Super Special #3: Inferno

This university saga is pure chaos. I have vague memories of playing it, but I no longer have the slightest idea what I was thinking.

For instance, Kiko’s life choices are beyond questionable.

Kiko: Don’t judge me.

I mean, all the power to you. But seriously… the Chams???

Kiko: I have my reasons.

Not that anyone could’ve forgotten, but Ludo is her second conquest after declaring war on the frat and then bedding Jeff in the last chapter.

These guys are certainly a… unique bunch. They’re actually surprisingly wholesome?

Miles: So I was thinking we should get some flowerbeds for the front porch. Really brighten the place up.

Harold: To attract more girls.

Miles: Or, you know, just for us to enjoy.

Harold: We will enjoy more girls.

Miles: *sigh* Yeah, okay…

Here at De Anda Hall, such domestic bliss is a mere pipe dream. However, that doesn’t stop its residents from trying.

Ixi: How hard can it be?

*splat*

Ixi: HELP ME THERE’S YOLK IN MY SHOE

Oh, they’re trying alright. Even when there’s absolutely no need.

Aaron: Waffles, eh? I’ll do you one better. I’m making WAFFLES.

An intellectual for sure.

Acara: That Aaron guy seems like a real diamond in the rough. You should totally go for it!

Kiko: No thanks. Not my type.

Acara: Then what is your type?

Kiko: You don’t want to know.

Besides, “that Aaron guy” has moved on from Kiko and her smelly pits.

Aaron: I wish you’d let me take you on a date.

Ixi: I wish your idea of a date wasn’t burgers and minigolf.

Aaron: What in the world is wrong with that?

COME ON IXI YOU BLIND FOOL. SEE HOW HE LOOKS AT YOU.

Kau: I can’t even look at you.

Kiko: Why?

Kau: I know about the things you’ve been doing at the frat.

Kiko: Oh, grow up.

Kau: How dare you suggest such a thing??!

No, Kau is quite happy to continue being the weird Peter Pan/Captain Hook mashup that he is, all while joining Aaron in his bubble of not giving a shit.

Kau: Hey Smee, turn up the music!

Aaron: I’m gonna pretend I didn’t hear that.

It’s another Langurd Study Party! Feat. Kyrii the slacker?

Kyrii: Oh, I’m done.

Can you ever really be “done” studying though?

Kyrii: Yes. It’s all in my brain.

All of what?

Kyrii: All of it.

Well damn.

Others have to put in overtime to keep their grades in tip-top shape—or in Kougra’s case, to keep them out of the toilet.

Kougra: The leg bone’s connected to the… arm bone.

That’s not even your major.

Kougra: Oh dang! Better start over.

Of course, we all have our preferred study methods.

Sarah: Omg, Kiko Langurd! You’re the girl who dances around fires and casts spells on men!

Kiko: Yep, that’s me.

Sarah: You should know that the Campus Feminist Society is obsessed with you. Just saying.

Kiko: Well how about that.

Tiberius: Just what this place needed. Another guitar player.

It took a whole two days, but Kiko’s ready to trust again.

Kiko: Just know that if you drop me, I will pluck those tiny wings off your back and slap you with them.

Miles: Umm, okay.

Miles: Don’t worry, I got you!

Miles: I don’t got you…

Kiko: What the fuck is wrong with you people?!

Kiko: I wasn’t kidding about the wings.

Miles: You’re scary. I’m going somewhere else.

Kiko: No you aren’t. You’re gonna make it up to me.

Miles: This isn’t my safe place anymore.

Millie: ♫ It started out with a kiss, how did it end up like this? It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss… ♫

Miles: Do you really trust me not to drop you again?

Kiko: I will literally take her guitar and stuff you inside it.

Miles: Understood.

Millie: ♫ Now he’s having a sleep, and she’s taking a cab, while I’m calling a smoke, and she’s ♫— Shit, that’s not right.

Kiko: You’re my Mr. Brightside, Miles Forthright.

Miles: Do you really mean it?!

Millie: ♫ SWIMMING THROUGH SICK LULLABIES / CHOKING ON MY ALIBIS ♫

Millie (screaming): ♫ BUT IT’S JUST THE PRICE I PAY / DESTINY IS CALLING ME / OPEN UP MY EAGER EEYYYYEEEESSSSS ♫

While that clearly didn’t do much for Kiko, Miles is walking on sunshine. He flies right out of bed and succumbs to his most primal dudebro urge.

