7.4 Loop Detected
IT IS TIME
To make like Smaug and start hoarding posts for SimNoWriMo! It’s only the middle of August, but I’m awkwardly motivated and we all know that won’t last long. So let’s find out just how much gas is left in the inspiration machine!
Rhapsody: What is inspiration?
What a terrible place to start. Rhapsody is the slowest skiller ever, and even she’s over it.
Everyone else is twelve leagues BEYOND over it.
Calamity: Dinner’s ready.
Rhapsody: Okay, let me finish this—
Calamity: DINNER’S READY.
Rhapsody: …Point taken.
Siesta is set to finally attend her first day of high school, if she can just make it onto the bus – and with Kip out of the mix, things are looking good!
Siesta: That’s right, here I am. You can’t drive over me if I’m standing in the road.
Ummm, I wouldn’t count on that…
…but mission success!
Siesta: Well, that was easy. For once.
Driver: Your brother must be feeling merciful today.
Trance: *dramatic sigh* No, I just left my wallet inside.
The morning commute isn’t hitch-free for everyone.
Calamity: Something terrible has happened.
How is that terrible? Look at all the ice cream you have now!
Calamity: But my truck…
Is now the coolest hybrid vehicle of all time. Jeez Cal, lighten up.
House: Did somebody say “light it up”?
No man, get’cho ears checked.
Have no fear! Calamity the Bushwhacking Firefighter is on the case.
Cal: Too bad the hose is all clogged up with soft serve.
This charming little abode with minimal windows affords Calamity her first A Grade on a Large House Fire, and a real chance to stick it to the haters!
But you can’t please everyone.
Morida O’Connell: What have you been doing? I called you here to save my precious plants!
Cal: Ma’am, it’s November.
Morida: But they’re DYING.
Cal: Have you thought about a greenhouse?
Morida: What does the colour of my house have to do with anything? I want to speak to your manager!
I can’t believe I’m saying this about the Langurds, but I think we know which side Siesta got her IQ from…
The real tragedy is when she summons her equally dumb cousin Samir for a study session and they both just get mad and erase a lot.
Siesta: Your grandpa’s a doctor, I thought you knew stuff!
Samir: You told me you built robots!
I’m not 100% sure, but I think Jada lives here now. She’s a real treasure of a roommate.
Jada: So I hear it was YOUR robot who seduced Breandan. Just what kind of seductive assets does she have that I don’t, huh?
Siesta: I’m still figuring that one out myself.
Siesta figuring things out is so painful to watch, I’m glad Cal has taken to solving life’s problems by shoving carbonara in people’s faces.
Cal: Dinner’s ready.
Siesta: Let me just finish this—
Cal: I SAID DINNER’S READY.
Kip and Jada are in sync in a way that none of us could have seen coming.
Jada: I just want to go downstairs!
Kip: Let’s go together.
Jada: It’s really hard to slide down a pole with a ghost fused into you, Kip.
Kip: Lol carry me.
Sadly, most of their wavelength sharing is hardly aesthetic.
Aren’t you the slightest bit disgusted with yourself?
Kip: I’ve never felt closer to anyone.
Know what else I didn’t see coming? Jada’s weird fondness for Storm.
Storm: Why? Why is that so surprising to you?
Jada: Whoa Sally! Ain’t nobody slowing this mustang down, am I right?
I don’t think I ever wrote down her YA trait, but Equestrian is entirely possible. So is Country Bumpkin.
Yes, thanks Jada. This is probably a good idea. Too bad I don’t take orders from you.
Here’s some fun trivia about Jada that I must have deemed more important than her fifth trait. Up until the end of last chapter, she was dating Jerald Murphy-Finnigan – the younger brother of Delilah, Trance’s girlfriend.
Of course we kicked him to the curb with no remorse.
The poor guy immediately cycled through some old lady flirts, but ultimately…
…wound up marrying Ani-Mei’s simself. It’s a twisted web around here, but everyone ends up… happy? I think?
