1.12 Boyz Will B Boyz

Hello again! First, since for some silly reason I haven’t done this yet, I just want to say thank you to everyone for your lovely comments. I know it sounds cliché, but I honestly wouldn’t be able to keep writing this if not for your feedback and encouragement. I felt pretty crappy about the last chapter after I posted it, but your kind words turned my day right around. So I just wanted to let you guys know that you’re awesome and I love you all!! ❤

But now I must get back to writing about people I don’t love. *Sigh*… It amazes me just how affectionate some people become toward their legacy Sims. Don’t get me wrong, the Langurds and I have a special kind of connection. I just don’t think I would dare broach the “L” word with the likes of Tewl and his clan.

That said, it is still my duty to lead them through the dark territory that is the legacy challenge! Presently, we return to them in the midst of a financial crisis.

At least it’s not $0, but keep in mind their bills aren’t cheap and we have eight mouths to feed and not nearly enough beds to go around, because these guys are all idiots and have either negative or no relationship with each other. So what did we do?

We sent the chil’uns out on a mission, of course. 😀

Rotter: Oh boy, a real mission! Am I slaying dragons? Bringing down big-time criminals?

Nope, you’re picking up rocks!

(Note: Rotter didn’t do so well with this mission. I was relying on memory from past outings and a little bit of uneducated scrolling across landscapes, so we got maybe four rocks in total. But it’s not my fault—Rotter’s just a loser.)

Rotter: Oh. Um, that thing’s bigger than my head. Do you really trust me not to wind up in a full body cast?

No, not really. But I’m off to see Arabella now, so au revoir!

Rotter: Hey wait, I—

Apparently Arabella can’t be trusted either, because I found her getting a spine replacement from this sketchy old-lady-fused-with-Connor-Frio. Huh.

Fiona (I didn’t just raid The Sims Wiki to figure that out or anything): Now what was I doing here again?

Arabella: Ugh, people are just so stupid.

Fortunately after some minor reconstructive surgery, she came out unharmed (albeit with a sizeable chunk of cane still in her back) and resumed her moneymaking duties.

Arabella: So what, you just want me to sit here and… write?

Uh, yep. Is there a problem with that?

Arabella: You’re crazy. I’m going to make, like, two dollars.

DON’T SASS ME. I may have some delusions about writing as a lucrative career choice, but AT LEAST MY DREAM IS STILL ALIVE.

Arabella: Geez, so-rry. I’ll write something if it’s that important to you.

You’d better. And just to say I-told-you-so, let’s flash forward a few days:

See that? Instant bestseller. $402, not $2. BOOYA. Thus began Arabella’s career in morose children’s literature.

Arabella: I’m a veritable Jacob Grimm.

Hell yeah you are.

Ripper, meanwhile, went for a slightly more sure-fire, much more snore-inducing activity.

Ripper: I don’t know what you’re talking about, dude. I’m having the time of my life here.

Have you even caught anything yet?

Ripper: Patience is key.

In other words, no. But he did okay in the end and brought in about $54. I’d call him Breadwinner of the Day, since Arabella made only $16 while she was writing, and Rotter’s gems were sent off to be cut before I realized it would actually lose us money (again, his fault). So yay, Ripper! But we still aren’t much better off.

I really should give an honourable mention to Rotter, though, for managing to be inside a bike.

Oh, and I almost forgot about Razor!

He had a pretty productive day, too.

Also, Morgana FINALLY completed a portrait of herself on her third try. Even though I put her in the brightest room in the house and installed five lamps around her head, it still looks stupidly dark. I blame it on Morgana being a failure.

I realized I don’t get enough pictures of the twins together (sometimes I forget they even ARE twins, lol) so here is a completely unnecessary one for your enjoyment. You’re welcome.

Star: Hey Keg, see there? Mommy and Daddy are talking for the first time since I broke them up!

Keg: Well, we can’t have that. Get over there and do some damage control, sis!

Morgana: So Tewl, I’ve been thinking… we really can’t go on like this. I know the past hurts, but for the sake of the children, maybe we should try to be civil.

She did this on her own, if I recall correctly. I guess three days painting a picture of oneself can do strange things to a person’s mind.

Star: (thought bubble telepathy) Don’t do it, Daddy! Mommy is an evil witch!

(Tewl also picked up Star on his own. Why is somebody always holding her during these intensely personal moments?)

