7.11 Login Time-out

Ah, seven eleven! A harbinger of good fortune! A store of conveniences, and the source of all the kimbap and soju that keeps me alive!

If ever there was a chapter destined for greatness, it’s this one. Surely we can expect only good things to—

CALAMITY NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I’m sorry but this one really did me dirty. I left her to look after the grandkids while we were in China and didn’t even think to check on her when we got back. At some point I just noticed her icon missing and had to go looking for an urn. She must’ve been right at the 90-day mark because I was not ready. Evidently she returned to the ether somewhere on the path between the couch and the fridge, which is some small solace.

Bottom line though, playable ghost deaths are not cool. 0/10 will not be keeping Kip or Trance around long enough to experience this again.

Cal… enjoy your forever nap I guess.

Of course I waited the appropriate courtesy period of exactly zero seconds before remodeling her room. I mean hey, Siesta’s been patiently singing “When Will My Life Begin?” all this time, and she could use at least one win as heiress.

Trait recap because it’s been THAT long: Party Animal, Animal Lover, Bot Fan, Loves the Heat, and Hot-Headed. Her LTW is More than a Machine.

Somehow both the easiest and most ridiculous combination of traits to design a room around.

Here’s her super serious workspace thingamajig.

Her bot workshop, finally dragged down from the chilly roof!

And the party corner, which will probably see more use than both of the aforementioned areas combined.

She’s actually been reading skill books and messing with nanites behind the scenes for quite a while now, so at this point she pretty much knows what she’s doing. Enough not to blow up the metal egg, at least.

Siesta: Yep, I’m an expert!

Egg: Exporting all data to O’Reilly-O’Connell servers in 3…2…

Siesta: ABORT ABORT

Egg: I make bots, not borts. Stupid.

I feel I should add that Dusty received no consideration whatsoever in the design process.

Dusty: You’re so cool, Siesta. Why would you marry trash like me?

Siesta: Oh, don’t be so dramatic. It’s called garbage can, not garbage cannot.

Garbage CAN autonomously look after other people’s babies! (Don’t quote me on that out of context.)

Dusty: His hair smells nice.

Brannan: Yours doesn’t, garbage man.

Idk if they’re trying to guilt me out or what, but these two are oddly proving to be natural parents.

Siesta: Oh you poor little thing, let’s get that silly beanie off your head.

Duke: No don’t, my brain will fall out!

Siesta: Well okay.

However, being young and childless, they have plenty of time to relive the college days they never had.

Siesta: Ball to Cup Three.

Dusty: What, are we playing chess?

Siesta: This is how the cool people do it, trust me.

Poll – who thinks Siesta’s elbow is over the line? Vote in the comments.

Delilah’s new ‘fit can only mean one thing.

I have the most spoiled spares in the world.

And on that note…

Jada: Why’d I get off the treadmill?

Is this a riddle…?

Jada: No. I had three more intervals left in my fartlek.

Hehe, you said fart.

Jada: 😡

Spoiled, I tell you.

Jada: I stopped my workout for this?

A beautiful statement we’ll be sure to embroider on all the child’s blankets.

But no sweat, ‘cause she maxed Athletic with impeccable timing! “A fine specimen” indeed.

Jada: No sweat?? I don’t know her.

As another refresher, Jada’s LTW is Physical Perfection. She has Martial Arts left to master and she’s good as gold. Yeah, I know she’s technically not contributing to the official 8th generation so I can’t claim her points and thus she’s kinda doing this for nothing, but… yeah no, this whole thing was pretty stupid.

Trance, whose LTW is actually worth something, has two bite victims left on his road to Turning the Town.

Trance: I am a legend. I will never be forgotten.

Let’s remember that “the town” is technically 5 people.

Trance: No one can resist my suave allure.

Let’s also remember that I bought you the “Attractive” reward, so you’ve literally done no work.

He couldn’t even be bothered coming home to witness the manifestation of these terrifying cheekbones on his son.

Duke: The higher the cheekbones the closer to heaven.

Can you even unroll your eyes?

Duke: No. Why?

His child trait is Computer Whiz, joining Eccentric and Loves the Heat. His child haircut is cruel and unusual punishment.

Duke: How long has that laptop been broken?

Laptop: IT’S BEEN 84 YEARS

Duke: *sigh*

Kip: Children are such a joy, don’t you think?

