6.8 No Sugar Tonight in My Coffee

Round of applause for Gryffindork tanking her self-imposed mission in less than 48 hours. It’s not my fault, guys. Failure radiates from my very being. My friend asked me to look after her betta fish this week, and he literally died on my watch.

But in the words of a misguided Death Eater (and a really dated reference), IT’S NOT OVER YET! This seven-posts-in-a-week thing can still be a thing. I’ll just have to double up one day, which is totally doable. /delusion

Last time, a trilogy of Ghost Crises caused all sorts of rule breaking and left me wishing for several plates of ambrosia, which I then remembered is also against the rules. Basically, things are going great and everyone is really happy.

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A fine time to check in with the one who started it all.

Quinn: Inspector Flanagan reporting for duty, sir.

Tewl: Well well well. So dis is da new man of da house.

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Tewl: Lemme get a gud look at you, punk.

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Tewl: I don’ like you.

Quinn: Thank you, sir.

A sign of progress if there ever was one.

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And here’s our latest sign of progress, Trance the $5,000 nooboo. After all that hassle, I’m beginning to realize that having 7th-gen Langurds in the house is pretty exciting. As is the fact that Cal may be the first heiress to actually like her kids.

Cal: You get bonus points for not destroying my lady parts.

I guess what I call “hassle” she calls “10 extra hours of sleep.” Silver linings, right?

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It’s really too bad that I get to dictate her priorities.

Rhapsody: Hey look, Kip’s taking her first steps!

Calamity: Yeah, but the F12 key is falling off this keyboard.

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A few of you have expressed an appreciation for Crash the Swole and his picturesque tendencies. Please enjoy this compilation I have been stockpiling of him autonomously testing out various sitting areas.

I think he’s been trying to educate me on proper lighting.

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No one has expressed an appreciation for Omen, but here he is anyway.

Omen: Oh wow, small world! What are you guys doing at Quinn’s house?

Crash: ?

Omen: Oh right, silly me.

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I don’t know if sims gain Logic faster from playing chess against an actual opponent or if I just wanted a nice brotherly picture, but DAYUM look at those muscles, and what were we talking about again?

Omen: I think you’re being objectified.

Crash: *sigh*

Omen: It could be worse. You could be Fiasco.

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Apparently today is Keeping Up with Extended Family Day, because my notes say Cal is talking to Skydancer.

Cal: Oh, not much new here. Had two kids. Mom died. Still haven’t actually rescued anyone from a fire.

Chef on TV: Rescue me, bitch.

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And Rhapsody has just met (and instantly clashed with) her first cousin once removed. Yes, I drew a chart to figure that out.

Rhapsody: I’ve heard of your clan.

Molly: That’s weird, I haven’t heard of yours.

Rhapsody: TEAM LIRA.

Molly: TEAM LEV FOR LIFE BRO, YOU WANNA GO?

Cara: Oooh, a blood feud! What fun!

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As it turns out, Molly’s probably just hangry. That or her jeans are too tight.

Molly: Both, you can’t put snacks in fake pockets!

Preach, sister.

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Quinn doesn’t have any extended family, but he still wants to join in the fun.

Quinn: Hello there, totally platonic female friend from my former life.

Aww hell no Flanagan, you get rid of that sprightly young speech bubble right now!

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On that note, his sprightly young wife celebrates our first ever adult ghost birthday by staring morosely at her reflection.

Cal: ♫ I’m just a little black raincloud, hovering under the honey tree… ♫

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Cal: ♫ …I’m just a little black raincloud, pay no attention to— oh hey, I still look pretty good!

That’s because three wrinkles don’t mark the end of your life.

Cal: Still, I think I’ll have a midlife crisis.

Fuck you.

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Cal: Yes, hello travel agent. What destination can you recommend that will make me feel young and beautiful and hasn’t been overplayed on this blog?

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Champs Les Sims: Because We Couldn’t Go to China™

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Cal: Who checked on the kids before we left?

*crickets chirping*

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Kip: Mommy? 😀

Nice, locked in the icy cavern that has become of the Langurds’ gym (experimental architecture problems). R.I.P. Kip.

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In one fell swoop, our unofficial Mother of Dragons abandons two of her children in the space of an hour.

Calamity: Be good, Blubs. I’ll be back by dinnertime.

Blubsy: Cacaw!

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Blubsy: Cacaw?

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Blubsy: CACAW!

It’s official, Crash. You’re his mother now.

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What a happy accident that these two seem able to communicate AND look damn good together.

Blubsy: Cacaw!

