4.10 It Always Comes Back to You

Alternative title: Everything Goes to Shit.

Let me warn you in advance, this is going to be a long’un. Remember how I said “there’s a baby next chapter, I’m 85% sure of it”? Well, I grossly miscalculated and lied and misrepresented and I’m pretty sure at least one of those is a felony so arrest me plz, I deserve it. On the bright side, I’m endeavouring to annihilate the rest of the university screenshots in one fell swoop — or rather, one really drawn-out chapter.

Ugh I am so done with this.

I mean, uh, this is gonna be really exciting! Please don’t leave 😀

Let’s start with this concerning scene. Either Malissa got hired by Umbridge and is tailing her husband to a DA meeting, or…

Malissa: I’m following the trail of sparkles! Weeeee!

Just as I thought – guiding his impaired wife safely home like a dutiful husband. Their relationship is much more functional than it appears.

I rest my case.

(OMG a burning fireplace in a university dorm, what could possibly go wrong?)

We don’t need any help in the combustion department, that’s for sure.

Lira: That toilet stall. Can I just—

NO!

Drachma’s still going on that string of all-nighters. I’m not even sure she’s ever slept in her university bed.

Balboa: Here, sister! Your last dose of magical foot drugs!

Drachma: Wh-what? What do you mean “last”??? There isn’t more?? There has to be more!!!

Tammy: Well, looky here, the Dope-gurds are at it again. Can you spell “academic misconduct”?

Lira is still… being Lira.

Lira: Do you need some help?

Guy: No thanks, I’m good!

Lira: What does “Eject” mean?

Guy: NO DON’T—

Having completed his LTW, Florin’s only remaining task is to find a genetically superior baby incubator any girl who will have him. I don’t trust him to accomplish that in Story Progression, so I have to play puppet master.

Today’s find is Evion Frost, who is destined to either be the most metal person ever… or waste her life with this loser.

Evion: Oh god please no.

Too late, they heartfarted each other! 😀

Speaking of farts…

Drachma: Don’t even. You did this to me.

Yeah, I pretty much put Drachma’s life through the garburator. We’re coming up on exam season and she has no choice but to camp out in the mystical, all-powerful, EMPTY library. SimsU students are a bunch of slackers.

Library Hermit: Welcome, child.

Drachma: Wtf

Library Hermit: I too was a Phys Ed major in my youth. I wanted to be the very best (like no one ever was), but it cost me my freedom. I live here now. Say, would you mind bringing me some snacks?

Drachma fetched herself some snacks, thank you very much, and discovered the one part of being a gym life that might suit her: carboloading.

Drachma: Got twelve cheeseburgers in this bag, ’choo gon do about it?

And suddenly, after that, it was all fun and games.

(No one in their right mind gets that moodlet while cramming in the library.)

By contrast, Lev does nothing but party since her second degree is for lulz. She’s majoring in Communications now, which she is CLEARLY FAILING since she picked the one thought bubble in the game that I don’t understand.

Lev: Gfertijaelk.

Che: Oh, you speak the tongue of West Jaboo!

And then…

NO LEV! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? That’s not even your room and your energy bar is full and don’t you know that thing can kill you and—

That was… a bit of a letdown.

She proceeded to stare at it and then walk away. Pretty dumb for a university graduate. –_-

Lev: It looks like another bee-yoo-tiful day out here, folks! Nothing on the forecast but sunny skies!

As I was saying.

She’s not all wrong, I suppose. That rainbow is pretty bee-yoo-tiful and unnecessary to plot progression, so why the heck is this screenshot even here?.

Florin: Hey bestie, I just want you to know that I’m doing everything I can to get over your wife. I even joined an online dating site.

And further proved that the only way he’s gonna get a girl is by changing his entire personality.

But hey, whatever works. Miss Frost took the bait.

Florin: No, we have never met before. There must be two Florins in town, you see. I’m Cool Florin and I eat nerds like that other Florin for breakfast.

So they set up a date.

Evion: Well, butter me up and call me a gullible sandwich.

Yes because THAT was the biggest lie he told.

Liar-Liar-Pants-on-Fire caught her literally halfway to the door.

Florin: Please give me another chance? I’m actually hilarious and really attractive, just misunderstood by the entire human race.

Llama: Did somebody say “hilarious and really attractive”?

Evion: All right. Show me what you’ve got, Florin Langurd.

Florin: You know how I can tell you’re a cool person? Because your last name is Frost!

Wait, is that…

Is she laughing?

Evion: Oh, you really ARE funny! I was all worried because “Florin” rhymes with “boring”!

Florin: *snort* Good one!

Well, colour me flabbergasted. The Galapagos Tortoise found another of its kind.

