BREAKING NEWS: Gryffindork utterly tanks SimNoWriMo for a third year running, much to the surprise of no one
To be fair, I did NOT see October coming. The other day my poor coworker had to convince me that it’s not “almost fall” anymore, it actually is fall. Who knew?
THIS JUST IN: Actually publishing post in mid-December, has nothing to say for self
So anyway, here’s what was going to be Update #2, and is now just a plain old chapter in the middle of all the other ones. With a two month gap to boot.
Hello, and welcome to the part of this generation where I get far too invested in my spares and lose sight of the legacy’s ultimate goal!
Why? Because if Story Progression had its way, it would only have them become sad, celibate mimes.
It’s only fair that Kip and Trance get their day in the sun, so I took them and their other halves to the sunniest place I could think of!
Let’s appreciate how the newcomers are like “WOW A VACATION WE ARE SO BLESSED” while my actual legacy kids couldn’t give a shit.
Kip: I would feel more blessed if you hadn’t done this 3000 times before.
And how would YOU know that?
Trance: I’ve seen our basement. Is there anything left in the tombs?
This is coming to you from a retirement village where I am currently hijacking the wi-fi of an unsuspecting elderly couple. Never have I been so proud of myself.
Before I start this update, I thought I’d share some of my adventures in the Land of Distraction. For starters, I had promised myself that I could start building the new legacy house after Chapter Five. The current one, with its artsy glass corridors and towers, was having a lot of routing problems and anyway, it’s just ugly. So I told myself: “Let’s make a nice, simple family home that won’t lag my game or generate foot-tapping vortexes to entrap my sims forever.” With that in mind, I opened up 15 Summer Hill Court in another save file…
…and built a house so elaborate and expensive that it blew the Langurd budget by more than $100,000.
I have a problem.
Anyway, I don’t want to unveil it just yet (too much awesomeness for one chapter, I fear) but I did let my simself take an abbreviated tour, so here are some snippets of that:
Far Inferior Version of Myself: THERE’S A CANNON. WHY IS THERE A CANNON?
In case Gurbin comes back, obviously. But never mind that! Step inside the newest Casa de Langurd, featuring…
No. This will not do. I’ve had this chapter half-written for like a year but school is bent on keeping it unfinished. The proof is in the pudding, with the pudding being that this chapter’s title is the name of one of my textbooks (with some minor alterations, obviously). Basically I’m in the middle of the worst semester EVER and am currently taking courses in three different languages which is screwing with my mind so dites-moi si je commence à écrire en français oððe on Eald Engliscgereord, si? Derrr, my brain is so fried. Time for Langurds. Because ain’t that the best remedy for a broken intellect.
Now for a SUPERSPEED RECAP because these things are boring as heck! The family was broke so the kids went on a dough-raking mission but failed; Morgana wanted to reconcile with Tewl but he rejected her because he’s douche; Star had an affair with the babysitter; Tewl got his ninth girlfriend but turned her into his sparring buddy; and I forced everyone in the household to be friends so that I didn’t have to invest in more beds. I think that about sums it up – now let’s get cracking on the next one!
We all know what happens when Tewl gets into fights with girls (or anyone, really) so this screenshot is less for plot development and more for the public humiliation of one legacy founder.
Sandi: Take that, bastard! That’ll teach you to beat up a scrawny-ass punk chick with zero percent muscle mass!
Tewl: Ah goddammit, dese shorts are cuttin’ off ma leg!
Erin: Well, I’m glad I never got involved with that pansy.
Jocasta: Few sandwiches short of a picnic there, Erin? Ooooh, snap. That’s way better than the last caption you wrote for this thought bubble.
Why thank you. 😉
Hi guys! So… I caved and bought Showtime today. My brother dragged me out to Walmart for free My Little Pony posters, and it was sitting there all temptingly on the shelf in its sparkly blue case. I like cases—they look pretty on my shelves. I’ve been trying to save money but I just don’t think I can live this way. I’m dying to install it now, but I figure I should get through the rest of this captioning first so here I am SLAVING AWAY over pretty pictures like the good little Simmer I am. Are you proud of me? …No? Fine then. I’ll hand things over to Tewl and Morgana, your favourite people in the whole wide world!
Morgana: Why don’t YOU do the chapter recap, since you’re such an asshole?
Tewl: Derrr, me? I wouldn’t know what ta say…
Morgana: How about you cheated on me with fucking Pauline Wan and I found out about it from our two-year-old daughter, whom you took as a wingman on your first date?
Tewl: Ya, I guess dat is kinda true.
Morgana: Forget it, I’m done with your crap! You’re a scumbag twat and this legacy is STUPID!
Ohhhhkay. Remind me never to let you guys introduce another chapter.