What seems less accidental is that the entirety of Dragon Valley has decided to follow us on vacation.

Ava: What, you think we’d miss a second of this shitshow?

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Hate to disappoint, but this shitshow has studying to do. (Not that we came here to buy time or anything…)

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Calamity is the only one who’s free to enjoy the local flavour.

Gaston: Ugh, I wouldn’t eat that. Worst thing on our menu by far.

Cal: I love France.

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Local: Sacré bleu! Could it really be?

Calamity: *sigh* Yes, it is I, the lady from “Woman Levitates to Hospital in Foetal Position.” Those things go viral fast, huh?

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Local: Why, I don’t believe it! It’s Rhapsody Langurd, the musical darling of Champs Les Sims!

Cal: *choke* The what now?

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Paparazzi: Miss Langurd! Can you tell me about your troubled youth? How did your time as a child soldier influence your music?

Never would’ve guessed she was such a hit with international audiences.

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Back inside, Calamity makes the mistake of chatting up the barista.

Cal: So what’s there to do around here?

Gaston: You have to help me, Madame! I’m being blackmailed by a corporate gangster who is threatening to kill my family!

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Cal: Why are you telling me this?

Gaston: Well I just…

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Cal: Look, you probably don’t want my opinion, but I think your problems could be solved with a little exercise and a change of attitude.

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Says the woman who calls this exercise.

Cal: I’m jogging!

horizontal running

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And then cracks open the French wine to reward herself.

Cashier: Omg! You can’t just walk in here and take what you want!

Cal: You can’t see me, I’m a ghost.

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I have Quinn cracking down on his writing skill for all of five minutes before I remember I gave up on his LTW, so he’s basically one step behind Calamity in his France adventures.

Quinn: Nice place you’ve got here.

Yves: Shame it won’t be around much longer, right Gaston?

Gaston: Please, I don’t have anything left to give you!

Quinn: Welp, you fellas have a nice day.

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Yves: I will bring your empire to ze ground, Dutiel!

Gaston: What empire? Why have ze stars forsaken me?

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Also, this was my first time seeing a bagel in the Sims so I thought I would document it.

Quinn: The ultimate French experience.

Quite.

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I’ll admit that part of my agenda in coming here was to scope out new genetics for a third offspring. Quinn has already donated his face to Kip and his skin to Trance, and statistically speaking, we are due for another polygamous generation (current tally is 2-3). Ironically, Dragon Valley has decided to remind us that it can’t be beaten in the genetics department by sending its entire population along for the trip.

Aiden O’Connell: I’ve never been to France before!

And this legacy has never had a real ginger—CALAMITY, GET IN HERE!

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Cal: Oh, you ARE pretty.

Aiden: Uh, thanks?

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Let’s study that jawline from a few different angles, shall we?

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Calamity: Mm-hmm…

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Cal: Yeah, I didn’t listen to a word you just said.

Aiden: Hmm?

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Cal: I’ve made up my mind! I want this one!

Aiden: What’s happening? Did I just join a cult again?

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Among our squadron of DV tagalongs is Sophie Dwyer, Crash’s only friend from high school. Running into each other in France means a totally different kind of reunion.

Sophie: Jeez Crash, you’re supposed to kiss the air.

Crash: ;D

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Looks like even the family mute can’t keep his feelings hidden.

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Here we see the final stages of dragon neglect.

Cal: We’ll play later, I promise.

Blubsy: *croak* *gurgle* *moan*

Cal: Oh, don’t be so dramatic.

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Awkward gathering ahoy!

Cal: Hey, now that I’ve vamped up the stove, someone should make some fancy French food.

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Aiden: I don’t know about French food, but I do a mean meat and potatoes.

Quinn: What a thrilling and exotic affair you’re having.

Cal: Don’t judge me.

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Things get tangled a little sooner than expected, but that’s okay.

Aiden: That man is your husband?!!

Cal: Well, yeah.

Aiden: But you called me pretty!!!

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Not everyone is so okay with it.

Rhapsody: You are so dumb! You have a perfect family, but of course you’d go gallivanting on a forbidden tryst with a guy who’s not even French!

Cal: Dude, stop confronting me with reality.

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Cal: Remember, it just takes one click to send you back to You-Know-Where.

Rhapsody: NO, PLEASE!

Cal: Chill out, I’m messing with you. Adults can’t go to military school.

Rhapsody: Don’t say the “M” word!

Cal: What, “messing”? Or was it… “military”?

Rhapsody: SHADOWS OF MY PAST

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Did somebody say—

Skydancer: Stop. You don’t have to segue into every screenshot.