Llama: Are you kidding me? She must be stupid to pick your dorky ass over a back-flipping macho man like me!

Florin: How DARE you call her stupid when your mother is a llama and your father is a llama and you, sir, are a LLAMA!!!

Llama: I’M NOT A LLAMA!

Florin: Are you sure, ‘cause if I put my hands on your face like this I don’t see any human at all!

Llama: Idiot! I am clearly a subterranean mountain goat!

Harold the pink fairy: Oh thank goodness, there’s a new punching bag in town!

Well, at least he got his ass kicked defending Evion’s honour. She could stand to look a little more impressed.

Evion: You know, I think we’re really connecting! We should hang out again soon.

Florin: Sure, but not too soon. Wouldn’t want to tie myself down. I’m a bit of a player type, know what I’m saying?

YOU IDIOT. That’s karma right there.

Lev: What do you think of my new painting?

Balboa: That’s plagiarism.

Lev: That’s inception.

And the pop-up called it brilliant, so there.

Mal got invited to a sorority party. The second she walked in the door, she got a kiss dare pop-up.

Sorority girls: Where them boys at?

Dunno, but a dare is a dare and we haven’t got all day.

Kaz: Please, carry on.

Asala: Ew, creep!

Convenient timing.

Malissa: You have magic powder? Oh, could I have a bit, pretty please?

Harold the pink fairy: Sure, don’t see what harm it could do.

Malissa: THE FLOOR IS LAVA

Tammy: Harold, what have you done…

Obnoxious roommate Tammy has a habit of showing up when and where you least expect it. The woman is everywhere.

Morning phone chats with Evion, trying to do some damage control.

Florin: Yeah, I got arrested once.

Aaand he just keeps digging that hole.

Are you even Drachma??

Carboloading is still the name of the game.

Drachma: I hate the smell of fresh vegetables.

And she’s still the same old girl, deep down.

Really really really deep down.

Drachma: Step it up, sonny! You gonna let a girl lift more than you?

Guy: Probably.

Lira really wanted to get rid of that toilet stall… and her overlord is far too lenient sometimes.

Oh shit.

I actually had to look for it. This new variety of fire not only teleports but is also fuelled by thin air. The apocalypse is near.

Nothing our firefighting superhero can’t handle, right Lev? 😉

Lev: FML

Everyone: Fix it, Lev!

Lev: Guys! I’ll really do it this time, I swear!

Florin: That’s not even a real way to suicide!

Lira might have a few suggestions on that note…

 

Cripes, she just wants her whole family dead.

LIKE ACTUALLY.

Lira: Look, I made a lantern!

Yes, now kindly GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE before I lose my heiress.

Luckily, Balboa was able to give his sister a proper thank you for saving their lives.

Boa: No sleep for you!

Lev: Aww man, you couldn’t just let me take a nap?

Nope, ‘cause that elixir quota isn’t gonna fulfill itself!

Boa: GO TO SLEEP!

Boa: HATE ME!

Previously, they had never met.

Boa: BE ENLIGHTENED!

Not like that! You’re his aunt, gross!

When he ran out of victims, the solution was obvious.

Gabby: What are you doing?

Gabby: SUBSTANCE ABUSE! I SPY SUBSTANCE ABUSE IN THE STUDENT COURTYARD! CAMPUS POLICE!

Balboa: Oh dear, I’m going to have to make you forget some things.

Gabby: No wait, I didn’t mean it!

Balboa: Obliviate!

Gabby: Hi, who are you?

Boa: God.

Gabby: And who am I?

Boa: Dumpy McAssbag.

Gabby: Wow!

And then it was back to business.

Asala: You’re attractive.

Boa: Bet you thought my wife was attractive when you KISSED her! Well guess what you’re a werewolf now HAHAHA.

Technically, Mal was the one who kissed her. There’s no need to ruin the woman’s life.

Or make eyes at your brother’s girlfriend, jeez.

Boa: This is a heartfart of vengeance.

Ashley: That’s cool, I like vengeance.

(Yes, I slacked on breaking up Florin and Ashley’s fake relationship. Sue me, I’ll get there.)

Really proud of you Drachma, you’re turning into such a diligent and responsible young wom—

Drachma: THIS IS FOR ALL YOU’VE PUT ME THROUGH. BITCH.

Fffffffff, not again…

With everyone off writing exams, guess who was the only one home to deal with things. XD

Lev: That does it. When this is all over, I’m packing up Jeff and moving to Switzerland.

There must be a smoke detector in the kitchen, because we actually got a professional this time. She was… really professional.

Zoie: Say, that shaggy pyjama guy is kinda hot.

Lev: You know what else is hot? FIRE.

In the end she did her job, and Lev might not look impressed…

…but she literally wanted to build a statue of the woman.

