morning busking at the student plaza square thingamajig, and used the stink-eye method to garner customers rather than using, you know, actual talent.
Lance: Hey, you! Yeah, I’m talkin’ to you, mister! I see that five dollar bill hanging out of your pocket and I know you don’t need another Arby’s lunch! Your waistline will thank you!
Snotface: Your presence here is unwelcome, scum.
Lance: So is yours, unless you’ve got a tenner you’d like to part with.
And then who should steal her (grossly unimpressed) audience but Mugsy Brotoaski?
Mugsy: Mugsy like girls, Mugsy like football, Mugsy like protein shakes, Mugsy like… duh… Mugsy!
Snotface: This is nauseating. Let’s go to a hipster coffeehouse.
Lance: Hmph, people around here are so uncompassionate.
Paparazzi Derp: Hur hur hur, a statue’s butt! Hur hur.
Lance ended up being late to her first lecture thanks to that. On another note, it turns out Goth Boy is in her Art 101 class—surprise, surprise.
Professor: Does anyone have any questions? Please, ask anything—I assure you, there is no such thing as a stupid question.
Lance: Yeah, do all figure models have to be buff and good-looking? ‘Cause I drew this guy yesterday who was pretty much a scrawny gorilla…
Professor: Ha ha! Did you all hear that? Little Miss Snotnose Langurd wants to know if male models are attractive. What a stupid question!
Lance: University sucks. I’m going home.
But she didn’t go home. In fact, she chatted with her Scrawny Gorilla and then went back to his house again. And, yet again, Mugsy took the wheel.
Mugsy: Mugsy like pretty girl. Mugsy take pretty girl upstairs?
Lance: What’s upstairs? Do you have a waterslide or something?
Are you gonna stand for this, Eddy?
Eddy: I don’t fancy being javelined into the wall, so yes.
Meanwhile, in her first class of the semester, Katana took a different approach to abusive authority.
Katana: Boo, you suck! My lecture on “Learn to Walk” was way better!
And she proceeded to do this…
Professor: Thank you, Miss Langurd. You would all do well to follow her example if you want to spend your lives flipping burgers while I laugh at you from the drive-thru window.
Katana: Your salary must be crap if you’re eating drive-thru.
Professor: What was that?
Everyone is clearly very impressed with this class.
Nerd: Hey guys, the lecture ended four hours ago.
Katana & Dreads: Naptime buddies 4 lyfe!
Sure beats having Lancelot as a naptime buddy, I suppose. BUT I bought them these boat beds to up their energy faster, and their room suddenly became 1000% cooler.
Oh, and Tommy? The poor guy has a bunch of night classes (lord have mercy on his soul) where they test strange mechanisms on his brain.
Tommy: What are they gonna do to us?
Girl: Please help me. I’m scared.
And stay tuned next time for a brand new instalment of…
Two Langurd chapters in one week? When does that ever happen?
I’m so happy to see your lovely faces and read your lovely comments again. I’ve missed this community.
There’s one more university chapter yet to come because I had way too much fun with it. Spoiler though, nobody’s getting degrees. I don’t have the patience for that XD
‘Til next time, Happy Simming!