Er, maybe not Jada. After I cruelly dashed her Law Enforcement dreams (too much effort for a spare’s partner) she had a brief identity crisis, coming up with several plans for her blank canvas. I fulfilled none of them.
Back on track – looks like Cousin Samir (a LeffJeff offshoot, just FYI) can’t tell when the homework party’s over.
Samir: I’m still on Question 1!
Dear lord, child.
Calamity never fails to save the day.
Cal: This is my granddaughter. Well, grandrobot. Her name is Siri. She’s my niece’s stepmother now.
Samir: WHAT THE FUCK.
If only they all had such nurturing instincts. Ahem.
The baby, Trance.
Trance: Yes, but there’s a camera so I need to smolder.
For the love of—
Cal, I genuinely adore you.
Cal: One mushed carbonara coming right up!
Riza: They’re noodles, lady, how much mushier can they get?
She’s not the most pleasant child, as it turns out…
…and I’m not the only one who thinks so.
Riza: Bitch, that plate was empty ten minutes ago. I WANT A PUPPET SHOW.
Siesta: Can I bail on this having kids thing?
Siesta: Why are you laughing like that?
I’ve been keeping an eye on Dusty in SP, but this is all the hope we have to go on.
YES, GUYS. ERUPT THOSE DISPUTES. BE UNAMUSED.
The thing I hate the most is that they’re actually really cute together.
At the very least, our little blockhead might be an established Bot Builder before she starts a family. I have no idea what her skill level is, but she can build Nanites now! Or that’s what the game says, anyway.
Siesta: One – nanite – please! *taps button*
Machine: Deleting all data in five… four… three…
Siesta: NO DON’T PLEASE
She can only dream of one day being as masterful in her field as— hey Calamity, why is there a horse in your garage?
Cal: I’m upgrading the horsepower.
With what, its blood?
Cal: Nah, he runs on a treadmill at night.
Like THAT’S any less morbid.
Horse: Goodbye, world.
This is me / Life should be / Mmm mmm yeah / Fun for everyone!
Round of applause, please. Seven generations in, Kip may just be the first Langurd with enough cooking skill to prepare her favourite meal.
Kip: Pumpkin spice pie!
Pumpkin pie. The spice is implied.
Kip: You did not just say that.
Kip: You know, this would go really well with a dirty soy chai latte.
Trance: So help me if you walk away from that oven, girl.
The pie is clap-worthy, and Siesta’s hoping her cardboard circuitry will make her better at homework.
Siesta: Minor problem — I can’t see.
Kip: And can’t have any pie either OH WHAT A SHAME.
It’s also a shame Jada can’t appreciate her girlfriend’s cuisine, since all she does is dick around studying the pool tiles.
Jada: They’re a fascinating species.
Fascinating enough, apparently, that she forgets to come up for air.
I tell her to gtfo, so she climbs up on this tiny island thing.
Jada: I AM THE SOLE SURVIVOR
The thing is, every time she tries to get to the mainland, she starts drowning again.
And then autonomously climbs back into the bush.
Jada: Was this a mistake?
Here I was hoping she had brains to match her supermodel looks.
Brief interlude to acknowledge Rhapsody’s first attempt at parenting.
Riza: Hi Mama!
Rhapsody: How about Mama puts on a little private concert for Riza?
Riza: Bye Mama! *deadweights on the floor*
Two hours later, Jada has gone well and truly Castaway Crazy.
Jada: Fuck, I give up. Get me out of this mess.
Tbh, this is something I never thought I’d have to do for a sim.
Jada: I should work out more.
Um no, I’m pretty sure that’s what got you INTO this mess.
I was set to end this chapter right here, but then I realized that we reached literally no milestones in those 40-odd screenshots. Which is probably not okay.
Siesta: Milestones are for chumps.