DON’T KNOCK THE SEGUE LIFE. Also go home, no one invited you.

Skydancer: Okay, but put the walls up on that staircase first.

MAKE ME.

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After one day of socializing, Calamity feels comfortable enough to guard her prey watch over Aiden while he dreams about typical manly things.

Cal: Those aren’t typical manly dreams.

Thanks, Cal. I love dodging around innuendo so that you can walk straight into it.

Cal: My pleasure.

Whether Aiden feels comfortable with this is up for debate.

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Pointless Vacay comes to a close, and how convenient that our new foreign friend actually isn’t foreign at all!

Cal: So my husband’s out of town…

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He falls for it, but the reluctance is palpable.

Aiden: I don’t know why I came here. I don’t actually remember leaving my house…

Cal: Maybe you should figure your life out before we take this any further.

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Cal: Or maybe you should shut up and kiss me.

Aiden: I… I guess I could do that.

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Under the pretence of taking shelter from the rain, Calamity lures him into the one-purpose-and-one-purpose-only hot tub.

Cal: I love these boots, don’t you?

Aiden: If you love them, shouldn’t you not wear them in the water?

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Quinn: Tut tut. You won’t last long around here with sensible talk like that.

Aiden: ………Nope, I’m out.

What a shame…

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…or is it?

Aiden: Why am I walking like this? Make me stop!

Cal: Haha, gotcha.

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Aiden skedaddles and leaves this odd couple to talk things over.

Cal: To be fair, you’ve done some pretty slimy things since we got together.

Quinn: YOU HAVE NO EVIDENCE OF THIS

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I knew that filter would come in handy.

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Cal: So what, I guess we get divorced?

Quinn: Should we?

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Quinn: But it’s so sad…

Cal: I… Shit, how did we get here?

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Good guys Rhapsody and Crash put up a smokescreen so Kip won’t hear the sound of her parents’ marriage crumbling.

Rhapsody: ♫ I love you, you love me, we’re a happy family ♫

Crash: *teaching her how to squat*

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Only for their hard work to be immediately undone.

Kip: ♫ We’re a happy family! ♫

Calamity: Aww!

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Cal: Oh god I think I’m pregnant with another man’s baby.

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The faces of two people who tried their best.

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Poor Trance, though—it’s hard to soften the blow of your parents splitting up on your birthday.

Trance: It’s cool. Everything’s cool.

Buzz: So you won’t mind if I stagger through your birthday cake with this breakfast tray for no reason?

Trance: Not at all, go ahead.

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To hell with Falafel, god rest his soul. This is what I call variety. I see the Langurd jaw is alive and well—and so is Frieda’s hair!

Trance: Why would you even need another kid after me?

Good point. Hey Calamity, change of—

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Calamity: You were saying?

I guess one more couldn’t hurt.

Trance: I see how it is. *prepares for the life of a middle child by crawling into a box*

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Oh man, I haven’t had this much fun with a Langurd chapter in a long time. Is it okay to say that when my main characters just got divorced? Better than enjoying dead babies, at least. In light of my failures, I want it to be known that the day I squandered was spent scraping together one of these for an Etsy customer, which I hope will redeem me in nerd points if nothing else. If not—well, I tried.

Thank you all for believing in me and for your wonderfully detailed commentary! I shed a tear every time a novel pops up on my phone. ❤

Happy Simming!

-Sam

About gryffindork7

I like cats. This is a really thorough bio.

Posted on July 8, 2017, in Generashun 6, Half-Decade Heptathlon and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 15 Comments.

  1. This one is definitely more lighthearted, even though, well, affair and divorce and all that.

    Sorry about the fish, hope he’s in a betta place now. (Oh dear, I’m horrible, I apologize).

    Tewl’s Seal of Slight Disapproval is a nice family tradition, even though it could be what’s ultimately caused Quinn’s fall out of favor.

    >> you can’t put snacks in fake pockets!
    — Hear hear! I’m not a woman but this stuns me as well. Like, guys aren’t supposed to use some of the pockets on a jacket, but the pockets are there, so we just ignore the rules and use all the pockets. Ladies though can’t catch a break with those fake ones.

    “Blubsy and Crash” sounds like a dynamic detective duo from 70’s cop procedural. Also, I’ve just now realized Crash is, well, mute. I thought he was just being quiet. It took me a while, didn’t it?

    Yves the Gangster had me laughing, it suits him so! (He was a French affair of one lady in the early days of my dynasty, and we still have his picture on the wall, pointing at the camera Uncle Sam-style).

