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3.5 Mi Casa es su Casa
Wait, wtf? We’re at Chapter 3.5 already?? But that’s like, half the generation gone! We’re supposed to have babies by now KATANA YOU LAZY SHIT
Katana: Babies are hard. I’mma go take a three-day nap so good luck with that legacy thing.
2.4 Romeo’s Quest
Hey, people! So I’m super stoked right now because I earned $20 digging up dead saplings for my mom and I’m using it as an excuse to go by Supernatural. I know, I know — I’m pathetically behind on expansions. It’s because I have this nasty habit of throwing money out the door, and I’ve been trying to kick that habit in the last year or so. That means no “unnecessary purchases” allowed. Apparently these things fall into that category, which is dumb. I want houseboats and skating rinks and university. 😦
(I’m 20, guys. I know sometimes it sounds as if I’m 12.)
Anyway, my morals are waging war on each other because I’m so tempted to just give in and buy the four EPs I’m missing, but it’s a lot of money to spend all at once, especially since I recently quit my part-time job. Which ones are worth it if I just want to spice up my game? If anybody has advice, feel free to lend it!
Also feel free to lend me $25, because I just made the mistake of finding this gem online:
Goddammit, why am I not a millionaire?
Right. Back to business.
When we last saw these guys, the last of the kids aged up into young adults and I sent them on a celebratory “last hurrah” vacation to China. Razor discovered the martial arts, Keg whined like a broken dishwasher to Billy Ray Cyrus, and Rotter found Gorgeous Foreign Woman 2.0 after a severe head trauma. Upon their return, a catastrophic succession of “accuse of cheating”s left everyone’s love life in a mess. Let’s see how they’re faring today.
2.3 The Last Hurrah
It was early afternoon. Rotter had gone for a ride across town with his loyal mare, Bertha. Exhausted and saturated with their typical odour of household refuse, they made for the nearest watery oasis. As they crested the hill, Rotter heard the most enchanting melody wafting toward them from under the trees.
2.2 Revenge of the Vaccinator
Greetings! It’s a pleasure to have you back, and I’m sure you have so missed the company of Tewl and the gang during the past week or so. Ha-ha-ha hilarious, right? (Please don’t leave me alone with them again.)
In recent news, I let this site’s one-year anniversary slip by like a boss. Yeah. It was on July 15th, and I did absolutely zip to celebrate, commemorate, or even acknowledge it. I guess I was too busy celebrating more important birthdays like, uh, Harry Potter’s. I would express some kind of dismay or whatever but I’m really not that sorry, especially looking at how little progress this thing has made in its year of existence.
In the last instalment, Tewl married Morgana! Exclamation mark because I still can’t quite believe it. But in spite of my initial doubts, we have a new and improved Tewl on our hands who has not so much as looked at another woman. I know, right? It’s almost too good to be true…
Tewl: Dere seems to be a invisible magnit dat draws us to—
Aww hell no! Didn’t you learn your lesson the last eighty times you cheated on somebody?
Tewl: C’mon man, she so blonde and dopey!
Paparazzi Dope: And he’s just a real flatterer!
As much as you two are made for each other, I do not approve of this development.
Tewl: What Morgana dun know ain’t hurt ‘er, yo.
1.16 A Nyte 2 Rememburr
This is it! The generation that would not end is finally coming to a semi-close. I just want to thank everybody who’s been reading thus far for sticking with me. I know some of these chapters have been a trek due to my ridiculous verbosity, but I promise it will only get more enjoyable from here on out. And now I’ll stop acting like we’ve finished the goddamn legacy and remind myself that this is only 10% complete, and we’ve still got eight more generations of Langurds to birth and thousands of pictures to caption and ahhh, what have I gotten myself into??
Let’s pick up where we left off, shall we? With all the kids sprouted into gangly hormonal teenagery things, the second gen Langurds were gearing up for the biggest night of their lives. PROM, bitches! Now let’s make a huge deal out of it even though it will only end in deflation, rejection, and disillusionment.