Miles: VOOOOOOOOOOO

Miles: GERBITS!!!

Kiko: What are the chances their kitchen has anything other than raw eggs and protein powder?

Next to none, I’d say.

Aaron and Ixi keep things much more PG-13.

Aaron: I’m sorry, but how is sitting on a cold sidewalk classier than burgers and minigolf?

Ixi: That is a very good question.

Ixi: You just make me want to throw all my decorum out the window.

Aaron: I’m sure there’s a compliment in there somewhere.

I’m amazed I let Kiko keep up with her antics for so long. There are few animations in this game that I hate more than Stride of Pride.

Kiko: Hey Tonu, what’s up?

Tonu: Make hay while the sun shines.

Kiko: Why aren’t you looking at me?

Tonu: I need to sharpen my pencil.

Same, honestly.

Donating some free screen time to Kougra since she so rarely buys it for herself.

Kougra: Can’t talk, going to brain class.

That again? I thought we established that your professor was a nutso?

Kougra: Professor Brain is the ultimate overlord. Today he will inject us with perfection serum.

Okay no, we need to get you the fuck out of here.

She doesn’t seem to have entirely lost herself, which is a plus.

Kougra: Yummmmm preservatives

Even if her family has trouble remembering her most basic traits.

Acara: GOOOOOOOOOD MORNING! And welcome to Acara in the Morning, coming to you live from Kougra’s dorm room!

Kougra: Oh fuck no. How about literally anywhere else?

Acara: Today, our special guest is Tofu Beancurd! Tofu, what surprised you most about your sudden launch into superstardom?

Tonu: Bees!

Kougra: Get…… out……..

My my, we are a sleepy bunch today. Anyway, here’s proof that Kiko and Kyrii are taking the same classes—and both equally dedicated to passing them.

Kyrii: I told you, it’s all in my brain.

Esther: You know how much we hate you for that, right?

That ominous glow. That gunked up stove. I don’t like it.

Aaron: I thought I’d “brighten the place up.”

Goddammit Aaron.

Aaron: It’s okay! I’ll fix it. Everyone just stay calm and stay out of the—

Aaron: Why would you run straight into the fire??!

Tonu: You didn’t text me back!

It’s the Langurd way.

So is using the SAME STOVE exactly two minutes later WITHOUT CLEANING IT.

(I’m not even sure cleanliness has anything to do with flammability in this game, but in my head it does.)

Kougra: I don’t see any fire though? I’d better just lean a bit closer and—

Stove: BOOM.

Kougra: Oh god oh god oh god!

And of course the whole family comes to play.

Kiko: Woo, party in the kitchen!

Kyrii: We should really unplug that alarm.

Aaron: Why are you all like this? Just stand back!

Kyrii: We can’t help it. It’s in our blood.

Ixi: Save me, Aaron!

Aaron: She does know she’s making that very difficult, right?

Kiko: I doubt it’s at the forefront of her mind.

Kougra: Why are you smiling about this, you psychopath? We might all die!

Kiko: Well, excuse me for enjoying a budding romance.

Ixi: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Aaron: I should never have left my smustle bubble…

Love is certainly in the ai— Kau, come on. What are you doing?

Kau: *making fart noises*

Can we be adults for a minute?

Kau: Never!

AHEM. Let me try that again. Love is certainly in the air for more than one Langurd today.

Kau: Hey! Nice to finally meet you in person.

Mika: Hmm, I remembered you being hotter for some reason.

Kau: Oh.

Well, an attempt was made.

Kau: What’s not to like though?

Oh, I don’t know. Maybe refer back to two screenshots ago??

Meanwhile, Kougra’s either the only Tech student who’s brave enough to continue with Professor Brain’s study…

Classmate: I CAN FEEL MY SPLEEN

…or the only one dumb enough not to quit.

Speaking of brains, I’ve cleverly deduced that Aaron must be Absent-Minded as well as either a Slob or Inappropriate, because he’s constantly getting berated by the Langurd women.

Kyrii: What kind of idiot sets a stove on fire?

Aaron: You mean your sister?

Kyrii: Don’t get smart with me!

Aaron: Then do you want me to be stupid?