    >> The ultimate French experience.
    Oui! The French must have a saying like “Baguette is just a misguided bagel”. I mean, they sorta sound alike…

    Calamity feels comfortable enough to show Aiden her flippers? Whoa girl, steady there. (Why do I always notice those?)

    Quinn’s approach to the whole Boytoy situation was funny and a little bit unsettling. I guess he’s been there and allegedly done that.

    Trance is a total cutie! And Buzz made an appearance, haven’t seen him in a while.

    So, as Langurds’ chapters go, this one was quite peaceful 🙂

    Like

    • Okay so I laughed waaaay too hard at “betta place,” tried to stop in respect for my friend and gave up immediately. The darkest puns are the best puns.

      I did wonder if that was the writing on the wall – Tewl, being a cold-blooded womanizer, probably sees Quinn for the phony he is. Cal, meanwhile, may be more like her great-great-great grandfather than any of us know. :/

      Seriously? I think the torment of having functional pockets right there might be worse than not having them; most of us just give up and carry a purse. Though the odd dress will have pockets in it, and that’s like winning life.

      You’ve convinced me, Blubsy and Crash need a spin-off. Almost sounds a bit like Bonnie and Clyde, come to think of it. :O And I don’t think I fully decided Crash was mute until he’d gone a few chapters without dialogue, so don’t feel bad!

      Excellent, I knew Yves had a sketchy backstory somewhere. And baguettes are definitely the overgrown children of bagels.

      Those flippers have certainly gained new meaning since reading your comments. And I may have deleted a few hundred (okay like four) screenshots of Quinn being genuinely upset… obviously for the good my poor sensitive readers still recovering from last chapter! *ahem*

      Liked by 1 person

  2. OMG, Trance WINS are Langurd life. I cannot see how any other child can out-awesome him, even two seconds into his toddler-hood. What a mix! And all while keeping the Langurd jaw. Calamity, you may have just won this challenge (wait, it’s not a challenge?).

    I’m probably overly impressed by something that was unintentional, but I love that athletic Crash was teaching Kip to walk, not talk. Because we know Crash never really learned that one himself. And yet he still has more game than his brothers, lol. I’m totally on board with him hooking up with Sophie before being kicked out 😉 It sucks that Skydancer has been kicked out – her fairy auras would have really helped Crash and Rhapsody with their skilling.

    Like

    • Oh, it is most definitely a challenge, and Cal has by far outdone her ancestors! Trance made me believe in the Sims again. :’)

      Haha, usually these things ARE accidental, but I can actually say that I planned that one! Sometimes I put stupid amounts of thought into stupid things like which quick meal a sim should have, or what they should read as a bedtime story (and then forget about things like looking after the unicorn. 😀 ). Still praying for Crash & Sophie babies – and I did make use of those auras for a while, but Sky was long overdue to get a move on. 😛

      Like

  3. If it is a novel that you want, it is a novel that you will get! *twirls magic wand*

    First off, I don’t actually know anybody other than myself who has ever seen or heard of AVPM, so I’m just gonna throw that out there. But then again, of course you have. You’re gryffindork for christ’s sake XD

    I’m surprised Tewl doesn’t like Quinn, considering both of their slimy ways. But then again, maybe it hits a little too close to home for Tewl and all his illegitimate children? Perhaps he doesn’t want to see his descendants be screwed over like guys like – yeah okay, even I don’t believe that.

    Crash ❤ If I didn't already have Langurd genes in my legacy, I would probably download him & marry him in but… Well, we don't need any more incest now, do we?

    TEAM BOA! Wait no that leaves me with Manny I TAKE IT BACK.

    I could give you an extended three page rant (with references) on fake pockets, but I will spare you all and summarise it; they are the real evil that needs to be defeated, and sent back to hell whence they came. Shop for jeans in the mens sections, folks! Or just be me and wear patterned leggings that don't have any pockets! Maybe I'm the real evil?

    Eyyy, France! Half of my Generation Two was written in France! I also sunburned my legs in france on the first day of my holiday, because that's just my luck with my crappy Irish skin. BUT ANYWAY, I've never actually explored Champs Les Sims, and I honestly don't know why. Maybe I'll send someone there one day. Maybe. I'm still hoping for that LTW, but it seems to be far far away from me…

    Go Rhapsody, finally getting the attention she deserves… sort of.

    God, Quinn is such an ugly old man… I hate to say it, but he just is. His face is all melty!

    Also RIP Gaston's empire. May he forever live on in our memories.

    Langurds Get Lucky In France (Unless You're Quinn); the thrilling new adventure. Honestly, bless Crash, that's so cute.