As the sun crested over the hills of Sunset Valley and evening began to approach, even the family gnome was getting into the spirit. Yeah, I still don’t know his name because my game hates me right now. For now I’m calling him George after George R. R. Martin because let’s be honest, there’s a pretty solid resemblance there.
George: I WILL KILL EVERYTHING YOU LOVE… AND DANCE ON ITS GRAVE
I hope he will have many gnome descendants.
1.15 Waffulmageddun
Guysguysguys guess what? This is the second last chapter I have to write before Gen. One is over! Well, probably. I might tie up some loose ends later, but it’s been for-freaking-ever since I opened the game file, so really, I have no idea where I’m at. In true Langurd style, we’ve been trudging along blindly for the last three or four chapters. Ain’t that comforting?
Looking back on it, last chapter was pretty ADHD. I could probably have cut 70% of the screenshots without taking away any value. In the parts that mattered, the family became $4,000 richer with the ethically questionable Collection Helper (although I maintain that it was not cheating), the triplets grew up into stylin’ personas that sound like Hallowe’en costumes, and we collectively agreed that the House of Langurd does not bode well with nature. On that note…
Rotter: Right. Now where would I find a mouse ‘round here?
Oh, I don’t know. Somewhere between the central processing boulder and the Blu-Ray tree?
Rotter: Awesum! I’mma check dere!
N00b.
1.13 Altur Egoez
No. This will not do. I’ve had this chapter half-written for like a year but school is bent on keeping it unfinished. The proof is in the pudding, with the pudding being that this chapter’s title is the name of one of my textbooks (with some minor alterations, obviously). Basically I’m in the middle of the worst semester EVER and am currently taking courses in three different languages which is screwing with my mind so dites-moi si je commence à écrire en français oððe on Eald Engliscgereord, si? Derrr, my brain is so fried. Time for Langurds. Because ain’t that the best remedy for a broken intellect.
Now for a SUPERSPEED RECAP because these things are boring as heck! The family was broke so the kids went on a dough-raking mission but failed; Morgana wanted to reconcile with Tewl but he rejected her because he’s douche; Star had an affair with the babysitter; Tewl got his ninth girlfriend but turned her into his sparring buddy; and I forced everyone in the household to be friends so that I didn’t have to invest in more beds. I think that about sums it up – now let’s get cracking on the next one!
We all know what happens when Tewl gets into fights with girls (or anyone, really) so this screenshot is less for plot development and more for the public humiliation of one legacy founder.
Sandi: Take that, bastard! That’ll teach you to beat up a scrawny-ass punk chick with zero percent muscle mass!
Tewl: Ah goddammit, dese shorts are cuttin’ off ma leg!
Erin: Well, I’m glad I never got involved with that pansy.
Jocasta: Few sandwiches short of a picnic there, Erin? Ooooh, snap. That’s way better than the last caption you wrote for this thought bubble.
Why thank you. 😉
1.12 Boyz Will B Boyz
Hello again! First, since for some silly reason I haven’t done this yet, I just want to say thank you to everyone for your lovely comments. I know it sounds cliché, but I honestly wouldn’t be able to keep writing this if not for your feedback and encouragement. I felt pretty crappy about the last chapter after I posted it, but your kind words turned my day right around. So I just wanted to let you guys know that you’re awesome and I love you all!! ❤
But now I must get back to writing about people I don’t love. *Sigh*… It amazes me just how affectionate some people become toward their legacy Sims. Don’t get me wrong, the Langurds and I have a special kind of connection. I just don’t think I would dare broach the “L” word with the likes of Tewl and his clan.
That said, it is still my duty to lead them through the dark territory that is the legacy challenge! Presently, we return to them in the midst of a financial crisis.
At least it’s not $0, but keep in mind their bills aren’t cheap and we have eight mouths to feed and not nearly enough beds to go around, because these guys are all idiots and have either negative or no relationship with each other. So what did we do?