Kyrii: OKAY FINE YOU WIN

Not five minutes later…

Ixi: You are an ill-bred, penniless fool with no ambition!

Aaron: I have ambition! I want fifty thousand dollars!

Ixi: So you can buy what? A toothbrush?

Aaron: You rich kids need some perspective…

Ixi: Anyway, how about that weather?

The thing about Ixi is that her manners always win out in the end.

Aaron: You guys know your sister is actually crazy, right?

Kiko: That’s a relative term in our family.

Kau: It’s a relative term, Smee.

Aaron: That nickname is not becoming a thing.

Kau: You got it, Smee.

These days, Kiko finds herself becoming a bit of a campus celebrity. An astute reader (of which I have so many!) pointed out that the reason people swarm Jeff is his Irresistible trait, and that Kiko should be experiencing the same thing. Well, she most definitely is.

Francis: We heard you put a curse on those Cham boys.

Kiko: Uhh, that’s just a rumour…

Francis: If you say so. But I just wanted to personally thank you. My pack has experienced nothing but discrimination from those idiots since we arrived on campus.

Shasha: And I’m here too!

She always is—just on the outskirts of every conversation.

On the topic of supernaturals, look what the cat dragged in! From memory, I think this is Doris King-Langurd, aka Lev and Jeff’s granddaughter. Talk about screwing with the space-time continuum.

Hank: Do you even go here?

Doris: No. I’m looking for some old… friends. Can you point me in the direction of De Anda Hall?

Hank: No, I don’t know stuff.

Doris: Isn’t this a university?

Hank: This is the Finger Painting College, Ma’am.

We now return to the Chronicles of Dr. Kiko.

Kiko: I can see you’ve been trying hard for those gains, sir. Might I suggest more protein in your diet?

What the heck are you doing?

Kiko: Putting a curse on Aaron, since apparently that’s a thing that I do.

Aaron: I am definitely moving dorms next semester.

And some free screentime for Tonu since I’ve also been doing him dirty. Still popular with the older ladies, it appears.

Madeleine: SIGN MY BRA TOFU

The Farts students are out here getting a top-notch education as expected. That brick wall is just rife with artistic potential.

What the inside of Tonu’s brain actually looks like.

It’s exam time! I wonder what that consisted of for this sorry lot.

Kougra: Professor Brain failed us all. He said his study is a bust.

Classmate: I took out loans for this.

I lost all the popups I saved from university, so I can’t tell you their actual results. But there’s a pretty good chance that Kougra failed at least one of hers.

Kiko may not have failed her exams, but she definitely failed her fan club.

Werewolf Guy: We thought you were cool!

Mika: Well, I definitely can’t date your brother now.

True story—she had a ton of relationships plummet after this.

The grades are in (not that I know what they are)! And Kyrii, of all people, is looking less than impressed with hers?

Kyrii: I’m appalled they haven’t invented a higher grade than A+. Like, get with the times.

Oh gee, so sorry.

More importantly, the semester’s over and it’s time to par-tay! Kiko acts fast to beat Urele-Oresha-Cham to the punch.

Kiko: Hey losers, screw the frat. De Anda Hall is the hot place to be tonight!

Acara: Did somebody say hot?

No! Why?! Why has no one cleaned the stupid thing? Acara, that was your one job when you came here!

Acara: Cooking or cleaning? You get to pick one.

Roomie Aaron comes to the rescue yet again! Do I smell a Brave trait, too?

Aaron: Dude, I kind of understand coming in here to freak out, but are you really just going to stand there?

Kau: I just want to be a part of this.

Acara: Could you try to salvage my waffles? I’m late for graduation and I’m starving.

Acara: You have to point it forward!

Aaron: GEE THANKS I HAD NO IDEA

I will be shocked if he’s still living here after the break.

And now it’s time for the Finger Painting College’s Door-Clogging Ceremony! Where apparently the professors graduate alongside the students?

Professor Talk: Is this the renaissance fair?

Alas, ‘tis not the end for everyone. Acara and Kyrii had hefty scholarships, so they’re all finished while everyone else will be back for another semester.

Acara: Can I go for a second degree?

No. You had one job.

And Tonu BLESS HIS CONFUSING LITTLE SOUL is doing it for you. ❤

Tonu: I am dreaming of a better world.

Guys, I have exciting news. Kougra, having prepared three whole meals, is now a certified chef!