Riza: ARE YOU KIDDING? Aren’t we out of space already?

Why yes – I’m sure my astute readers have noticed by now that even with Cal gone, Couple + Couple + Couple + Kiddos + Sparespawn = 9, and that’s before any of these THREE new goblins hatch. I’m not sure at what point exactly I threw the rulebook in the garbage, but I must have thought it was borderline forgivable since they’re all filthy spares who’ll be moving out at the end of the chapter.  And they WILL be moving out, mark my words.

In fact, I’m having Kip load up the fridge with real food now since she’s the first and last Langurd (just gonna go ahead and make that assumption) to max cooking.

Kip: You know you can’t keep burgers for three generations, right?

Kip: Falafel has a decent shelf life though.

EXCUSE ME young lady, we do not make casual mention of Falafel within these walls!

Kip: Relax, it’s for a client.

Chyeah, some prick really had the nerve to order Falafel (lest we forget) from a Langurd. My money says it was an O’Reilly-O’Connell.

Remember when I called Dustiesta “young” like three seconds ago? Yeah, I keep forgetting that Dusty is actually older than all three Langurd kids.

Dusty: Wait, I am?? Does that mean—

Yep, you’re officially too old to be accidentally dressed as a cowboy.

Dusty: Gee, who’s this calling I wonder?

Midlife Crisis: Hello, it’s me!

Dusty: Oh god, what do you want??

All in all, not a bad one. And convenient since we need to put back his hair.

HEY! Little miss Supernatural Skeptic! I thought you said magic didn’t exist?

Riza: It doesn’t. This is how normal people repair electronics.

…

Riza: Wait, it ISN’T?

Nothing to see here.

Just pregnant Delilah mopping puddles on an unsupported, unrailed roof in the pelting hail.

Move along folks.

Calamity: So you bulldozed my firehouse, eh?

Cal!!!

Calamity: At least I can haunt my bed for the rest of eternity.

About that—

Cal: It… it was right here. How could you??

I’m sorry! YOU HURT ME FIRST OKAY?!?

Figures, with the bed out of the picture it’s straight to the fridge.

Jada: A salad? You came back to the mortal plane for a salad?

Cal: I’m watching my blood pressure.

Jada: But you’re dead.

Cal: Always have been, sweetheart.

Aaaaand off Jada goes to contemplate the troubling fact that so, potentially, is the baby she’s carrying.

Jada: Don’t even.

Teen life, am I right? Idk when Riza’s prom was, but I’m just going to kick her while she’s (literally) down and throw these in here:

Losing to a Bug Catcher and heading straight for the Gym Leader, niiiiice. Hope you have some Max Revives handy.

Riza: Oh, shut up.

What’s wrong, Kip?

Kip: This kid just watched me eat my entire burger without making a sound.

Brannan: I like to watch.

Congrats, you gave birth to the Three-Eyed Raven.

For so long we’ve lived in safety by sailing under the radar of the OROC alliance.

Until Duke does us a betrayal.

Rae: Well well well. I’ve gained access at last. My grandparents will be so pleased.

Because the other attempts were soooo subtle.

That’s Rae’s mom, for reference. Her dad being, of course…

…Siesta’s dad, who has recently clawed his way into the valley’s power core.

Rae: Greetings, sister.

Siesta: Who the heck are you?

Rae: Only our father’s precious heir. You can call me Lady O’Connell, thank you very much.

Dusty: She’s lying – she has an older sister. ‘Sup, kiddo?

Rae: Don’t you “kiddo” me, Dusty Mithrilen. That is, if your parents even let you use that name anymore?

Dusty: Just a sec. *runs off to cry privately*

Rae: Between you and me, that guy’s really ruining your reputation. If you come back to the family estate, dad’s willing to legitimize you and maybe even give you a closet to sleep in. It definitely won’t have a lock on the outside.

Siesta: Uh huh.

Rae: But if you marry the Mithrilen, we’ll definitely have to kill you.

Siesta: Look, kiddo, we don’t want any of your drama. I’m not an O’Connell and Dusty’s not a Mithrilen. Not anymore.

Siesta: Quick babe, the rings.

Rae: You two idiots have no idea what you’re doing.

Rae: My father will hear about this.

Dusty: Did we just start a war?

Siesta: Possibly.