    "Rhapsody: You are so dumb! You have a perfect family…"
    I don't know what she's seeing.

    I love how Quinn just seems totally chill about Calamity's affair. Up until the divorce, of course. You know, I've never taken that path for my sims and I don't know why? I've always paired them up and then they've stuck together for life. But I don't think I could manage to write it in a way that doesn't make them totally villainous and awful, so kudos to you for achieving (not achieving? what is grammatically correct here???) that.
    Also RIP Calamity & Quinn's marriage, but he was probably going to die soon anyway and she deserved better.

    "The faces of two people who tried their best."
    Sorry guys, but Calamity is beyond hope.

    ← 6.7 Boulevard of Broken Dreams
    6.8 No Sugar Tonight in My Coffee
    JUL 8
    Posted by gryffindork7
    Round of applause for Gryffindork tanking her self-imposed mission in less than 48 hours. It’s not my fault, guys. Failure radiates from my very being. My friend asked me to look after her betta fish this week, and he literally died on my watch.

    But in the words of a misguided Death Eater (and a really dated reference), IT’S NOT OVER YET! This seven-posts-in-a-week thing can still be a thing. I’ll just have to double up one day, which is totally doable. /delusion

    Last time, a trilogy of Ghost Crises caused all sorts of rule breaking and left me wishing for several plates of ambrosia, which I then remembered is also against the rules. Basically, things are going great and everyone is really happy.

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    A fine time to check in with the one who started it all.

    Quinn: Inspector Flanagan reporting for duty, sir.

    Tewl: Well well well. So dis is da new man of da house.

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    Tewl: Lemme get a gud look at you, punk.

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    Tewl: I don’ like you.

    Quinn: Thank you, sir.

    A sign of progress if there ever was one.

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    And here’s our latest sign of progress, Trance the $5,000 nooboo. After all that hassle, I’m beginning to realize that having 7th-gen Langurds in the house is pretty exciting. As is the fact that Cal may be the first heiress to actually like her kids.

    Cal: You get bonus points for not destroying my lady parts.

    I guess what I call “hassle” she calls “10 extra hours of sleep.” Silver linings, right?

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    It’s really too bad that I get to dictate her priorities.

    Rhapsody: Hey look, Kip’s taking her first steps!

    Calamity: Yeah, but the F12 key is falling off this keyboard.

    gif2

    A few of you have expressed an appreciation for Crash the Swole and his picturesque tendencies. Please enjoy this compilation I have been stockpiling of him autonomously testing out various sitting areas.

    I think he’s been trying to educate me on proper lighting.

    Screenshot-1441

    No one has expressed an appreciation for Omen, but here he is anyway.

    Omen: Oh wow, small world! What are you guys doing at Quinn’s house?

    Crash: ?

    Omen: Oh right, silly me.

    Screenshot-1443

    I don’t know if sims gain Logic faster from playing chess against an actual opponent or if I just wanted a nice brotherly picture, but DAYUM look at those muscles, and what were we talking about again?

    Omen: I think you’re being objectified.

    Crash: *sigh*

    Omen: It could be worse. You could be Fiasco.

    Screenshot-1444

    Apparently today is Keeping Up with Extended Family Day, because my notes say Cal is talking to Skydancer.

    Cal: Oh, not much new here. Had two kids. Mom died. Still haven’t actually rescued anyone from a fire.

    Chef on TV: Rescue me, bitch.

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    And Rhapsody has just met (and instantly clashed with) her first cousin once removed. Yes, I drew a chart to figure that out.

    Rhapsody: I’ve heard of your clan.

    Molly: That’s weird, I haven’t heard of yours.

    Rhapsody: TEAM LIRA.

    Molly: TEAM LEV FOR LIFE BRO, YOU WANNA GO?

    Cara: Oooh, a blood feud! What fun!

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    As it turns out, Molly’s probably just hangry. That or her jeans are too tight.

    Molly: Both, you can’t put snacks in fake pockets!

    Preach, sister.

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    Quinn doesn’t have any extended family, but he still wants to join in the fun.

    Quinn: Hello there, totally platonic female friend from my former life.

    Aww hell no Flanagan, you get rid of that sprightly young speech bubble right now!

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    On that note, his sprightly young wife celebrates our first ever adult ghost birthday by staring morosely at her reflection.

    Cal: ♫ I’m just a little black raincloud, hovering under the honey tree… ♫

    Screenshot-1464

    Cal: ♫ …I’m just a little black raincloud, pay no attention to— oh hey, I still look pretty good!