Tewl: Sorry, Morgana. If we ain’t together, then I jus’ don’t think we should be anythin’ at all.

Morgana: Oh… Well, if you feel that way…

Star: (thought bubble telepathy) Yesssss. Excellent, Daddy.

As ridiculous as these fools are, that little finger touch just breaks my heart.

If you focus on Tewl’s mutated pinkie it looks more like a horror sequence, but whatever. I’m willing to ignore that.

It seems I left Rotter out and about for a little too long, because I later found him at the local pool chatting up his half-sister, Marjorie.

Rotter: So, like, your dad is the same as my dad! How messed up is that?

Marjorie: Not as messed up as your outfit. LOL.

It was purely coincidental that Morgana should start Tewl’s portrait immediately after their fateful conversation, but rest assured that his cold-hearted rejection did not go unavenged.

Morgana: No one will mind if I add a few little “embellishments,” will they? How about a wart here… a pimple there… a big splotch of shit— maybe that’s overdoing it… Ah, what the heck.

Sadly, she had to stop mid-vandalism to start derping out.

Morgana: Weeeeeeee, paint fumes make me dizzy!

Morgana: And sparkly!

Razor: Mom, that’s it. You’ve got to step away from the easel for a few hours.

Morgana: It’s okay, sonny, I’m fine! I’m—

Morgana: Ow, my ass!

Ow, my EYES. That vest needs to go, stat.

You don’t get a post-makeover picture of Morgana either (it would appear they’re not my specialty) but instead, you can have this sweet mother-son bonding shot. Dawwwwww their hair looks like one big black mass of—OMG CONROY?

Not-Conroy: Alas, I am his cousin, Raoul.

Oh.

Razor: Don’t worry, Mom. You might be an old maid now, but I still love you! Just don’t inhale too many paint fumes or we might have to have you committed like Ara.

Ah, the unconditional love of a son. ❤

Tewl ran into Myra again at the fishing hole, but he paid her as much respect as he does every other girl.

Tewl: Oh, hey, cell phone. No, I’m not busy.

Myra: Is this guy for real?

Meanwhile, to celebrate their first day of hard work, the kids had an exclusive A-lister party in the kitchen.

Paparazzi Doofus: C’mon, guys, let me in… I wanna dance too. 😦

Ripper: No way, SUCKER!

Tewl: Tha’ss ma gurl. You know you da only lady for Tewl…

Myra: Can I tell you a secret?

Tewl: O’ course, you can tell me anythin’!

Myra: You’re an ASS!

Tewl: Hey wha— WHOOAAAAAA!!!

Tewl: OMG, I feel awesome! Da Flame is on FIRE!

Myra: Ah, gall darn it. I gotta get my spells straightened out.

Tewl: Well hey, Ripper. Notice anythin’ a little diff’rent about yer old man?

Ripper: …Did somebody say something?

Tewl actually has no relationship with any of his sons. It’s kind of sad really, but if I were his kid I don’t think I’d want much to do with him either.

Tewl: Well screw you! Imma go put dis unicorn blessin’ ta good use! *spends eight hours eating, sleeping, showering, and peeing* Welp, dat was a fulfillin’ night.

Razor is such a good kid it just blows me away. Even I don’t do this on a regular basis.

Graculus: Yessssssss… Rub your hands in my filth, fat hobbitses…

Morgana completed her revenge painting of Tewl. Personally, I don’t think it’s that drastically different from its subject. Some might disagree…

But anyway.

Oh yeah, school! Lucky kids aged up on a Friday (I think?) so they got to spend a large portion of their childhood doing fun stuff, like supporting the family financially. But soon enough they were off to their first day of school, entrusting their lives to the ever-present idiocy of Sunset Valley bus drivers.

Arabella: Excuse me, Miss—is this… normal?

Busdriver: Hmm? Of what do you speak, child?

Arabella: Are you serious? There’s a van in your bus!

Ripper: Forget it, Ara, just hold on real tight and close your eyes.

Words of wisdom.

While the kids were at school (yes, they survived the bus ride by some miracle) Tewl ran some important errands. In other words, the kids are officially Langurds now! He also ran into an ex-girlfriend, as he tends to do whenever he leaves the house. Eerie coincidence? Actually, it’s probably because they constitute about 50% of the town’s population.