Oh well, chances are everyone will be a Langurd soon anyway.

We’ve reached the point where the incest is running too wild to even bother trying. Soon after striking out on her own, Rhapsody makes a bold statement by shacking up with her much-younger second cousin.

Tam’s mother Livy immediately dies of shock.

Trance: Oooh look a dragon!

No Trance, we do not need one more creature to keep tabs on.

Trance: But I am the chosen one.

Dragon: *drunk on berries* Cooooooooo

Trance: She is mine. And I shall call her Flameboy.

Trance: Bring me a person, Flameboy!

Trance: Ewwww not Riza. I said a person.

Riza: Funny, that’s what the guys at prom said.

Trance: Flameboy, summon me LITERALLY ANYONE BUT RIZA.

Paparazzi: I’m here!

Trance: Oh, you’ll do just fine.

Trance: That’s what I’m talking about.

Trance: Enough pictures for today.

Paparazzi: So do you wanna chat or—

Trance: Oh no, I require payment for my services.

Paparazzi: What services? I’m the one promoting you!

Trance: Congratulations, you have the honour of being my— Hey, you’re my aunt or something aren’t you?

Sophie: Or something.

Trance: How’s Uncle Crash?

Sophie: Who?

Yeah, the SP vortex tore them apart a while back.

Sophie: Thanks dude.

Trance: Sweet hang.

Oddly anticlimactic for Trance of all people, but sweet hang indeed.

Kip: Gee, must be nice to be all fulfilled and stuff.

Oh yeah, a note on Kip’s glitchy LTW…

I tried all the things. I took all the pictures out of her camera and put them on the walls, I tried to edit their info, and as a last ditch effort, I looked high and low for a mod command to force-complete it (there isn’t one?). I then went crying to Boolprop (this was like three years ago now yikes) and the heroic Livvielove suggested temporarily switching out her LTW for something easier to complete just so she could get the LTH points and the shiny-green-person moodlet.

*breathes* So tada!

Kip: I just had a crazy dream where all I wanted in life was a Bottomless Nectar Cellar.*

Jada: Oh? That’s weirdly specific.

Kip: Uh huh. I feel great now, though.

*Conveniently fulfilled long ago by our Fifi. 😉

Jada: What’s that baby? Your Mama called me in here just so we could take pictures with our matching bellies?

Kip: Pffft, as if this little one would sell me out.

Jada: She said you’re full of shit.

Kip: Jada! Don’t use that language around our—

Kip: –wait, “she”?

Jada: Just a hunch.

Kip: Jeez, spoilers.

But Triple Birth Day is already underway – starting with Trelilah’s new bundle of cheekbone potential, Pharaoh!

She’s a ghost but SHHHHH DON’T TELL ANYONE IT’S A HIDDENT TRAIT!!!

Anyway, she rolled Brave to go with Clumsy (a dangerous combo formerly seen in Calamity) and is a Cancer who likes kids’ music, PBJ, and orange. That’s right, I actually took caps of stuff this time.

Father dearest is, of course, running around scaring the shit out of other pregnant ladies.

Jada: I hope my water breaks all over your shoes.

And here goes Kip.

Kip: Wait, shouldn’t Jada be first? Is she in labour too??!

Jada: I don’t think so? I mean my back kinda twinges but—

Jada: Whoa WHAT?

This is Walden. He rolled Loner and Hates the Outdoors. He likes Songwriter music, veggie burgers, and orange. He is, fittingly, a Pisces.

Kip opts for a more flashy delivery.

Kip: Let me just reach into this lamp and…

Kip: Pull out a whole bundle of light!

Daaaaamn, we’re really 3 for 4 on the ghost babies. To those of you who voted for Siesta purely so we could get back to regular old humans – I didn’t know it then, but you are my saviours.

This one is Willow, a mini-Jada in traits (Athletic and Insane) and a Scorpio who likes indie music, tri-tip tofu steak, and turquoise.

Kip proceeds to roll these really wholesome wishes.

Followed by this really selfish one.

Siesta: Okaaaaayyyyyy… I guess can wait another year…

Nonsense!! They can do that shit on their own time.

Siesta: Really? 😀 Yesssssssssss.

We’re really gearing up for the big move-out, I swear. One of the last steps is getting the portraits done.

Jada: Start again.

Riza: But you haven’t even—

Jada: START AGAIN.