    That’s because three wrinkles don’t mark the end of your life.

    Cal: Still, I think I’ll have a midlife crisis.

    Fuck you.

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    Cal: Yes, hello travel agent. What destination can you recommend that will make me feel young and beautiful and hasn’t been overplayed on this blog?

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    Champs Les Sims: Because We Couldn’t Go to China™

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    Cal: Who checked on the kids before we left?

    *crickets chirping*

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    Kip: Mommy? 😀

    Nice, locked in the icy cavern that has become of the Langurds’ gym (experimental architecture problems). R.I.P. Kip.

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    In one fell swoop, our unofficial Mother of Dragons abandons two of her children in the space of an hour.

    Calamity: Be good, Blubs. I’ll be back by dinnertime.

    Blubsy: Cacaw!

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    Blubsy: Cacaw?

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    Blubsy: CACAW!

    It’s official, Crash. You’re his mother now.

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    What a happy accident that these two seem able to communicate AND look damn good together.

    Blubsy: Cacaw!

    What seems less accidental is that the entirety of Dragon Valley has decided to follow us on vacation.

    Ava: What, you think we’d miss a second of this shitshow?

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    Hate to disappoint, but this shitshow has studying to do. (Not that we came here to buy time or anything…)

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    Calamity is the only one who’s free to enjoy the local flavour.

    Gaston: Ugh, I wouldn’t eat that. Worst thing on our menu by far.

    Cal: I love France.

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    Local: Sacré bleu! Could it really be?

    Calamity: *sigh* Yes, it is I, the lady from “Woman Levitates to Hospital in Foetal Position.” Those things go viral fast, huh?

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    Local: Why, I don’t believe it! It’s Rhapsody Langurd, the musical darling of Champs Les Sims!

    Cal: *choke* The what now?

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    Paparazzi: Miss Langurd! Can you tell me about your troubled youth? How did your time as a child soldier influence your music?

    Never would’ve guessed she was such a hit with international audiences.

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    Back inside, Calamity makes the mistake of chatting up the barista.

    Cal: So what’s there to do around here?

    Gaston: You have to help me, Madame! I’m being blackmailed by a corporate gangster who is threatening to kill my family!

    Screenshot-1494

    Cal: Why are you telling me this?

    Gaston: Well I just…

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    Cal: Look, you probably don’t want my opinion, but I think your problems could be solved with a little exercise and a change of attitude.

    Screenshot-1501

    Says the woman who calls this exercise.

    Cal: I’m jogging!

    horizontal running

    Screenshot-1497

    And then cracks open the French wine to reward herself.

    Cashier: Omg! You can’t just walk in here and take what you want!

    Cal: You can’t see me, I’m a ghost.

    Screenshot-1502

    I have Quinn cracking down on his writing skill for all of five minutes before I remember I gave up on his LTW, so he’s basically one step behind Calamity in his France adventures.

    Quinn: Nice place you’ve got here.

    Yves: Shame it won’t be around much longer, right Gaston?

    Gaston: Please, I don’t have anything left to give you!

    Quinn: Welp, you fellas have a nice day.

    Screenshot-1506

    Yves: I will bring your empire to ze ground, Dutiel!

    Gaston: What empire? Why have ze stars forsaken me?

    Screenshot-1507

    Also, this was my first time seeing a bagel in the Sims so I thought I would document it.

    Quinn: The ultimate French experience.

    Quite.

    Screenshot

    I’ll admit that part of my agenda in coming here was to scope out new genetics for a third offspring. Quinn has already donated his face to Kip and his skin to Trance, and statistically speaking, we are due for another polygamous generation (current tally is 2-3). Ironically, Dragon Valley has decided to remind us that it can’t be beaten in the genetics department by sending its entire population along for the trip.

    Aiden O’Connell: I’ve never been to France before!

    And this legacy has never had a real ginger—CALAMITY, GET IN HERE!

    Screenshot-2

    Cal: Oh, you ARE pretty.

    Aiden: Uh, thanks?

    Screenshot-4

    Let’s study that jawline from a few different angles, shall we?

    Screenshot-5

    Calamity: Mm-hmm…

    Screenshot-8

    Cal: Yeah, I didn’t listen to a word you just said.

    Aiden: Hmm?

    Screenshot-10

    Cal: I’ve made up my mind! I want this one!

    Aiden: What’s happening? Did I just join a cult again?

    Screenshot-24

    Among our squadron of DV tagalongs is Sophie Dwyer, Crash’s only friend from high school. Running into each other in France means a totally different kind of reunion.