Tamara: We meet again, Tewl. I’m not even going to look at you because you don’t deserve it.

Tewl: Dat’s okay, bitch. I just got done changin’ ur kids’ last names an’ lemme just say dey’re gonna have a rough time in high school LOLOLOLOL.

While he was in the whole name-changing business, I decided that his other children should share a last name, too. And so, just as all the bastards of Winterfell are named “Snow,” the illegitimate children of Sunset Valley have been given the surname “Gewf.”

Oh, and I almost forgot! Pauline gave birth to a baby boy named Quintin. He has also been Gewfified.

Back at home, I decided to take serious action against a rising evil.

Rotter: No more of this bed nonsense, dude. We need to become BFFs so we can economize on furniture.

Ripper: Do you even know what economize means, Rotter?

Rotter: No, but I think it has something to do with rodents.

Morgana: Looks like you and me have been paired up in this new bed system, Razor. I suppose it’s time we became friends. Do you have a problem with that?

Razor: You know, Mom, most people would just say “Do you want to hang out?”

Morgana: Teach me this “hanging out,” son.

He tried.

Razor: No, Mom, that’s not how you do it!

Morgana: Please, Razor! I’m so tired… just let me pinch your chubby little cheeks so we can be friends and share a bed…

Razor: Agh! Get that thing away from me!

I don’t blame him—I wouldn’t want to be pinched by those fingers either…

Yep, that’s a horror sequence if I ever saw one.

Fortunately, they were already on the verge of friendship so it wasn’t long before they were able to get a good night’s sleep.

I would just feel weird forcing Arabella to share a bed with one of the others, so she became another victim of Langurd Problem Solving. I dragged some old ratty beds out of the family inventory and let her sleep in the one that Chris used to use.

Arabella: *Sigh* I love my new green bed. I have never felt this close to my father before.

Somehow, she’s a sweetheart when she’s asleep.

Rotter and Ripper continued in their befriending attempts. Well, Rotter did anyway. Ripper just walked out the door in the middle of his brother’s pathetic ghost story.

Rotter: And they all lived happily ever after. Geez, I’m scaring the pants off myself here!

Take two.

Rotter: Maybe you and I should go see a game some time, you know? Spend some quality time together as bros.

Ripper: Maybe, but I don’t like you.

Tewl: Hmph! Ain’t no one gonna invite their old pa to a game?

Rotter: You know, I hear this voice sometimes…

Just give it up, Tewl. And take your stupid plumbob with you, please.

Look who’s been getting special treatment! Just like that, Star became the first child of the legacy to learn the ever-important skill of walking.

Tewl: What can I say? Imma gud teachur.

Star: Left, right, left, right, right— ah, sh*t.

Take three.

These two just would NOT cooperate with my arrangements. You’d think it would be easy to make friends out of brothers, but somehow the Langurds manage to defy every expectation of normalcy.

Ripper: Okay, this is getting ridiculous. Why aren’t we friends yet???

Rotter: *sob* I just want to go to beeeeddddd 😦

SUCK IT UP AND SOCIALIZE, LOSERS.

Uh oh. I think Rotter found the secret Espresso machine that the Langurds don’t have.

Rotter: Hey— hey Rip! Look, Ripper! I got you this for being such an awesome bro! I hope you like it!

Ripper: We may have shared the womb but I just don’t know you well enough to accept a gift from you.

Rotter: WHHAAAAAAAT? But who doesn’t want “A Simple Door”??

FAST FORWARD, because I got fed up with their shenanigans and stopped taking screenshots. Somewhere around the 3AM mark, they came to their senses and befriended one another, then promptly collapsed.

Razor sat nearby, silently gloating because he had gotten the job done early and was already awake, refreshed, and working on his homework. He’s such a goooood kid. 🙂

Razor: Don’t label me.

And now for the world’s shortest and most twisted love story ever. ReadyGO.

Damian (yes, I FINALLY remembered his name): I was supposed to go home hours ago, but I just can’t get enough of you, Star.

Star: Heehee! Pwaytimes?

Damian: Shhhh, darling, you must rest. I will return in the morning.

Damian: Oh Star, I just— Wait, why are you watching us??

Ummm, because you’re a CREEP and you need to go to JAIL, that’s why!!!! GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE NOW.

He never did return.

The end.

(I edited a cigarette into Tewl’s hand because it worked better with the caption. Sue me.)