Wouldn’t ya know it, I stupidly let Riza shoot for an LTW too because I have no focus. She paints pictures and writes Supernaturally Skeptical books and will hopefully be an Illustrious Author before she hits YA or I’m straight up flying back to Canada just to play this whole generation over.

Siesta: Just imagine, by now I could’ve filled these cribs with actual kids.

Brannan: Okay but instead of imagining could you maybe fill THAT crib with ME?

Siesta: I suppose so.

Duke: We spares own this house, don’t we Mother?

Delilah: I’d have to say you’re right.

Hey now, that does it. I’m kicking you out.

Delilah: Don’t you want to see what Pharaoh looks like as a toddler?

DAMMIT. I guess I did. 😡

Shall we spend their last few days remembering all the reasons we’re thankful they’re not heirs?

Trance: Guess what. I have fangs!

Delilah: So do I, remember?

Trance: Wait what?

Delilah: For heaven’s sake, Trance.

I would just like it to be known that this is what vampire Delilah actually looks like.

Delilah: Why? Don’t you want us to suck?

Good point, I— HEY WAIT A SECOND, I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE. XD

Delilah: But sure, kick this punny brilliance out of the house.

Anything to kick out THAT overinflated balloon.

Trance: Silly wife, this one’s our baby.

Delilah: Oh, my mistake. I suppose I should leave our niece to starve.

Pharaoh: Mommy? Daddy? I’m a toddler now.

Last chance to bail, Delilah!

Delilah: What do you think, Walden? Should I make a run for— what the heck is happening over there?

Time Traveler #1: WE WERE ON A BREAK!

Time Traveler #2: Why are you yelling at me?

Time Traveler #1: We’re in the 90’s, I gotta re-enact my favourite sitcoms!

Time Traveler #2: We’re in 2020.

Time Traveler #1: But there’s dragons and stuff?

Time Traveler #2: Like they had those in the age of Rosschel? Gods, Trevor. Who let you play with the almanac?

Time Traveler #1: I dunno. Hey, you think I could get Harry Potter’s autograph?

Time Traveler #2: That’s it, we’re going home.

A better look at toddler Pharaoh. Which seemed so important at the time?? She’s a cutie and all, but seriously, Sam…

Okay. One more Majestic Swan Trance for the road.

Trance: You know you’re keeping me forever.

No, no, and FUCK NO.

Except kinda because I bought them both the Immortal reward and made them eternally fancy vampire royalty?

Trance: Well, sister, it looks like you’ve won.

Siesta: Actually, I did that eleven chapters ago.

Delilah: We’ll come visit soon.

Siesta: I mean this in the nicest way possible but PLEASE DON’T.

Barely a minute after they move out…

You know, just to rub it in some more.

And hey, Trance realized he needs to do more than just chomp people to pay the bills! Good start, buddy.

Speaking of paying the bills – how’s work, Dusty?

Dusty: Well, let’s see…

Dusty: My ex-husband keeps beating me to promotions. And my boss…

What? Sounds like he likes you!

Dusty: Yeah…

Dusty: He doesn’t even WEAR glasses.

Oh.

Dusty: So basically…

I figured as much. But sorry, no.

Avoidance never got anyone anywhere.

Dusty: Avoidance? Pssshhhh, I don’t avoid things.

Uh huh. Right.

How about you, Siesta? How’s—

Kip: Hey everyone, it’s my birthday!

Jada: Mine too!

The pregnancy set Jada back one day, so they’re conveniently the same age now and able to steal double the thunder.

Somehow Kip’s eyes get creepier as she ages.

Kip: I love Jada.

Aww, how cute.

Jada: No.

GASP, YOU TRAITOR!

Hey Riza, my little non-believer… what’cha doin’ there? 🙂

Riza: Don’t.

Don’t what?

Riza: Try to tell me that normal people don’t get their nutrients from levitating rocks.

Well…

Riza: EVERYONE DOES IT.

Riza: AND THIS TOO.

Whatever floats your boat.

Riza: Thank you.

‘Cause you know, I’m sure you’d use magical brainwaves to do that too.

Riza: STOP

Dusty: Sweet little Walden. I could just keep you as my own, I could.

Kip: No you couldn’t. That’s called kidnapping.

Dusty: *drops baby* How long were you standing there??