    Sophie: Jeez Crash, you’re supposed to kiss the air.

    Crash: ;D

    Screenshot-33

    Looks like even the family mute can’t keep his feelings hidden.

    Screenshot-21

    Here we see the final stages of dragon neglect.

    Cal: We’ll play later, I promise.

    Blubsy: *croak* *gurgle* *moan*

    Cal: Oh, don’t be so dramatic.

    Screenshot-27

    Awkward gathering ahoy!

    Cal: Hey, now that I’ve vamped up the stove, someone should make some fancy French food.

    Screenshot-29

    Aiden: I don’t know about French food, but I do a mean meat and potatoes.

    Quinn: What a thrilling and exotic affair you’re having.

    Cal: Don’t judge me.

    Screenshot-30

    Things get tangled a little sooner than expected, but that’s okay.

    Aiden: That man is your husband?!!

    Cal: Well, yeah.

    Aiden: But you called me pretty!!!

    Screenshot-38

    Not everyone is so okay with it.

    Rhapsody: You are so dumb! You have a perfect family, but of course you’d go gallivanting on a forbidden tryst with a guy who’s not even French!

    Cal: Dude, stop confronting me with reality.

    Screenshot-40

    Cal: Remember, it just takes one click to send you back to You-Know-Where.

    Rhapsody: NO, PLEASE!

    Cal: Chill out, I’m messing with you. Adults can’t go to military school.

    Rhapsody: Don’t say the “M” word!

    Cal: What, “messing”? Or was it… “military”?

    Rhapsody: SHADOWS OF MY PAST

    Screenshot-35

    Did somebody say—

    Skydancer: Stop. You don’t have to segue into every screenshot.

    DON’T KNOCK THE SEGUE LIFE. Also go home, no one invited you.

    Skydancer: Okay, but put the walls up on that staircase first.

    MAKE ME.

    Screenshot-41

    After one day of socializing, Calamity feels comfortable enough to guard her prey watch over Aiden while he dreams about typical manly things.

    Cal: Those aren’t typical manly dreams.

    Thanks, Cal. I love dodging around innuendo so that you can walk straight into it.

    Cal: My pleasure.

    Whether Aiden feels comfortable with this is up for debate.

    Screenshot-52

    Pointless Vacay comes to a close, and how convenient that our new foreign friend actually isn’t foreign at all!

    Cal: So my husband’s out of town…

    Screenshot-56

    He falls for it, but the reluctance is palpable.

    Aiden: I don’t know why I came here. I don’t actually remember leaving my house…

    Cal: Maybe you should figure your life out before we take this any further.

    Screenshot-57

    Cal: Or maybe you should shut up and kiss me.

    Aiden: I… I guess I could do that.

    Screenshot-60

    Under the pretence of taking shelter from the rain, Calamity lures him into the one-purpose-and-one-purpose-only hot tub.

    Cal: I love these boots, don’t you?

    Aiden: If you love them, shouldn’t you not wear them in the water?

    Screenshot-66

    Quinn: Tut tut. You won’t last long around here with sensible talk like that.

    Aiden: ………Nope, I’m out.

    What a shame…

    Screenshot-67

    …or is it?

    Aiden: Why am I walking like this? Make me stop!

    Cal: Haha, gotcha.

    Screenshot-69

    Aiden skedaddles and leaves this odd couple to talk things over.

    Cal: To be fair, you’ve done some pretty slimy things since we got together.

    Quinn: YOU HAVE NO EVIDENCE OF THIS

    Screenshot-813Screenshot-1085Screenshot-900Screenshot-1456

    I knew that filter would come in handy.

    Screenshot-76

    Cal: So what, I guess we get divorced?

    Quinn: Should we?

    Screenshot-78

    Quinn: But it’s so sad…

    Cal: I… Shit, how did we get here?

    Screenshot-84

    Good guys Rhapsody and Crash put up a smokescreen so Kip won’t hear the sound of her parents’ marriage crumbling.

    Rhapsody: ♫ I love you, you love me, we’re a happy family ♫

    Crash: *teaching her how to squat*

    Screenshot-85

    Only for their hard work to be immediately undone.

    Kip: ♫ We’re a happy family! ♫

    Calamity: Aww!

    Screenshot-86

    Cal: Oh god I think I’m pregnant with another man’s baby.

    Screenshot-89

    The faces of two people who tried their best.

    Screenshot-91

    Poor Trance, though—it’s hard to soften the blow of your parents splitting up on your birthday.

    Trance: It’s cool. Everything’s cool.