Kougra: You’re hilarious.

Yeah, it’s for the party. But I couldn’t resist. 😀

Ixi: You’re not wearing that, are you?

Aaron: Relax. I’m gonna change just as soon as you get out of my room.

Ixi: Oh.

Kau and Tonu, who autonomously pick pretty great costumes, start the fourth fire of the chapter.

Kau: What do you think, bro? Is it big enough yet?

Tonu: The bigger they are, the harder they fall.

Kau: Is it just me, or did that kind of make sense?

Kiko throws on a Jason mask and calls it a day.

Kiko: I hope Aaron doesn’t steal my costume. He’s the only one lazier than I am.

Kougra: EXCUSE ME. I AM RIGHT HERE.

Nope—Aaron dresses as the one food that never set a kitchen on fire (unless you were an idiot using an indoor barbecue).

Aaron: I’m so excited to graduate, work ‘til I’m eighty, and eventually have fifty grand in savings!

Millennials.

Mika comes as a pirate and it’s perfect.

Kougra: Oh great, Kau found another Kau.

Such supportive siblings.

Acara plays up her cute side while Kyrii emulates her dear father.

Kyrii: I do flips in planes.

Acara: The resemblance is uncanny.

The Chams show up fashionably late. I can only assume the copycat cowplant is Jarvis Suggs (from the llama costume) since he’s in Kiko’s thought bubble. I can also assume that Jeff kicked him out since he’s nowhere to be seen after this.

Ludo: HAHAHA Jeff isn’t it so funny that we both slept with that girl? ISN’T IT SO FUNNY JEFF?

Jeff: Absolutely side-splitting.

Mika: SO HOW ABOUT THAT WEATHER HUH

There’s nowhere quite like a college party to be forced into conversation with people you can’t relate to.

Harold/Jeff Fusion: Hi Kiko!

Jeff: Do you have to stand so close?

Harold: I JUST WANNA BE YOU JEFF

The usual entourage (aka Millie Grubb) tags along just to hover around Jeff’s every conversation.

Mahmoud: Why couldn’t we have this party at our place? There are so many losers here!

Acara: I resent that.

Jeff: Chill. We already spent four years of budget on one week of keg beer. We just need a chance to build the funds back up.

Millie: And he’s financially savvy, too!

Even Shea makes an appearance! And in a badass costume to boot.

Shea: No, I’m actually here to rob the place.

Lol good luck. Wanna take the stove?

Our final guest is none other than Mugsy Brotoaski dressed as Tewl!

Mugsy: Mugsy no tool. Mugsy upstanding guy.

Mugsy kidding himself.

(You may have guessed there are certain universitownies whom I still hold a grudge against. :P)

Not much happens at this party, so I’ll chronicle the only part that matters.

Kau: Girl, you can stand under my umbrella.

Mika: Just so you know, I’m gonna need like a thousand umbrellas if I do become your pirate wife. Otherwise I’m gonna flake apart Voldemort-style in the sun.

Kau: I will buy you ten thousand umbrellas.

Mika: You sweet talker, you.

Mugsy: Mugsy has more game than all these losers.

Just like that, Kau scores himself a romantic interest!

Kau: Yayyyyy vampirate babies!

Mika: Whoa now, we only kissed.

He probably thinks that’s where babies come from.

It may be early days, but I have high hopes for them.

Kau: Look at us, just two pirates stranded on land.

Mika: You do have a ship though, right?

Kau: Uhhhhhhh I wouldn’t say “ship” exactly…

Mika: We’ll talk about this later.

But for now, it’s off to home sweet dishwasher!

Kiko: Are we there yet?

And let’s see how the return of the Prodigal Children unfolds.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

This marks four posts in eight days, and six so far in July! At this rate, I would totally make my SimNano goals… except that—brace yourselves—I’m actually about to run out of content. :O

There are two university posts left, one of which is shaping up to be pretty short. My current plan is to get an heir poll up by Friday, run it for four or five days, and see what happens. I’m off on an IRL adventure from the 28th, so the chances of me playing AND posting a Gen. 8 chapter before the end of July are not looking good.

But you guys don’t have to worry about that! You should definitely start thinking about who you’d like to see as heir though, because that’s coming up real soon. Hopefully it won’t be as painful as some heir polls of yore. D:

‘Til next time, Happy Simming!

-Sam