Tewl: I seen what you done wif my portrait, bitch. You think yer all clever, but as da man of dis house I’m not gonna stand fer it. You’d better make it look more like da real me, or else.

Morgana: Yes, Tewl.

Tewl: Well, dat was easy. Da Flame strikes again! Stupid womens, nomnomnom…

Morgana: If I can only get him to fall asleep, I’ll make the real thing look more like the picture. Hmm, good thing I put sedatives in the jam.

Yeah! Girl power!

Girl… power? What happened, Morgana?

Morgana: I ate the spiked jam by accident. Then I woke up and found myself painting this.

Oh. The Hot Repairladies Club would not approve.

So yeah… I still haven’t decided which one of these we’re keeping. Warpy waves or not, they both capture his likeness pretty well. 😉

“Unlucky” is to Rotter as “Grumpy” was to Tuesday. Here is a gratuitous shot of him utterly failing.

Rotter: Dammit, I burned my fingers! … Dammit, I broke the faucet! … Dammit, I cracked my skull! DAMN YOU, SINK!

Tewl: See, dis is why I love Star.

Here is a literal segue because the following eleven screenshots were supposed to be in the next chapter, but I transplanted them here to even things out.

Segue: OMGHAI! It’s such a pleasure to be h—

On we go! Here we are halfway through Generation One and Tewl has yet to achieve his LTW. Pathetic! I suppose it isn’t really, but he’s going to be an elder soon and I have things planned that cannot be executed until he’s settled down. Oh, how I hate him and his stupid wishes.

Speaking of which, he rolled this one:

Really now, Tewl? That’s interesting. Either you’re starting to see the merit in settling down, or you just want to get one step closer to being the town Gigolo. Which is it?

Tewl: Dun ask me, I dunno nuthin’!

Whatever the case, it was a wish that needed fulfilling (for the sake of accomplishment and nothing else, because I don’t give a crap about Tewl’s desires XD). And so I sent him down to the park and decided that the first man, woman or child who showed up nearby would be his next victim.

Congratulations, Sandi French! You won the “prize”!

Gunther: PICK ME, PICK ME! Dawww, am I too late?

Sorry, Gunther.

Molly: Gaaaaaahh! My daughter can bag a total stud and I can’t? What is wrong with me??

Uh, maybe it’s something about your perpetually seasick hue. You know, just putting it out there.

Molly: Oh, you’re probably right! *sob* I should never have trusted that “dermatologist” behind the dumpster…

Tewl: Is dat yer mom?

Sandi: *sigh* Unfortunately…

Tewl: D’you think she’d date me?

Sandi: Um, what?

Vita: Bricks, bricks, bricks… Now where was I going again?

Not wasting any time, Tewl pushed forward and made his move.

Tewl: Look at dis dramatic low angle shot! Doesn’t it make you want to be ma gurl?

Sandi: Well… I kind of want to be your girl anyway, Tewl.

Tewl: But suriously, look at dis photography!

And then, not two seconds later…

Tewl: Yo, bitch, why you gotta tie me down? You know I got commitment issues!

Sandi: Why do I always pick the lousy ones?

Tewl: I’ss like, how can I be all devoted to you when you don’ even like ORANGE?

Sandi: What the hell does that have to do with anything?

Erin: I see things are going smoothly here. *dark chuckle*

And then he stooped LOW, even for Tewlish standards.

Tewl: Take dat, ho!

Sandi: !!!

Connor: You’re a disgrace to this town, Tewl Langurd. Do us all a favour and move to Twinbrook!

Sandi: Tewl, I can see you’re just having a bad day. Why don’t we go to a movie or something and talk it over?

Huh, I guess they nixed that idea. And look who should casually stroll by at precisely the wrong moment.

Jocasta: I like picnics!

No, not you. The other one.

Erin: What did I tell you? I knew this legacy was going to end in ruins!

😡
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Well, that was a quick chapter if I ever did write one. It’s taken me less than twenty-four hours to put this chapter together, which is just a shock to the system because I haven’t written anything that quickly since… well, a long time ago. Hopefully this means the slump is gone, touch wood (okay, is anything actually made out of wood these days? I took forever to find something just now). Well anyway, thanks again to everyone for your comments, and I’ll try to get another chapter out soon. 😀

Until then, Happy Simming!