That’s fine, I’m sure your brother and sister have something for me.
Siesta: Wait, but I’m the heire—
Thank you, Trance!
Trance: Glow up? Please, I’m already glowing.
Kip: Please let him glow out of that dumb t-shirt dress!
Kip: Yesss, rock that Elvish MetalheadTM!
Trance: Did you just trademark my birthday look?
He rolled Diva, but it’s not like we didn’t see that one coming.
The new look is short-lived, and so his youthful independence. It’s time to seal the deal before his high school sweetheart realizes how much better she can do.
Delilah: Trance, is that you? Wow, you’re like a new man!
Trance: And I can make you feel like a new woman, baby.
Delilah: I was kidding, dumbass. You look exactly the same.
Trance: The offer stands though.
Ironically, she is in fact due for a makeover. New Delilah dresses like a suave career woman but actually just quit her job to nap prettily while her boyfriend tends to his motives.
Trance: Okay, I am ready.
Delilah: Ready to fix that annoying wall speaker?
Trance: Nah, we ignore that.
Trance: Ready to do this, though.
Delilah: Not bad, pretty boy. Sure beats the last time we stood here.
Trance: Why, what happened last time?
Delilah: Oh, it’ll come back to you.
Trance: I think it’s coming back to me…
Delilah: Tell me this isn’t happening again.
Oh, it’s happening.
Delilah: YOU SAID YOU TOOK CARE OF YOUR NEEDS
Trance: Er, I was napping?
Delilah: YOUR ENERGY IS IN THE YELLOW
Trance: Well… now you’re in the yellow too. 😀
Delilah: Oh for fuck’s sakes Trance.
Trance: Let me make it up to you.
Delilah: What are you doing?
Trance: Will you, Delilah…
Delilah: You DO realize this is the worst possible moment for a proposal?
Trance: …allow me, Trance…
Delilah: We are in a PUDDLE of URINE.
Trance: …to do you the great honour…
Delilah: There is a HORSE BUTT.
Trance: …of becoming your husband?
Delilah: Well, I definitely don’t want to repeat this experience, so… what the hell.
Trance: Yusssss! Nailed it.
All I can think of his how gross that sock must feel.
But as far as Trance is concerned, he’s walking on sunshine.
Trance: Sorry, Mac and Cheese. I only burned you because I was so distracted by how AWESOME I am.
Jada: Ugh, why is he like that?
Some questions are best left unanswered.
And some egos are best left unindulged, but Trance’s classmates went and voted him “Most Likely to Save the World.” Great.
Trance: How am I supposed to go out and do cool things when I literally walk to the same mediocre beat every day?
Rhapsody: I know, right?
She MUST be done soon?! If I find out she has another instrument to max, I’m gonna flip my shit.
Look at you, all fancy for your brother’s graduation! Surely you can muster some table manners for the occasion.
Kip: I… I think I can do this.
Kip: SNARF SLURP SNORT
Your mouth isn’t even open???
Kip: Oh yeah, I guess that would help.
She and Jada are truly a match made in heaven.
HEY, I thought I closed the time portal??!
Plumbot: You did, but I heard a baby crying so I overrode the system.
Riza: Feed me, slave. But if I get liquid noodles again I’m selling you for parts.
Plumbot: Uhhhh no thanks.
Jk, even the immigrant robot doesn’t want to deal with her.
Looting the ancestors’ troves, eh? That couldn’t possibly mean I’m getting bored and grasping for ways to draw out my spares’ lives…
Kip: What’s that, Egypt? Why yes, it totally does!
FANCY SIMNOWRIMO PROGRESS TRACKER
Update #: 1 (goal 10)
Screenshots: 59 (goal 200)
Words: 1800 (goal 10,000)
Sadly, this is the only scheduled post in my arsenal, so from hereon out I am a real-time slave to this blog. Pray for me, friends.
Oh, and go sign up for yourself if this looks like fun.