    "Buzz: So you won’t mind if I stagger through your birthday cake with this breakfast tray for no reason?"
    I laughed way too hard at this. I also laughed even harder when I realised that Quinn is standing in the middle of the table, too.

    Trance's face! I'm intrigued to see what he looks like as he gets up, because it could go one of two ways. He's either going to get the best bits of both, or the worst. No in between. I'm …. curious.

    Dude! That's awesome! Fire Nation Katara? That reminds me that I need to get on and finish my Ramona Flowers cosplay… the hammer prototype has been sitting on top of my wardrobe collecting dust for about two years. Whoops?

    Anyway, I reckon this comment is sufficiently novel length, so I'll leave it alone now!!

    Like

    • Ooooh, novel! Oooooh, magic! 😀

      You clearly need to find some people and convert them, because AVPM and its sequels are three of the Seven Wonders of the Internet. It’s been forever since I watched them, but I have a very dark past where Starkid is concerned… re-enacting, fangirling over Darren Criss through quidditch practices, driving 8 hours to Ann Arbor to meet them… Oh, and did I mention I was present at the only live performance of the third one? XD /embarrassing nostalgic Sam

      You’re basically narrating my thought process re: Tewl and Quinn – my only conclusion is that Tewl sees Quinn for the phony not-actually-a-womanizer that he is. Since Cal turns out to be the slimy one, I guess that makes Quinn more of a Christopher type? Nah, this one doesn’t work either. 😛

      Honestly the worst thing about legacies – watching your pretty spare babies just sit there being pretty. 😦 Crash almost looks different enough that you could get away with it, but no, no… definitely not.

      LOL Manny, universally and understandably unappreciated by all who know him. ❤ He doesn't exist in your Boa universe, so you're safe!

      Yeah! The real evil! *jumps on bandwagon and starts yelling about pockets* Leggings are the perfect form of self-sacrificing protest. Mine is carrying one or more very large bags everywhere I go. 😀

      France can be a good time! In The Sims, anyway, I haven't been to the real one despite speaking the language fluently. My mostly Irish skin would not fair well either, I suspect (what an excellent typo-turned-pun). It would be cool to see a Gordon adventurer though – you can give Gaston the redemption he deserves! 😛

      Quinn is an awful mess as an elder, I'll admit. Part of the reason I started looking elsewhere, because I couldn't trust Kip and Trance's faces to hold up with age. I'd say more like kudos to you for treating your sims like people instead of chromosomes! I realized the other day that my ratio was wrong – since Tewl DID procreate with other women, even if they weren't part of the household. And we've never had a monogamous female heir! What am I even doing.

      Actually, I think there IS an in-between with Trance somehow, where he's simultaneously really handsome and really melty-looking? I feel like I have to squint really hard to make sense of his face or something.

      Do the cosplay thing! Do it!!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. ……. did I managed to just copy and paste half the post into my comment without realising???? HOW THE HELL DID I MANAGE THAT?

    Liked by 2 people

  5. You’re doing better than me! *waves Pom Poms* I need to really write another Oleander chapter but bleehhh. >.< Anyway, another hilarious chappie as usual. You got this!

    Like

  6. Your excuse is acceptable….and rad as shit! 😀

    Ah, Crash & Rhapsody, just two Langurds trying to make the best of such a Langurd situation. RIP Kip’s innocence.

    Ermahgerd, Trance is such a lil’ CUTIE! 😀 I adore the white hair and pink skin combo. But the Langurd jaw…how many generations has that been around now?

    Woo! 2 down, 5 to go! You got this!

    Like

    • Why thank you! 😀

      Every time I see them together, I can’t help but call them “Crapsody” in my head and then I’m like “oh wait.” They try so hard. 😦

      The jaw is still a bit of a mystery! Best guess is Arabella (who got *most* of it from Tuesday) so like 5-6 gens in that case? :O

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Trance is both cute and creepy at the same time. Awesome variety though.
    Still, Aiden has not bad genetics either so maybe Trance will get fierce competition if #3 is diverse as well.
    I still overly love Crash.
    I probably never cared for Rhapsody as much as I did in this chapter (her brown hair with green skin just really doesnt fit)…

    Like

    • Best way to describe trance imo. He seems to have this like permanent attempted smolder going on. Or maybe he just has little eyes…

      I love Aiden’s face, yet the longer I look at it, the more Face-Oneish it seems? But he’s a premade, so it can’t be. Either way, the hair was his biggest selling factor. XD

      I’m glad I got to keep Crash around for a bit. Rhapsody not so much, but she’s growing on me.

      Liked by 1 person

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