Jada: WHY DO YOU SUCK, BRANNAN???

Hoookay, maybe kidnapping would be slightly justified? All in favour of adopting Kipada’s goblins as Gen. 8?

Brannan: I wanna watch Mama eat!

Jada: Too bad, she’s busy.

Sure she is.

Wow, y’all really do a fat load of nothing when I leave you to it. What about your bot building??

Siesta: Relax, I’m waaaay ahead of schedule.

I’ll believe that when I—

Oh, shit. That’s like half her LTW right there.

HAHA says someone who momentarily forgot what this LTW actually entails. It’s Sentience we need, dummy.

Retrospectively, Capacity to Love was not the wisest creation – given how that particular chip has behaved in the past. Siri’s still out there terrorizing one home after another.

Jerald and Ani-Mei, I am so sorry.

Oop, and here’s the actual prom night. I guess we already know how that goes.

Riza: Ooh, how does it go?

Err, wouldn’t want to spoil it for you. Just… be extra confident.

Riza: Oh, I will!

Yippee, the last birthdays! Here’s Willow.

Walden.

And Satan Brannan.

OH MY GOOOOOOOD. *angry flail* But apparently we’re not done yet because Jada has one more Martial Arts point to go? Heaven forbid!

Jada: Here? No… here? No, just a bit to the right…

FUCKING GET TO IT GORL

Jada: I need to take a moment to regain my mental centre.

AOEJ[OAJEKF;LAWEF[OIER[HKPEOFKIHGJHKKLKLLLL

Siesta: Oh, I could just keep you as my own, I could.

Willow: Dat’s called kidnapping!

Siesta: When did you learn that?

Willow: Eweven pictures ago.

She also had time to Learn to Walk?!

And what do Kip and her eldest do while they wait for Jada to break the boards of liberation?

GNUBB???

Never in my life have I given in to a Gnubb wish. What is WRONG with me?

Brannan: This game is STUPID.

Kip: Hey now, don’t hate the game. Let’s just have fun.

Brannan: Oh cool, I actually did it!

Kip: …THIS GAME IS STUPID.

Kip: Like seriously, fuck this shit.

Kip: That’s it, game over. Sorry Brannan, I don’t know who thought playing this was a good idea.

He really beat her that fast.

That’s right. Threatened by your kid’s talent? Ship ‘em off to boarding school for something they’re not remotely interested in!

Dusty: Trance left his dragon here.

Jada: What do you want me to do about it?

Dusty: I don’t know… can’t you take it?

Jada: Are you scared of her?

Dusty: Incredibly.

Jada: Not my problem, pal.

Flameboy: Cooooooooooo

Dusty: Siesta, your siblings have really taken advantage of us these last few years.

Siesta: And?

Dusty: Would it be the worst thing if we stole just one of their children?

Siesta: We couldn’t do that… could we??

Dusty: Just look how cute she is!

Siesta: Ugh, okay… Let’s do it.

Guys idk, do you really wanna contend with this almost—

–with this ACTUAL Sim Fu master???

Fuck yeah badass Jada but also FUCK YEAH BYE-BYE TIME.

One last Pumpkin-Pie-Bulldozing Kip for the road.

Kip: Nah, you’re keeping me forever.

Siesta: Alright guys, what’s the plan? They’re packing their bags now.

Dusty: I’ll create a diversion. You guys make a secret compartment in the crib and hide Willow inside.

Riza: That sounds really technical…

Siesta: I like it! Let’s go!

Jada: What’s going on in here?

Siesta: Nothing. Nothing’s going on.

Willow: I’m being kidnapped Mommy!

Riza: We weren’t— that is—

Jada: Come on, Willow. Let’s get out of here.

Siesta: *whispers* We’ll try again soon, don’t worry.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

They’re finally gone! ALL OF THEM!

And don’t worry, there will be absolutely no further kidnapping attempts. From here on out it’s the age of Dustiesta and their faaaaaaar too many babies. 😀

This chapter was painful on so many levels, but I wanted to get through the last of the useless dilly-dallying in one fell swoop. I hopefully also put a good dent in my wordcount and screenshot goals for SimNano, though I have yet to count.

Replying to comments is a thing that I want to do and will embark on soon, so please don’t be weirded out if I suddenly reply to something you have no recollection of typing in 2017. :3

Happy Simming!

-Sam