“Borderline” obsession indeed.

Lira: Hello Mr. Maid! I should warn you, there’s a bit of a mess inside.

NO KIDDING.

Whyyyyyy does this keep happening??

Noooooo Florin!

Florin: And the fire melted the frost…

(Don’t worry, he’s okay.)

Malissa: HOW CAN WE SLEEP WHILE OUR BEDS ARE BURNING???

(I have waited so long to caption this picture.)

Where did Lira get off to? Unlike every sim I’ve ever played, she left the room at my command and didn’t automatically cue up “Fire!” every two seconds after that. So she spent this one safely out of the way, consorting with other Evil minds (a.k.a. Florin’s girlfriend).

Ashley: I hope your brother dies in there.

Lira: Me too!

Florin: We’re so close, just a little bit m—

Tammy: Surprise, motherfuckers.

Florin & Lev: DEEEEMOOOOON!!!!

Florin: Uh, Lev? I don’t know how to tell you this, but you’re kind of on fire?

Lev: Don’t be dumb, Florin.

Just an optical illusion, thankfully. And for good measure, Lev did what any sensible human being would have done ages ago.

Lev: No more flamey funtimes, do you hear?

That’s five major fires the Money Babies have endured since they hit YA. Is that an omen or something?

Lev: Oh Jeff, life is so short! Can we please get married and have babies and be weird together and never see my family again?

Jeff: I’m cool with that.

Almost there, guys! Just a few loose ends to tie up. Pictured here: Boa turned another unsuspecting townie into a werewolf for his own selfish gains.

Wolfie: Is there some kind of support group I can go to?

Boa: Meh, how would I know?

And Florin broke up with his fake girlfriend… over text.

Florin: Cant do dis anymore, dont eat too much ice cream while ur gettin over me lol

Karma ahoy.

MY FIRST SIMS 3 GRADUATES ❤ Ohmigosh how exciting blah blah blah moving on now.

Cue massive door jam. My game creaked and groaned through the whole affair.

Now that Drachma’s free, she heartfarted a potential RI just in time to leave this place forever. Tough luck.

But there’s still hope for Langurd cousins yet.

Florin: EVION FROST IS MY GALAPAGOS TORTOISE.

Evion: Oh goodie, let’s advertise that to the whole school.

Florin: Please? You’re the only remaining female of my species!

Evion: I thought you said you were a player.

Florin: I lied.

Evion: Sorry, you really need to get your shit together.

Meanwhile, JeffLeff embraced the spirit of Yoloswag and went for a polar adventure.

Lev: Isn’t this fun?

Jeff: I guess so.

Lev: Where them fishies at?

Jeff: Hey, I’m freezing my junk off here.

Jeff: Sorry, I’m going home.

Lev: Ow.

Victory for Drachma! What will her next goal be?

To scare that creepy smile off of Malissa’s glitched-up face, of course.

Aww, too bad.

Balboa is an equally ambitious graduate. He’s already embarking on a study of infectious diseases by contracting one for himself.

Boa: Nah, I’m just out of groceries.

That end-of-semester feel.

Irrelevant infodump that I couldn’t find anywhere to put:
Here’s what the kids picked up at graduation. I rolled for all of them out of fairness/don’t-give-a-crapness:

Balboa: Genius
Malissa: Daredevil
Florin: Diva
Lira: Absent-Minded
Drachma: Mean-Spirited (seems about right after what she’s been through)

Lev didn’t get a trait because the game never gave her a proper graduation, but more on that later.

Because for now, I think Florin genuinely deserves a round of applause.

Evion: Bye.

Florin: Girls are weird.

Don’t jinx it, pal. Take what you can get.

With that they departed SimsU forever. Here’s a summary of the damage they left for future generations: two exploded tables, two toilet stalls, two shower stalls, two urinals, a couch, an end table, a university banner, a bedroom and a kitchen.

Back in Midnight Hollow, Drachma promptly wandered off into a body of icy water.

Drachma: Huurgghl. Hehaheuhah. Haehuaheuhahauhauha!

She is so broken.

So I adopted her this cross-eyed old softie named Rufus.

And set her free at last.

Drachma: Let’s go cuddle and eat Baconators.

:’D

And then my game got stuck on this screen FOREVER. I even left it alone and did non-Sims activities (heaven forbid) for about four hours, but nope. Curses.

So I played through again from the last save, and nothing changed except for…

 

Evion: Sorry, no thanks.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Okay, I PROMISE there’s a baby in the next chapter. On pain of death, I swear it. You guys are great for putting up with me, so thanks. ❤

Also if you missed this special post for any reason, there are birthday shenanigans going down in about a month’s time. I’m pumped and you should be too!

Happy Simming!

-Sam